Update to my life.

[Richvextends Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Richvextends]

Sorry you went through hell DW and there will be some good days and then the bad when you might want to reconnect with her. That is not weakness in my book as it shows you have compassion and that is better than anything she's got to include the bed and dishwasher.

[zman87 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close zman87]

Just glad you're out of there DW. No more.

"I am Free" - Newsboys

Z

[aBone2pick Senior Member Member of the Month July 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close aBone2pick]

Sorry you had to go through that craziness. It really is true what my old man always said, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger... it also gives you back pain."

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Greetings to all my friends (great friends) here in the gym.

I'm not 100% up to writing and getting back on board here in the gym yet......but I miss you all. Many of you have been very concerned about me and I've dropped off the planet....I don't like that, but it's kinda like being in a coma with no control over the situation.

I'm free. I'm in NY again since Saturday 3/21/15. It was a long grieving trip leaving Florida, leaving my ex. When I got back, I was suffering with a pinched nerve in my neck which screwed up my left shoulder and arm. In fact pain was constant and nagging. Left hand was kinda numb and still is. It's getting slightly better. Chiropractor said the probably start/cause of it was most likely stress. So, I have been falling apart for weeks after my return. Even caught a cold/flu that I think started with my Son,,,,he was super stressed from my entire ordeal. So physically I was a shambles and to some degree I still am suffering. Emotionally and mentally, well that's another story. I've been on more emotional rollercoaster rides than disney world in 2014. This sucked and still sucks. I thought I was going to leave my grief in Florida and come back and be "healed" in no time flat. That just didn't happen. Thank God for the people on the gym that were there for me,,,,messaging, texting, emailing and helping me out in every way imaginable. You were a very large part of my survival. My breakup with the BPD ex occurred on 2/7/15 and until 3/19/15 I remained under the same roof with her. It was absolutely horrible. I've been thru hell and yes I'm qualified at this point to comment on how much hell there actually was. I don't wish this on anyone and to those that share such horrid grief, my heart and tears go out to you all. You just can't know what it was like unless you've been there. How a woman, that promised you "forever" in love and in her arms, could abandon you and discard you like Mondays trash. It's hard to talk about it and it's even hard to type it here. Horrible. I'll never see things the same. Right now things are still in the gray color,,,,,but I'm slowly rising above my pains. It's gonna be some time to come before I am ready again to get out there and be the me I was in 2011 before all this happened.

So I'm staying with my Son, God bless him for all he's done for me and kept his own sanity. Do you have any idea what it's like to rescue your dad,,the man that is supposed to have his life all together and be there to take care of you?? I couldn't take care of myself at first, I had to struggle with every single thing I did. To this moment I'm still talking and venting and ruminating about things that "normal" people don't even think or know about. I look at my future with uncertainty because I totally lost myself and almost don't know how to be me anymore. I know it's going to change. Slowly. Very slowly. I reunited with God again. We were friends in the past, but I've lost my way when things were "OK" in my world. He reminded me how I need Him. That's a personal thing but I'm not ashamed. So with my prayer and the prayers, hopes and wishes of everyone that cares,,,,,I made it. During the past week I've actually got the urge to PE which I started doing a bit at a time. It's nurturing myself and it feels good. So here I am,,,,,,I'm gonna come back in bits and pieces (obviously).

Anybody wanna know more or about the ex and her behaviour, just message or leave a message in this thread. I'm working on me now,,,,it was hard to get to this point because everything was her and the BPD ripping my heart out.

Thanks everyone.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

Hey DW good to hear from u, I've been gone a while myself going through hell & back! My kids really helped me stay strong its been just me and them for months now and I'm finally talking to people again myself

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

Hey DW good to hear from u, I've been gone a while myself going through hell & back! My kids really helped me stay strong its been just me and them for months now and I'm finally talking to people again myself

Good to hear from you as well NCGUY. I can relate to what you're saying. It's hard to talk about stuff....I know all too well. Message me if you want to talk or "compare notes". There is comfort in sharing our griefs. Thank God for our kid(s)

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

UPDATE.

I'm way on the post side of the horrible breakup. BPD. It's devastating. Our breakup was 2/8/15. I feel like it was yesterday and I was nearly left for dead. I really think back and maybe another week or two and I would have either gone terribly insane (litterally) or worse (lets not go there).

It's been 58 days of no contact with the ex as of today and she's not tried to contact me either, and every little ideosyncracy about everything involving our relationship as well as the breakup opens another door or raises another question. This is by far the worse breakup/situation I've gone thru in my life. The worse!

I know there are others on this forum that fully understand and that have been there. I won't mention names, I care about everyone too much. Oh yes, by the way, I've learned who my friends are, and there are many. These people saved me, and I can't thank them enuff. A lot of them are in the gym. Thank you.

Relationships and mental hardships strike a note with me now. I'm so sensitive to everything now, it's a double edged sword. I am in tune with feelings and emotions like never before, and I also have reservations about being open and letting a potential lady get close. This in itself keeps me distanced and I don't like it. It's only been a couple of months since I'm out of the situation, but it feels like it's been with me forever now.

About BPD. I'm a sensitive person to start. I've become much more sensitive in the relationship with my exBPDgf. I've lost myself. Being with her during the four years had done more than aclimated me to her, it's drawn me into her needs and erased any regard I had for my own needs. It's said that no one can do to you what you don't let them, well, seriously enough, I became a victim. A husky, 59yo. man who has been strong and smart all his life- I got blindsided by BPD. I don't hate the people, I just hate BPD. As far as my ex, I do have incredible anger for her at times. Other times I want her back as badly as needing air to live. Why would I want to have that back? It's more the idea of what she appeared to be that keeps me prisoner. Once again the BPD. I love her like no other, and I despise what I have become and what I have allowed to happen to me over 4 years time.

What I want to say is how something so beautiful can become so truly horrible in such a short period of time. When someone is having troubles of the heart,,,,,damn it,,,,it really hurts. Unless you've been there, never tell that person to just get over it and move on. It just doesn't work that way. We all suffer and experience pain, suffering and loss just a bit different. But heartache is as serious as a heart attack. When we meet someone initially, we sometimes cannot see the red flags that go up. Our own upbringing is sometimes our enemy, attracting the type of relationship that is the opposite of what we need. Recently I've been trying my hand (no pun intended) at PE once again. I've kinda lost my zest for life and my drive and focus need to be rebuild by taking baby steps. PE has actually, at times, provided me with enuff distraction to continue with something I once enjoyed. I used to enjoy so many things, and now nothing seems to matter anymore. I just lost the ability to appreciate the things that most people take for granted. I'm told this will return in time, and I do feel the PE is one of the first things coming back to me. It gives me something to look forward to doing, as well as a reason to do it. I do want to love again, and maybe to find that person who is "real" this time.....and a big dick ain't gonna hurt having one bit!! YAY! I'm not going to rush though, I realize that God, the Universe will put in my path something good, but not in my time frame. So I wait and watch.

I'm a member of another forum on the internet involving more of a BPD based community. The people there have helped me to learn more about things regarding mind issues, and sharing similar circumstances has been comforting. The process is so damn slow. In a sense it's like the gym......instead of counting parts of an inch as we make gains, we count things like days since our encounters or days since we've been in touch with our significant others.

Well, I been wanting to write for a couple of days now, but circumstances were a bit down on my end. I hope to return eventually as the opinionated jokester and inventor I used to be. Until then, I'll pop in as I feel good. Feel free to pm me at anytime. :-) DW

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

You will get through it DW, we are all here for you in anyway we can. There is a light at the end of all this. As corny as it sounds, time is a healer.

[theLog Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close theLog]

I feel like it was yesterday and I was nearly left for dead. I really think back and maybe another week or two and I would have either gone terribly insane (litterally) or worse (lets not go there).

Like it was contagious! Totally. All eggshells and invisible landmines EVERYWHERE. And yet, you're fully shackled to the wrecking ball that is your life.

I despise what I have become and what I have allowed to happen to me over 4 years time.

Exactly. So insidious. In the beginning you can't even see the web for the spider. Walk right into the damn thing.

I got blindsided by BPD

You're post took the breath right out of me. BPD's almost have super-human mind capacity to literally implant you into a different reality and make it real. Then, to top it off, they're able to make you "take it." An absolute testament to the power of the mind.


Good for you for sharing all this- you and I split from our BPD's less than a month a part. Sending some positive energy your way.

Nice to know there's another ex-of-a-BPD on PEgym. On a positive note, when we come out of our "recovery-time" we'll be well equipped for some women who are worth it! Hope this message finds you well.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Glad you're moving on, you are a kind gent Mr Whammy, don't let one bad life experience sour your good nature and continue to share it, if only with us for the time being!

Stay safe brother and stay positive!

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

On the mobile, I will reply to everyone tomorrow. Mebs, log, burty, thank you guys, good to see you all. I will get back to ya's tomorrow and anyone else.

[TehDBare Senior Member Member of the Month Sept 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TehDBare]

DW,

ive vey been absent from the gym for quite awhile with problems of my own. I wish I could have been here to lend some support back during your darkest days, but know that there are many good people here in the gym who are there for you. I'm glad you've found support from those who were here for you and whatever strength you've found within yourself. I was married to a BPD for 13 years, I feel your pain, but I can tell you from experience you will heal and find happiness again. I'm now 8 years past my divorce and have experienced so much happiness since then I can't even begin to list it here. I fell in love again to a woman who stole my heart so fully hat I forgot my ex wife and I ever existed together. Just focus on yourself right now. Get to the point where you understand "two people happy in a relationship, not two people in a relationship to be happy". Be strong, reflect, learn, be introspective, emerge better for yourself.

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

I feel you pain man it an unbelievable pain. Im on the upside now but little things make me cry every single day.

[Dick Whammy Retired Moderator Member of the month Jan 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Dick Whammy]

I feel you pain man it an unbelievable pain. Im on the upside now but little things make me cry every single day.

I'm glad you are finding some relief and some distraction. I know the importance of being distracted as much as possible away from the grief. Loss of any kind is extremely painful, and loss of a loved one from breakup is incredibly devastating. Cry all you have to NCGUY, If you are like me, you try to keep it private, but sometimes the tears just run like a faucet, and allergies as an excuse gets old and obvious. I'm with you Brother.

DW,

ive vey been absent from the gym for quite awhile with problems of my own. I wish I could have been here to lend some support back during your darkest days, but know that there are many good people here in the gym who are there for you. I'm glad you've found support from those who were here for you and whatever strength you've found within yourself. I was married to a BPD for 13 years, I feel your pain, but I can tell you from experience you will heal and find happiness again. I'm now 8 years past my divorce and have experienced so much happiness since then I can't even begin to list it here. I fell in love again to a woman who stole my heart so fully hat I forgot my ex wife and I ever existed together. Just focus on yourself right now. Get to the point where you understand "two people happy in a relationship, not two people in a relationship to be happy". Be strong, reflect, learn, be introspective, emerge better for yourself.

Thanks TehDbare. 13 years, I don't know what to make of it. I wonder sometimes if the longer we were with someone could make it easier to part. I don't know if I am being clear, but some people grow apart after many years and some become "tighter" in their bond. My 4 years was devastating, it was enuff time to become epoxied and also enuff time with BPD to lose who I am/was. Horrible, but you know the story. I'm feeling a tad lighter as days pass,,,,I still ask that horrible question: Why did she do this to someone that was supposed to be forever! She promised me that,,,,,I'm sure yours promised you that too! Seems that forever translated to only 4 years. Thanks again Buddy.

Glad you're moving on, you are a kind gent Mr Whammy, don't let one bad life experience sour your good nature and continue to share it, if only with us for the time being!

Stay safe brother and stay positive!

Thank you Burtybasset! You've been with me since this all started and I appreciate your understanding and loyalty to that of an individual in need. It takes a big heart to sincerely be there for someone!

Like it was contagious! Totally. All eggshells and invisible landmines EVERYWHERE. And yet, you're fully shackled to the wrecking ball that is your life. Exactly. So insidious. In the beginning you can't even see the web for the spider. Walk right into the damn thing. You're post took the breath right out of me. BPD's almost have super-human mind capacity to literally implant you into a different reality and make it real. Then, to top it off, they're able to make you "take it." An absolute testament to the power of the mind.
Good for you for sharing all this- you and I split from our BPD's less than a month a part. Sending some positive energy your way. Nice to know there's another ex-of-a-BPD on PEgym. On a positive note, when we come out of our "recovery-time" we'll be well equipped for some women who are worth it! Hope this message finds you well.

Thank you theLog. I think you are FAR from being the only one here with BPD in your life. In fact I never knew ANYTHING about BPD and other related issues until 2012 when I first got the bug about my gf. At that point I still wasn't sure and did so much research that I started loosing focus on myself. It's like I non-volunterily became some type of expert on mental issues. (far from knowing a lot, but you get my drift)

My feet are cut up from the eggshells, I didn't know it until it was all too late. There were plenty of red flags that I just didn't see or pay mind too. The way it all builds up from a small mound to a massive mountain comes suddenly but the way we get pounded is not anyless painful. Funny how you put that THEY MAKE US TAKE IT. I could not have put it better than that. Thanks for the positive energy, I need all I can get, I'm still far from being out of the woods. FAR. Everyday a little something pops up to make me recall how F'ed up my life became and how I lost myself. It's like two candles, and I melted right into her. Anyone that hasn't been in this type of loss is just missing out on all the pain and suffering that you just do not get from normal loss. My heart will always go out to survivors of a BPD ordeal. Thanks Again! Write anytime.

You will get through it DW, we are all here for you in anyway we can. There is a light at the end of all this. As corny as it sounds, time is a healer.

Thank you Kickinthemebs. You've also been there for me since the beginning. There is light at the end of my tunnel,,,,,or is it an illusion because the end isn't in sight right now. But having faith is knowing that it is going to happen not if it will happen. So right you are, time is the healer! Thank you!!


To everyone- Thanks for reading and supporting and understanding. Learn from people like me, I'm just a needle in a haystack of life and love and relationships.....but all those needles add up. Every person is important, and I have changed my outlook on life and I've been forced to change my glasses,,,and now I see things in life that have never been clear to me. All these things we learn along our voyage help us to help ourselves and our loved ones and friends too. Never underestimate anything, and never lose yourself for anyone!

[NCGUY1972 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NCGUY1972]

My ex of almost 20yrs was BPD for sure. Her own family recognizes it, sad she can't but is what it is and I tried my best.