Great Expectations

[funkylemonade Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close funkylemonade]

what you could do is lose your great expectations, great expectations= greater disappointments. Enjoy what you got going on now

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

Life is full of compromises, no ever really gets what they want...Yes, you may get what you think you want but all that sparkles eventually fades. If you've found a woman that sincerely loves you, as you are, then you would be a fool to ever betray her. There are many women that you could play pornstar with but they are a dime a dozen. What you have is rare and should be cherished, not thrown away for a mere nights pleasure. Remember, with time she'll no doubt become more sexually adventurous but if you mess up the relationship her adventures will be with someone else. If you're like I was in my early 20's, then you won't see what is right in front of you until it's gone.

I know what you're saying here, but if he's thinking of straying after 4 years at the age of 25, imagine how badly he's going to want that blowjob at the age of 40 after 10 years of marriage. I'd rather fight a bull than be responsible for keeping him away from the girls in his office at that point:-)

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Life is full of compromises, no ever really gets what they want...Yes, you may get what you think you want but all that sparkles eventually fades. If you've found a woman that sincerely loves you, as you are, then you would be a fool to ever betray her. There are many women that you could play pornstar with but they are a dime a dozen. What you have is rare and should be cherished, not thrown away for a mere nights pleasure. Remember, with time she'll no doubt become more sexually adventurous but if you mess up the relationship her adventures will be with someone else. If you're like I was in my early 20's, then you won't see what is right in front of you until it's gone.

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

I know a few girls who won't do oral, I consider myself quite lucky that my girlfriend does it

You are lucky. Just curious, the girls that refuse, what are they like? Selfish? Inexperienced? Shy? There's one guy I know whose wife has admitted in front of me that she refuses to do oral. She's actually a very giving, unselfish person, so it really surprised me. I think she might have been kind of inexperienced before they got married, though.

I also knew a girl who was very giving, but was afraid to do it because she thought she was not good at it. It turned out that she couldn't have been more wrong. To the OP, I would really try to have an in depth conversation with her about all the things you would like to do that she doesn't want to do and really try to understand why. For me, the reasons behind it would have a big impact on how I would react to it.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Life is full of compromises, no ever really gets what they want...Yes, you may get what you think you want but all that sparkles eventually fades. If you've found a woman that sincerely loves you, as you are, then you would be a fool to ever betray her. There are many women that you could play pornstar with but they are a dime a dozen. What you have is rare and should be cherished, not thrown away for a mere nights pleasure. Remember, with time she'll no doubt become more sexually adventurous but if you mess up the relationship her adventures will be with someone else. If you're like I was in my early 20's, then you won't see what is right in front of you until it's gone.

Definitely going to agree. Don't mess up something like finding someone you love just because you don't have crazy porn sex nights. You really have something and letting it go for what you see in porn, and believe me I had similar problems in my last relationship where I took lessons from porn more than listening to her.

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

... Forever is a loooong time.

Yeah, and without oral sex, it probably feels just a pinch longer.

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

ravenous101, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm goofing around a little bit, but I think it's a serious issue, and although I agree with the people who have said that you shouldn't throw away a good thing, I don't think you should just accept it without trying to change things for the better.

Maybe you can tell us what your girlfriend has said when you have brought these things up, and exactly how you have said it to her, and we might be able to better help you in trying to change things for the better.

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

You are lucky. Just curious, the girls that refuse, what are they like? Selfish? Inexperienced? Shy? There's one guy I know whose wife has admitted in front of me that she refuses to do oral. She's actually a very giving, unselfish person, so it really surprised me. I think she might have been kind of inexperienced before they got married, though.

I also knew a girl who was very giving, but was afraid to do it because she thought she was not good at it. It turned out that she couldn't have been more wrong. To the OP, I would really try to have an in depth conversation with her about all the things you would like to do that she doesn't want to do and really try to understand why. For me, the reasons behind it would have a big impact on how I would react to it.

I think the ones who like performing oral are the ones who get personal pleasure out of pleasuring their partner. My fiancee was inexperienced (only one other man) and when we first got together was amazed with the foreplay heavy intimate approach I took to making love. She tells me over and over again how good I am. After almost entirely giving the first few times we slept together and giving her pleasures from oral she had never felt before (she hated it with her ex), one night just after we had finished, she asked me what I think about when I make love to her. I told her I just think about her and that I want her to enjoy herself. From that night on she has done anything and everything to please me and cant keep my cock out of her mouth. She says I taught her how to love...

[ThinJohnny Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ThinJohnny]

I think the ones who like performing oral are the ones who get personal pleasure out of pleasuring their partner. My fiancee was inexperienced (only one other man) and when we first got together was amazed with the foreplay heavy intimate approach I took to making love. She tells me over and over again how good I am. After almost entirely giving the first few times we slept together and giving her pleasures from oral she had never felt before (she hated it with her ex), one night just after we had finished, she asked me what I think about when I make love to her. I told her I just think about her and that I want her to enjoy herself. From that night on she has done anything and everything to please me and cant keep my cock out of her mouth. She says I taught her how to love...

Awesome. And great point. There's nothing like leading by example. I advised talking to the girl up above, but actions speak louder than words. I'm guessing the OP is giving lots if he's expecting to receive a lot. If not, that's the first place to start. Hopefully the OP will chime back in. I just reread his post. It sounds like they have a great relationship aside from the sexual part. I know from experience that these types of things can be fixed, but I have also experienced selfish bitches who thought that their beauty was a license to lay back and give nothing in return.

It's hard to tell from the first post, which type of woman he is dealing with.

[Padawan787 Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Padawan787]

You are lucky. Just curious, the girls that refuse, what are they like? Selfish? Inexperienced? Shy? There's one guy I know whose wife has admitted in front of me that she refuses to do oral. She's actually a very giving, unselfish person, so it really surprised me. I think she might have been kind of inexperienced before they got married, though.

I also knew a girl who was very giving, but was afraid to do it because she thought she was not good at it. It turned out that she couldn't have been more wrong. To the OP, I would really try to have an in depth conversation with her about all the things you would like to do that she doesn't want to do and really try to understand why. For me, the reasons behind it would have a big impact on how I would react to it.

The ones that won't do oral are all inexperienced, most have tried but didn't enjoy doing it

I personally think that they are just lazy and didn't want jaw cramp

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

ravenous101, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I'm goofing around a little bit, but I think it's a serious issue, and although I agree with the people who have said that you shouldn't throw away a good thing, I don't think you should just accept it without trying to change things for the better.

Maybe you can tell us what your girlfriend has said when you have brought these things up, and exactly how you have said it to her, and we might be able to better help you in trying to change things for the better.

i had sever Pe for a very long time and when we first started having sex it was just disappointing for me and the one thing i really care about is knowing that my partner is satisfied every time. when i couldn't satisfy her by intercourse i decided to give oral a try .first thing i did was to show her some mostly oral porn clips , and while we were watching it together i started kissing her and stuff and eventually it turned into a long foreplay. we were naked and kissing and then i said let me try that on you and see how you feel. she said "no it's filthy and gross and i don't want you to do that with your mouth" and no matter what i said she didn't let me. after that we had long talks about it several times until i finally told her why i really wanted to do it. i told her how insecure i felt for not being able to satisfy her and only after that she let me do it once. while i was down on her i could clearly see how much she was enjoying it with all the twitching and moaning and even after we were finished i asked her how it was and she said it felt awesome.but after that time every time we were together and about to have sex i tried to go down on her but again she wouldn't let me and would bring up how gross it is even after i said i liked it and want to do it again she wouldn't let me. time passed and i finally got my Pe under control and was able to last longer and that meant more intercourse . first few times after that was good, i finally managed to give her an orgasm and it felt really good. i regained my confidence and i was even more eager to please her sexually than before so i brought oral up again, this time her answer was "no, you are doing fine and you dont have to do that to please me" and even though i reminded her that i myself enjoyed it too she still wouldn't let me so i gave up. after that i kept working on my self control and managed to stay even longer and from then on sex was amazing, i would give her an orgasm every time just by intercourse .as my staying power improved i started lasting longer and longer and that's when she started complaining of soreness and pain. at that point half the time we had sex i wouldn't even finish but had to stop cause of her pain. i told her that the position we use every time is getting boring for me and maybe if we try some new ones i would finish earlier and save her the pain.she said OK . we tried woman on top which she liked but wasn't very stimulating for me, so we tried some rear penetration and side by side but she dismissed all of them after the first try and said they all hurt so much. i told her she would get used to them and it would only hurt the first time, once we get the hang of it it will feel good, but she wouldn't listen.and i knowing that no matter what i say she was just gonna say no, gave up more quickly than the first time. we went back to the same old sex we've been having for so long and every thing stays the same . she is hornier than ever now, but she only want that same old sex. when we are together for a full 24 hours we might have sex 2-3 times but always in the same way,like a routine.

Awesome. And great point. There's nothing like leading by example. I advised talking to the girl up above, but actions speak louder than words. I'm guessing the OP is giving lots if he's expecting to receive a lot. If not, that's the first place to start. Hopefully the OP will chime back in. I just reread his post. It sounds like they have a great relationship aside from the sexual part. I know from experience that these types of things can be fixed, but I have also experienced selfish bitches who thought that their beauty was a license to lay back and give nothing in return.

It's hard to tell from the first post, which type of woman he is dealing with.

everything i want to do is mostly about her pleasure. for instance when i talk about oral i don't mean i want a bj from her, it may be nice if she do that for me but that is not the issue right now. i like to go down on her and she wouldn't let me. i dont see how she can be selfish and deny herself the pleasure. on the other hand she has already done too much for me , been there for me everytime i needed her and that's one of the reasons i love her so much.
as for leading by example ,can you give me some suggestion? where do i start? and how can i prove to her that change while difficult at first may result in great pleasure later on?

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

maybe the reason she wouldn't let me do oral on her is because she is afraid i might expect the same thing from her and that even if i don't say anything she is obligated to returning the favor ? and like "padwan" and other friends pointed out she might have some problems with the idea of bjs ( laziness, fear due to lack of experience,..). does that make sense to you guys?
if that's the case i might be able to change her mind since i dont really care about bjs.

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

Life is full of compromises, no ever really gets what they want...Yes, you may get what you think you want but all that sparkles eventually fades. If you've found a woman that sincerely loves you, as you are, then you would be a fool to ever betray her. There are many women that you could play pornstar with but they are a dime a dozen. What you have is rare and should be cherished, not thrown away for a mere nights pleasure. Remember, with time she'll no doubt become more sexually adventurous but if you mess up the relationship her adventures will be with someone else. If you're like I was in my early 20's, then you won't see what is right in front of you until it's gone.

thank you, i will always keep that in mind. oh and the cheating on her part, i dont think i am that kind of person just said it out of desperation.

[powow Member Find all posts View Profile Close powow]

I think for the most part you must listen to the way this situation makes you feel. Your GF is giving you signals that you interpret with your hormones and your desire - and that is a very difficult thing to change. I think whether you like it or not, when your girl is not opened up completely to you in a sexual way, you feel like your conquest isn't complete. This isn't something that is rational in a modern sense, but in a primal way it completely makes sense. The more pleasure you give your partner, the more your primal brain tells you she is likely to stay with you. Of course if she has inhibitions and a history that makes her be that way it has nothing to do with fidelity, but you both need to be aware that what you are feeling is real and not just some hedonistic pursuit. Alot of people will tell you it's your ego or your brain on porn, and they'll be partly correct, but my opinion is that there's a reason why you feel the way you feel.

There are many ways to rationalise your sexual interactions with your GF, but in the end you might have to accept the way she is sexually, and tell your emotions to calm down about it - ESPECIALLY if you plan on marrying. After the wedding and during/after having children, this issue is just likely to get worse with time, not better. Ideally, you have to meet in the middle and you need to agree this is important to work on together.

A few suggestion:
- If you were to try penetration after she climaxes, things might be a little easier. Women get pain relief hormones in their vagina after climax.
- have a look here, you'll find there's alot of sensible (if at times harsh) help for long term relationships: Married Man Sex Life

[BTBrian Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close BTBrian]

Ideally, you have to meet in the middle and you need to agree this is important to work on together.

Relationships are all about compromise. You should sit down and have a big talk with her and tell her how it makes you feel to have the same sex everytime. Tell her what you told us. Like powow said you guys will need to reach a happy medium I think. You will need to learn to be happy with the sex you are getting and she will need to learn to be a little more willing to do things that make you happy. Of course if anything hurts her or is uncomfortable that is going to put a big damper on things (which is why I stick by my suggestion that you don't get bigger!). It seems she doesn't know how important this is to you though, communication is one of the most important things in any relationship so you need to make sure you guys are on the same page and that you know how she feels and make sure she knows how you feel.