How to Avoid the Dreaded "Friend Zone"

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Thanks so much TheCamel89; I am glad you found the thread informative!

[Joint-Expansion Senior Member Member of the Month August 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close Joint-Expansion]

1. Become less interested. Chances are the relationship is already imbalanced because you value it more than the other person so take a step back. It is difficult, if not impossible, to balance the relationship when you are being needy. A feeling of desperation will only result in accepting what the other offers you rather than what you truly want and deserve. Be ready to walk away if you do not get the relationship you want because those individuals who are more willing to run the risk and walk away have the power to guide the relationship.

2. Make yourself scarce. Spend some time away from your love interest; stop being at their beck and call. Do less for them. If they truly appreciate you, then your absence will make their heart grow fonder. They'll miss you and want you more. People value something more when it is rare, unavailable or taken from them; be it an object, opportunity or person. When you make yourself less available and no longer tend to their every whim, they will feel the loss. This will increase their desire for you and a willingness to create a more balanced social exchange that will meet both your needs. If it doesn't then at least you will know they are not interested a romantic relationship with you and you can move on and find someone who does.

^^^^^^

I can verify FIRST HAND that the above two actions definitely are effective. I had a gal I was crazy about years ago play that, "Let's just be friends" role, while she shined me on to go hang out with other dudes, and treated me like I was a last-option on her list of priorities.

The SECOND I told her I was moving on, pulled away, and made it clear I was going to give other women a chance to spend time with me, all of the sudden she became VERY interested in being more than just friends, and wanting to hang out with me.

Funny how that works. A case of wanting what you took for granted and no longer have as an "option" in your list of priorities. Human nature is bizarre sometimes. lol

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Glad you posted I needed to read this thread

[Chivas Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Chivas]

TPW I have a question for you on this topic, I will inbox you.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Hey Pegasus,

I'm not sure I agree so could you clarify what specifically you are referring to?

A cynical view of human nature as shallow , a willingness to explot that , Head games . Lacks the narricism though.

[PurpleOnes Senior Member Member of the Month June 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close PurpleOnes]

This is a really good thread and good points you have made TPW!

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

A cynical view of human nature as shallow , a willingness to explot that , Head games . Lacks the narricism though.

Sorry Pegasus but I disagree.

Regarding “Shallowness”

Some argue that that the term “shallow” is often something socially-inept types like to sling around to demean and insult those who are better at marketing themselves. That the entire premise – that shallowness is an appropriate description of sexual preferences – is blatantly untrue. For there is nothing at all shallow about the deadly serious business of finding the best mate possible, and in a state of nature, passing on one’s genetic legacy into future generations. If the meaning of life is to have sex and procreate, then the means by which they achieve that purpose are the deepest, most profound feelings humans possess.

Regarding the “Willingness to Exploit” and “Head Games”

The art and science of persuasion has been of interest since the time of the Ancient Greeks; it is not a new phenomenon. And it is found in virtually every area where there is human interaction – business, media, education, parenting and yes, dating. In fact, one would have to live under a rock not to be subjected to its impact.

Now, I am well-aware and not at all impressed that there are a great many men who entered into the whole PUA scene simply because they wanted to manipulate women to have sex with them. But there are also men who simply want to become better at dating and have absolutely no idea how.

Let’s be honest here; men don’t really have any way of learning how to interact with women yet they are expected to do the approaching and suffer the possibility of rejection all because some people object to them ethically employing specific strategies based on human psychology? Well that is just silly.

Dating, like most things in life, is a learned skill. If a man wanted to become better at playing hockey and employed some of the same skills as the professionals, no one would blink an eye. If he decided to learn a new language and took a course, no one would think twice. But heaven forbid, he pick up a book or take a course in human persuasion psychology so that he could become better at dating for then he is suddenly considered unethical and shallow.

Without a doubt, the PUA movement has some seriously unethical and downright damaging beliefs and information that are misogynistic and convey some very toxic ideas about masculinity but we have to recognize that it is not the psychology that is dangerous and manipulative but the individuals who use it.

Human psychology can be a great resource for both men and women when it comes to dating and relationships. It provides greater understanding into human nature and offers a road map to those individuals who struggle with social anxiety and awkwardness. And when interaction is more positive, increased self-confidence to simply be oneself is the end result.

So in terms of the benefits of human psychology in the dating and mating game, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater.

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Hmm here is a post of yours from a thread you linked about mens jawlines.
Quote
Hey Fellas,

Keep in mind that although physical beauty has significance in an individual's "erotic capital" there are other attributes that can be cultivated to make a big difference in the overall attractiveness of an individual. Traits such as:

social skills

liveliness

charm

a talent for dressing well

sex appeal

sexual competence

sexuality (this aspect only applies in intimate relationships)

And let's not forget there are 3 other forms of "personal capital" that can be developed to increase individual attractiveness:

Economic Capital – This is the sum of the resources and assets that people use to produce financial gains – such as money, land or property. (what you have)

Cultural Capital (as defined by economists) educational qualifications, training, skills and work experience.(what you know)

Social Capital – friends, family, business contacts, school buddies (who you know)

So you see...there are plenty of ways in which men and women can personally increase their attractiveness; physical beauty is only one.
Unquote

Might I suggest; that shallow is an appropiate descripition for sexual preferences that revolve around money and status who your contacts are and the like.
You feel it is perfectly ethical and who am I to argue, ethical seems to be a very stretchable concept .

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Might I suggest; that shallow is an appropiate descripition for sexual preferences that revolve around money and status who your contacts are and the like.
You feel it is perfectly ethical and who am I to argue, ethical seems to be a very stretchable concept .

Sorry Pegasus, you've confused me once again. Are you saying that those who use their "personal capital" to attract a mate are unethical or those who are attracted to them?

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

Sorry Pegasus, you've confused me once again. Are you saying that those who use their "personal capital" to attract a mate are unethical or those who are attracted to them?

Think on it.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Think on it.

Okie dokie.

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

If I may interrupt, I think the use of the verb "use" is where both of you differ, TPW applies it in the form of applying what things you have to your advantage, while Peg sees uses or using these forms of personal capital as manipulative, and therefore unethical. It appears to just be a difference in use of terminology and linguistics. Although I may be wrong, I usually am...

[Pegasus AdministratorPE Gym EditorPEGym Hero ☺ Admin of the Month Mar 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Pegasus]

If I may interrupt, I think the use of the verb "use" is where both of you differ, TPW applies it in the form of applying what things you have to your advantage, while Peg sees uses or using these forms of personal capital as manipulative, and therefore unethical. It appears to just be a difference in use of terminology and linguistics. Although I may be wrong, I usually am...

Here is my statement again.

Might I suggest; that shallow is an appropiate descripition for sexual preferences that revolve around money and status who your contacts are and the like.
You feel it is perfectly ethical and who am I to argue, ethical seems to be a very stretchable concept .

I don't use the term personal capital ,I use the clearer wording money,status who your contact are and the like . So access to resources stuff.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

Peg
Are you saying that you feel a woman's sexual preference of a man is calculated by his status, money, reputation?

Is that what you mean?

If so when would she start to use this way if thought. Poor attractive guys can buy nice flashy clothes at thrift shops. So initially if we are attracted to their look then we hone in on their status?

[JeSuis Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JeSuis]

Really good post , you reopened the horizon for me , i forgot some basics but thanks to this post i can now reevaluate my actions and for that I Thank You !!!
Also , jay , you should watch Friends