Over masturbation and ED for 15 years - Quite cold turkey 5 days ago

[Revolved Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Revolved]

Just curious, did you use to or currently watch porn? If so, to what extent?

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

I watched very little porn, but the porn I did watch was relatively hardcore. My fantasizing while masturbating was fairly advanced and I often had no problem getting erect (major erections) while masturbating to the right mental visualizations.

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 10
Penis - lifeless and dead - but a little action in the afternoon (see below)
Mood - depression is markedly better!
Morning erection - DID have an erection when I awoke at 4:00 AM

Being Saturday, I had errands to run in the morning and got home around 12:00. I laid on the bed and tried to take a short nap, but while dozing had a spontaneous erection. Interesting. I got my wife to give me oral sex and I noticed increased sensitivity in my penis. It didn't last but about 5-6 minutes (I was standing) but while she performed the act it did feel more enjoyable than I remember.

I did not ejaculate (purposely but I had no desire to).

My workouts in the gym have been brutal! Being an avid bodybuilder in my 20s (I am now 42) my muscles are responding well. With an improved diet, tough workouts, and tyrosine supplementation I have lost 5 lbs in the past week! The first night in the gym all I could notice in the mirror was my gut. As of this week, my gut is virtually flat. I am loving it!

I am still weaker than before (I used to bench 420+, squat 550+ and worked out like an animal). Now I have reached reps on bench with 165 BUT it is not about the weight it is about benefiting the muscles and myself overall. The pumps feel great and when I left the gym I was really pumped and felt great!

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 11
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - depression is practically gone
Morning erection - none

Weighed this morning and I am down to 239. Today is Sunday and Friday morning I was 244 - 5 lbs this week. Really bizarre.

It is important to note that my attitude is beginning to change a bit. Since I eradicated caffeine pills and greatly reduced sugar AND stopped masturbating, I am calmer. I don't get agitated nearly as quickly or as often and I find my slight social anxiety reduced. I feel a little more empathy for others and I am not as bitter as I was two weeks ago. Very interesting.

Also, it seems as if my digestion has improved. For years I have experienced bloating and slow bowels. Not anymore! I will admit that I am eating much better but I also feel my belly shrinking and watching my body reshape itself daily. Yes, the workouts are hugely helping, but I almost wonder if my body is beginning to regulate itself? Maybe someone can enlighten me.

As I mentioned earlier, I am on TRT, 150 mg test cypionate weekly and 1.5 mg Anastrozole weekly. This week I did not take the Anastrozole (estrogen blocker). I feel great and have read in other forums that Anastrozole reduced some folks' libido. In my case it is impossible to tell but over the coming weeks it will become more apparent.

I will continue to post daily and thanks for everyone's encouragement!

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

I have been 'power' walking since August. I generally do 2.5-3.5 miles per day on a very hilly nature trail and I walk very briskly.

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Since I have totally removed this influence from my life, my goal is to re-sensitize myself to real live women in normal situations. Don't know how long this will take but I am here for the duration.

[ThinkBigThoughts Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinkBigThoughts]

Awesome to hear your story JohnQ, I wish you all the best. Seems like your doing everything right now so with time and dedication I know you'll see results. Good luck to you sir.

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 12
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - depression is gone
Morning erection - none

Nothing remarkable to report. Normal day at work. Power walked 2.5 miles this evening but had to stop because it was getting dark. Worked out yesterday and worked legs - soreness creeping in today. Back still sore from workout on Saturday night (2 days ago).

Just sticking with it day by day. My libido has literally been zero for nearly two weeks now. I am staying the course regardless.

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 13
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - depression is back and worse than ever
Morning erection - none

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 14
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - depression is still here
Morning erection - none

[bignasty Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bignasty]

Hey JohnQ, I hope everything works out for you. I totally understand what you are going through. One question though and I understand that you are trying to get yourself off the test but what if u increased the injection to 150mg x2 weekly. Maybe for about 2 weeks. I am on test e 300mg x1 weekly but started with 300mg x2 weekly. Doctors orders of course. Big improvement with my sex life and the wife is amazed as well. Good luck JohnQ

[Mark 1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mark 1]

Never give up JohnQ. Imagine yourself in a few years time having sex with your wife a few times a week, every week! Let that motivate you. I really do hope you are in it for the long run mate.

[Two Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Two]

Have you considered a counselor? I'm not saying this to be "mean" but if you can afford a counselor I would highly recommend it... I saw a counselor and it changed my life. I used to suffer from pretty bad anxiety / panic / depression and now I'm living live to the fullest. I wish you the best of luck and DON'T GIVE UP!!

Cheers

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Day 15
Penis - lifeless and dead
Mood - depression is still here
Morning erection - almost a slight erection around 2:00 AM but nothing real

Thanks for the support guys! This is so tough and honestly it makes me feel like less than a man. Hell, I have felt that way for years and never said anything to anyone. My wife and I just stopped talking about it and never did anything and the whole time it was killing me inside.

I absolutely REFUSE to stop or give up! Everyday I am so pissed off at my predicament it drives to continue. I am very goal-oriented but it has been hard lately to focus on goals because I have been so damned depressed about my condition. As I type I become angrier and more hateful toward myself. Oh well. I have been punished for 15 years and now I am in control.

[JohnQ Member Find all posts View Profile Close JohnQ]

Have you considered a counselor? I'm not saying this to be "mean" but if you can afford a counselor I would highly recommend it... I saw a counselor and it changed my life. I used to suffer from pretty bad anxiety / panic / depression and now I'm living live to the fullest. I wish you the best of luck and DON'T GIVE UP!!

Cheers

I have thought about it and could afford it but I just haven't taken that route yet.