Member of the Month Oct 2013
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One of the greatest misconceptions to undermine a man’s sexual confidence and generate sexual performance anxiety is the mistaken belief that in order to be considered a good, if not great lover; he should be able to provide his female partner with mind-blowing orgasms EVERY SINGLE TIME.
There is only one problem. Orgasms cannot just be “given” to another; they don’t work that way. An orgasm can emerge from deep within a woman when she experiences a combination of erotic thoughts or fantasies, arousing sexual stimulation and relaxation but she is the only one who can let it out. Yes, her lover can either help or hinder her orgasmic journey but he doesn't actually “give” her an orgasm; that responsibility is hers alone.
The mistaken belief that men should be the experts in sex; orchestrating it for women, “giving” them unparalleled sexual pleasure and toe-curling, sheet-ripping, pillow-biting orgasms will not only prevent men from actually enjoying sex, it is just plain wrong…for these three reasons:
1. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. Sure, we can create an ideal environment in which our partner feels relaxed, safe, aroused and turned on enough to have one but we don’t “give” them out.
2. When we believe our partner’s orgasm is our sole responsibility, sex suddenly shifts from sexual sharing to an erotic job or performance. And experiencing sex as work is certainly not going to make it very enjoyable and pleasurable. In fact, it is often what causes sexual resentment and problems.
3. With porn teaching so many men (and women) to view sex as non-sensuous and genital-focused, it encourages “porn-style sex” where the woman doesn't receive the whole-body sensuality she needs to become properly aroused and the man feels such tremendous pressure to “perform” that he often can’t.
So dear gentlemen, if there is one thing that can help you generate greater sexual self-confidence and help eliminate sexual performance anxiety, remember that it is NOT your job to lead your gal in sex and “give” her amazing orgasms nor is it her mission to do the same for you. And although great sex is best experienced as a sensual dance where both lovers have participated in setting the erotic stage; the ability to achieve orgasm is the responsibility of each partner individually.
There is only one problem. Orgasms cannot just be “given” to another; they don’t work that way. An orgasm can emerge from deep within a woman when she experiences a combination of erotic thoughts or fantasies, arousing sexual stimulation and relaxation but she is the only one who can let it out. Yes, her lover can either help or hinder her orgasmic journey but he doesn't actually “give” her an orgasm; that responsibility is hers alone.
The mistaken belief that men should be the experts in sex; orchestrating it for women, “giving” them unparalleled sexual pleasure and toe-curling, sheet-ripping, pillow-biting orgasms will not only prevent men from actually enjoying sex, it is just plain wrong…for these three reasons:
1. Each of us is responsible for our own orgasms. Sure, we can create an ideal environment in which our partner feels relaxed, safe, aroused and turned on enough to have one but we don’t “give” them out.
2. When we believe our partner’s orgasm is our sole responsibility, sex suddenly shifts from sexual sharing to an erotic job or performance. And experiencing sex as work is certainly not going to make it very enjoyable and pleasurable. In fact, it is often what causes sexual resentment and problems.
3. With porn teaching so many men (and women) to view sex as non-sensuous and genital-focused, it encourages “porn-style sex” where the woman doesn't receive the whole-body sensuality she needs to become properly aroused and the man feels such tremendous pressure to “perform” that he often can’t.
So dear gentlemen, if there is one thing that can help you generate greater sexual self-confidence and help eliminate sexual performance anxiety, remember that it is NOT your job to lead your gal in sex and “give” her amazing orgasms nor is it her mission to do the same for you. And although great sex is best experienced as a sensual dance where both lovers have participated in setting the erotic stage; the ability to achieve orgasm is the responsibility of each partner individually.
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