Dating Profile Review

[LeafyGreens Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LeafyGreens]

Like I said before, I'm no expert here, but I still feel like you're missing the mark. I guess online dating profiles aren't much different from sales pitches, and the bottom line is they're asking themselves: "What can you do for ME?"

Many women love musicians. So how about instead of saying "washed up musician," you post a video or sound clip of you playing your instrument? If you can't do that, then post a few pictures with your instrument. And you're not "washed-up" (weak), you are a musician.

Craftsman? Show them what you built. And you're not "aspiring," you ARE a craftsman. Confidence.

You got the nature lover part covered in the pictures I saw before.

In general, my perception is it feels like you're trying too hard and pushing the humor angle too far. Humor is good, but too much especially up front, makes you seem weak and more friend than lover.

You need to ramp up with the masculine energy with more direct statements, less self-effacement, demonstrated value of you as a husband/boyfriend/lover. And cool it on the feminine energy (pics with filters, pics goofing off, excessive humor, pics that don't demonstrate you in a position of mastery/dominance/confidence). Less is more, in my opinion.

But I suppose the most important thing here is: "what kind of woman are you looking to attract?" And then design your profile in the way that it optimally attracts that kind of woman.

[Holm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Holm]

In general, my perception is it feels like you're trying too hard and pushing the humor angle too far. Humor is good, but too much especially up front, makes you seem weak and more friend than lover.

You need to ramp up with the masculine energy with more direct statements, less self-effacement, demonstrated value of you as a husband/boyfriend/lover. And cool it on the feminine energy (pics with filters, pics goofing off, excessive humor, pics that don't demonstrate you in a position of mastery/dominance/confidence). Less is more, in my opinion.

Thanks, Leafy! Haven't thought about it in those terms before.

It really is a terrible task to keep a balance between not too serious, not too goofy, not enough dominance, not trying too hard, and in the end still remain with something that is actually a natural and authentic portrait of oneself, which women won't judge as being not up to pair. The guys I see around me who have the greatest success with women, are usually of the more sleazy and obnoxiously outgoing types. I would hate to have to resort to such means. Don't think I could even if I wanted to, though.

[LeafyGreens Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LeafyGreens]

The guys who have success are direct and confident. The sleazy and obnoxious part is just an unfortunate correlation

The job of the profile is not to be an authentic and complete picture of you. The job of the profile is to open the door to conversation. Then during your conversation (both online and in-person) you show your authentic self.

The profile needs to give them the least # of reasons to say 'no' and the most # of reasons to say 'yes.' After that, compatibility will reveal itself while dating, assuming you are looking for a real relationship and not just gaming women to get them naked.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

Ok, so how is this then:

"A danger to society, according to independent sources. But fairly kind for the most part.

Washed up musician, passionate nature lover, and aspiring traditional craftsman.

Will only bite if you want to."


Better? Worse? Creepy?

Might be worth mentioning that it is written in a tone of irony that might be lost in translation.

In my opinion, this is significantly worse.

"Danger to society"... sounds scary.

"Fairly kind for the most part"... so, often you're unkind?

"Washed up musician"... too negative.

"Will only bite if you want to"... sounds like you're just looking for a hook up.

Irony/sarcasm often gets lost with the written word. So, I'd steer clear of that. It's OK to say you have a wicked sense of sarcasm and love women who get that sense of humor.

Stay positive in your description of yourself. People love positive people. Also, women find confidence sexy.

Go with "talented musician that plays X, Y or Z".

"...passionate nature lover and aspiring traditional craftsman" was good! Talk about that. What do you craft? Furniture? What are some of the things you like to do in nature? Rock climb? Hike? Camp? River raft?

Also, talk about what you are looking for.

Are you looking for just someone to hook up with (then I wouldn't mention it) but if you're looking for someone to date and hoping it turns into something more -mention that!

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

The guys who have success are direct and confident. The sleazy and obnoxious part is just an unfortunate correlation .

Agree with this completely.

You always hear, "Women always go for the bad boys." or "... the jerks." -- neither being a bad boy or a jerk is what we're falling for -- we're falling for the confidence that these guys usually exude.

Be kind, trustworthy and confident and we usually fall head over heels! :-)

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Ok, so how is this then:

"A danger to society, according to independent sources. But fairly kind for the most part.

Washed up musician, passionate nature lover, and aspiring traditional craftsman.

Will only bite if you want to."


Better? Worse? Creepy?

Might be worth mentioning that it is written in a tone of irony that might be lost in translation.

Watch the jokes they don't translate well on dating sites. You can be a little humorous and say something like "Willing to lie about how we met" but be careful and test these out first.

Washed up musician, passionate nature lover, and aspiring traditional craftsman.

Dude, you sound broke and unemployed. You don't want to play up the musician card unless you're getting paid well.

Don't make jokes about biting unless you want the girls with Daddy issues who are into S&M. Trust me on this.

Why can't you just be bluntly honest? Be direct as a rough draft and then spice it up a little with your humor, not the humor you think these women want to hear.

[Holm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Holm]

Watch the jokes they don't translate well on dating sites. You can be a little humorous and say something like "Willing to lie about how we met" but be careful and test these out first.

That line is used by about 20% of people on Tinder. Makes one seem utterly unoriginal and unimaginative.

Why can't you just be bluntly honest? Be direct as a rough draft and then spice it up a little with your humor, not the humor you think these women want to hear.

Because that is boring, and I don't like boring girls. Besides, I don't think most girls want to hear the blunt, honest truth. Not that I have much to hide or anything, it's just that it makes one seem so bland.

I don't know. Maybe I should stay off Tinder. Seems to be doing me more harm than good for the time being.

[Holm Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Holm]

"Danger to society"... sounds scary.

In my mind, it just sounds a bit funny. But I can fathom how some people can take it the wrong way. If I actually was dangerous in any way, I would hardly write it on my dating profile, but leave it as a surprise for my date to find out at a later, less convenient point of time. That is how I reason, anyhow.

"Fairly kind for the most part"... so, often you're unkind?

Nah, I usually get told I am very kind (almost too kind for my own good). But actually writing that seems too self-aggrandizing. So it is more of a manner of understatement, to get the same point across. But I understand irony isn't a clear means of communicating.

"Washed up musician"... too negative.

Lots of women on Tinder (at least in Sweden), say they appreciate "self-distance" (the ability to critically view oneself). But I suppose most of them lie, as they normally do.

"Will only bite if you want to"... sounds like you're just looking for a hook up.

It is a play on words, of sorts, as in "don't be afraid, I won't bite", with a cheeky touch. I am frankly surprised people take it any other way.

I appreciate all the feedback! It has left me with some need to reflect upon myself and how I project myself outwardly. To tell the truth, at the age of 28, I still have yet to have a steady relationship. And it seems I have a lot of stuff to straighten out before that is feasible. Thank you for your time!

[LeafyGreens Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LeafyGreens]

As Gretsky said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So there is no need to back away from online dating because you don't yet have the 'perfect' profile.

Hell, my ex-wife met her now-fiance with a profile that said something like, "I'm recently divorced, have a kid, don't have much time, and (paraphrased) don't bother me." I still think he recognized an emotionally-vulnerable easy lay and that's why he pursued her, BUT she somehow converted that into a ring on her finger. So you never know how this stuff will go

Online dating is a game with its own set of rules. Don't take it too seriously. Building a good profile in a certain way is just manipulating a law of averages so that you get more responses than you might if you had built it a different way. But this doesn't mean the profile that will generate less response is worthless. It could be the profile that attracts your future wife.

You're not going to be able to influence much how you behave when you are dating. We are who we are, and I do believe in being yourself. Although, ideally the best version of yourself. But a profile is just a sales brochure. Don't take it more seriously than that.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

Holm,

So much gets lost in written communication. You don't have a person's tone of voice or even a wry smile to the reader know the communicator is trying to be humorous.

Coming from the female perspective - there are a lot of creepy guys on the Internet (in general) and dating sites (specifically). So, that's why I'd recommend staying away from anything that sounds even remotely creepy.

And, again, don't worry about coming across as bragging. Women LOVE confidence. I can't stress that enough.

How about something like...

I love the outdoors and am looking for someone who would also loves nature and would enjoy (going hiking, camping - whatever you like to do outdoors here) with me.

I also love music. I play (enter whatever instruments you play here). It would be great to be able to have a muse in my life!

I have a sarcastic sense of humor, so that's something the perfect girl will appreciate. Plus, I'm a really nice guy. In fact, my friends say I'm sometimes too nice. So, I'm looking for a girl who is tired of the jerks and would rather have someone who treats them right in their life.