Coming to terms.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.

Hey MrB8,

As I stated earlier, an individual will need to go through the 5 phases of grief/loss. Although the journey is a singular one; that is not to say that someone cannot assist them in working through each of those phases; either through various therapeutic interventions or by simply lending them an ear or a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

[draggin Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close draggin]

Hey everybody,

At some point, or even more than many times (for some unfortunate people), we face things we have to come to terms with, like losing something/someone special, or realizing we will never be able to get/achieve something we desperately need.

How does one accept it and move on, I'm not discussing something specific, but lets say, someone recently faced such problem that they need to come to terms with, what would you suggest for helping them, any advice, or thoughts.

Hey B8. I didn't read the posts on the thread, cause I didn't want to risk getting bummed out. So I apologize if my comment is random.

Dude, your mind is heavy. Lighten up.

Some days when I look into the mirror I see a loser. Some days I look into the mirror and see a winner. The only difference is how I am perceiving myself at that moment. So sure, be aware of your shortcomings, but vow to live your life by focusing on your qualities and why are great. I believe this is what separates people who enjoy life from those that get depressed about life. So if you could choose, who would you be? It is in your control.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Hey MrB8,

As I stated earlier, an individual will need to go through the 5 phases of grief/loss. Although the journey is a singular one; that is not to say that someone cannot assist them in working through each of those phases; either through various therapeutic interventions or by simply lending them an ear or a shoulder to lean (or cry) on.

So depending on the case, help could be provided by a specialist, as for the rest of us, we may listen to them and be there for them.

The good thing is that this means there is always hope, thanks.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

So depending on the case, help could be provided by a specialist, as for the rest of us, we may listen to them and be there for them.

The good thing is that this means there is always hope, thanks.

MrB8,

Wisdom and caring comes from all walks of life; so it is certainly not just the "specialists" that can provide solace and/or solutions to those in need.

And yes...there is ALWAYS hope.

[TheGreatDivider Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close TheGreatDivider]

I agree.

Thank you for your clarification.

I was playing the devils advocate by creating an extreme scenario (a bad one too ) where someone can't deal with a very long term issue that they cant accept, and was wondering if there's anything that can be done to help them, apparently, or at least what I could understand, is that we can only listen to them and hope their "immune" system kicks in eventually before they destroy themselves.

That's exactly it.

I've been working as a counselor for a while, and so a lot of people come to me and just complain about everything. They hate their jobs, hate their partners, hate their kids, and hate their lives. All I can really do is sit there and read their texts, because it's online, and try to empathize with them. All they really want at first is for someone to listen... It's a lot like coming home to a wife or a girlfriend who just complains about everything, but doesn't want you to do anything to help her she just to listen to her. So that's what I do.

You have to just make an effort to care and listen to them tell their stories. Maybe ask some follow up question, because it going to be your job to try to process that information so you can calm them down. Then when they're done you ask them if they would like some help, and they usually do. All you do there is give them the advice they want.... and that's tricky. You can't tell anyone to do anything they don't want to do if it's painful.

It's like how week after week I have the same couple of women just miserable with their cheating and/or abusive husbands who ask me what they can do to make things better. I get one email from one every couple of weeks, and another from a woman while she's at work. Now I can't tell them "Just leave him!" because they won't listen. Or they will listen for a while and then go back to living in limbo. There's not a lot I can do there. It's their choice after all. So all I do there is just listen to them when they're having a bad time, then I try to get them to think about things in several different ways. From their perspective, from their partner's perspective, and from an outsider's perspective. I'm very good at getting them to that "Aha!" moment.

It's not just women too. I do get a few emails from guys, but guys don't really ask for help that much. And I'll get the same emails from the same people all the time. What amazes me is that there is a natural cycle here and I won't hear from certain people for months at a time. Everything will be fine and then suddenly they'll have complications with their separation or the ex husband will do something really shitty to try to hurt the jilted ex wife. So what I do is just try to calm them down and repeat what they've told me and try to include some stuff that they can't see right now.

For instance about a week ago a friend of mine, a beautiful redheaded nurse and mother to two daughters, contacted me very upset that her husband admitted to drinking again and having yet another affair. So I asked her what happened in between Christmas and now and just tried to point out that this was his decision. Her husband didn't even try to make a new year's resolution, he held up the act for 3 weeks, went back to sneaking out and drinking, and then had his 51st fling since the week of their wedding. They haven't even been married a decade and he's just a dawg.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

Well that settles it then.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Well that settles it then.

Yes it does! Now go make someone some coffee and eggs.I don't care who, just o make it! ( I know I'm not getting any-gee how did I mean that?????)

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Yes it does! Now go make someone some coffee and eggs.I don't care who, just o make it! ( I know I'm not getting any-gee how did I mean that?????)

I'm outta cream so someone else has to do it this morning.

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

Wow this is a heavy thread. I prefer to focus on the time we had with someone and not the time we'll never have. Besides if you believe then we will all be together again. Just think all eternity with the folks from the pe gym. Ah heaven!

That's a great perspective Mr. CUSP82!

Well that settles it then.

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Now lets find something fun!