"I love you"

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Three little words but damn are they a doozy. Just wondering what people's thoughts,feelings,personal rules,dos and dont's of the big words in a new relationship. Any relationship I have had always builds u to their expression,but can we have relationships without love. Can we really like someone,have fun with them,but never have love with them. Timewise,what was the quickest/ longest it has taken you to say it to a partner.

I don't think I have came across a thread on this topic,maybe there is,but no harm getting some new insights.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

Well! I love you too KickEmInTheNuts!

[closed291 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Member of the Month June 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed291]

Good topic to explore...Before I got married to my wife, I didn't say I love her at least until (if I remember correctly) approximately a year or two.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Love? The act or the emotion? For there can't be the former without the latter. But you know how Parrots are.

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

From what I've found, men say it first. I think men are rather more romantic than women with these things.

I'll be honest I have said it back before truly knowing if I did. Thankfully it always worked out that I fell in love.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

Don't think I've ever been truly in love. I may have thought I was, but looking back I believe it was more a strong emotional attachment rather than love.

What is love?

[Trax2Brax Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Trax2Brax]

I'll be frank, I don't think I've ever been in love the way society pegs it. I've definitely been "infatuated" and had a strong liking for a girl in the past, but it was never before my own needs and ambitions first. The whole Hollywood standard of male to female bonding with the altruistic, one-itis, uber-obsessive "I'll put you your needs and wants before anything else" delineation is something I've never personally experienced. Anytime a girl left me or went our separate ways I got over it pretty quickly, because I see so many fish in the sea that you can live and let be if one gets away. I've been in relationships where I said those words after about 2-3 months because I thought it sounded less blunt then "I like being around you and having sex with you." But you never know, I'm still pretty young so it may still happen to me.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

YIKES!...THOSE are the 3 most VOLATILE WORDS ever spoken, in ANY LANGUAGE, IMO! We've ALL made that mistake a time or 2, but I learned VERY quickly how scary it can be to deliver or receive them! I prefer "I LUST YOU VERY MUCH"! Not nearly so romantic, but it's a genuine message that illicits some laughs and sober conversation (later) that can actually endear you to partners who are mature enough to understand and appreciate how much a guy (or girl) values and guards their use of the word "LOVE"; especially when said in the heat of passion. Use it ONLY when you MEAN it, in this context or be prepared to suffer consequences you may have never imagined...just sayin'....

[closed251 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close closed251]

Who believes falling in love is a feeling? Or falling in love is a choice?

I believe it's a choice after falling in 'lust'. It's more decision based than emotion for most people.

At first we are attracted to someone, might be looks, wit, intellect, power - whatever. This is the lust stage.

Then as the duration goes on we decide we are in love. Staying in love takes a commitment. After the rosy glow of the new relationship wears off, we have to make a decision: Do we want to love this person and commit to a relationship together, or are we going to let this person go?

[SnapperLapper Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SnapperLapper]

I've been "in love" three times in my life. I lost the first two loves because it wasn't reciprocated, and the words turned shallow for them. Big mistakes due to a flawed picker. I am still in love with the third, and have been for almost 21 years.

I have been "in lust", or what I look back and call "puppy love", many times. Those are a whole lot easier to get past the breakup.

If you have ever been "in love", believe me you would know. It is a whole lot harder to get past, and it takes a lot longer. Sleepless nights, weight loss without trying, the emotional trauma and associated roller coaster of emotions, depression, loneliness, hopelessness. Getting out and getting laid helps a little, but it doesn't make it go away. After the first love, I was sad. The second love, I was mad. Working on making sure it never happens again.

[pinkie Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close pinkie]

You're on to something Tara, in that love and lust, love and sex,the sense of touch are all separate matters interconnected. And also highly mistaken for one another. The bubbly feeling inside may or may not be an indication of love and also may not be long lasting as love is. It takes a choice to stay committed as well. I believe that love between a man and a woman, true love is something spiritual, in my faith it would be called Agape in Greek. And this Agape is the spirit of love through God. It's not to be broken by any man, it's special in that the spirit of God is in it with you.. True love is in/ through God alone. Most people probably have heard this spoken of in marriage ceremonies, either in part or in it's whole as a reading of 1 Corinthians chapter 13. It's a reading that may be done by the father of the bride or the best man or brides maid etc. You can look it up online and see if this makes perfect sense to you, the words describe not a feeling but all the things that true love is according to the Word of God, and so according to God.. Don't be afraid to look it up and read it, I think you will find it peaceful. I'd put in a link or the actual scripture here but don't know if that breaks any rules. Or if i may have already broken them just in speaking like this . But it is what it is LOl !

[Solving Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Solving]

Love is definitely a feeling not choice because it comes from emotion not logic.

Before saying ''I love you'' after being in a medium or long term relation, how many of us can approach a woman or man(straight ppl) and simply say ''I like you'' lets know each other better..in some sentence without the other seeing it as needy or desperate!?
Or when we go out on dates, how many of us can act naturally without preparing some ''dating rules'' or whatever..All because many are afraid of the other's reaction.

Most of us will try being someone else according to what the society expects or the ''it must be done this way'' many of us are acting. Who have different thoughts and attitude based on simplicity is considered stupid, jerk, do not know how it's done or out of date!!

Why most ppl are following some behavior and dating protocol!, just bcoz many following it so becomes valid!?
Who said it's not wrong!?

We are really missing the innocent side of us in this century.

Simply, be yourself. Express your feelings when you feel must. It will be hard to succeed with many from opposite sex like that but one day the real one will come to understand, be grateful, appreciate and love you like you truly are.

[SnapperLapper Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SnapperLapper]

Like it says in verse 8, true "Love never fails."

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

Three little words but damn are they a doozy. Just wondering what people's thoughts,feelings,personal rules,dos and dont's of the big words in a new relationship. Any relationship I have had always builds u to their expression,but can we have relationships without love. Can we really like someone,have fun with them,but never have love with them. Timewise,what was the quickest/ longest it has taken you to say it to a partner.

I don't think I have came across a thread on this topic,maybe there is,but no harm getting some new insights.

If I may, I think we place too much meaning in these words. There is such an emphasis on saying "I love you", especially in the media. Books, movies, TV, etc. It causes a skewed perspective on the weight of the words.

I could go on and on and quote Ayn Rand, Sydharta, Maslow, Freud and so on, but I just do not have time now.

I thought I was in love many times in my life and have had no difficulty saying the words (except with my first 16 year old girl high school girl). For my wife I think it took about 8 months from meeting to "I love you".

I think I have to differentiate between the friendship to courtship to dating periods. I have had a few "loving" relationships that took a long time to move into "dating", but once there, "I love you" just rolls off the tongue. Must be my French blood.

But I have had long term relationships that were not about "love"...one was just lust and companionship.

[MrP Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MrP]

This week my girlfriend and I fought, because lately her love has not been reciprocated.


I am a person who gives much value to the attitudes and words of love, but she has left to be desired and I have always said that I can. This has pushed us away and we think about ending, for she does not want to go back to being what she once was. I think in the long run it will be worse. Anyway ... I found a topic that I could vent.