A Laugh for the Forum

[Hairtrigger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hairtrigger]

An alien couple was out on an intergalactic joy ride and they were talking about having sex with other species.

Wouldn't it be great if we could find a willing couple to have sex with,the young female asked.
We are almost identical to the race that live on Earth in South Dakota.....

The male replied,well I suppose it couldn't hurt anything.

So the couple landed their craft in a rural area and walked up to a farm house where an average couple lived.
They knocked on the door introduced themselves and the trusting couple invited them in and asked them to stay for dinner.
After a nice dinner and a few drinks the young alien female started a conversation about sex and finally asked:

Would the two of you be interested in having sex with us? The couple asked if they could think about it and get back
with them later and the aliens agreed.

Don't you think that's kind of weird asking us to swap up like that, the wife asked.
Not at all,I think it would be a great idea, besides no one will ever know.
Well I suppose it will be ok just this once, let's go tell them......

The couple's split up and went to different room's kind of eager to see what awaits them. The alien male and housewife
were about to get down and the alien whipped out a dick about the size of a worn out pencil. The woman was confussed.....

What am I supposed to do with that?
OOOh..... let me show you how this work's.
You turn my left ear clockwise to adjust for the length...
He gave his left ear a good twist and his dick ran out to about a foot!
The wife replied, well that's real nice, but it's only as big as my little finger.....
Oh that is controlled by my right ear.
He gave his right ear a good twist and his dick blew up to the size of a beer can!
Oh my that's nice, let me try!

The wife climbed on top with both ear's in hand after a few twists and turns of the ears she found herself having
the greatest sex ever to be experienced by an earthling.
The next morning the alien's were gone and the couple was sitting around the breakfast table wondering about last night.
The man finally asked:

Well,how was it for you?

The woman was not about to tell him what really happened and replied:

It was alright but you are alot better than he was, how about you?

The relieved man perked up a little and responded:

Well, I guess it was ok, but the strange thing was she wouldn't quit twisting my ear's......

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

That was a good one Hairtrigger.

Here's another one:

Truth detector


John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie
detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,"
said Tommy.

The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him
off his chair once more.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After
all, he is your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and slapped her
THREE, times.

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the
road.

8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you
try it out a few times.

7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN.

[jajdasexa Banned Find all posts View Profile Close jajdasexa]

ëó÷øåå ïîðíî

ðåêîìåíä&# 243;þ (Link removed by JP)

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

ðåêîìåíäóþ êà÷àòü ïîðíî

Yeah, jajdasexa, this made me laugh my ass off. Thanks for posting this in "A Laugh for the Forum." You stupid spammer. Hope you are paying $10.00 a gallon for gas.

[Hairtrigger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hairtrigger]

There was a CEO to a communications giant that had been charged and convicted and was about to be sentenced:

Judge: Sir you have been convicted of several whitecollar crimes and many people have been hurt by your greed.
Although I cannot sentence you fairly for your crimes I can have you placed in a minimum security prison for the next 5 years.

The man was released and was told to show up to prison within the week. A week later the man drove to the prison in his
new E class Mercedes wearing his Armani suit and diamond rings. He was quickly processed and his belongings stripped from
him and in return was given a cotton prison uniform. He was then escorted to his cell only to be amazed by what he saw.

CEO: Man I thought it was going to be rough in here.

Cellmate: Oh no we got it made, we still get almost anything we need in here..... Hey, do you like to go fishing or waterski?

CEO: Well I enjoy fishing from time to time.

Cellmate: Great, we have a 200 acre lake stocked with trophy Bass and on Monday's all the guy's get together and go fishing
all day on our 150 foot yacht.

CEO: MAN, that sounds great.

Cellmate: Oh that's not all, we also have a 18 hole championship golf course with carts and caddies. On Tuesday's we usually try to get
there around 9:00 after we eat a good breakfast prepared by our internationally trained chefs.

CEO: I just can't believe how good it is in here,what does everyone do on Wednesday?

Cellmate: Well, are you straight or gay?

CEO: Oh I'm straight!!!!

Cellmate: Well your not going to like Wednesday's............

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

HeHeHe. Thanks for the laugh.

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee, while another foursome
of women is hitting from the ladies' tees.

The ladies are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her
ball, she hacks it ten feet. She goes over and whiffs it completely.

Then, she hacks it another ten feet and finally hacks it another five feet.
She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,

''I guess all of those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn't help.''

One of the men immediately responds, ''Well, there you have it, you
should have taken golf lessons instead!''

He never even had a chance to duck.

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

A day at the Home


I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
and all the patients were shouting, "13....13....13."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little
gap in the planks and looked through to see what was
going on.






Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting "14....14....14."

[kingpole Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close kingpole]

a kind stupid woman was volunteering her time at the nutt house. She met a young dosile man there with a big chest, six pack abs and a huge bulge in his pants. She took kindly to the young fart and made it her mission to spring him from the joint. One day she had a serious discusion with the young man about getting him out. She said, im doing everything in my power to spring you from this place. As she was walking away she felt a sharp and then dulling pain at the back of her head. She staggered back and turned to look behind her. The young man had another big rock in his left hand and he said, Don't forget!

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Groan....Sorry kingpole but I gotta give ya 2 groans for that one. Groan..

[Hairtrigger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hairtrigger]

There were two guys visiting Asia during the summer going to different parts of the continent seeing the different ways of life and learning about their
culture. They soon realized in certain areas prostitution was rampant. At first they tried to stay away but the thrill of slammin some sideways tail was
more than they could stand. Jim was more adventurous than Jon so he was the first to give in.

Jim: Jon, you won't beleive how incredible she was, you have got to go get some of that!!!!
I know it's only been 3 months since we had some but this has got to be the best I ever had!!!!!

Jon: Sounds like I need to go right now, where is she!!!!

Jim gave Jon the address and he quickly made his way to the prostitute district. Jon was kinda nervous but he was gonna make the best of the
situation. He quickly paid and grabbed her panties removing them with one quick jerk and with one fluid like motion bent the girl over the bed
and started banging her like ther was no tommorrow....... After about 30 minutes both of them lay exhausted on the bed the girl managed to
get up and slowly make her way to the door with her head hung down and shaking as if to be in shock of what just happened. Jon made his
way home kind of proud of his latest conquest, he couldn't wait to tell Jim of all that took place.

Jon: Man,you where right that was unbeleivable, I got her bent over and she just started screaming none stop like nothing I ever heard!!!
She was bucking and jerking so hard it was all I could do just to hold on!!!!

Jim was really kind of confused because all that happened to him was they got down and he left not to mention she never let out even a whimper....

Jim: Are you sure it was the same girl?

Jon: Oh yes, it hade to be!!!! When you was with her did she keep screaming her boyfriends name?

Jim: No, as a matter of fact she didn't scream at all....what is her boyfriends name?

Jon: I think his name is Wong Ho....

Jim: You IDIOT, she was screaming WRONG HOLE !!!!!!

[kingpole Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close kingpole]

Groan....Sorry kingpole but I gotta give ya 2 groans for that one. Groan..

I think it deserves 5 groans and it least 3 grunts!

Here is another rerally bad one.

What did the banana say to the telephone poll?

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Oh...I don't know. Wrong number?

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Painting the Porch


A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer,
decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a
nearby well-to -do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first
house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How
much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she
would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation
said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way
around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, " You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled Husband asked.

"Yes, the blonde replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it
to her along with a ten dollar tip.

"And by the way, " the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."