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Hey everyone! It's been quite a while since I've been around, but here I am 
I've got some things going on and I'm sort of reaching out, asking all your opinions on the situation and hopefully, a few of you will be able to chime in some advice/similar experiences, etc. I've been flipping on my choices more than pancakes do at IHop. Gonna try to make it short and sweet but with all the pertinent details.
My best friend....or maybe not so much anymore :/ Here's the deal. I love her.....she's my sister from another mother, but she stresses me out and has more problems than a college math book. It seems she's always bringing her issues to me to help figure out. When I suggest changes she needs to do, she finds excuses for herself. She has marriage issues...big ones, trust issues....that pretty much stem from her previous relationships. She's got a good husband, and I feel bad for him. For her, she thinks he's the one who needs to change. I personally think she's abusive to him. She was on the receiving end of the abuse in her previous marriages and I think it's hardened her to this point. (Not an excuse for how she's treating him though)
Past the marriage issues she brings me to deal with, we have children who are the same age. In the beginning, it was awesome. We were pretty much all best friends. Now, our oldest children aren't speaking to each other at school anymore and it's caused issues between me and her. She's the type of Mama who runs in, guns blazing when she feels any wrong is done to her kids. My husband and I aren't that way. We try to sit back and let our kids work things out on their own to gain experience with their own personal relationships. Anytime their children feel my kids do them wrong, she or her husband are bringing these issues to us(me and my husband) and the way they speak about it, it's like their kids do no wrong and it's all on my kids. I'll be the first to tell ya, my kids aren't perfect and are going to continue to make mistakes, but they aren't always to blame.
Her oldest daughter is somewhat jealous of our friendship, and has told her Mom just this. We had an argument last year and she flat out told her Mama that she was happy that we weren't speaking and was trying to cause us issues. She's even lied on me on occasion to cause a rift between us. We talked through this and I explained to her I didn't want to step in and try to mediate with our kids. That they needed to figure out things on their own and yadda yadda yadda. Also, told her that our kids would soon be grown and we ourselves were entitled to have friends. She agreed and for awhile it was going good.
Our fellas work together and as of late, she's making her husband talk to my husband about the kids. Yay!!! I feel like she can't stay out of their minor issues. She's gotten herself involved and has made small little things into large problems. This is one reason our oldest girls are speaking anymore.
She has a very short fuse and when she's mad, her tongue starts wagging before her brain kicks in and I've been hurt by her. She's apologized of course, but I've got walls up and in the past few weeks, I've shut her out. I've told her that our friendship is pretty much over. She is one who has to have answers and everything laid out for her and I've simply told her that I honestly didn't want to go there.
With saying all the negative, I miss her. I miss our good times, I guess I miss the thought of having a best friend that shared so many similar things together. Am I wrong to shut her out? Am I just trying to save my own sanity? Should I be more compassionate and open to her? My husband thinks she's a little on the crazy side and have done the right thing to cut her off, but still. Just because she chooses to raise her kids a bit differently than me, was I wrong to dismiss her side, to throw my walls up?
I just don't know. I've made this thread way longer than I wanted and I hope some of you were able to stay with me to read through my mumble jumble. Do I need to apologize and make amends or should I continue down the road I'm on and shut the door?
Help......
I've got some things going on and I'm sort of reaching out, asking all your opinions on the situation and hopefully, a few of you will be able to chime in some advice/similar experiences, etc. I've been flipping on my choices more than pancakes do at IHop. Gonna try to make it short and sweet but with all the pertinent details.My best friend....or maybe not so much anymore :/ Here's the deal. I love her.....she's my sister from another mother, but she stresses me out and has more problems than a college math book. It seems she's always bringing her issues to me to help figure out. When I suggest changes she needs to do, she finds excuses for herself. She has marriage issues...big ones, trust issues....that pretty much stem from her previous relationships. She's got a good husband, and I feel bad for him. For her, she thinks he's the one who needs to change. I personally think she's abusive to him. She was on the receiving end of the abuse in her previous marriages and I think it's hardened her to this point. (Not an excuse for how she's treating him though)
Past the marriage issues she brings me to deal with, we have children who are the same age. In the beginning, it was awesome. We were pretty much all best friends. Now, our oldest children aren't speaking to each other at school anymore and it's caused issues between me and her. She's the type of Mama who runs in, guns blazing when she feels any wrong is done to her kids. My husband and I aren't that way. We try to sit back and let our kids work things out on their own to gain experience with their own personal relationships. Anytime their children feel my kids do them wrong, she or her husband are bringing these issues to us(me and my husband) and the way they speak about it, it's like their kids do no wrong and it's all on my kids. I'll be the first to tell ya, my kids aren't perfect and are going to continue to make mistakes, but they aren't always to blame.
Her oldest daughter is somewhat jealous of our friendship, and has told her Mom just this. We had an argument last year and she flat out told her Mama that she was happy that we weren't speaking and was trying to cause us issues. She's even lied on me on occasion to cause a rift between us. We talked through this and I explained to her I didn't want to step in and try to mediate with our kids. That they needed to figure out things on their own and yadda yadda yadda. Also, told her that our kids would soon be grown and we ourselves were entitled to have friends. She agreed and for awhile it was going good.
Our fellas work together and as of late, she's making her husband talk to my husband about the kids. Yay!!! I feel like she can't stay out of their minor issues. She's gotten herself involved and has made small little things into large problems. This is one reason our oldest girls are speaking anymore.
She has a very short fuse and when she's mad, her tongue starts wagging before her brain kicks in and I've been hurt by her. She's apologized of course, but I've got walls up and in the past few weeks, I've shut her out. I've told her that our friendship is pretty much over. She is one who has to have answers and everything laid out for her and I've simply told her that I honestly didn't want to go there.
With saying all the negative, I miss her. I miss our good times, I guess I miss the thought of having a best friend that shared so many similar things together. Am I wrong to shut her out? Am I just trying to save my own sanity? Should I be more compassionate and open to her? My husband thinks she's a little on the crazy side and have done the right thing to cut her off, but still. Just because she chooses to raise her kids a bit differently than me, was I wrong to dismiss her side, to throw my walls up?
I just don't know. I've made this thread way longer than I wanted and I hope some of you were able to stay with me to read through my mumble jumble. Do I need to apologize and make amends or should I continue down the road I'm on and shut the door?
Help......
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