Coming to terms.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Mr.B8, is this an example you are using or is this the situation? Important to clarify as it will direct interactions accordingly.

Just an example.

[kirkoloft Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kirkoloft]

A mother grieving over the loss of her only child, and she just can't come to terms with not being able to ever see them ever again, so yea she can't do anything about it, but still cant accept that she won't see her child once more, some mothers die from it.

For two days in a row I heard this cat moaning, looked out the window and she was going around looking for her kittens and the third day she went back to whatever it was she did before.

It's OK to let people grieve and suffer. That's how we were made; it's in our nature and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. She will either grow out of it or not. Tell her that you're there for her, but let her grow and learn to be stronger and see lifefor what it truly is on her own. Don't take that away from her.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

I suppose that it depends on what each person goes through and how much each of those scenarios mean to them. I would imagine that the less meaning that a situation or experience has to a person the quicker they will get over such things. With some things it could be as simple as letting time pass and that person will suddenly not be affected by whatever is happening to them, of course this could be a few days or even months, or it could attack them psychologically that they need more then just time, but maybe an understanding of why it happened, how it happened, and know that it couldn't happen any other way.

The reverse is very true that some experiences are so horrible that the best you can hope for is that it doesn't consume the person after everything is done and maybe they can slowly recover from it, but there will always be a scar left over, a reminder of what happened.

It really depends on the strength and will of the person and the help that they may get which will really depend on the recovery.

[heretohelp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close heretohelp]

For two days in a row I heard this cat moaning, looked out the window and she was going around looking for her kittens and the third day she went back to whatever it was she did before.

It's OK to let people grieve and suffer. That's how we were made; it's in our nature and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. She will either grow out of it or not. Tell her that you're there for her, but let her grow and learn to be stronger and see lifefor what it truly is on her own. Don't take that away from her.

Agreed.

I'm not a mother yet so I can't comment on what it's like to lose a child. My parents did however lose my twin brother when we were young. My mum has been very protective of me ever since.

I've known people that aren't here any more because of the things that have happened to them, and people who have gone through the same sort of experiences that still smile at people on the street. Strength of the survival instinct is very individual. All someone can do in that situation is to be as supportive as possible.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

I suppose that it depends on what each person goes through and how much each of those scenarios mean to them. I would imagine that the less meaning that a situation or experience has to a person the quicker they will get over such things. With some things it could be as simple as letting time pass and that person will suddenly not be affected by whatever is happening to them, of course this could be a few days or even months, or it could attack them psychologically that they need more then just time, but maybe an understanding of why it happened, how it happened, and know that it couldn't happen any other way.

The reverse is very true that some experiences are so horrible that the best you can hope for is that it doesn't consume the person after everything is done and maybe they can slowly recover from it, but there will always be a scar left over, a reminder of what happened.

It really depends on the strength and will of the person and the help that they may get which will really depend on the recovery.

I agree, thats what I am talking about, when the situation totally consumes the victim and denies them any possible solution (from their point of view) they face the dangers of self destruction, can they be helped.

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Just an example.

MrB8 That is the second time today that as a mother of one boy you have quickened my heart and taken my breath!
I am quite strong willed and throughout my life have had to recover from horrible events and losses But I can assure you sir your example is one that would surely break me. There would be no recovery. Only mothers of only children would understand.

But there is absolutely NOTHING else that would stop me. Failure and loss are apart of life you do everything you can to better yourself and the world around you and that's all you can do. There's solace in that.
Pride, honor, and self respect come from dusting yourself off and getting back in the game.

[kirkoloft Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kirkoloft]

MrB8 That is the second time today that as a mother of one boy you have quickened my heart and taken my breath!
I am quite strong willed and throughout my life have had to recover from horrible events and losses But I can assure you sir your example is one that would surely break me. There would be no recovery. Only mothers of only children would understand.

But there is absolutely NOTHING else that would stop me. Failure and loss are apart of life you do everything you can to better yourself and the world around you and that's all you can do. There's solace in that.
Pride, honor, and self respect come from dusting yourself off and getting back in the game.

Will you be my mommy?

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

I'm not mad. There are just some visuals that stimulate an overwhelming emotional response in me. I wish I would have left sensitivity back in the sandbox. I can't watch the news, I find it depressing. Anyway, back to your topic dear, sorry for the obstruction.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hey everybody,

At some point, or even more than many times (for some unfortunate people), we face things we have to come to terms with, like losing something/someone special, or realizing we will never be able to get/achieve something we desperately need.

How does one accept it and move on, I'm not discussing something specific, but lets say, someone recently faced such problem that they need to come to terms with, what would you suggest for helping them, any advice, or thoughts.

Hey MrB8,

Whether we are grieving the loss of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, the loss of a job or the forfeiting of a personal dream or goal, loss is loss and the grieving process is the same. To help come to terms with that loss - whatever it may be - we have to give ourselves time to move through what Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, called the 5 stages of grieving.

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

While most people will experience this process sequentially, some do not and that is OK. The key to understanding the stages is not to feel like you must go through every one of them, in precise order. Instead, it’s more helpful to look at them as guides in the grieving/loss process — it helps you understand and put into context where you are.

Coping with any deep loss is ultimately a very personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. Knowing your phases of grief can help normalize your loss. It’s also important to know that there are no time limits and no rushing the process. It will take time but you will eventually reach acceptance. And with acceptance will come the ability to move forward once again.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Thanks TPW, and everybody for your input, I guess I do over think some things or believe there is a hidden solution.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Good answer, but how about realizing that there is no chance for that to ever happen at all, how can one come to terms with that.

You accept it (eventually) and then seek to find a suitable replacement.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Well, I'm facing the loss of someone who I thought was my friend but it turns out she isn't. How to handle that? Delete them from fb, phone or wherever else and move on.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Also correct, but sometimes the issues are bigger than what preservation instinct can hold, besides, I'm not a fan of leave them to get better on their own school.

That's not exactly what I meant. You should at least try to help someone going through emotional duress, but there's only so much you can do. That person is going to have to develop their own coping tools and come to accept that there are some things you really shouldn't be worrying about.

If you want a good example of this... I work with married people going through lots of stress and depression from dealing with their spouses affair(s) and divorce. These people go through the same grieving cycle as everyone else, but they mainth just need someone to listen so they can get it out of their minds for a while and calm down. They do kinda flip flip and cycle between extremes for a few weeks or months, but after that they start dealing with stress better as they can screen through the potential stressors before it gets to them. It's a self preservation tactic. You will only stress yourself out until your mind and your body has had enough.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

Well, I'm facing the loss of someone who I thought was my friend but it turns out she isn't. How to handle that? Delete them from fb, phone or wherever else and move on.

Pretty much.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

That's not exactly what I meant. You should at least try to help someone going through emotional duress, but there's only so much you can do. That person is going to have to develop their own coping tools and come to accept that there are some things you really shouldn't be worrying about.

If you want a good example of this... I work with married people going through lots of stress and depression from dealing with their spouses affair(s) and divorce. These people go through the same grieving cycle as everyone else, but they mainth just need someone to listen so they can get it out of their minds for a while and calm down. They do kinda flip flip and cycle between extremes for a few weeks or months, but after that they start dealing with stress better as they can screen through the potential stressors before it gets to them. It's a self preservation tactic. You will only stress yourself out until your mind and your body has had enough.

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.