I need help with girls.

[scythe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close scythe]

Many of you may remember me, many of you may not.
I used to be very active here a few months back. But then I stopped PE because I went into depression.
I started visiting a clinical psychologist and things got better.
Im in a different city now, away from my family, study in a law college. I am going to become a corporate lawyer.

I am frustrated because I have never had any relationships with women in my life.
Im 19, and I'm still a virgin. I have never had a real girlfriend, nor have I ever kissed or made out with anyone.
All of this makes me feel like total crap. I have low self esteem and low self confidence.

Ironically, my best friend is a womanizer. He's had no problems having women.
I just don't know what to do.

1) I don't know how to introduce myself to a girl I'm interested in.
2) I dont know how to start a conversation with them
3) I dont know what to talk about, what to say
4) Im always afraid of embarrasing myself and then being 'judged' by them
5) I don't know how to take friendship to the next level.
6) I don't know what to do, to get girls to notice me.
7) I look like a geek. I have glasses as well.
8) I don't know how to fix my appearance to attract women.

Basically I know NOTHING about dating or relationships or girls in general, because I have never made the effort to make friends with girls.
I never used to go out much..parents were strict, never let me socialize.
But now Im in a different city, all alone. I can really go for it as I have no restrictions! I want to get laid! BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!

I am really late on the scene. Most of my friends have been playing the "game" for over 3-4 years!

[Starless Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Starless]

I lost my virginity to a wonderful woman at age 18. At almost age 20, we're still together and love each other very much. Don't sweat it, some people are waiters. I promise someone will come along

[wind chill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wind chill]

PB: Do steroids, lift heavy weights, get contacts, go tanning. And stop playing all those gay fucking video games. You can’t get pussy in front of a tv, playing games with your geeky friends. Go out to night clubs and bars, hit the beach. If you got money, floss. Whatever you do, don’t be yourself

Phil baroni

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Hi scythe ,I remember you well.
As I remember you are from india and so do not need tanning. I would ignore the rest of sidewinders advice also ,if you are going to go that way, you may as well buy sex,there would be less deciet involved.
You are going to embarrse yourself in life . Learn to accept ,that sometimes it takes many attempts to reach a goal.
Believe in yourself regardless of what others think.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Here's the one key to women: confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. Confidence in your strengths, weaknesses and everything in between. If you make a stupid joke, so what? Act like you meant to make it, DON'T act awkward. The one thing that can ruin your chances are awkward moments. Now every woman is different. Some women you'll feel like you're putting on a show for them, entertaining them. Others, you'll feel like you're not doing anything and they're the ones that are working for YOU. There's a great article Big Al posted on body language I think in this same forum. Essentially, what I gained from this article is women are looking for deliberate guys. Deliberate being confidence's not so distant cousin. All of your movements and words should have a purpose. They should articulate, not slow, yet not hurried. You should have an air about your self that says "Controlled."
There is no magic pick up line, or conversation formula that is guaranteed to get a woman interested. PLEASE do not take the advice of Pick-up Artists. It's a stupid practice and any relationships they have with women are hollow and void of emotion. Now there are some very good ideas they can teach you and you may work into your daily lifestyle, but DO NOT turn your relationships with women into this mathematical calculation. The best way to a woman's heart is to be genuine. I can tell you right now, most woman (especially the smart ones) will pick up on you being fake. Just be honest with her. Don't tell her EVERYTHING about yourself right off the bat because most women love to figure guys out. What works for me is I'm a pretty nice guy in the beginning, almost what you would call a "nice guy finishing last" kind of guy. Then once they get to know me I turn into this sarcastic prick where almost nothing I say is nice . Now I don't do this purposefully this is just the way I am. I tend to tease you more the closer you get to me.
The last bit of advice I'll impart on you is that the one thing you have to keep in mind is, women do NOT like assholes. Assholes just tend to have this very important attribute about them that nice guys do not. You want to know what it is? It's very simple, but a hard concept to learn. Basically women want to know they are not the only love in your life. By love I mean, not another girl on the side. I mean passion. What kind of hobbies do you have? What is your occupation? What things are you talented at? All of these things amount to saying to a woman "I like you a lot, but there are other things in my life to occupy my time besides you." It's not mean, it's not being an asshole. She just has to understand that you have passion in other areas of your life, and she will LOVE it. Chances are she has passions too and will not only identify with your sentiment but be happy that you won't be clingy and she can explore other areas of her life.
This is all advice meant to help YOU. Not help you get a woman, but better YOUrself. You'll find that once you better other areas of your life, the women will fall into place. I know you'll find somebody man, but don't get down on yourself. I haven't had a serious relationship in 2 years! It sucks, but I'm waiting for the perfect girl just like I did last time. Take pride in the fact that you're a virgin and trust me when I say losing your virginity to someone you don't care about is not at all what it's cracked up to be. Wait for that perfect girl to come along and give it to her like its a gift. I really wish I had done that.

[vulcan Retired ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close vulcan]

Great advice from flanker6.

I would also add;
a) Have a thick skin - we all get rejected sometime it is not to be taken too personally
b) Learn not to care too much - do not obsess about every action, word etc
c) know which type of girl you would be happy with & where she might hang out - look for women with similar interests
d) try going outside your comfort zone a bit & doing things that might bring you into contact with women under less pressure than clubs - things like salsa classes, evening classes in languages or a new sport with mixed participation
e) Relax! I remember being very intense at a similar age - now is a time for you to just try things & have fun.

[64N64 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 64N64]

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[Dea7h7rap 101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dea7h7rap 101]

Confidence is KEY!!! You MUST be able to communicate with a confident, calm vibe eminating from you. Dont be afraid to tease either. In my experiences, girls LOVE to be teased. Not in such a way that it makes them feel bad, but in ways that make them laugh. Example: You see a girl in a mall that is looking at clothes, she has on super high heels. You comment calmly "Hey nice shoes, are you like 3 feet without them on though?" If she is any girl you will want to be with for any amount of time she will laugh. This is the PERFECT time to either follow up with something, like "its a good thing your shopping here because that outfit is kinda old.." (thats a bit harsher, only use that if you know that she would enjoy it) or take the more serious approach and introduce yourself. Be fun and outgoing though, girls generally dont like guys that are super quiet and secluded. Have fun with girls, if you say something that turns them off and they walk away, dont worry about it, there are millions of them out there. Dont sit home and wallow in your pity, get OUT THERE and practice and meet them! Hope this helps, and good luck!

[mtnoelle Member Find all posts View Profile Close mtnoelle]

Ok, it's time for my $.02 here.

Scythe, you need not worry about not having any experiences with woman. To be honest, for me, looking back on things there is a part of me that wishes that I had never been with a woman before meeting the woman that is now my wife.

Be content with yourself! Let things happen on their own. There is no shame in doing something like that. Any man who tells you that your lack of experience makes you less of a man is in fact the lesser man themselves.

[scythe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close scythe]

Be fun and outgoing though, girls generally dont like guys that are super quiet and secluded.

See, this is the EXACT problem.
In college, I usually sit at the cafe with a large group of 6-7 girls, and 2 other guys.
Everyone seems to talk and laugh, while I sit quietly, feeling nervous and jumpy..not knowing what to say, or what to do. And the other 2 guys are constantly talking to the girls and making them laugh like crazy..

How can I be like those other guys? What gives them the confidence and the ability to communicate so freely with these girls?

[Andy Member Find all posts View Profile Close Andy]

Scythe, I'm sorry to hear you've had such a tough time. Confidence is something I think you have to practice at — building up the courage to take a small step to talk to a girl, then a small step next time and so on until it becomes easier. Just concentrate on being happy to be yourself and enjoy the life you have, the rest will fall into place. I've heard about mirroring confident guys who are successful with girls. I've never tried it but you could i suppose? Try to incorporate how they act into the way you act with girls.

Once you get a little bit of confidence you should definitely take a good look at this guide to learn what to do next. I never had confidence issues but I didn't know how to get away from falling into the friend zone with girls. Since I read that guide I'm able to successfully get girls to see me in a sexual way, and it's definitely paid off ;-)

Good luck with that one buddy.

[vulcan Retired ModeratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close vulcan]

It would seem they are not over-thinking their every action Scythe, where you are.

The most important thing for you now (IMO) is to take all pressure off yourself, no deadlines to get laid, no over analyzing every interaction.

I also think Sidewinder's idea about weight training might not be a bad one - just to bump up your confidence & get you going.

Just talk to the girls, ask them questions about their interests, open ended questions. Talk as if there is nothing to loose, not as if it is an exam.

Be yourself, but a relaxed version of yourself. Let your natural character come to the fore. Let yourself be in the moment. Stop caring!

[GTO Retired ModeratorPEGym EditorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close GTO]

I lost my virginity to a wonderful woman at age 18. At almost age 20, we're still together and love each other very much. Don't sweat it, some people are waiters. I promise someone will come along

I think this has been the best advice by far. Don't force anything - esp. with women and sex ... it'll come to you. One of the worst mistakes you can probably make in life is hooking up with the wrong one ...

[wind chill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wind chill]

i don't agree with everything what PB said.Steroids and tanning are just wrong.if you want a deeper explanation let me know.

here's a guy that has had the same problem.this should help you a lot.cheers

used to be really shy and introverted too. Took a long time to come out of my shell. It was a long process but I started off with baby steps.

I worked on my eye contact first. Just making and holding eye contact with people. Also, holding the eye contact with women just a moment longer than they do. Do just that and you're going to see some big differences in yourself and they way girls react to you.

Next was something I guess you could call "soft eye's" haha. You ever seen pictures of male models looking into the camera where their eyes look juuuuust a bit wider than normal and it's looks like he's seducing some girl. Same thing. All you need to do is relax your eyes. Hold that gaze with a women and let her break contact first. Again, it will have an effect that you won't understand until you try it.

After that I worked on smiling. After the eye contact, smile. A real smile. The type of smile you'd give a friend you haven't seen in years. A sincere smile that touches your eyes, not just your mouth.

Next was saying "Hi". Eye contact, soft eyes, smile, say "Hi" as you walk by. That's it.

After getting comfortable with each of the above I moved on to making a statements without expecting anything. Usually I'd just walk up, tell them they're very attractive, then be on my way. I didn't expect to get girls doing this. It was just a way to build up my confidence in approaching.

After I did all that it became pretty easy for me to make eye contact, soft eyes, smile, say "Hi", then walk straight up, introduce myself, talk to them, get their number or whatever and take it from there.

Soooo long post but hopefully you see how I did it and understand....baby steps. Do one at a time and eventually you'll get there. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes which you WILL make. But do notice them, correct them, and reward yourself when you do something right

[happiesttrail Member Find all posts View Profile Close happiesttrail]

I couldn't have said it better than flanker.. I can really relate to both of you and all i can really say is relax and take your time. half the girls you go out looking for are nothing but trouble just like your mother told you. i'm the same age as you and although i've had a lot of success playing the field in highschool, I haven't had a girlfriend since my first real one and that's enough for me to wait for another again. I realized that a quality girlfriend beats a hundred one night stands in every situation and from experience. All that pick-up artist propaganda = utter crap. Take this time to work on yourself, being successful, and hell you're already on pegym! I promise your confidence will build onto the other side of your personality around women, and the women will love it. You're only 19 years old so just let nature run it's course. Try to make friends with women and learn to be comfortable around them. Don't stress it. Give it time. It will happen and you will find someone worth it. For now, enjoy the meals you're not paying for two

by the way, i'm glad to hear you had success with your psychologist, sort of gives me hope. I have some very bad and unresolved issues of my own but at times I can be thankful because they also helped me rationalize things about having a better quality life and bringing the right things and people into it.

Do one at a time and eventually you'll get there. Don't beat yourself up over mistakes which you WILL make. But do notice them, correct them, and reward yourself when you do something right

that was for the OP but, sidewinder.a7x that was a great post. those were truly the baby steps that helped me become comfortable around girls and people in general again after I went through some dark shit.

one last thing, stop comparing yourself to your friend. I know it's hard when things are going on around you but don't let it get to you because it'll only make you feel bad. instead, turn it into a learning experience that motivates you and teaches you. take steps, learn from everything and apply it for yourself. that's all that should matter. if things get hard but you're working to better yourself, just remember that there's a reward waiting for you.. best of luck