Girls:would you dump a man only because he was bad in bed?

[bigbutlimp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bigbutlimp]

Ok,this might be a bit controversial,but its a valid(an interesting) question I think.

Say for arguments sake the guy had everything else going so him-tall,good looking,clever,caring,loving,big penis-a bit like me really(joke).

No seriously,say the man was your ideal in every other way-whatever that was-if you like "jock" type guys ,that was him,if you liked clever,shy nerdy guys that was him etc.........
only he was useless in the sack(I mean really the worst lay ever,not just "didnt make the earth move").Forget the dick size thing,because thats been discussed before.

If he thought foreplay was a baseball term,or three girls on one guy,came and/or lost his erection in 10 seconds etc,etc,would that be ok if you loved him,would you try to teach him a better way,or would that be a "deal breaker"(you cant make someone good in bed if they are not allready,like the lily Alan song)?

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

Well, my wife stuck with me, 27 years. I didn't even know where her clit was until 35 years old. On top of my smallness I had PE too. She said "Really?", so I must have been hitting it, dumb luck. Now at 54 she's a multi O Queen, I'm not talkin 2 or 3, but 50 or more. I guess I was worth the wait.

[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

I think it depends a lot on the guy and if he's, for lack of a better term, trainable.

I have been with guys that weren't that great but who did well taking comments and suggestions and became good lovers. And I have been with guys who either got very offended by anything that implied his performance could be improved or who just did not want to put the effort into making any changes. For me personally, I'm a very sexual person and when I'm in committed relationship sex and intimacy is one of the ways I feel like I can really connect with my partner. When the sex really isn't good, and the other person isn't open to discussing it at all, that can really build a wall and before long that wall can become insurmountable.

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

i heard something from a female member some number of years ago.

"The only way to be bad in bed is to not listen."

[mikecares Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mikecares]

Maybe define the bad sex in a little more depth - what does he do thats so bad? Talk to him about it.

Doesn't do any foreplay at all?

Doesn't penetrate for more then a few minutes?

I can give a girl great sex by using minimal penetration and I can also give her horrible sex with using minimal penetration...it depends on a lot of different factors

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

If I had a man who had every other quality I look for in a man, and he was horrible in bed, I'd definitely stay with him.

First, I know that men are trainable. :-) OK, seriously, there's always a slight learning curve with any new partner. Something one person liked may not be the most amazing thing for the next person. Even if the guy was totally clueless, this is where communication has to come into play. I think most men want to please the partner they're with. So, a little sexual instruction, along with lots of encouragement, can go a long, long way.

Second, if there's a woman who would give up an amazing guy just because he was crummy in bed is a short-sighted idiot. Think about this for a moment... assuming you're in a relationship and not just a hook-up, there's typically a possibility (at least a slim one) that the relationship may progress someday to something more permanent. So, what would this woman do if their man was in some sort of tragic accident or had some illness where sex was no longer possible at all? Would they leave?

Life is just way too short to put up with people (women and men) who are so shallow.

Thankfully, I think most women would stick with the amazing guy. Hopefully, unlike Party's wife :-), they'd be secure enough to speak up and work with the guy so that that one facet of their relationship was just as amazing as he is.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Not trying to subvert the premise of this thread, but guys, let's turn the tables for a moment. Have you ever dumped a female because she was lousy in bed? I know I have! And I don't feel the least bit guilty for having done so, either! Here's why...

After trying re-habing, cajoling, giving 'em more chances, coaching, even resorting to "bribery" on a couple of occasions. It didn't work. Sometimes the looks, intelligence, and social skills just can't overcome "bad in bed", for me. I know that sounds self-centered, but it's not, really. It totally depends upon YOU, how important GOOD SEX is to YOU, specifically. I've had OK sex many times, one night stands, pick-ups, spur of the moment stuff. THOSE can be AMAZING, but rarely do they work out longer-term. That's not what I'm talking about, here. For purposes of this example, I'm talking about more mature relationships & sex, where you pursue a female, because she appears to have the qualities you value in a relationship, attractiveness, emotional stability, independece financially, maybe....then you discover she's lousy in bed! Not only that, but either incapable or unwilling to learn after repeated attempts!

Sorry, call me a self-centered a$$hole, but I know the value & importance I place on GOOD QUALITY SEX. Not only that, but I know MYSELF well enough that I KNOW I'm NOT willing to compromise GOOD SEX long-term, and I'll end up cheating on her! That will only make me feel bad about myself, and so for me, it's a better alternative to end relationships where the sex or sexual chemistry just wasn't there for me. So, YES. I've ended relationships because a female was lousy in bed. I think the reverse happens to guys with females too. Be realistic, SEXUAL CHEMISTRY is important to keep every relationship going, when the going gets tough. It's an anchor that helps get you through the rough spots. It's NOT the "be all-end all" maybe, but it's important enough to know you can call on it when needed (for me). You can all start calling me ugly names now...just sayin'...

[somebodyelse Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close somebodyelse]

I have stopped having sex, in the middle of it, and walked out (After getting dressed of course) for bad sex.

She was getting way more out of it than I was.

That's about it... it was a one nighter and a waste of time...

As far as "training" I agree... A good bit of positive reinforcement and some instruction goes a long way.

yeah women can be trained too.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

We are not talking one nighters here that never have a chance of anything further. The question had to do with long term prospects. I think everyone would at least try to coach the situation better. The misses was quite the rookie when I met her way back when and I'd be a lesser man if I had given up on the training and the trying. Fortunately, she enjoys sex and enjoys pleasing so it worked out for the best. And let us face it, there would be an awful lot of single unattached guys, who suffer from Pre-E who would never have a chance if the premise was true.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

...call me a self-centered a$$hole...

Never!

[bigbutlimp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bigbutlimp]

Not trying to subvert the premise of this thread, but guys, let's turn the tables for a moment. Have you ever dumped a female because she was lousy in bed? I know I have! And I don't feel the least bit guilty for having done so, either! Here's why...

After trying re-habing, cajoling, giving 'em more chances, coaching, even resorting to "bribery" on a couple of occasions. It didn't work. Sometimes the looks, intelligence, and social skills just can't overcome "bad in bed", for me. I know that sounds self-centered, but it's not, really. It totally depends upon YOU, how important GOOD SEX is to YOU, specifically. I've had OK sex many times, one night stands, pick-ups, spur of the moment stuff. THOSE can be AMAZING, but rarely do they work out longer-term. That's not what I'm talking about, here. For purposes of this example, I'm talking about more mature relationships & sex, where you pursue a female, because she appears to have the qualities you value in a relationship, attractiveness, emotional stability, independece financially, maybe....then you discover she's lousy in bed! Not only that, but either incapable or unwilling to learn after repeated attempts!

Sorry, call me a self-centered a$$hole, but I know the value & importance I place on GOOD QUALITY SEX. Not only that, but I know MYSELF well enough that I KNOW I'm NOT willing to compromise GOOD SEX long-term, and I'll end up cheating on her! That will only make me feel bad about myself, and so for me, it's a better alternative to end relationships where the sex or sexual chemistry just wasn't there for me. So, YES. I've ended relationships because a female was lousy in bed. I think the reverse happens to guys with females too. Be realistic, SEXUAL CHEMISTRY is important to keep every relationship going, when the going gets tough. It's an anchor that helps get you through the rough spots. It's NOT the "be all-end all" maybe, but it's important enough to know you can call on it when needed (for me). You can all start calling me ugly names now...just sayin'...

Of course you can subvert away Jock,thats your privelige-and I wont call you any names(unless you want me to),but you know me,Ive always got an answer!.

Theres so much covered in what you say,that it would take a hundred threads to respond(e.g.what is sexual "chemistry" anyway)?,but allow me just to ask you one thing-that is can a woman even be bad in bed?.I thought all a woman had to do was "turn up to the party",and that it was what she WAS that was so hot-not what she did.

one psychologist said something like"if the sex fails,then it is the mans fault,its much easier for the woman than falling off a log...."(and then he says something sexist,that I wont quote)

I dont know if the whole thing is really sexist,or Feminist-and yes,I do know that most psychologists are themselves mad....hang what was I rambling on about..I blame the scrumpy cider(Have you ever been to Devon?)*

*Devon,UK-Im down there at the moment

[mikecares Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close mikecares]

Of course you can subvert away Jock,thats your privelige-and I wont call you any names(unless you want me to),but you know me,Ive always got an answer!.

Theres so much covered in what you say,that it would take a hundred threads to respond(e.g.what is sexual "chemistry" anyway)?,but allow me just to ask you one thing-that is can a woman even be bad in bed?.I thought all a woman had to do was "turn up to the party",and that it was what she WAS that was so hot-not what she did.

one psychologist said something like"if the sex fails,then it is the mans fault,its much easier for the woman than falling off a log...."(and then he says something sexist,that I wont quote)

I dont know if the whole thing is really sexist,or Feminist-and yes,I do know that most psychologists are themselves mad....hang what was I rambling on about..I blame the scrumpy cider(Have you ever been to Devon?)*

*Devon,UK-Im down there at the moment

The girl can suck at riding, can suck at giving head, can suck at giving hand jobs, can be quiet and say nothing, can be a log and do nothing...so a girl can be bad in bed as well. I think its just mostly viewed as a mens problem because men have an erection and if it goes away, then people think sex is over. But sex is obviously more then just intercourse.

[bigbutlimp Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close bigbutlimp]

Thats what the shrink said-I mean the log thing!.But I think he meant she didnt have to do anything-her being there was enough.Can a man enjoy sex at-all without an erection?-I guess so-he can be LIMP (HA HA),but in my experience-which I admit doesnt include hundreds(or even dozens)of women,most want you to be able to get hard.

[jackjohnson Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jackjohnson]

I think there is only 2-3 active female members

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Of course you can subvert away Jock,thats your privelige-and I wont call you any names(unless you want me to),but you know me,Ive always got an answer!.

Theres so much covered in what you say,that it would take a hundred threads to respond(e.g.what is sexual "chemistry" anyway)?,but allow me just to ask you one thing-that is can a woman even be bad in bed?.I thought all a woman had to do was "turn up to the party",and that it was what she WAS that was so hot-not what she did.

one psychologist said something like"if the sex fails,then it is the mans fault,its much easier for the woman than falling off a log...."(and then he says something sexist,that I wont quote)

I dont know if the whole thing is really sexist,or Feminist-and yes,I do know that most psychologists are themselves mad....hang what was I rambling on about..I blame the scrumpy cider(Have you ever been to Devon?)*

*Devon,UK-Im down there at the moment

OK Big, I'll try to answer your "one question". YES, a woman can be bad in bed, just like a guy can. BOTH partners need to be active participants and enthusiastic about sex, relaxed, and ready to BOTH GIVE & RECEIVE PLEASURE! Willing to trust and be trusted to achieve not just orgasm; but make sex the special, uniquely intimate and personal, uninhibited, and quite liberating act, both emotionally and physically it is intended to be! Afterall, when you're both sharing life's most intimate act, both partners need to pour themselves into it, IMO. BOTH should be willing to make themselves vulnerable if not entirely emotionally, then certainly physically. Inhibited sexuality just gives sex a bad reputation! I'm not talking about doing S&M or B&D stuff necessarily (although that's FUN), but just an openness to explore and enjoy ALL the intimacy that sex can offer. Partners that can't be open and relaxed, when they've consented to sex are not only short-changing themselves, but also their partners, whether male or female, IMO. Not worth the effort, for me.

And no, I've never been to Devon, but enjoy the "scrumpy cider"! Just get a sober driver home!