So damn hurt

[catchup Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close catchup]

J, I'm going through a tough time with my ex of three years. I still care about her and if she gave me half a chance, I'd take it. But we can't do that. Batwoman brought up a great point, work on yourself. Exercise. I lost over 40lbs and still losing. I love to run, it's sort of my meditation. Drive. Oz answered a question in Esquire Magazine of how to mend a broken heart. He said get in shape it'll make you feel better, and help you attract someone better.
And like Calixto said, deep breaths. For a while my quote was, "take it one breath at a time..one deep breath." That pain goes away eventually, even if you try to hold on to it. The numbness sets, and you'll catch yourself not thinking about the whole situation as much.
You'll be a better person coming out of this. I've changed my habits, my personality, and my attitude, and it's helping me become a better son, brother and friend for everyone in my life.
I know about those kinds of dreams, which is why my sleeping habits have been all screwy. But they subside, or become few and farther apart. You can't let this stop you from living your life to the fullest, and being happy. Because in the end, that's all we can really do.

[O.G. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close O.G.]

Wow, I love my girlfriend. Thanks man.

You guys aren't together, don't stress over it, go out and enjoy life.

[fire Banned Find all posts View Profile Close fire]

My (now EX) girlfriend ended our relationship on the premise that we aren't close enough (can't touch each other very easily). I've been with her for 7 months and we Skype'd each day for hours to keep close, while it did bring us close it made us get sick of each other so we both agree to have a break then she txt's me and says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. 5/6 months in our relationship she claimed to like another guy and almost left me. When she txt'd me to end the relationship (I called her because I wanted to hear it, which is fair enough since I view txting as gutless) she was at a friends house (a girl but she could be bi so Idk) and she had never hung out with this friend before. From what I had heard her friend just picked up and dumped boyfriends like they were loose change. It makes me VERY suspicious of her intentions.... not that it matters really I guess.. but she initiated the breakup while with this friend.

I'm extremely upset and I know that what I've typed doesn't give you guys a good idea of what happened but I gave her 110% of everything I have and am... She just took it and threw it away....

I couldn't have a joke with her about anything because she's so high strung and whenever I told her about anything that was bothering me she'd get really angry and say not to stress her out, although I'd have to make a fuss of her because she got a bloody pricked finger or someone said something to her. However despite all this, I still really really love her.

I need some help to move on and I need some encouragement - I haven't been out of the house in literally 7 months and I don't know where to start or what to do... I miss her like crazy but when I asked if I was worth waiting for (I was gonna move over there) she said not anymore...

Gah I had a dream a few mins ago (unemployed and don't get up till late) where we got back together and I was so damn happy, then I woke up with a corny song (from the dream) stuck in my head and a wall of shit thrown into my reality. Feeling really crap. Really used, hurt and unwanted at this second. Why can't someone just want me and stick with me?

JL

I feel for you man. I have got my heart broken and it’s not fun. About three years ago some bitch broke my heart and to this day I haven’t got over it. She caused me so much pain and it haunts me. It completely changed who I am today because of her. If you want to get her back just start screwing one of her friends. The best thing you can do is show her how great your doing with out her and it will upset her.

[NP97 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close NP97]

Hey brother, I'm going through this as well. Shit, I have been broken up with my ex for half a year now and it still hurts. Not as often, not as bad, but when it hurts it makes me fall to my knees. She lost a good thing. Remember, you were happy before you had her. Focus on yourself for a while and do your best to not think about it. If you truly love this girl and really want her then drop it. Sound harsh, but it's the best advice I can give. Try your best to move on... talk to other women. Go to the mall and just talk to the most beautiful women you see. Don't even try and ask them out, just compliment them on something and move on. Maybe have a genuine conversation.

Just do your best to move on. Go out with your friends, work out. Keep yourself busy. (Getting a job would help with that). If it's meant to be it will come back. Even in my hopeless situation I hang on to that to keep my sanity. I loved someone so dearly, spent all my time with her, told her I wanted to spend my life with her and got the same response back. I was going to propose to her this summer. But, she decided I wasn't good enough. You know what? I was, and still am the best person she would ever have. It took me a few months to realize it, but when I came to the realization the pain lessened to such a degree it baffled me. I know and she knows that I would have done anything and everything for her. Christ, I told her I would give her my pancreas because she had to live with diabetes for too long (I would have too...). I would have taken a bullet for her. And boyo, I'm had my life planned out with her. I never plan ahead, but with her I wanted everything to be perfect so I got myself on track to be able to support a family with her. That made her quite happy, up until mid-September... Still don't know why we broke up, and that part sucks something awful.

I lost a lot of time crying over this girl. I still do because I still love her just as much, if not more than before. I still believe that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and I still want her more and more. I know everything sucks now bro. Food tastes like a hobo buttcrack. Music makes you weep. Life doesn't feel like it's worth living. Cry it out buddy. I was in the shower and I fell over screaming. I just screamed and cried until I had no voice left. It felt good and awful at the same time.

I'm sure you feel like nobody knows what you're feeling now, and you're right. Everyone deals with it differently and everyone has varying degrees of pain and anguish they go through. It will ease up brother. I promise you that. It's gonna take a while, but it will. Trust me, I know.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Lots of good advice here, Johnlocke. Good luck.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I try to sympathize as much as I can with all of the above scenarios and such but the one thing I simply cannot get my mind around is why all of you seem to place all of your happiness in the hands of someone else. Yes, I do know first hand how hurtful it is to be used, abused and left for dead. I've had 2 relationships now where I was taken for granted, not appreciated what so ever and treated like an "obligation" more than I was a truly loved partner in a meaningful relationship.

Where I differ with many of you in this thread is that I never cried over any of them. They just weren't worth the tears. Why??? Well, let's put it this way, God put a bazillion women on this earth for a reason.............to be paired up with a man (unless of course they're gay, then forget it). If you know in your heart you did everything you could to make the relationship work, that should be enough to put your mind at ease and allow you to go forward in your life and live well. Take care of YOU! I'm not saying this is easy but shit, it sure beats crying, sobbing uncontrollably or beating yourself up trying to figure out why she dumped you or why she left you. No human being on planet earth is worthy of that much power. And, if you think for a moment she's thought 2 seconds about you, you are sadly mistaken. She's moved on with her life, you need to do the same. You put one foot in front of the other and you move forward. Do things that YOU want to do and that make YOU happy. Put yourself first and take care of numero uno. I did that after my ex and I broke up and I never looked back. I took the high road and while she was mean and nasty and said some very shitty things to be before we broke up, I maintained my decency and moral attitude about, never stooped to her level and wished her the best. I have a new gf now that blows my last gf so far out of the water that she's been blown completely to another zip code!

My point here is that you all with find someone who's far more worthy of you than your ex gf was. Live well, take care of yourselves, regain that confidence you had before you had your heart broken. I guarantee that the women will come out of the woodwork for you and many of you will be surprised that once you get positive and confident and you're happy, the ex will somehow get wind of it and she'll try and get back into your life.

Get confident and happy guys!! I know each of you has it in you!!

[ErictheGed Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ErictheGed]

My point here is that you all with find someone who's far more worthy of you than your ex gf was. Live well, take care of yourselves, regain that confidence you had before you had your heart broken. I guarantee that the women will come out of the woodwork for you and many of you will be surprised that once you get positive and confident and you're happy, the ex will somehow get wind of it and she'll try and get back into your life.

Get confident and happy guys!! I know each of you has it in you!!

Very well said mate. And thanks.

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

I just sent this to her and removed her from my computer, completely, including on my Facebook and other profiles.

NOTE: it is extremely harsh and probably the worst thing I have ever said to anyone. Do understand though that most of it is NOT sensationalized, that to the last day of the relationship and I ever was is good to her and she never listened or heard me, she only got angry and forced me to say sorry, you're right I was stupid to even think I could TALK TO YOU ABOUT MY PROBLEMS FOR ONCE.

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Nice to see you've moved on nicely. 7 months of a relationship dealt with in a day, nice work. You really didn't care did you?

Well if you don't want to be my friend I may as well delete you. I don't want to be reminded that I'll never have you and antagonize myself. I wouldn't take you back anyway, you don't deserve me after what you've done to me. I'll find someone that has the balls to deal with me, and if we broke up it won't be over txt or during a break but in a nice manner where they explain exactly why instead of being heartless. I know the distance isn't the only thing. It can't be you don't just end a 7 month relationship with someone you loved over it. You must have lied about all the things you said to me, because I don't believe you ever loved me.

It's nice to see you're bored without me though, least I kept you entertained for a while, I guess that's all I was good for when you had me, wasn't it?

Well. Have a nice life. Add me again when you want to find the maturity to talk to the person you've dumped and not explained properly why. Add me when you've found another person and are finally secure within yourself (You sure as hell weren't during the time we were together) I feel sorry for the next guy to be frank, but at least he'll get some love back because you'll actually be attracted to him. LITTLE TIP: Don't just put him in the friend zone, GIVE a little more and you might be a little happier, he will be. All I did was give and never got anything back. I know you're over me so I won't tell you to add me when you are, because you are already.

I still just can't get over it. I was the BEST boyfriend in the world. I gave you everything you wanted and I wasn't good enough to wait for. That's the most heartless thing anyone has ever said to me. Ever. I gave you absolutely everything and it wasn't good enough. I even tried to give you my soul, my mind and even my heart... Wow I can't believe I thought you were a really good person, really a person that had my interest in heart and put me before you put yourself as I did for you, I always put you before me. You've torn me to shreds and not told me the whole reason why. You haven't given me the time of day to pick up the pieces to make sure that I'm ok. No you're only concerned with YOU because you don't and never did care about me(Yes this might seem hypocritical but I did care about you and did everything I could for you and since you can't do the same for me I'm giving you a taste of your own medicine, the last gift I have for you, because it might make you think about yourself and things to change) I was soo so stupid to think you could be the one, that the promise you made me on the first day we agreed to go out wouldn't be broken, the promise being we'd never break up over distance. You said you never would because you love me. Well, you certainly lied about that one didn't you?


Well Marissa there you have it. That's just some of the pent up thoughts I've not been able to express to you because you're too heartless to listen. You have made the worst mistake of your life. I am telling you that now. You will never find a man like me, you will never find one as good as I was to you. Only one's that will use you and I'm guessing that's really what you subconsciously want, isn't it? You certainly didn't want me and all I was was good to you. I want you to indulge in the thought of me being with another woman and it not being you and seeing ME and HER happy and think that it could have been YOU but it's NOT. Yes it's cruel but I want to make sure that you know what you've done, because you'l never have me. I don't care if you don't want me after this, I don't want you. People, and especially you, hate hearing the truth, and reality is, you're WRONG sometimes, and the truth is, this is how REAL and HARD and HURT I am. You need to KNOW what you have done to me and understand it's not a game, that this seriously will mess me up for the rest of my life, in one way or another.

Moved on in one day... wow I'm an idiot for even giving you the time of day to write this, to even think about you. I regret every second I spent with you because I could have spent it with someone who actually loves me, hell I could have been with myself, I would have been happier, why? because I wouldn't have to deal with all the drama and problems of another person, constantly. I wouldn't be yelled at and stressed at when I tried to say how "I" was feeling. I could go out whenever I want I could do what I want when I wanted. All you've ever done to me is stop me from doing things.

The one thing that I did enjoy doing was love you, but obviously you didn't back.

Keep Dustin as a friend, he does look out for you.

Well, that's it. Goodbye Marissa. I hope you have a great life without me and I hope you wake up every morning with a pain in your heart, just like me. Knowing that you did so much damage to me. Making me lose the person that I love with all my heart (Which happens to be you) and knowing that I just feel used by you, nothing else. That you will never have me, or(I will not be modest, I did EVERYTHING) find anyone that is as good as me.

I've never been so hurt in my life.. LOL I WAS JUST A REBOUND FOR YOU! You know, just used me to get over Chris.. of course!

I am finally out of your chains.

Goodbye Marissa, and good Riddance.

[Johnlocke Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Johnlocke]

All of you guys are right by the way, saying to take care of me and try to move on.

NP's right in saying we all deal with these situations differently. But MBD your certainly right too, or at least in my case about what I said about placing all my happiness and self worth in her. I need to stop doing it. For future relationships (I've not moved on yet but it's good to know what to do) how can I avoid doing this?

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

John, let me give you another piece of wisdom from a dude who's been there, done that. Next time you write an email like that, don't send it. I know it felt REALLY, REALLY good to get all that shit off your chest and tell Marissa how you felt about her, but seriously dude, she's going to read that, laugh at it and hit the "delete" button. She doesn't care dude. She moved on. The BEST revenge John is to type out an email like that but don't send it and live well and take care of YOUR needs. When Renee sent me her "Dear Bret" email where I was accused of not wanting to emotionally or financially commit to a real woman and be involved in a real relationship, I fucking flipped out and got so pissed bro. Seriously, I wrote her a fucking nasty as hell email in response because I was just so hurt and pissed that she would have had the utter colossal gaul to say that shit to me after all the crap I had done for her. Soooooo, instead of sending that email and through some coaching from my own mother, I wrote her an email back that went something like this:

"Dear Renee, I'm truly sorry you feel this way. I sincerely wish you the best in life and want you to know your a fantastic lady.

Love always,

Bret "

My mom told me that she was looking to get a reaction out of me. With the above email, I didn't give her that reaction she was looking for and THAT would fuck with her head something fierce. It absolutely killed me to take the higher road but I did it. Now, almost 3 months later, guess who came a callin' again? And guess who's too little too late? Yep, she is. She has no idea that I've moved on and have a new girlfriend in my life and I didn't tell her.

I know it feels good bro to let them know exactly how you feel but really, try and take the higher road if you can.

As far as in your future relationships, dude, you need to focus on you for a while and figure out who you are as a man. Once you achieve that level of internal happiness, it isn't going to matter what happens with relationships because your going to be ok with who you are and being alone won't bother you.

[LOL Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LOL]

All of you guys are right by the way, saying to take care of me and try to move on.

NP's right in saying we all deal with these situations differently. But MBD your certainly right too, or at least in my case about what I said about placing all my happiness and self worth in her. I need to stop doing it. For future relationships (I've not moved on yet but it's good to know what to do) how can I avoid doing this?

Take a breath, step back and break down in your mind what a real relationship is. Your real relationship. For me, in a solid sentence.. It would be me with someone who I can hold, without saying a word, for hours, but... never be able to, because we love communicating so much. It's that simple for me. And think about if that's all you want. And you know what? I'm not over eager to find them. We live once, and in my opinion, if we live just to find someone worth calling the one, pin down, throw up a picket fence and play with my children in a cottage for the rest of my life, I'd be upset. That's not what I want. I can savor a relationship for what it is, casual and not life-binding, and roll with it. Life is what you make it.

So just remember, for however many psychotic skype girlfriends you tumble into, however long you pull teeth to make something work, each day you spend, is a day you can better your life in a manner that isn't demeaning. Live life with a smile, run forward into your dreams, and when you give your heart away, and expect it to come back mutilated. When it does, you knew it would, and you remember how you feel bouncing back from a relationship. Move past it and don't waste a day that doesn't need to be. And.. if it doesn't get mutilated, then I'm sure you're happy. That's how I go about it. It shouldn't be a "how to I make this girl love me back and make this work". It should be "you're being a bitch, when I'm being nice. so lemme get up to speed: you're a bitch, and we're over, cause there is 3 billion better."

[doupdoupdoup Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close doupdoupdoup]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

You do have quite the way with words there doupdoupdoup.

[Radiohead Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Radiohead]

I sense stagnation. Go live up life, sometimes it's hard to digest things, so you have to vomit it up and start fresh.

Did I mention that I love you, anus man?

Because I really do.

Definitely gotta vomit up shit that is hard to digest in life.

[O.G. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close O.G.]

Man, sounds like you care for this girl, but a lot of it is infatuation.

One of the many points of dating is finding someone that you're compatible with. A break-up is the successful discovery that your not compatible and you get to explore new depths of life.