I pushed for details. She had better sex when cheating.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

hello GiftBringer, while reading your post i could imagine your pain... I had a similar situation with an ex, and it was the worst thing ever... my advice to you is: do not forgive her, move on even if it means to suffer... you have to think not only in what she has done to you, but the fact that even if you broke up with her, she still continued her mistake, and for my vast experience with literally dozens of women (girlfriends), a woman who is really good for you, would have never continued her mistake, even if you broke up with her, a well meaning woman wound never even WANT to do that, even if you gave her the liberty by breaking up with her...
have self esteem dear friend...
do not blame yourself for HER mistake just because you were the one who ended the relationship, she made the mistake and even kept it going because she is like that, she wanted it and did it, that simple, not because you broke up with her, and my friend, she will make you think the reason she kept her mistake going was that you broke up with her...
move on, i can guarantee you that in some time (depends on the person) you will be much happier and find a woman who deserves you!
even if there has been 3 years of love between you, think: "better late than never" to see she is not the one!
of course you can stay in the relationship and be the guy who was cheated on and accepted it... your choice!
just trying to help since i have been in that situation and have tried staying in and moving on, and i can tell you that when stayed it ended much worse later...
good luck!
(sorry if i have made mistakes in my english, it is not my native language)

He broke the relationship, there was no cheating. Why is this so hard for you to digest. They are now back together and have reconciled. We should be giving him support rather than feeding him reasons to move on. We are sorry that you had a similar but different situation happen to you. Best of luck finding a replacement.

If you re-read his original post, you will see he is asking for support dealing with the thoughts of someone else abusing his girlfriend. He never asked if he should break up, he asked for reasons to put these thoughts out of his mind. I have given him several, you have told him to dump her based on your own situation. He never asked for that advice. Maybe if we took the time to read the thread we would be able to offer constructive ideas to the OP.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

Thanks for the marginal advice. Make sure you stop by when your theory of life doesn't work out for you. PUA stuff may work when you are playing the field, but falls flat when one in already in a relationship.

Hey, I could tell someone to go read my book and watch my videos. I don't have any, but none the less, it is not great emotional support for someone who is in a situation that needs thought.

You have been here for a while dog, is "dump her" the best advice that you can muster?

I have been at PE gym every day. Both of the sources I am recommending are for guys in relationships. As mentioned in another post... I learned that my wife of 22 years had been having online affairs for 2 years. Nothing in person, but I was still devastated. Most everything I found online on rebuilding trust and affair recovery required the unfaithful partner to do things. My wife was sorry... but wouldn’t do much to make it right. She wouldn’t follow our counselor’s advice. Ironically, the more I shared my feelings and requested things of her... the more she withdrew, and the less attracted she was to me. I am about 8 weeks into this, and the two sources above are helping me considerably. I need to work on myself regardless of what the wife does. Eventually I will make a good decision. Regardless of what happens, I need to do this work. The more of this kind of work one does, the better and more attractive they are to women as well.

This is my informed advice. I should not have said “dump her”. Your decisions are your own.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

Thanks. I know it's the right thing to do but it's difficult to throw away so much love. You're both right. Don't know if I can ever regain my masculinity.

. Again I recommend steve horsman and husband help haven. They are helping me.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

I have been at PE gym every day. Both of the sources I am recommending are for guys in relationships. As mentioned in another post... I learned that my wife of 22 years had been having online affairs for 2 years. Nothing in person, but I was still devastated. Most everything I found online on rebuilding trust and affair recovery required the unfaithful partner to do things. My wife was sorry... but wouldn’t do much to make it right. She wouldn’t follow our counselor’s advice. Ironically, the more I shared my feelings and requested things of her... the more she withdrew, and the less attracted she was to me. I am about 8 weeks into this, and the two sources above are helping me considerably. I need to work on myself regardless of what the wife does. Eventually I will make a good decision. Regardless of what happens, I need to do this work. The more of this kind of work one does, the better and more attractive they are to women as well.

This is my informed advice. I should not have said “dump her”. Your decisions are your own.

We are sorry for you situation. Please take time to start your own thread so that we can discuss without hijacking this members thread. He has gathered his shit together. You are still working on yours. While in a contentious situation, probably not the best thing to dish out relationship advice as you are decidedly biased in your view of things.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

We are sorry for you situation. Please take time to start your own thread so that we can discuss without hijacking this members thread. He has gathered his shit together. You are still working on yours. While in a contentious situation, probably not the best thing to dish out relationship advice as you are decidedly biased in your view of things.

I was attempting to help. The explanation was for your benefit. You worry about your posts. I’ll worry about mine.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

We are sorry for you situation. Please take time to start your own thread so that we can discuss without hijacking this members thread. He has gathered his shit together. You are still working on yours. While in a contentious situation, probably not the best thing to dish out relationship advice as you are decidedly biased in your view of things.

Zz... look back at what I recommended. Trying to relate to the guy and share something helping me. I am successfully navigating troubles similar to op. Nothing has been hijacked. You are moderating content and opinion for some reason. I really think the stuff I recommended would help. The op wants to get his masculinity back, feel better, make a good decision... he says he feels weak and doesn’t know why he took her back. That is the basis of my advice and I stand by it.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

My recommendations have nothing to do with the PUA community.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Me thinks you should focus on your own relationship before advising others. Its like an alcoholic telling another not to drink. It falls flat. His situation is completely different. He came here to clear his mind of thoughts of someone else abusing his girl. Tell me were your advice addressed that?

Your grand advice, read some guy and watch his videos and dump her. There was nothing positive at all in your recommendations. We are a support forum first, and no, as much as you think you were offering support, you were not. When I see words of encouragement, I will let it be.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

Me thinks you should focus on your own relationship before advising others. Its like an alcoholic telling another not to drink. It falls flat. His situation is completely different. He came here to clear his mind of thoughts of someone else abusing his girl. Tell me were your advice addressed that?
Your grand advice, read some guy and watch his videos and dump her. There was nothing positive at all in your recommendations. We are a support forum first, and no, as much as you think you were offering support, you were not. When I see words of encouragement, I will let it be.

I don’t have to explain anything to you. If you decide to check out my recommendations, you will see the encouragement. Being a moderator has nothing to do with controlling people’s opinions, directing people toward particular conclusions, or deciding who is qualified to comment. I have been married 22 years with only one issue of this nature. Sometimes a fellow human being who has experienced similar pain is a good person to talk to.

I’m going to see who else I can report you to, because you’re trying to control opinions are content. It’s a forum.

[Dance Sucka Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dance Sucka]

Hi. I'm struggling to make the right decision. Any viewpoint will be appreciated. Thanks.

My girlfriend kissed another guy at a party while I was away for 2 months. He kissed her first then she followed him and kissed him a second time. Hearing this was enough for me to split with her while I was away. We have been dating for 3 years btw.

She ended up getting with this guy and went many places with him while I lost my mind in another country.

I am a very sensual person and we used to have sex every day. That soon died out and I couldn't get much affection even if I would be the best guy in the world. Eventually I would have to ask for sex once a week. Every time it would feel like she was doing it out of obligation and this made me not want it anymore.

We really love each other like soul mates and so we got back together when I got back to my country. She was still seeing this other guy and then told me she would chose me because she still loves me and didn't have that connection with him.

Over a chat once she said she only enjoyed sex the first few times as it was rough. This led me to asking detailed questions (a really bad idea-i don't reccomend it). They did everything she asked him to get tested cause she wanted him without a condom. She said he would choke her a bit, slap her bum, anal, pull her hair and pick her up while putting her in the position he wanted while talking dirty and being in charge. He is quite a bit better looking and is a personal trainer so I'm not much competition.

This is screwing with my head. How a guy could do that to a girl I cherish so much. And the fact that I was never afforded the opportunity to be open with my own sexual desire for her and try those things. Seeing that I was always the one with the high sex drive I can't believe how she would have sex and I wouldn't.

I don't know if I can get over this. I am weak and took her back. I mean I broke up with her for kissing him twice. I don't know why I'm still here after hearing that she slept with him a whole bunch of times and had better sex. My motivation is dead and I doubt id be able to have normal sex with her when this picture is in my mind all the time.

I know it's a weak move but it's the only one my emotions have at the moment. Any outside information? Someone been through something similar?

Pull yourself together man, you're going to be alright. I don't know the full story but it sounds like she cheated on you and you not only feel betrayed but also somewhat sexually inadequate. You're not weak for taking her back. That is your decision and you can change your mind anytime you want to.

This might be difficult to hear but it sounds like you two were having boring vanilla sex and the passion died out pretty quickly. The emotion/romance was strong, but the sex wasn't amazing. This is my interpretation from your post. So your girl cheated while you were away with a guy who could give her better sex. Okay that makes sense, but it also must feel like she's ungrateful and unappreciative of you.

See what I've highlighted in red above. The story sounds like you were trying to be the best guy in the world, but the other guy who dominated her in bed ended up getting her interested in sex. Finally, you say yourself that you were never open with your own sexual desire with her.

I think you have two constructive options here: 1) learn how to make your sexual experiences better with her, 2) learn how to make your sexual experiences better without her. Either way, this is a huge positive (albeit painful) learning experience for you. You'll have to handle your own emotions first though, and that's arguably tougher than improving in bed. Whatever you decide, you're the man and you can do this. You will get through this and emerge as a wiser person.

[GiftBringer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GiftBringer]

Thanks for all of the support guys. I did mention at the beginning of my thread, that I appreciated all opinions offered. I agree that I could go either way with it.

This thread is quite old already and I have since moved on and made up my mind. I have done plenty of spiritual/inner work for the past decade of my life from every angle. This was just a new angle that I've never explored before so I'm using it to make myself stronger and see if this relationship is worth going the distance. Maybe there will be a time where I need to learn a new angle and move on. I wouldn't regard myself as being a stereotypical male so I don't follow much of what would be said. I need to filter that info within my understanding and capability, respectively.

I have made up my mind, that I will give this a shot. There is a trial and error stage for her too. Obviously I won't chase her further away but I will have a checklist of sorts in my mind for standards that aren't met.

Yes, sex died down a little and I got frustrated but I understand that my brutish ways might of had something to do with her not being able to trust me with her emotions, resulting in me not getting much sex. I felt there was a barrier that we had for quite awhile. All of her friends and family told me that he was just a rebound. Like ThehGreatDivider said "rebound, first time, new experience and rough sex are all great by themselves, but, when all put together that would make for great sex. But will soon die down". A way to a girls pussy is through her emotions. Which I never understood..

I was a jerk and I'd say this problem is shared 50/50. She doesn't have me believing it was my fault, like I said; I'm not an average Joe when it comes to thinking about problems. Therefore I've already got all the answers I need from great advice already given.

I will work on rebuilding trust and from my perspective gained will try to me more holistic in my approach. She will have to work on it from her side too. And if I don't see any progress or I can't forgive her then sure I'll move on.

I understand this situation is contradictory. Just a very complex one I suppose. The questions on the topic have been answered tho so thanks.

I'd like to keep this thread open for other people that might have a similar situation in the future. But we can end this topic now.

......RESOLVED......

Thanks

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

I don't know why everyone keeps putting blame on the OP's girlfriend but her kissing the other guy at the party wasn't her fault. It's not like she went to the party looking to get some dick and cheat on her boyfriend or string him along while she slept with a side guy. There are women who do that but not in this case. What she did was dumb but not vindictive.

She probably just wanted to go drink and have a good time, but she was feeling vulnerable and became an easy target for a man on the prowl. I have a few questions about what she was doing there alone and why she would put her self in that position but these things happen. Hell, I've kissed upwards of 40 women in bars, clubs, and at parties back in my PUA days because it was so easy. The alcohol and sleep deprivation does all the work for you, and all you have to do is find a vulnerable woman, make her laugh, make lots of eye contact, and tell her she's special.

Like it or not there are always going to be guys going after your girl. When you're not there with her in person all the creeps and nice guys looking to get some ass will come after her. Women are used to rejecting the creeps on a daily basis but the nice guys are more insidious. You have those guys who think they're slick who will befriend a woman with a boyfriend/husband and wait for their chance to get her when she's vulnerable. These guys are not smart, in fact they're very predictable but they are very persistent.

These guys are everywhere too and they're easy to beat, even long distance, but only if you know what you're doing. You have to watch your jealousy and give your woman the freedom to have these friends (who will never have sex with her but want to), flirt with other men, and go out, but make your boundaries clear. You want her to come to you with her plans and leave knowing that you trust her but if she crosses a line you won't stick around. That will prevent most women from cheating but that's not how most guys act. Most guys push their women away with jealousy or fighting, make her close down and think she can't have fun without them or have nice guy friends, and reassure them that they will love them no matter what happens... Thats the last thing you want in a relationship.

[GiftBringer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GiftBringer]

Fully. I've always agreed that if one is a jealous type they would leave their significant other with more time feeling negative. Like a computer virus, a little one goes unnoticed but over time the system will figure this program isn't beneficial anymore and try force it out.
Although I have a few insecurities at the moment, this was never the case in the past.

To answer your question - she was at a trance party with her friends and each had their boyfriends. I missed her birthday while being away, she also spent new years and went to her moms wedding alone among other things. She has had to put up with being alone and not being able to do couples things for some time now (about a year) due to me working away. Which I am finished now (I've realized i want to be home, with my family and friends again).

I have focused a lot on my own personal growth but at the same time I've been selfish by not giving her clear plans because I've always thought she would be there, I tested my luck I guess and paid the price. Now I realize what I've almost lost, gained perspective from it and truly am sorry for my mistakes.

As for the sex part, I did break it off with her in a raged fit. It was a stressful time in my life and I couldn't deal with the issue. She hooked up with him a month later because he was already showing interest I guess (like anyone would in such a situation) and I cut her out of my life. We had really nasty fights and both blocked each other on social media.

She had good sex like you said due to all of the circumstances. Since we started having sex again it has been really great, I kinda just block the images out of my mind. She messages me often saying she can't wait to ride my face again She admitted he never went down on her, never made her cum and the only reason he could be rough with her is because his penis was smaller. We hardly ever did anal because of my EL & EG. I guess it's an ego boost of sorts.

So yeah, when I think of what she did I realize it's a natural way a women's program will run when things go against it. She did put up with a lot.

We have spoken a lot about Tantra, connecting as one in the bedroom and allowing emotional feelings to flow. I have always been a sex anytime guy, even after a huge fight but she hasn't. So I'd like to connect with her some more. She has a few insecurities about sharing her feelings incase they are rejected.

I'm not in the clear myself. Sorry for making it sound like it was all her fault. I realize now that this topic left space a lot to assumptions and questions. Sorry about that. I was basically asking how do I continue having sex with someone who had better sex with my girl. Maybe I shouldn't of said when cheating, tho that is surly how it felt.

This has taught me that women can be just as sexually active and as full of desire as men are. I put her on a pedestal, thinking the best of her. This is where my insecurity came in. I guess I should say thanks to him for showing me what I never had the time to find in my own girl. Borderline cuckold viewpoint but not even close lol. Thinking about this from all angles here. And so I really appreciate all of the help.. man I feel so much better already.

[Digittydog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Digittydog]

Glad you’re headed in a good direction. Best of luck as you move forward.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Sigh have it your own way.