thinking about cheating

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

I'd sure like to hear from a woman who was at some point depressed and was reluctant to take antidepressants.

Or a woman whose libido has been killed by depo.

I don't know what her goddamn issue is. When I try talking with her (a thousand times if I've done it once) she avoids the topic or will talk about it briefly and start getting all misty-eyed. The doc thinks her libido problem is in her head, she can't take one, ONE antidepressant because she has a history of a seizure disorder. Her insurance doesn't cover OBGYN stuff other than basic check-ups for pap spears and whatnot.

I don't know what happened. She used to be into sex like every night back when we were newly together. She used to let me take pictures. Now, I'm lucky to get some tail every 5 or so months.

She claims to be stressed when she gets home from work. I mean, for fuck's sake woman! You don;'t do any heavy lifting, you pass out medications and have to take your clients grocery shopping and occasionally out for coffee! She comes home, sits on her ass and buries her face into her goddamn smartphone to play some candy crush or some shit for hours.

I'd separate from her if it didn't mean throwing her life into chaos. I leave, she loses my income, she has to quit her job or go part time.
FML, seriously. FML.

She sounds like a care giver. Not much more stressful than being responsible for another human beings life. I can't imagine knowing if I fuck up a medication dose someone might die. I am stressed just imagining that. I would much rather lift bags of cement all day.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hey masturhjedimik,

My compassion goes out to you, to be forced into sexual and emotional celibacy from someone you love has got to be an incredibly painful place to be; especially since both are human biological needs. And while an affair is certainly one option; it is not without its own complications. Nor is it the only option.

Some couples, for example, who have found themselves in similar circumstances as yours have discussed and decided upon opening up the marriage. It is a mutual agreement whereby the family structure remains intact and monogamous but the sexual aspect is opened up to include others. Does it work for every couple? Of course not but those who have done so successfully indicate a happier marriage as a result.

However, before considering that or any other non-monogamous option, it is usually best to exhaust other possible remedies first. For starters, you may want to take a look at the theory of "attachment styles" and share that with your wife. Perhaps it will provide greater understanding, encourage you two to seek further information and possibly even a solution.

HOW YOUR ATTACHMENT STYLE IMPACTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Wow TPW, great article.

[masturjedimike Member Find all posts View Profile Close masturjedimike]

^^precisely what I needed! Admin for a reason, right?

I did make some progress though. I offered to give her my "allowance" every month to help with the depression - to cover the costs of whatever is prescribed for her. She got back to me stating that some generic meds are quite cheap and that she's going to make an appointment with the doctor to get something.

See, her insurance really blows donkeys and won't cover pharmaceuticals or even doctors visits that aren't routine. Since she's already got insurance through work and can't get off it in favor of Obamacare, she's kinda screwed.

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Wow, so is cheating with her permission still cheating? Not in the church I took my vows in.

[masturjedimike Member Find all posts View Profile Close masturjedimike]

I'm an atheist and I think that marriage as an institution is archaic. People do it as a symbolic gesture to love each other and for insurance and tax reasons.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

Hmmm, then what is your issue?

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Cheating is cheating period. I don't give a rats ass why.

For whatever reason, financial, emotional or any other reason it is still cheating and any justification is just an excuse.

If you feel the need for others in your bed then end the marriage or don't cheat. If it's because you don't have any where else to go then you decide which is more important.

If your significant other cheats you leave. There may be some exceptions but not to many are anything other than an excuse.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Keep her drunk.

[masturjedimike Member Find all posts View Profile Close masturjedimike]

Hmmm, then what is your issue?

because it's a violation of her trust. If I don't have permission, it's cheating. I'd rather stay faithful but when some of my needs aren't being met, I might have to go elsewhere. Not "have to" but be compelled to.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

It seems to me you just gave yourself the answer. If you want her trust Dont violate it. If you can't deal leave first. If you can deal with it then take cheating off the table and search for something else. I just did a horrible emotional pummeling to myself over this same issue. Dont break your own code nor her trust. Stay true, you won't regret that at least.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

^^precisely what I needed! Admin for a reason, right?

I did make some progress though. I offered to give her my "allowance" every month to help with the depression - to cover the costs of whatever is prescribed for her. She got back to me stating that some generic meds are quite cheap and that she's going to make an appointment with the doctor to get something.

See, her insurance really blows donkeys and won't cover pharmaceuticals or even doctors visits that aren't routine. Since she's already got insurance through work and can't get off it in favor of Obamacare, she's kinda screwed.

Hey masturjediimike,

Just remember, It is often only when both partners take the time to discover and then communicate what it is they each truly need/want individually in the area of physical and emotional intimacy and more importantly, why, will they increase their chances for a positive resolution within their relationship.

[master-gauge Senior Member Member of the Month May 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close master-gauge]

Exactly what the Big O said.. Bite the bullet and end it.. If u both tried and it's not simply not going to work.. Bye, bye!! I've been cheated on before, and would have much preferred things where ended before I got that memo the hard way..

[masturjedimike Member Find all posts View Profile Close masturjedimike]

no reason to end it just for lack of sex.

[masturjedimike Member Find all posts View Profile Close masturjedimike]

Hey masturjediimike,

Just remember, It is often only when both partners take the time to discover and then communicate what it is they each truly need/want individually in the area of physical and emotional intimacy and more importantly, why, will they increase their chances for a positive resolution within their relationship.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UhjG47gtMCo