A girlfriend who isn't that sexual?

[radk98 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close radk98]

Sounds like you went about it perfectly. She is willing to explore her body with you and that is the best way to start. Take it slow and let her enjoy the time. It may take a while to get things where you want them but it is worth it.

Thanks man!

Do you think my worries of her being attracted to bad boy types are irrational and out of insecurity? Or is that something I need to watch for?

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Update guys

We had a talk and I asked her about if she felt passion for me and she said yes in every way. I told her how I was taking the lustful comments and creating negative thoughts in my head that she wasn't attracted to me that way. She told me that was stupid and to stop. I told her I was thinking something was wrong with me physically or something else. She looked down towards my crouch and said you were thinking there was something wrong with you but there isn't.

She really emphasized that she just wasnt sexual and always has been uncomfortable and insecure with her body. I told her how much I care about her and there's no way she should ever feel uncomfortable around me. She told me she didn't feel good enough for me in that aspect and I told her there was nothing wrong with her but I'd like to learn with her about her body. She didn't know what I meant so I told her books etc and I'd like to start with her being more comfortable with me going down on her and that general area. She mentioned pressure and I told her there wouldn't be any and that this could turn out to bring us both closer together. She said ok so hopefully that's a good place to go from.

When I asked things about her past she told me it brought up bad memories of being trapped and the things that were said to her. She also said she feels bad bc it make her feel dirty and used up and that's the whole reason she wanted to wait anyways.

My fear in all of this is that is wont turn around or that it will and when she finds her sexuality is ok it will be with that sort of "bad boy" type. What do you all think of that?

Does it sound like I went about this in a good way?

DUDE! That's like... Unbelievably perfect! You handled that like a champ!

This post made my day.

I figured that she was downplaying what happened in her past... It may not seem like much, but the damage that can be done by actions and words especially if those actions and words were unwanted and uncalled for, can be very very long lasting.

dude, Mucho respect for how you handled that.

rep'd

[INS Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close INS]

Update guys

We had a talk and I asked her about if she felt passion for me and she said yes in every way. I told her how I was taking the lustful comments and creating negative thoughts in my head that she wasn't attracted to me that way. She told me that was stupid and to stop. I told her I was thinking something was wrong with me physically or something else. She looked down towards my crouch and said you were thinking there was something wrong with you but there isn't.

She really emphasized that she just wasnt sexual and always has been uncomfortable and insecure with her body. I told her how much I care about her and there's no way she should ever feel uncomfortable around me. She told me she didn't feel good enough for me in that aspect and I told her there was nothing wrong with her but I'd like to learn with her about her body. She didn't know what I meant so I told her books etc and I'd like to start with her being more comfortable with me going down on her and that general area. She mentioned pressure and I told her there wouldn't be any and that this could turn out to bring us both closer together. She said ok so hopefully that's a good place to go from.

When I asked things about her past she told me it brought up bad memories of being trapped and the things that were said to her. She also said she feels bad bc it make her feel dirty and used up and that's the whole reason she wanted to wait anyways.

My fear in all of this is that is wont turn around or that it will and when she finds her sexuality is ok it will be with that sort of "bad boy" type. What do you all think of that?

Does it sound like I went about this in a good way?

This is so nice.

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

Great job Radk! You handled that like a man.

It seems her past is something she really doesn't like to look at. I say leave the past in the past for now. She doesn't want to remember those times, and feels ashamed of them. Honestly, it seems she is only willing to take these risks because:

a) she trusts you
b) you want to do it

She is far from doing these things for herself, and it will take some learning, but you are the guy to get her there. Part of what she hates in her past is probably connected to this whole problem of adopting her partner's sexual identity instead of her own. All the more reason to leave the past in the past: it just doesn't matter. She is with you now, and you are going to help her learn about herself, outgrow her insecurities, and become sexually strong in her own right.

Now that might not mean banging 24/7 or anything (or it might, who knows), but it definitely means she'll learn to make her own decisions when it comes to sex. Once again, the goal is that she learns to be selfish about sex too, and confident in her own sexual skin.

Good luck Radk, you have a long yet fun journey ahead.

- CJ

[Bigdaddy55 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bigdaddy55]

Sounds like she is scared to be vulnerable and has trust issues with sexuality but I am guessing here.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Her ex put things into her head that have her holding back. She's afraid of the same criticism now from you. My wife was previously married. They had a kid together and after having a child she didn't lose all the weight and of course she has that little pouch that a lot of women have. He was such a dick that he would put her down and called her fat about it. My wife has issues with taking off her shirt when we're having sex because of it. I tried talking to her about it. Sometimes she'll take it off if all the lights are off, but not always. You need to talk to her some and help her move past some of it. It does seem as if she loves you. Her words suggest she has an emotional connection with you that she didn't have with her ex.