Great Expectations

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

hi everyone, it's been a while since i last posted here though i lurk around almost every day.
I am currently in a committed relationship with a girl i love, we've been together for 4 and a half years now. we had our fair share of troubles together and there was a time we were about to get separated due to some complications in both our lives.but things are fine now and we are fine. we are both 23 and judging by the type of relationship we have, we most certainly gonna end up getting married to each other in a few years. she is a kind girl , she is beautiful and very caring. i love her very much and i am sure down to my very core that she loves me too. i am lucky man to have found such a nice person, you might say, but i don't feel that way. see sex is extremely important to me, it is my obsession in life and i am constantly looking for ways to improve my sex life, i watch porn to learn new tricks and positions, i read books that talk about advanced sexual techniques, i try to eliminate any flaws in my performance and obviously since i am here i am trying to upgrade my hardware as well.but she doesn't share this passion, she loves sex don't get me wrong , all it takes is one kiss and she is on top of me, but she is sort of content. all she wants is a little foreplay, 10 minutes of intercourse and a long cuddle after that! but i want more. i want hot hot sex , sex that makes you sweat like hell. but i cant have that, every time i bring something up she turns me down instantly. no new positions because it might hurt a little at first. no long lasting sex ( after what i went through to cure my pe this one just drives me nuts) cause she gets sore after a few minutes. no oral sex, and the one time i persuaded her for anal she cried! so despite everything else in our relationship , sex is nowhere near as fulfilling as i want it to be and that is starting to mess with my head. recently i have been kinda mean to her for no apparent reason. so any thoughts and ideas on what i should do? i have talked to her about it plenty of times without any results and i am starting to feel like there is nothing i can do to change the situation and since i am not gonna break up with her all i can do is to put up with her or cheat on her , which is pathetic either way. tell me what i should do plz.

[secureman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close secureman]

Can't tell you what to do. If she's loyal,kind and caring and still puts out this seems like a minor issue. Not every girl is a freak.

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

Well if two of the big limiting factors in your sex life is 1. She doesnt want to try new postions because it might hurt her and 2. She doesnt want the lasting sex you do because she gets sore after a few minutes. Well those are two big hints you shouldnt be doing pe as bigger = more pain and harder for her to accomadate your desires.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Life and sex is not what you see in a porn movie. As time goes by your sex will just get better and better. It takes many years.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

you need to stop taking tips and pointers from porn...

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

Sex is great. the thing with having a live in partner is that you can't have sex 4 times a day every day :-/.

You can't have freaky sex all the time either. and don't "persuade" her... just work with her do small things. You gotta crawl before you walk. introduce her to anal play with tickling her first... once or twice but not sticking your finger in.

You gotta make her think it's her idea to do things. or make her want more. Pay attention to what she likes and doesn't like. Do all these things, and slowly explore the boundaries of both of your sexual desires. she's still relatively inexperienced in sex, so you have to be gentle with her. You're both really young, so just enjoy the journey.

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

Can't tell you what to do. If she's loyal,kind and caring and still puts out this seems like a minor issue. Not every girl is a freak.

I dont want her to be a freak!

Well if two of the big limiting factors in your sex life is 1. She doesnt want to try new postions because it might hurt her and 2. She doesnt want the lasting sex you do because she gets sore after a few minutes. Well those are two big hints you shouldnt be doing pe as bigger = more pain and harder for her to accomadate your desires.

those where just examples, what i meant to point out was her general lack of interest in trying anything new
anyway, that makes sense but PE is for me not for her!

Life and sex is not what you see in a porn movie. As time goes by your sex will just get better and better. It takes many years.

you are absolutely right about that, life an sex are not what you see in porn, and i dont expect them to be otherwise i would have become a porn star if i believed so! i just dont want my sex life to be boring so down the line eventually i lose interest in it altogether. hopefully like you said if i give it time it may get better.

you need to stop taking tips and pointers from porn...

yes mam!

Sex is great. the thing with having a live in partner is that you can't have sex 4 times a day every day :-/.

You can't have freaky sex all the time either. and don't "persuade" her... just work with her do small things. You gotta crawl before you walk. introduce her to anal play with tickling her first... once or twice but not sticking your finger in.

You gotta make her think it's her idea to do things. or make her want more. Pay attention to what she likes and doesn't like. Do all these things, and slowly explore the boundaries of both of your sexual desires. she's still relatively inexperienced in sex, so you have to be gentle with her. You're both really young, so just enjoy the journey.

wouldnt it be nice if we could have sex that much?
you are right about us being inexperienced and unfortunately i am a very impatient person, so i always rush things and eventually ruine my chances and it seems to be the case here as well and for that i am starting to feel bad.

so in conclution; she is inexperienced and i want too much of her too soon which is my bad so i will try to give her plenty of time to adjust and hopefully decides she wants more all on her own,
and my perception of how sex should be is somehow unrealistic and closer to porn than i think it is which is also my bad so for that i will cut back on porn and focus on other things rather than sex ( hard thing to do !!!)

[secureman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close secureman]

Have you tried doggie style while your standing and then you put one foot on her head? Haven't met a girl who doesn't get turned on from that position.

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

those where just examples, what i meant to point out was her general lack of interest in trying anything new
anyway, that makes sense but PE is for me not for her!

Thats fine lots of people do PE for themselves. However your partner is the person most affected, espicially if it is a monogamous life long partner as you suggest she is/will be. The thing is if you dont care at all about how she feels and enjoys then why she should care at all about what you want? You want long hard experimental porn style fucking, she doesnt want it to hurt. Making yourself bigger and still hoping for what you want is basically saying fuck you, only what matters to me is important.

[BTBrian Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BTBrian]

those where just examples, what i meant to point out was her general lack of interest in trying anything new
anyway, that makes sense but PE is for me not for her!

I hate to break it to you but it sounds like if you get bigger your sex life is going to get worse, she already gets sore with you you should take that hint! She's not going to want to have sex if it's painful. She already cried trying anal for crying out loud! You don't want her crying during regular sex!

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

... no oral sex...

This will probably sound selfish, immature, and possibly shallow, but no oral sex is pretty much a deal breaker for me. I guess if I really loved a woman, and she really didn't want to do it, I might have a difficult decision on my hands, but I can't really consider any woman who refuses to do it a good or caring lover.

ravenous101, have you asked her in a kind, non-threatening way why she doesn't want to do some of these things for you and explained that it would mean a lot to you if she did do them?

I know you're in love with her, but if someone is completely unwilling to try to do some things their not crazy about in order to make you happy, to me, it is a red flag that they are selfish, and that will probably show up in other areas of your relationship. I'm not saying someone should have to do anything you want them to do, but I think a loving partner should be willing to do some things they personally might not love in order to make their partner happy.

Anal is one area I would be a little more forgiving, even though I personally like it, but to me oral is absolutely mandatory if a woman considers herself a woman and not a little girl. I'm not not trying to insult your woman. I just have pretty strong feelings on that one, obviously. And just for the record, I feel the same way about going down on a woman - I don't think a man can call himself a man if he's not willing to do that.

[SilurianSoldier Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close SilurianSoldier]

Life is full of compromises, no ever really gets what they want...Yes, you may get what you think you want but all that sparkles eventually fades. If you've found a woman that sincerely loves you, as you are, then you would be a fool to ever betray her. There are many women that you could play pornstar with but they are a dime a dozen. What you have is rare and should be cherished, not thrown away for a mere nights pleasure. Remember, with time she'll no doubt become more sexually adventurous but if you mess up the relationship her adventures will be with someone else. If you're like I was in my early 20's, then you won't see what is right in front of you until it's gone.

[Padawan787 Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Padawan787]

I know a few girls who won't do oral, I consider myself quite lucky that my girlfriend does it

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

This will probably sound selfish, immature, and possibly shallow, but no oral sex is pretty much a deal breaker for me. I guess if I really loved a woman, and she really didn't want to do it, I might have a difficult decision on my hands, but I can't really consider any woman who refuses to do it a good or caring lover.

ravenous101, have you asked her in a kind, non-threatening way why she doesn't want to do some of these things for you and explained that it would mean a lot to you if she did do them?

I know you're in love with her, but if someone is completely unwilling to try to do some things their not crazy about in order to make you happy, to me, it is a red flag that they are selfish, and that will probably show up in other areas of your relationship. I'm not saying someone should have to do anything you want them to do, but I think a loving partner should be willing to do some things they personally might not love in order to make their partner happy.

Anal is one area I would be a little more forgiving, even though I personally like it, but to me oral is absolutely mandatory if a woman considers herself a woman and not a little girl. I'm not not trying to insult your woman. I just have pretty strong feelings on that one, obviously. And just for the record, I feel the same way about going down on a woman - I don't think a man can call himself a man if he's not willing to do that.

I do kinda agree with this. Before I met my fiancee perhaps I would not of thought it so important. If something was to happen to us, I think it would be hard for me to commit to another relationship if the girl did not get pleasure and enjoyment out of pleasuring me. If shes actually going to be the one I spend the rest of my life with then I am going to hold her to a high standard. Forever is a loooong time.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

100% agreed...

I came my fastest (and was able to enjoy myself the greatest) when i knew just the act of pleasuring me was pleasurable to the lady i was sleeping with. If she likes to pleasure me like that, I can orgasm faster (delayed ejaculation sufferer here). I can get into the moment faster and know that it's not all about pleasuring her but knowing that she really WANTS to pleasure me.