I pushed for details. She had better sex when cheating.

[Norwaydude Senior Member Member of the Month Oct. 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Norwaydude]

You must never tell her. If you do you will only hurt her, she will be devastaded and probably develop trust issues. If you tell her because you have bad consience, its a pretty selfish thing to do and no good thing (for her) can come from it. Its the price you have to pay to raise your self esteem in a «non-public norm accepted» way.

[GiftBringer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GiftBringer]

Yeah dude. My conscience is pretty clear actually and like I said I did this for myself. I feel 100 times better already. I don't feel the need to tell her about this. Enough said

[TeoDeles Senior Member Member of the Month July 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close TeoDeles]

GiftBringer you are completely lost.
You have huge insecurities and super ego and a little experience with girls.
All the above conclusions are being made because:
1) You did NOT finish this relationship as soon as you learned what you learned from her.
2) You cheated on her in order to feel better (These kind of things are not proper for a real man... its only for little insecure girls)

You should abandon the girl as soon as she did what she did and move on with your life... this is the only correct decision FOR BOTH OF YOU. End of story.

The question you have to ask yourself is WHY YOU DID NOT(COULD NOT is the correct expression) END THIS RELATIONSHIP ?

The correct answer is because you are insecure.

Correct movements
1) End this relationship(this is how is gonna end anyway
2) find yourself
3)gain experiences and then
4)proceed to a normal relationship with a new girl.

The glass has broken in this relationship and all you do is you are losing yourself more and more staying there.(bad phycology , cheating and BS)

If your age is more than 20 years old you have some serious issues by acting like you do.

I suggest you to grow up and be a man in your mentality.

Sorry to be so hard on you but its for your own good.
Good luck

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

GiftBringer you are completely lost.
You have huge insecurities and super ego and a little experience with girls.
All the above conclusions are being made because:
1) You did NOT finish this relationship as soon as you learned what you learned from her.
2) You cheated on her in order to feel better (These kind of things are not proper for a real man... its only for little insecure girls)

You should abandon the girl as soon as she did what she did and move on with your life... this is the only correct decision FOR BOTH OF YOU. End of story.

The question you have to ask yourself is WHY YOU DID NOT(COULD NOT is the correct expression) END THIS RELATIONSHIP ?

The correct answer is because you are insecure.

Correct movements
1) End this relationship(this is how is gonna end anyway
2) find yourself
3)gain experiences and then
4)proceed to a normal relationship with a new girl.

The glass has broken in this relationship and all you do is you are losing yourself more and more staying there.(bad phycology , cheating and BS)

If your age is more than 20 years old you have some serious issues by acting like you do.

I suggest you to grow up and be a man in your mentality.

Sorry to be so hard on you but its for your own good.
Good luck

Hmm "correct" this that and the other ,did you get this from a textbook ?

[BU_Terrier7x6 Member Find all posts View Profile Close BU_Terrier7x6]

Yeah dude. My conscience is pretty clear actually and like I said I did this for myself. I feel 100 times better already. I don't feel the need to tell her about this. Enough said

Okay, you got what you needed by cheating. The relationship has not been called off, and you don't see any reason to tell her. You then lash out at those who provided advice that you graciously accepted prior to disclosing you cheated on her.

I don't understand this laissez faire approach to the relationship. It sounds like you want the best of both worlds without being accountable for any of your actions as a party to a relationship.

Are you genuinely seeking advice, or are you asking for validation of your actions?

[GiftBringer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GiftBringer]

That was the progression of the situation I was going through. This is a relationship based thread. Isn't that what happens here? Don't guys here make mistakes too? To be told I'm not a man and I have deep seated issues will obviously annoy me when I in confidence shared something that I was going through and felt helped quite a bit. I don't hold any grudges to anyone here. I wasn't seeking validation either. Just didn't expect to be tuned by the moral police for stepping out of line. I know No one here is a psychologist so I don't take offence. Imagine you trusted someone with your thoughts and they tell you that you have insecurity a-z and you're not a true man. Think you're gonna go back there to be told how shit you are again and try make up for what impression they now have of You?

Rant over. Check you're finesse next time. Some of you made me feel worse. But whatever

[GiftBringer Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GiftBringer]

Just drop this, please.. Sorry, I don't want to get banned for being an asshole. I really like it here.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Relax the net is a tough place and that is the truth.

[SoraSora Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SoraSora]

I haven't read all of this thread, but I get the impression you're psychologically spinning your wheels and aren't truly willing to accept change?

You're probably in the second phase of love, which is a pretty ugly one, based on fears like 'does she love me', 'am I good enough', 'will she prefer someone else', etc etc. First phase is based primarily on hope, the second on fear and attachment. The only way to solve this is to remove the attachment either outwardly or inwardly. So, I'd say:

1. Outward: Break up and look for more positive emotional connections (emotional is important, without it sex is just sex and you'll never move on. You've gotta find someone who seduces you)
2. Inward: Work on your personal sense of security. Grow an internal sense based on mindset and experience that you are capable of being a good lover, and hence reduce your unhealthy need to 'keep' a person around so they can maybe assuage your insecurities one day. That way, whether you're in the relationship or not, you'll still feel a profound sense of internal fulfilment, and won't need to try to leech if from puddles of 'security' other people may give you in occasional words here and there.

Again, I worry that you're maybe the type who doesn't want to change? That you might be venting here just to vent, but you fundamentally don't want to move from where you are, in a masochistic sorta way. But if not, please prove me wrong! Otherwise, I worry I could come back to the thread in a month's time and you'll still be here talking effectively about the same thing. But I'll go out on a limb and say I have faith you can grow and become a better person.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

I haven't read all of this thread, but I get the impression you're psychologically spinning your wheels and aren't truly willing to accept change?

You're probably in the second phase of love, which is a pretty ugly one, based on fears like 'does she love me', 'am I good enough', 'will she prefer someone else', etc etc. First phase is based primarily on hope, the second on fear and attachment. The only way to solve this is to remove the attachment either outwardly or inwardly. So, I'd say:

1. Outward: Break up and look for more positive emotional connections (emotional is important, without it sex is just sex and you'll never move on. You've gotta find someone who seduces you)
2. Inward: Work on your personal sense of security. Grow an internal sense based on mindset and experience that you are capable of being a good lover, and hence reduce your unhealthy need to 'keep' a person around so they can maybe assuage your insecurities one day. That way, whether you're in the relationship or not, you'll still feel a profound sense of internal fulfilment, and won't need to try to leech if from puddles of 'security' other people may give you in occasional words here and there.

Again, I worry that you're maybe the type who doesn't want to change? That you might be venting here just to vent, but you fundamentally don't want to move from where you are, in a masochistic sorta way. But if not, please prove me wrong! Otherwise, I worry I could come back to the thread in a month's time and you'll still be here talking effectively about the same thing. But I'll go out on a limb and say I have faith you can grow and become a better person.

Umm perhaps or he could forget the pyso babble and move on.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

That was the progression of the situation I was going through. This is a relationship based thread. Isn't that what happens here? Don't guys here make mistakes too? To be told I'm not a man and I have deep seated issues will obviously annoy me when I in confidence shared something that I was going through and felt helped quite a bit. I don't hold any grudges to anyone here. I wasn't seeking validation either. Just didn't expect to be tuned by the moral police for stepping out of line. I know No one here is a psychologist so I don't take offence. Imagine you trusted someone with your thoughts and they tell you that you have insecurity a-z and you're not a true man. Think you're gonna go back there to be told how shit you are again and try make up for what impression they now have of You?

Rant over. Check you're finesse next time. Some of you made me feel worse. But whatever

I've been with the same girl for 31 years and our relationship is probably stronger today than it has been in all those years. This was achieved by mutual respect, care and understanding that this is a two way street, a partnership and we took vows that said something like "for better or for worse". We did not grow this bond by being vindictive. We did not grow this bond by seeking revenge, or to feel good by evening the tables or any of the things you have recently done. From what it sounds like, I have more years invested in my relationship than you have years on this earth. So, possible I may have some incite to provide. I was all in your court for the first 3/4's of this thread. Your decision to seek revenge through infidelity for selfish personal gratitude was where you lost me.

That is not an endearing trait that will lead to a long term relationship. Hiding it from her is equally selfish whether or not you feel any guilt. You poured your heart out on this thread in the beginning that this girl was the one, that this is where you wanted to be. That belief and devotion should lead to forgiveness and reconciliation, not revenge to even the field. You have shown that you have a lot of growing to do still before you are really ready to commit to a single person for the rest of your life.

[Norwaydude Senior Member Member of the Month Oct. 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Norwaydude]

I've been with the same girl for 31 years and our relationship is probably stronger today than it has been in all those years. This was achieved by mutual respect, care and understanding that this is a two way street, a partnership and we took vows that said something like "for better or for worse". We did not grow this bond by being vindictive. We did not grow this bond by seeking revenge, or to feel good by evening the tables or any of the things you have recently done. From what it sounds like, I have more years invested in my relationship than you have years on this earth. So, possible I may have some incite to provide. I was all in your court for the first 3/4's of this thread. Your decision to seek revenge through infidelity for selfish personal gratitude was where you lost me.

That is not an endearing trait that will lead to a long term relationship. Hiding it from her is equally selfish whether or not you feel any guilt. You poured your heart out on this thread in the beginning that this girl was the one, that this is where you wanted to be. That belief and devotion should lead to forgiveness and reconciliation, not revenge to even the field. You have shown that you have a lot of growing to do still before you are really ready to commit to a single person for the rest of your life.

It makes me happy to read about your succesfull marriage! Nothing is better than that.

But in defence of guys struggeling to keep a relationship going. Its a pretty big difference starting a relationship for a quarter century ago and today.. things are actually very different. With internet and social media etc. Female empowering and countless other variables. So even if you are probably a excellent husband for your wife. You dont have much, if any experience in starting new relationships in this day and age. So i think it can be very useful if we all are a bit humble in regards to guys issues. Its really not easy as we are extremely easy to replace. And the whole scene is pretty complex if you Ask me.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

I agree with your points about the new day and age of relationships Norway. Regardless, until this world ends, the foundations of a relationship is based on trust and respect. Any damage to either can risk the entire thing to crumble. That's what happened in my marriage. To be vendictive is not to love the other person, it's an act selfishness and pride in which nobody wins.

[Norwaydude Senior Member Member of the Month Oct. 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Norwaydude]

I agree with your points about the new day and age of relationships Norway. Regardless, until this world ends, the foundations of a relationship is based on trust and respect. Any damage to either can risk the entire thing to crumble. That's what happened in my marriage. To be vendictive is not to love the other person, it's an act selfishness and pride in which nobody wins.

I dont think its an act of revenge. But a matter of evening out the score in the terror balance witch will hit many new relationships at a given time. Its different for men than it is for woman. Woman holds all the cards in keeping the upper hand in this fase of a relationship. Witch is mainly focused on passion and new found love. And we men are faced with strong competition and are way to easily pushed out of balance. Because every girl we meet will have a shortlist of at least 10-15 guys from tinder who are a text away. And they will probably recieve a lot of offers and suggestions in the period while we date them before getting serious. So they will get their confirmation in sooo many more ways than a human insecure man( we are all insecure when falling in love with a new partner, otherwise you do not really see them as amazing and better than ourselves as one do when really in love). We dont Get the same amount of confirmation b/c we are still the hunters and the ones sending out this requests to girls. If its through tinder, Facebook, insta, Snapchat or whatever.
Sure its easy to say that we should just man up and be secure about one self. And show respect and kindness and you will Get the same in return. But i will tell you, woman are complex creatures with an unpredictable nature and moodswings off the charts. And especially good looking woman are often very selfcentered and selfish at the BEGINNING of a relationship. To compare this situation with a 31yo relationship is just nonsens imho. I think its easy to forget how its like to be newly in love.

Hate to break it to you but dating these days are a fucking war scene. My personal advice is keeping it casual as long as possible until she is the one desperatly wanting more. This means letting her make out as much as she wants, seeing other guys, while you do the same an try to get ahead in this messed up game.

The lecture about mutual respect, honesty etc. Is in best case misplaced but relevant like a couple of years down the road.

Oooh that was a long one.. sorry bout that :-/

[Norwaydude Senior Member Member of the Month Oct. 2018 Find all posts View Profile Close Norwaydude]

IHiding it from her is equally selfish whether or not you feel any guilt.

Why is it selfish? You will just cause grief and sadness if you tell her. You might feel better for consience relief. If my gf cheats on me i do not want know anything about it. The feelings you get when being told is soo painful and shitty, yeah i have been there. So why do zzman think its a good idea to inflict this pain on anybody, especially on a person you love is beyond me.

Morally wrong? yes. End of the world? Hell no!