Insecurity Issues

[SheSquirts Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SheSquirts]

I'm going to give you the female side of this...

Are you guys considered an exclusive item? Has that been discussed? Like men, there are loopholes with women (and I know there is with me). If yes, what she did is so beyond wrong, I'd be moving on from her and this thread.

If she knows you have an issue and she continues to do it, that's rather trite and her actions are simply saying a big FUCK you. Not cool man, not cool.

The fact you aren't invited with her is also a concern to me!! I know if I'm dating someone and things are going well I want everyone to meet him. I want to "show" him off and have my friends see how truly happy I am.

Don't lay down and let her literally walk all over you and take advantage of your insecurities. You will self destruct. And what for a girl?? No chick is worth it honestly.

Even if she didn't engage in a sexual relation with Mr. Wisconsin she has clearly implied it without inviting you.

Think about it... Talk to her... Gauge her reaction... Keep us posted... Then go from there... There's plenty of good women out there that WANT a relationship and do not want to play games. It's a matter of finding her.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

Why are you not going with her, if she is doing this and you are not allowed to go that is the end of the relationship, if you are choosing not to go out then that is different. If my wife said she was going out with a guy friend from Wisconsin or anywhere else she would be out the door before she went out in the first place. If people are married or living together there is no reason to not come home, of course if it is only once in a while and you could not go and get her then safety is a reason but if it is happening enough to be a problem then at the very least she is drinking way too much.

I never am invited. I'd love to go if I could...
And I get that last part as well. It doesn't make sense to me that she would just stay the night. She always says she barely had any to drink too, so why can't she just come home is beyond me.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

I'm going to give you the female side of this...

Are you guys considered an exclusive item? Has that been discussed? Like men, there are loopholes with women (and I know there is with me). If yes, what she did is so beyond wrong, I'd be moving on from her and this thread.

If she knows you have an issue and she continues to do it, that's rather trite and her actions are simply saying a big FUCK you. Not cool man, not cool.

The fact you aren't invited with her is also a concern to me!! I know if I'm dating someone and things are going well I want everyone to meet him. I want to "show" him off and have my friends see how truly happy I am.

Don't lay down and let her literally walk all over you and take advantage of your insecurities. You will self destruct. And what for a girl?? No chick is worth it honestly.

Even if she didn't engage in a sexual relation with Mr. Wisconsin she has clearly implied it without inviting you.

Think about it... Talk to her... Gauge her reaction... Keep us posted... Then go from there... There's plenty of good women out there that WANT a relationship and do not want to play games. It's a matter of finding her.

Okay, I will. Thank you. I'll let you all know how it goes.

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

You don't sound insecure, you're dealing with it reasonably. Meeting up with a guy on her own is obviously going to put you on edge. That being said, maybe she's completely innocent, however I'd be hesitant to put much trust in her due to how badly she reacts to such a small question. That's just me because I'm insecure about things like that myself, but, you're not dealing with this in a bad way nor does it show you're insecure. I'd just take each day as it goes, don't jump to conclusions or accuse her of things because that will just ruin things.

I hope she's true to her word and does love you enough to not fuck you about, she does need to know how this is affecting you or things likely won't change and you will just be insecure throughout the relationship.

[blackscale Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close blackscale]

I never am invited. I'd love to go if I could...
And I get that last part as well. It doesn't make sense to me that she would just stay the night. She always says she barely had any to drink too, so why can't she just come home is beyond me.

That's bullshit man, I'm sorry but if you're expected to just stand by as she goes out for a date with a guy without you then that's just plain wrong. Do it to her, see how she likes it.

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

I'm going to give you the female side of this...

Are you guys considered an exclusive item? Has that been discussed? Like men, there are loopholes with women (and I know there is with me). If yes, what she did is so beyond wrong, I'd be moving on from her and this thread.

If she knows you have an issue and she continues to do it, that's rather trite and her actions are simply saying a big FUCK you. Not cool man, not cool.

The fact you aren't invited with her is also a concern to me!! I know if I'm dating someone and things are going well I want everyone to meet him. I want to "show" him off and have my friends see how truly happy I am.

Don't lay down and let her literally walk all over you and take advantage of your insecurities. You will self destruct. And what for a girl?? No chick is worth it honestly.

Even if she didn't engage in a sexual relation with Mr. Wisconsin she has clearly implied it without inviting you.

Think about it... Talk to her... Gauge her reaction... Keep us posted... Then go from there... There's plenty of good women out there that WANT a relationship and do not want to play games. It's a matter of finding her.

my ex, she never asked me once if I wanted to go, but with what I know now I am glad I never went. Wouldn't have anyway cause all her friends are shit if you ask me, but thats no the point.. Are is IT? Friends play a big role in fucked up relationships, sometimes.

We've talked since then, she says shes still my girl and wants to be with me and love me, but she needs help understanding herself... I told her thats what I was for... but how do you help someone that doesn't know whats wrong with them, and cant help themselvse?

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

Man, trust is the fundamental building block of a relationship - nothing you place over a faulty foundation will ever stand for long. Seriously, if you try to lay a brick house over a couple wooden stick, say in California, it may stand for a few weeks, or even a few months, but the first time an earth quake hits, that shit will fall down hard. I know I never had time to play games like that, I recommend you take a stand now or be stood up later. Be a man. If you display feminine insecurity and nervousness, she will eat you alive and give you the same stuff you have been receiving. However, if you show her a more masculine form of concern or lack of trust, she will respond differently. Tell her straight up, "baby you need to talk to me, in at least a little detail, about where you are going when you go out at night".

If she can't do that, walk away man, just walk away.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

Thanks everyone. I did talk to her and after a little bit of a heated discussion, it finally calmed down and she understood where I was coming from. She understood more so when I showed I meant business and was tired of being walked over. She wasnt used to it at all. At the end of it all, she told me she was proud of me for doing what I did in the way I did it. She said she didn't realize how messed up it was until I actually put my foot down about it, and she apologized. She said she will start working more on compromising on things with me and for sure on being more straight forward with me.
I'm incredibly relieved. I feel really good about standing up for myself. I think doing so helped the situation more versus being a push over and accepting her talking AT me, instead of with me.

[Robberman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Robberman]

I was going to suggest reading "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert A Glover as it had perspectives from other men and what they did to change themselves, but it seems you've done that yourself! You've set a boundary, she may try and test it so don't stand back if gets too difficult!

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

I was going to suggest reading "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert A Glover as it had perspectives from other men and what they did to change themselves, but it seems you've done that yourself! You've set a boundary, she may try and test it so don't stand back if gets too difficult!

I'll probably read it anyways. Thanks!
But yeah, it feels really good to actually stand up for myself when it comes to my girlfriend. Now she knows I mean business.

[MapleLeaflet Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close MapleLeaflet]

I am quite surprised that nobody has told you so far that what she does is not quite right. When you in a permanent deep relationship, it is not right to go out separately from each other on a regular basis; it is not right to get drunk and sleep somewhere else and in a company of somewhere else, especially males (there are cabs that can and should bring you home after a night out with drinks); it is not right to go out with guy friends; it is not right to have relationships/friendships that your bf/gf does not (or is not allowed to) know about; it is not right to text somebody all the time and hide the phone and the messages; and it is not right to get mad when your bf legitimately asks about where you went and what you did last night.

There are too many red flags there. Either you do not have a deep long-term relationship here (i.e, she views you as an fwb with no serious potential) or she has something to hide from you. Based on what you described, she does not look like a dependable LTR or marriage material to me, but maybe you know better...

Do not get offended - it was just an honest straight opinion based on your story. You are (presumably) the boss of your own life, so you choose your relationships and what they are allowed to do to you.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

I am quite surprised that nobody has told you so far that what she does is not quite right. When you in a permanent deep relationship, it is not right to go out separately from each other on a regular basis; it is not right to get drunk and sleep somewhere else and in a company of somewhere else, especially males (there are cabs that can and should bring you home after a night out with drinks); it is not right to go out with guy friends; it is not right to have relationships/friendships that your bf/gf does not (or is not allowed to) know about; it is not right to text somebody all the time and hide the phone and the messages; and it is not right to get mad when your bf legitimately asks about where you went and what you did last night.

There are too many red flags there. Either you do not have a deep long-term relationship here (i.e, she views you as an fwb with no serious potential) or she has something to hide from you. Based on what you described, she does not look like a dependable LTR or marriage material to me, but maybe you know better...

Do not get offended - it was just an honest straight opinion based on your story. You are (presumably) the boss of your own life, so you choose your relationships and what they are allowed to do to you.

Not offended at all, thanks man. It's just, everyone else sees these issues as big deals, but she is the only one who thinks there's not much wrong with it. Like, for example. When I was talking to her about staying the night out and me asking questions & how all of my friends and even a married couple all say its fucked that she doesn't tell you anything and also stays over at guys places after drinking and such, and she replies with, "well they're not me! Their relationship isn't ours! They (my friends) all have high school relationships. I don't need to tell you every time I'm goin out and what I'm doing and who I'm with, you should just be able to trust me."
I explain to her it's not a trust issue, it's a curiosity issue. I'm just genuinely curious, and yet, she can't really wrap her head around it still.
It's like, I don't think she's cheating, but this is her way of hanging out with friends and what not. I mean, she always talks about how much she loves me, she chats me up all the time with everyone she works with and her friends, everyone she works with loves me and all the girls she works with apparently want to hop on my dick. They all told her personally, even one of her good friends said it right in front of my girlfriend and I. Not sure what to think about that one, however, she's been a lot more affectionate lately and I think it's because she's starting to realize how many girls (not trying to be cocky) are all over my balls and want them in and around their mouth, so she's acting the way she is to make sure I'm hers.

I mean, I just feel like she wouldn't cheat, but I feel like there's something still hidden there. Whether its flirting, kissing someone, etc.
As immature as a lot of the things I'm tellin you all sounds, she's actually very mature minded and level headed. She's very hard headed, but leveled nonetheless. She's been cheated on before as well, so I don't think she'd do that to me. Especially if I'm "the best thing to happen to her life in a long time" and how she's "going to marry me some day".
She says all of these really sweet things, I just hope she means them and isn't saying them for the sake of saying them.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

I just don't understand how to explain to her that she's doing everything she's supposed to not do in a relationship, respect and trust wise... I tried the other day and I thought it got through to her like I told you guys, but I just don't know...

[9TeXaS0BaD3BoY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 9TeXaS0BaD3BoY]

I just don't understand how to explain to her that she's doing everything she's supposed to not do in a relationship, respect and trust wise... I tried the other day and I thought it got through to her like I told you guys, but I just don't know...

Put your foot down harder, if she does it again. she isn't worth all the bs shes putting you through and does not respect you.

[Thirdeye Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thirdeye]

Put your foot down harder, if she does it again. she isn't worth all the bs shes putting you through and does not respect you.

Took your advice before even reading your reply. I iterated to her that, if she doesn't shape up and start respecting my feelings and being courteous about more things and less secretive and subtle, that I'm gone. After hearing me say that, I think she took it really seriously because the rest of the day she was saying how she was sorry and she doesn't want to lose me.
Not getting high and mighty, but DAMN does it feel good to have control over myself and my decisions in a relationship. I know it comes off as very wussy-ish, but, I've never stood up to my girlfriends before now and I feel like a whole new person. Plus a whole new level of security and confidence.