What we know so far about PE, its causes and its treatment

[beno Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close beno]

Thanks Spanky that information sounds great i will use that knowledge as much as i can. honestly you guys are awesome for leaading me to this link

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Ok, so serotonin update. Possibly.

I haven't taken anything that should actively affect my serotonin, legal or otherwise, for about a month now. I also haven't been keeping up my kegels, although I have been having far more frequent sex than I did a couple of years ago.

My stamina is bang on right now. I can't just grin and bear it and carry on if I'm close to PoNR at a level 8 or 9, I never got the whole DO thing cracked either. But I can easily both psychologically and physically stay at a 6 or 7 for pretty much as long as I want, at least that's how it feels, and it's only impatience that gets the better of me.

This is a good degree more control than I had before cottoning on to and exploring serotonin drugs. I am also a good deal more happy than I was 9 months ago now I'm just about over my breakup and for some mad-ass reason getting a lot more female attention than I used to. Self-assuredness? maybe.

Anyway. So I wonder if the short blitz of hardcore SSRI style and Dopamine blaster intake has kicked things into groove? I know I felt that way after 5 or 6 months of regular kegels and concerted self awareness effort, that it all got so much easier to handle after a point. Like getting into the groove.

Perhaps my problems were all of these things I've worked on, both deliberately and accidentally over the last 18 months? I don't know. I wonder how well we'll ever know precisely what our issues may be, I dont know. I can only say that the right state of mind, willingness and goal orientation as regards everything we talk about and do on this site will almost certainly, except for the very few of the most unfortunate cases with far deeper causes, bring you to a better place than you've ever been before, and you'll look back on your Premature Ejaculation as a GIFT that forced you to make this journey.

Thank you PE Gym x

[B1ue Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close B1ue]

Don't worry too much about PE if you haven't had much sexual experience, you'll be able to last longer as you get more comfortable, learn what positions are best for you, etc... so don't think you're necessarily stuck with it, it comes with experience... also don't think that you'll last longer with a girl you aren't that attracted to, I last longer with girls I'm attracted to 100% of the time... obviously "just go have lots of sex" is a terrible recommendation since you may not be able to find a partner or whatever, if you want to do something on your own start practicing semen retention, make not cumming during masturbating the rule and occasionally cumming the exception

[Koh Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Koh]

I need to start training my control.

[2Quick Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 2Quick]

Hey guys, I have joined this forum not because of PEgym but my embarrassing PE which is killing my social and sex life.

Is my premature ejaculation (PE) related to my porn use? | Your Brain On Porn


What do you guys think about this link? I suggest you read it thoroughly; I was a heavy porn user before. A lot of people claim that not watching porn help beat their PE

Thoughts

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

It's because your aim with porn is to cum. You're there, minding your own business, maybe getting aroused by something, and you just want to have an orgasm. So you put on the porn, and seconds later, you get there.

Your aim with sex should be to enjoy the journey. To enjoy giving her pleasure, to enjoy the shivers of pleasure all over your body, and your cock, while she's moaning, looking at you with total desire, grabbing your cock and saying how she loves your cock in her, and as you tease her, pusihing the head in a little, you tell her how wet she is, how good it feels ... (note you are not actually fucking yet, just enjoying all the other stuff... stuff YOU'RE doing to her) then as you give her your length, she gasps.. closes her eyes and her head rolls back, her back arches.. "God you feel so good" you say. "I fucking love it inside you.. and don't you love my hard cock inside you.."

All of this before you're actually fucking. It's awesome. I love every second, and so do you. Sex is about ALL of this, and I haven't even mentioned the buildup, the tension, the kissing, your hands all over each other, her smell, her eyes fixed on you, the erotic stuff you say to eah other... Enjoy it. ALL of it. You'll start to train yourself off cumming being the point of sex, and you'll find yourself lasting longer with this change of focus.

In other words, yes. Ditch the porn. At least until you can handle it.

I'd point out that I still cum very quickly when masturbating with porn, but sex is usually very very different.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Just to add... I know PE can easily be as physical a problem as mental (though I wonder now, looking back how much really was physical) ... I'm just talking about the psychological side here.

Because that's what porn messes up.

I also think that strong mental control can overcome most physical PE. I watched Derren Brown hypnotise some kid the other day to believe that iced water was skin temerature. He climbs into this bath of near freezing water in his boxers and sits there comfortably, talking away. Then Derren breaks the spell and suddenly the kid jumps up and out like "oh my god it's so cold".

Mind over body. Powerful stuff. Remember that.

[2Quick Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 2Quick]

Thanks for the reply spanky, very informative

I have noticed something, every time I have an erection caused thinking of sex. I notice small amount of liquid released from my penis. Is this normal? It’s pre-cum I suppose? I notice this always happen just before I blow quickly. Anyone else have this?

[imac Retired Moderator Member of the Month Nov 12PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close imac]

Just to add... I know PE can easily be as physical a problem as mental (though I wonder now, looking back how much really was physical) ... I'm just talking about the psychological side here.

Because that's what porn messes up.

I also think that strong mental control can overcome most physical PE. I watched Derren Brown hypnotise some kid the other day to believe that iced water was skin temerature. He climbs into this bath of near freezing water in his boxers and sits there comfortably, talking away. Then Derren breaks the spell and suddenly the kid jumps up and out like "oh my god it's so cold".

Mind over body. Powerful stuff. Remember that.

Did you see his latest shows on the placebo effect? He got people with all sorts of different problems and got most of them to overcome them just by making them believe they were taking a drug that would cure them. The mind is defiantly all powerful.

[imac Retired Moderator Member of the Month Nov 12PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close imac]

I've been getting some really positive feedback from members who have tried this technique > https://www.pegym.com/forums/prematu...se-kegels.html

[DS2013 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DS2013]

I have noticed something, every time I have an erection caused thinking of sex. I notice small amount of liquid released from my penis. Is this normal? It’s pre-cum I suppose? I notice this always happen just before I blow quickly. Anyone else have this?

Hi 2Quick, It happens to me too, although I've noticed this happens more when I am with a girl, I think it comes down to your level of arousal and how you feel at the time.

For me I would get quite a bit of pre-cum even before I started foreplay with a girl which meant by the time she went to even touch me I would be ready to cum. Not great. I have been working on my arousal scale (which I think its one of my main issues) and doing r/kg which have helped me already...haven't been with a girl since doing this exercises so can say much on whether things have improved or not but I have noticed that I can edge for longer now before PONR.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Did you see his latest shows on the placebo effect? He got people with all sorts of different problems and got most of them to overcome them just by making them believe they were taking a drug that would cure them. The mind is defiantly all powerful.

Yeah, great stuff. And another one the other day about luck, where they spread a rumour that this dog statue in the park was a "lucky dog" to see if it took hold, and if people became somehow more lucky. Fascinating. And a bit of a tangent from this thread ...

... but in a way not. Because he showed that your expectations and beliefs about yourself drive your actions, willingness to take opportunites, willingness only to believe and embrace the things that validate your self image.

So (and don't shoot me down in flames here.. bear with me..)if you are, like a couple of members here in the past I could name, convinced that you have incurable PreE, that you're damned and there's nothing you can do, then you basically won't ever be able to control your arousal since you'll only ever accept the experience of it being out of your control as real. And you won't trust your ability to control it yourself.

Now I'm only talking about the psych side here, not the physical, and I'm well aware that both play a part in control, damn, I've been there, I know, but arousal itself is 100% mental. So do with that what you will.

[Glamissand1 Senior Member Member of the Month March 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Glamissand1]

A little trick I found when to close to PONR, pinch your nipple hard. I found this out when pounding away on my ole lady, she was vibin her clit while I was pounding her. She started to pinch my nipple and it felt good, so I told her harder and she beared down on it more. This was getting her to PONR fast and I didn't think I could make it much longer so I told her to pinch harder, this took my attention off my arousel enough to get her to cum, at which point I came too. This bought me a few extra minutes, hope this can help you guys.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

I have found generally, and after an 8 hour session last night with an FWB and another couple where I didn't cum once, that stopping in time - even if you've only been banging away for 30 seconds, don't worry, you can go again in a few minutes when you've calmed down - stopping in time after a few times, your tolerance will build and build, so an hour (or 6!) later it really is up to you whether to finish or not.

Let me tell you something else. Something I think is important. I haven't done any kegels or RKs or exercises for the best part of a year. Either alone, or during sex. Rks during sex, I can see how that helps, but I haven't even thought about it for a long time. Maybe the exercises and practice helped me to start with? That's entirely possible. None of it will ever be a bad thing - gaining that self awareness is GOLD. But now I don't stress or over-analyse any of it. Sometimes I cum really quickly, sometimes, I don't cum at all. I don't really care, it all feels great. Obviously if I *always* came in 30 seconds it would be awful. I know. I've been there. But my attitude to sex has changed SO much since then, and I'm sure that's made one hell of a difference. I know I have had WAY better sex this last couple of years than ever before. Even the quick ones.

See there's so much psychological stuff going on here. Look. Her's the most important lesson for you lads when you're dealing with this...

• It's OK to stop. Often it's better that you do.

Do something else. Lick her pussy for a bit, then start again. Or cum on her tits or ass or something, and then finish her off if you like. Or take her to the edge over and over again and stop before SHE cums. then you go again. Whatever. It's ALL FINE. Enjoy ALL of your sex, don't treat it like a race to orgasm. It's not. If you think it is, you'll spoil it for both of you, and you really won't ever be the one she remembers ... or wants to marry. Unless she never had good sex before of course. Which unless she's ugly and obnoxious is pretty unlikely.

If you're worried about how she'll respond to you stopping, or you know she will get angry or impatient, then don't let on. Treat it like you're doing it deliberately to tease her and make her want it more. Which she will. I mean why else would she get angry? Personally sometimes I do this, and treat it like I'm stopping deliberately to tease her, and sometimes I just say so, like "oh wow, I'm going to cum... but not yet (cheeky smile)". Read the situation. Again, it's fine. Control isn't just physical, it's about the whole thing. If you give the impression that you're comfortable with everything you're doing, she will feel like you fucked her good. If you come across scared or wounded by it, she will think you're bad at sex. Maybe that's a bit simplistic, but it will be kind of like that.

Fact is, even if you cum in 30 seconds (or less!) then what's important.. CRITICALLY IMPORTANT... Is how you respond to that and what you do next. If you stop, or retreat, or cry, then that is bad sex. For both of you. If you take it in your stride, carry on somehow, keep working on her (gently or furiously - up to you) until you're ready to go again (and she will want you to, whether she admits it or not) thedn you are well on your way to some of the best sex either of you will have had in your lives.

And if, on the other hand she complains about you stopping and runs you down somehow for it... then she's a dick. Don't fuck her again. You're better than that x

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

A little trick I found when to close to PONR, pinch your nipple hard. I found this out when pounding away on my ole lady, she was vibin her clit while I was pounding her. She started to pinch my nipple and it felt good, so I told her harder and she beared down on it more. This was getting her to PONR fast and I didn't think I could make it much longer so I told her to pinch harder, this took my attention off my arousel enough to get her to cum, at which point I came too. This bought me a few extra minutes, hope this can help you guys.

Question for all the old guard here, and those who might know:

Is it possible that doing this, pinching your nipple as Glamissand1 suggests, as a mean of physical control actually achieves the same thing as RKs?

What I mean is is it possible that RKs don't so much actually perform something special (or less than we think) and actually what they do is shift your focus, shift your concentration away from the physical sensation on (and behind) your cock, and take the pressure off you. Kind of like distraction.. but without having to think of your granny naked or your accounts or something stupid.

I'm not saying RKs don't or shouldn't help. I know they can and do. But I wonder how much of arousal control is about your own control of your attention and focus. Like firewalking. You are likely to burn your feet doing that, and if all you can think about is how much your feet are burning, then goddamn, that is what you'll experience. But fiewalking doesn't work that way. You have to train your mind and focus on something else.

And as our man here is saying this nipple tweak works, then I have no reason not to believe him. It's an intense sensation. So is this like scratching an itch? Thing is, you know when you scratch an itch you don't actually stop the itch. What you do is flood your awareness with the sensation from the scratch, which is more intense, and oddly, easier to tolerate. So the sensation of the itch fades into the background. I mean try not scratching your itch. It usually fades. And it feels odd to sit there tolerating it. But you can. And I think tolerating an itch is a good thing to learn.