Great Expectations

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

You don't need to be too freaky with a girl. If she is your life partner, things will come down the road. 20 year marriages, when sexually strong, lead to a lot of experimenting naturally. If you want to get her into some new things, try roleplay. Fullfill her fantasies of hooking up with a fireman, or trading sex for grades with her teacher. Get creative and do silly stupid fun things. You are making sex far too serious. It is supposed to be fun!

Another thing you could try for longer sex is introduce her to tantric sex. It focuses a lot more on the sensitive side of the experience, and plays with emotional responses and unique forms of touching a lot more. She might like it.

Just remember not to push her into anything she doesn't feel comfortable with. If she isn't comfortable, she won't like it, and you probably won't do it again. Ask her what her fantasies are, and what kind of things she has thought of experimenting with. Just have fun pleasing each other. Sex isn't a performance, it is a game you perform. It takes 2 to play (at least) and when you have great teamwork, you have a great game and end up scoring.

[Drummer19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Drummer19]

I was dating this girl for about two years and we recently broke up. I had been a porn addict and watched porn almost everyday during our relationship. This caused my sexual expectations to go through the roof, also for the first year and a half of our relationship I had premature ejaculation very badly. I recently, like you have been able to manage it.

On her side though, she hated sex and it always hurt her when I penetrated (because she wasn't completely horny and comfortable her vagina wouldn't open up all of the way for me! You may be having this same problem)

The main point I want to make is that while I was obsessed with the porn vision of sex, I wanted so much variation from her. I was horny ALL of the time and I thought it was normal to be horny all of the time. From the day I broke up with her I quit porn for good and my desire for crazy sex has gone down. I am not horny all of the time either but a little excitement from a girl and I am ready for sex! My expectations of sex have gone down to what I believe is normal. Maybe try to not watch porn anymore? Maybe then your expectations will naturally go down and you will be able to think closer to her level.

[ravenous101 Member Find all posts View Profile Close ravenous101]

A few suggestion:
- If you were to try penetration after she climaxes, things might be a little easier. Women get pain relief hormones in their vagina after climax.
- have a look here, you'll find there's alot of sensible (if at times harsh) help for long term relationships: Married Man Sex Life

usually i am inside her when she climaxes and i keep going . a few minutes after that the pain starts. i've read somewhere that when women have one or two orgasms they tend to become more relaxed and therefore penetration both vaginally and anal will become easier but that is not the case with her, i dont know why!?
and thanks for the link, havent had a chance to read throught the articles yet but i took a peak!

in the end you might have to accept the way she is sexually, and tell your emotions to calm down about it - ESPECIALLY if you plan on marrying. After the wedding and during/after having children, this issue is just likely to get worse with time, not better. Ideally, you have to meet in the middle and you need to agree this is important to work on together.

Relationships are all about compromise. You should sit down and have a big talk with her and tell her how it makes you feel to have the same sex everytime. Tell her what you told us. Like powow said you guys will need to reach a happy medium I think. You will need to learn to be happy with the sex you are getting and she will need to learn to be a little more willing to do things that make you happy. Of course if anything hurts her or is uncomfortable that is going to put a big damper on things (which is why I stick by my suggestion that you don't get bigger!). It seems she doesn't know how important this is to you though, communication is one of the most important things in any relationship so you need to make sure you guys are on the same page and that you know how she feels and make sure she knows how you feel.

talking is an issue with her, whenever we have a problem the first thing i do is have a talk with her, i usually tell her whats on my mind and then wait to hear what's on hers but she doesnt say anything, literally nothing. i do all the talking and finally when i get her to talk too, her answers are so vage she might as well have stayed silent . i never really understand what's going on in her head, she never tells me directly how she feels, only in very rare ocaseans do i really get to find out her true feelings.for example i ask her why she doesnt like oral , she would say it's gross. next time she says she doesnt need it to be pleased, but she never tells me the real reason why she doesnt wanna do it and that makes it really hard finding a solution to our problems, thanks god we dont have a lot of problems but the ones we do have usually never get resolved.
although talking about problems and meeting half way, like you guys said, is the best chance at solving the problem , i dont think that it will work in our case, unless i come up with a way to get her to talk, i mean somehow make her wanna talk so she doesnt feel pressured. maybe that way i can finally realize what's on her mind.now of course the problem is how to do that?

You don't need to be too freaky with a girl. If she is your life partner, things will come down the road. 20 year marriages, when sexually strong, lead to a lot of experimenting naturally. If you want to get her into some new things, try roleplay. Fullfill her fantasies of hooking up with a fireman, or trading sex for grades with her teacher. Get creative and do silly stupid fun things. You are making sex far too serious. It is supposed to be fun!

Another thing you could try for longer sex is introduce her to tantric sex. It focuses a lot more on the sensitive side of the experience, and plays with emotional responses and unique forms of touching a lot more. She might like it.

Just remember not to push her into anything she doesn't feel comfortable with. If she isn't comfortable, she won't like it, and you probably won't do it again. Ask her what her fantasies are, and what kind of things she has thought of experimenting with. Just have fun pleasing each other. Sex isn't a performance, it is a game you perform. It takes 2 to play (at least) and when you have great teamwork, you have a great game and end up scoring.

i agree that sex is supposed to be fun and i need it to be fulfilling to be fun.
as far as the fantasies go she only has one which is kinda a solo one . it's what i call lingerie model. she buys these sexy lingeries and likes to pose in them for me which by the way is super HOT!!!turns me on like nothing else.i tried to return the favor once and do somehing that turns her on but i didnt know what the hell i was doing and i eneded up making her laugh harder that i had ever seen her laugh! that was my first and only attempt at creating a fantasy!
i dont know of anything special she would like to experiment with and even if i ask she wouldnt tell me. considering the fact that she is not a very experimental person, i believe there isn't anything but nevertheless it's worth a shot, i will ask her..

I was dating this girl for about two years and we recently broke up. I had been a porn addict and watched porn almost everyday during our relationship. This caused my sexual expectations to go through the roof, also for the first year and a half of our relationship I had premature ejaculation very badly. I recently, like you have been able to manage it.

On her side though, she hated sex and it always hurt her when I penetrated (because she wasn't completely horny and comfortable her vagina wouldn't open up all of the way for me! You may be having this same problem)

The main point I want to make is that while I was obsessed with the porn vision of sex, I wanted so much variation from her. I was horny ALL of the time and I thought it was normal to be horny all of the time. From the day I broke up with her I quit porn for good and my desire for crazy sex has gone down. I am not horny all of the time either but a little excitement from a girl and I am ready for sex! My expectations of sex have gone down to what I believe is normal. Maybe try to not watch porn anymore? Maybe then your expectations will naturally go down and you will be able to think closer to her level.

i was addicted to porn when i was a teenager, i had a vast collection of all kinds of porn and i would watch them every chance i got. but eventually i realized that watching porn wasnt gonna do me any good .so i deleted most of the porn i had and only kept a few of them i really liked. i watch them from time to time but not like before only on certain oceasions. i know exactly what you mean about being horny all the time. i was like that before dont know if it was porn or puberty hormones that caused it but now its under control. still it takes very little stimulation to make me super horny but for the most part it's under control!
like i said before my GF is very into sex, she is horny like hell . one minute we are talking and laughing the next she is on my lap kissing me and...
i get a lot of booty calls from her! so the problem is not with her hating sex or something.

[powow Member Find all posts View Profile Close powow]

It's pretty simple really. How can you realistically expect to stay with someone who has a hard time talking about their feelings? What happens when you have kids? You'll have to take difficult decisions all the time. And let's not talk about planning a wedding... If she can't tell something is very important to you, and she has trouble discussing it or is unwilling to do something about it then 'HOUSTON, we've got a problem'.

I hate ultimatums but sometimes you run out of options...

[4Samson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close 4Samson]

I think in the future your (her) communication problems will cause much bigger difficulties in your relationship than your sex life. Can you really imagine having a successfull life long relationship with someone who never tells you what they are thinking, how they feel and doesnt feel comfortable discussing things and being open/honest with her husband? I cant even quote a single source but I know I've heard, read and been told countless times that communication is the key to a successfull marriage. When spending your life with someone you need to be comfortable enough to tell them anything. As I said earlier, forever is a loooong time...

[powow Member Find all posts View Profile Close powow]

Is there an echo in here?

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Life and sex is not what you see in a porn movie. As time goes by your sex will just get better and better. It takes many years.

I totally agree. Although the no oral sex is a SERIOUS downer.......I couldn't be with someone who didn't like oral, giving or receiving.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

Have you tried doggie style while your standing and then you put one foot on her head? Haven't met a girl who doesn't get turned on from that position.

I can name a few who wouldn't like that............

[CaptainJohnson Retired ModeratorSenior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CaptainJohnson]

The whole idea of sexy roleplay is usually the pretend game of something being illicit about the sex. If one of you is the forceful one who is actively seeking sex, and the other is playing the "we shouldn't be doing this" card, then it doesn't really matter what the theme is. Have you suggested handcuffs? Or playing a game of twister naked? How about strip Jenga and a bottle of wine? I say Jenga because it is a faster and sillier game than strip poker.

Get a book called "269 Amazing Sex Games" and, with her, play games from random pages. Its fun :P