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Originally posted by Toadstool
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Warm up > 348 Jelqs > Testicle Massage > Warm down
Warm up > 189 Jelqs > 11 minutes start/stop > Warm down
Warm up > 189 Jelqs > Warm down
Sometimes I wonder why I got into game. When the opportunity for partying and nearly guaranteed sex comes along, I usually duck and dodge. I can't explain it. Am I afraid of something? I've gone into things like that before and I usually wake up sad, rather than proud. Maybe I don't think sex is all that it's cracked up to be.
I'll be honest - I have girls OFFERING themselves to me at the bar. Sometimes bluntly - "Can you take me home?" Sometimes not as much; I had this one cute short blond girl this weekend (an 8.5) stop dead in her tracks and say, "Oh my fucking god you are so hot. Hey guys (to her friends) Let's go in here I want this bouncer to hit on me."
My reaction? I felt grossed out. Other guys would probably wonder wtf is wrong with me. Sometimes I do too. Aren't guys supposed to jump on sex the minute it's offered? Aren't I supposed to be a dog, trained to pounce on the smallest opportunity?
That just doesn't describe me. I got into game because I thought my game was bad. Turns out - I'm sincerely disinterested in having wild sex with random girls. I'm the guy who wants a relationship ... granted, with 3 or 4 girls at a time, but I prefer it a little steadier. Or... do I? Maybe I just don't know what I want.
I think part of my problem is that I don't know how to build relationships. I'm not going to get into the sob story of my life, but I've spent most of it isolated from people, or torn away from the ones I loved. I was homeless at 14, in jail by 16. I was in and out of group homes and hospitals in between then and somewhere along the way, I decided I was the lone wolf.
I got out of jail at about 17 or 18 and tried the charismatic personable guy at school when I got out. It worked for a bit, but then something inside me crashed and I went loner again for another 3 years.
I'm trying to become someone I like. I don't like me right now. I mean, sure, I have a lot going for me. But there are a few things that are holding me back.
I think that's what all this game, girls, dating and crap is really about. It's about me becoming the person I want to be. It doesn't even have anything to do with getting girls. I guess... I want to be wanted. I can get that without the sex. That's why the topic of confidence and personality are harrowing on my mind, because those are the people who are truly wanted in life. That is, people with confidence and a brilliant personality.
I like me. I just need some tweaking. Sometimes, I don't think I'm as far off as I'm afraid I am.
You know, the things that really interest me are things like martial arts, knife throwing, bo staff training, wilderness survival. That gets my heart pounding much more than the opportunity at a 3some (Which I've now twice turned down). I want to volunteer with kids and the handicapped, learn how to become financially successful and then build communities in parts of the world that have no infrastructure. That is TONS more exciting than clubs, to me.
I want to build schools and wells, I want to invest in funds for environmental research, I want to support small farms.
I would be so much more proud of myself if I did any of this than if I banged that hot blond from the bar.
Fuck, and then some people have me questioning myself. Where the hell are your priorities?
You'll find your way.
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