Need Some EMERGENCY Advice!!

[NSF001 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NSF001]

I totally agree 100% with every word of this post. Very well said. Yeah, hating on this guy? Sorry Millia, not with you on this one. He didn't do shit, your supposed girl friend did it. She's the one who used her own confusion as a means to justify contacting this guy. I know I mentioned this before this post but my ex gf went through my email one day, something she had NO FUCKING RIGHT to do and saw some pic's a lady friend of mine had sent me and called me a "cheater". I NEVER trusted my ex again fully after that. I changed my email password and everything JUST to make certain she never got access again. Now that you've confessed to her to snooping in her facebook, she may now view you as the guy who's always checking up on me and that I can't trust. I know some women who have "police mentality" husbands or boyfriends and I'll tell you right now, they're fucking miserable as hell and hate their lives and their spouses/boyfriends. A very, very sad way to have a relationship.

And despite what she says to you that she was confused as hell blah blah blah, I would just be on my toes if you choose to stay with her.

I am with MBD. Thing with 18 year olds is that they don't KNOW what they want (with very few exceptions). Personally, all those words like:

"you do something that no other guy has EVER made me feel. and your my world now and i mean every word of it".

send alarm bells ringing. Even if she means it at the second, there may be a lot of temporary emotions involved that triggered her to express that thought. She is confused as hell, and so be on your guard. I wouldn't trust her yet if I were you, however, I would be hopeful that trust can be built and would take actions to build it. I am pleased that you at least revealed to her that you went through her messages. Its more honest, but naturally this is a double edged sword. However, if you wouldn't have gone through the messages, establishing trust might be easier.

At any rate man, I am only calling you out for the facebook hack, (lol, could you teach me how to do it though? did you sneak past the firewall into some poor unsuspecting port? :P), I wish you the best in whatever you do.

[W.M.P. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close W.M.P.]

Millia

Take a step back, a deep breath.....and face the fact that you have yet to face: Both you and this girl are WAY too young to get all fucking serious as in "This is IT for me...you're my one and only...blah,blah,blah.....". She's only 18 and you're probably not much older. Take this as a lesson in progress and just try and enjoy your time with this girl while knowing that there's a 99.9% chance that years from now, she'll be nothing more than a distant memory of some fun, butterfly-inducing times you had back in college. The fact that you've only been with this girl for a month and are already so tied up in an infatuational knot, shows that you have yet to grow some serious leaps that will only come about through experience. In the world of grown, mature adults, 1 month of dating is nothing more than the starting stages of getting to know someone on the surface.

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

Yeah everyone's here right. I'm a lot more on my toes then I was before. We talked again today and I had found some toher shit from my violation of her privacy and didn't mention last night. When I asked her if there was anyone else she talked to she told me everything. I don't trust her and made sure she knew so, and of course she got upset so I told her that we're gonna build some trust in the coming months and what not. It's not gonna be easy for either of us but I do want this relationship to work, she does as well so that's a mountain we'll climb together.
I know I'm young and everything but I've never been the type to get in a relationship just for shits and giggles. I'm the wham-bam thank ya m'am type who's been single for almost 5 years until quite recently.
WMP - thank you for your outstanding advice. And of course this is a lesson, I've found while I've learned a lot of other lessons in life a lot sooner then I should've, in the relationship area I have so much more to learn after picking up and banging the girl. I've never depended or let a woman get so much into my head until yesterday and after that silly dilemma I brought upon my own shoulders it's not a mistake that's going to happen twice.
As far as the bashing goes, guillotine is right that was my way of dealing with it. I naturally have a little bit of bad blood towards the guy because he talked shit to me via her facebook page long ago. Yes my immaturity shone forth from it, but whatever I'm over that part now.
Anyways everyone thank you for your input again, the abundance of wisdom on this site is just fantastic and everyone helping out has been fantastic.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

millia, I just want to make sure you know bro we're here to help, not hinder your progress with this chick. It's just that many of us have some years on you and with age, comes wisdom. Most of us have been there, done that with 18 year old chicks. I know I myself could never get involved with an 18 year old girl. For one thing, I'll be 40 in like 6 months so the age difference alone would be disgusting. Second, unless she's a single parent, the odds of us having anything in common except for maybe a mutual love of sex would be nill. And third and possibly the biggest caveat of all, I can't stand the 18 year old mentality. When I hear an 18 year old girl say shit like "oh my God, I don't want anyone else but him...........I want us to be together forever"..........I want to vomit. As W.M.P. stated, the odds of an 18 year old girl and guy staying together of the long haul in this day and age???? Well, you have a better chance of hitting the mega lotto jackpot. Getting married and starting a family at 18 may have been one thing in 1955 but in 2010, not a chance.

In any event man, I just want you to know that we're not trying to pick on you, we're just trying to give out some advice that most of us learned back in the day.

[iKzX Member Find all posts View Profile Close iKzX]

DUDE, dump her when you next see her, it will only get worse because she will realise she can walk all over you.

[jblair Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jblair]

Millia - I reread what I wrote and it sounds harsh. My intent was not to talk down to you. I didn't have a handle on my heart and mind when I was young and suffered through a lot of reactive thoughts and impulses of my own. So, my observations are linked with my own errors and misperceptions experienced while younger. Everything is easier said than done. I know I'd have done myself some favors had I kept things cool once upon a time.

Women don't come with instruction manuals.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Women don't come with instruction manuals.

Neither do guys.

You all need to remember that most girls are just as baffled by male behavior as you all are baffled by the girls. Especially at age 18!

[DRXXXTASY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close DRXXXTASY]

So me and my current girlfriend have been talking since around Jan 22. We started going out Feb 25. And today I was really bored and (I feel dirty for even saying this) but hacked her facebook because I just had this bad little feeling. So anyways I went through some messages and nothing important. But then I found one that really shocked me and has left me pretty speechless. Little background:
When me and her first started talking she was talking/messing with this 28 year old guy. She's 18, and at one time she told me that she stopped talking to him like that and me and her went on about our business.
So this is the message I saw from her to him on March 22.

Now that's 3 days before our 1 month anniversary. Thursday night (April 15) she told me that she loved me back. Now of course I said it back because I am truly in love with this girl. But reading that on her facebook is driving me crazy.
Me and Guillotine have been talking about it and are having trouble figuring it out.
I know this girl is absolutely smitten by me and in no way is she the cheating type, we both have talked about that our relationship won't end because one of us cheats.

Also please keep in mind that I am not the type of guy to do this normally, I just have too much time on my hands and I'm not jealous, I just don't want to lose this girl.

Thank you for your help.

The fact that you established that even if you cheat you'll still be together gave her the green light to continue correspondence with her ex. Since her feelings for him haven't subsided... The chances are great that she will be with him when she go to (supposedly) visit his family. jmho

You were wrong for hacking her page though and now (curiosity has killed the cat once again)!!!!

[W.M.P. Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close W.M.P.]

The fact that you established that even if you cheat you'll still be together gave her the green light to continue correspondence with her ex. Since her feelings for him haven't subsided... The chances are great that she will be with him when she go to (supposedly) visit his family. jmho

Ditto. No doubt about that.

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

I know everyone's here to help and trust me I'm more then grateful for the advice that's been given and that I don't have to go through this alone either. But I am a very stubborn person and once I have my mind set on something then that is what I'll stick with.
Either way, I'm going to stay with her because I love her, and she claims to love me as well so, she's got some work to do in the trust department, and I've got lots of observations to make as well.
To whoever said I was infatuated, yes it would seem so at first glance, but then again I've been infatuated before because I ran into a relationship (never bf/gf) but was infatuated as well. Not this time, I haven't let myself become infatuated because I have been taking it slow.
Either way, in life we make decisions and I've made mine to stick it out with this girl because I do feel strongly for her, time will tell on what she feels towards me, and if it ends because of something like this, well then lesson learned in life.

[Aguares Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Aguares]

I do not envy you here, Millia. I hope that lesson bares a price tag that you're willing to pay. However, I think you're setting yourself up for pain. To point out that you wouldn't end things over cheating is just an open door. Some things are best kept to yourself. Everyone gets temptation here and there but, morals, and the fact that we'd hurt and, would possibly lose that loved one are all factors that keep us in check. There are consequences to every action and, you are basically eliminating a key one. It's like giving someone a license to kill. I hope she feels the same for you, as you do her.

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

Either way I can look back on this later on down the road depending on where I end up and I can say "at least I tried and gave it my all" instead of walking away from something that has potential to be so good. I am a person who prefers to live life with the least amount of regrets as possible, and I truly feel between the connection me and her have that if I walk away now, it will be a huge regret.
Nonetheless. I am way more on my guard when it comes to me and her now, and I've put up a few walls where there were none before. The walls don't come down, she has to climb then because if SHE really wants it then she'll do so.
When she says affectionate things to me I won't say certain things back or nothing at all. I'm letting her know what's up and how I feel about the situation.
Anyways another thank you to my brothers (and sister) who've chimed in to give advice. I'll take it from here

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Either way I can look back on this later on down the road depending on where I end up and I can say "at least I tried and gave it my all" instead of walking away from something that has potential to be so good. I am a person who prefers to live life with the least amount of regrets as possible, and I truly feel between the connection me and her have that if I walk away now, it will be a huge regret.
Nonetheless. I am way more on my guard when it comes to me and her now, and I've put up a few walls where there were none before. The walls don't come down, she has to climb then because if SHE really wants it then she'll do so.
When she says affectionate things to me I won't say certain things back or nothing at all. I'm letting her know what's up and how I feel about the situation.
Anyways another thank you to my brothers (and sister) who've chimed in to give advice. I'll take it from here

millia, do you trust her?

[millia Senior Member;PEGym Editor Find all posts View Profile Close millia]

Not completely. But she has a lot of work to do before I can trust her again.

[rocknrolla Banned Find all posts View Profile Close rocknrolla]

hey millia, you gave me some good PE advice when i started so i will try to give you now one. i was in same situation as you. i felt that connection, took words for granted and tried to build up that missing trust with that "special" girl. i think that anyone already got the moral and the ending of the story. It was an epic fail. sorry if i sound harsh but you are blind my friend. First you do not love that girl, and that girl doesn't love you. You are dating one month and love is something that sometimes takes years to build up. you are madly into that girl giving yourself probably a false hope.

the thing is in 99% of time when you find such message something is already going on. this i love you now shit is something that girls say in 99% time when they feel guilt and sorry for you.
c'mon mate you are smarter than that. a girl that is not in love with you can only bring you pain. my advice is to hit the clubs, school, streets and meet some new women. you will suddenly realize that out there is a lot more of the "special one" kind and that they aren't special at all. i will now probably bash you a bit but i need to ask you. do you feel manly when thinking about all this questions that must have been going trough your head. i mean, that girl is already having such an influence onto you, and i hope that you will not end up as I, getting one morning the break up call. i know it's hard but consider to walk away. think about it. how are you gonna make that girl happy if you aren't happy in the first place. and you are not. you don't sound like a man in a happy relationship.

good luck.