You don't beg for respect

[Party Senior Member Member of the Month August 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Party]

So like I said the options are.

Few and far between at 56.

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

Well yes.

Here is the thing you can deserve respect you can earn it but that doesn't mean you get it . Now the only options I seem to hear of are ignoring it , pissing the person out of your life ,or violence .

Anyone got other options?

There is one steadfast rule in life --

You can't control what another person does or thinks, but you CAN control how you respond to them.

This is why the title of your thread is spot on - you don't beg for respect.

I try to remember that. Because, there are a lot of really ignorant and stubborn people in this world. Nothing you do or say will make them change their ways, until they are ready to change.

This is not a shortcoming on your part - but on theirs.

Obviously, I would never condone violence. Violence is the route people take who are too immature, stupid or just plain evil to come up with a positive solution to a problem.

Ignoring the person, I believe, is a better option, than cutting them completely out of your life. Sometimes... OK, rarely, the person with blinder on that doesn't see you deserve respect, comes to their senses. Perhaps that happens due to time and the person maturing. Or, perhaps it's a totally unrelated life event that clues them in to this epiphany. Whatever the reason - it does happen... again, rarely. So, if you've at least kept them in your life, even when it's at arm's length, you can start to rebuild a positive relationship.

However, my question (and not directing this at you, in particular, Peg- but rather anyone who doesn't feel like they are getting the respect they deserve) is - Have you asked yourself if you truly DO deserve their respect?

We have become a very entitled society. I believe it's all those damned "participation ribbons" they hand out to children in school. (Only half-kidding there.) But, there are a lot of people who THINK they deserve things that they truly haven't earned.

Ask yourself - Why should he/she respect me? - Is it because of your position or your relationship? Because, honestly, those aren't good reasons.

A good manager, for example, doesn't deserve respect simply because they have a title of higher authority. They have authority - not necessarily respect. A good manager deserves respect when they treat their employees fairly - when they serve as a good example of the type of employee others should be - when they put the needs of the organization and the other employees above their own personal needs. That's a manager that deserves respect. And, most people will see this and freely give this respect.

The few idiots that don't... well, again, nothing you can do about them.

This is similar with personal relationships and respect. A parent, as an example, doesn't deserve respect simply because they are the parent. "Respect me, because I'm your father/mother!" is probably one of the worst mindsets a parent can have - rating hand-in-hand with, "Because I said so."

So, personally, I say your other option is self-evaluation. Determine if you really, honestly deserve respect. Be brutally honest with yourself.

If you do, and if the person is just not seeing it, don't stress over it. Again, there are a lot of really ignorant and stubborn people in the world. Feel sorry for them, because they're missing out on a lot of happiness in this lifetime.

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

That is basically the violence option ao are threats .

I am going to hate myself for this but would you like to expand on manipulation.

You have just been promoted to manager at your job, and the people working beneath you are disrespectful and testing you all the time. So to prevent them from forming their alliances and such to your disadvantage, you try to turn all of them against each other (divide and conquer) so they are all independent parties instead of a powerful unity. Doing this allows you to have more control over them since they won’t trust each other. Supervisors in the corporate word do this shit all the time though it can be applied to McDonald’s jobs as well.

[Wildflower Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wildflower]

You have just been promoted to manager at your job, and the people working beneath you are disrespectful and testing you all the time. So to prevent them from forming their alliances and such to your disadvantage, you try to turn all of them against each other (divide and conquer) so they are all independent parties instead of a powerful unity. Doing this allows you to have more control over them since they won’t trust each other. Supervisors in the corporate word do this shit all the time though it can be applied to McDonald’s jobs as well.

Thats a terrible way to lead as a boss. Why would any one want to breakdown people just to gain a little? Dont get me wrong i know its a thing... i just dont unddrstand hiw some one can stomache them selves after doing it. Shoot i can hardly (fake sickness) call in to work let alone real call into work as i know how much it effect our team when were short. Just dont get it.

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

Thats a terrible way to lead as a boss. Why would any one want to breakdown people just to gain a little? Dont get me wrong i know its a thing... i just dont unddrstand hiw some one can stomache them selves after doing it. Shoot i can hardly (fake sickness) call in to work let alone real call into work as i know how much it effect our team when were short. Just dont get it.

If their disrespectful and testing him he doesn’t always have a choice. He could end up getting fired if he can’t keep them under his control. I’m not saying it’s the best way to manage but sometimes they may not have a choice.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Respect like you say Kim has to earn't and not demanded. people get respect but it is never given, we get respect from the way we do things and what we say or believe in, but its not a physical thing you cant go to someone and say have this respect in a box or a jar, its from the above.

But you cant beat somebody up for it, as violence will never give you that respect your looking for, going that way is back to demanding it, then your lose and lost.

NOWHARD

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

If their disrespectful and testing him he doesn’t always have a choice. He could end up getting fired if he can’t keep them under his control. I’m not saying it’s the best way to manage but sometimes they may not have a choice.

Besides disprespecting a superior and testing him is breaking someone down to

[Wildflower Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wildflower]

If their disrespectful and testing him he doesn’t always have a choice. He could end up getting fired if he can’t keep them under his control. I’m not saying it’s the best way to manage but sometimes they may not have a choice.

I can see how you could feel like that were the only option some times. I just have a harder time seeing that, as i do feel like a boss has to earn respect. You dont just recieve it. Its the same in every aspect of the work force in leadership. And one of the biggest leaderships sayings is lead by example, as a team leader. So for me it's a foreign idea to break up my team just to elevate myself. I would never be as productive this way.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

Respect is easily broken and hard to repair. It's also tied to integrity. When people figure out your games they will quickly lose respect. Happens all the time...even here.

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

I can see how you could feel like that were the only option some times. I just have a harder time seeing that, as i do feel like a boss has to earn respect. You dont just recieve it. Its the same in every aspect of the work force in leadership. And one of the biggest leaderships sayings is lead by example, as a team leader. So for me it's a foreign idea to break up my team just to elevate myself. I would never be as productive this way.

Superiors are entitled to respect due to their position whether the respect is forgery or not. Its the same thing as respecting parents and teachers. They are your superiors so you respect them. Any violation of this justifies a more radical means of demanding respect, as long as the damage isn’t too severe I.e. physical force. emotional abuse. I'm not saying I would do this to people but I know of bosses who have this mentality.

[Wildflower Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wildflower]

Superiors are entitled to respect due to their position whether the respect is forgery or not. Its the same thing as respecting parents and teachers. They are your superiors so you respect them. Any violation of this justifies a more radical means of demanding respect, as long as the damage isn’t too severe I.e. physical force.

Supervisors may indeed feel entitled to respect. However, i have found my team works entirely better when I earned my respect. My coworkers and people that i have to correct on a daily bases dont respect me because I've manipulated them into it. Its because i make sure that I work as hard as they do, i would never ask them to do a job that I wouldn't do myself or have done myself and they all hold respect for me. I will always come up against some one who is older than me and there for will not respect me, i could absolutely use my position or my training to completely MAKE them respect me. Similar with parenting. I can MAKE my children respect me, however will they respect me because they have to or because they WANT to? There's a difference. I'm not saying your way isn't successful. I'm sure it is. I just know that my life became a lot more easy as a place of authority the second that i chose to keep my self and equal instead of putting myself on a pedestal.

[halcyon_ Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close halcyon_]

The idea of manipulating someone into respecting you isn't respect at all. If you're manipulating someone into giving the appearance that they are respecting you, it's a matter of self-deceit to consider that respect.

Not everyone gives respect. It's a common tactic among manipulator types and the dark triad to not give it. They might do what is called 'dosing' to keep the manipulation going, but the tactic is still to not give respect. It's very damaging to a person's self-esteem. There's nothing you can do to get respect from them, they won't give it, it's a matter of manipulation and control.

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

Supervisors may indeed feel entitled to respect. However, i have found my team works entirely better when I earned my respect. My coworkers and people that i have to correct on a daily bases dont respect me because I've manipulated them into it. Its because i make sure that I work as hard as they do, i would never ask them to do a job that I wouldn't do myself or have done myself and they all hold respect for me. I will always come up against some one who is older than me and there for will not respect me, i could absolutely use my position or my training to completely MAKE them respect me. Similar with parenting. I can MAKE my children respect me, however will they respect me because they have to or because they WANT to? There's a difference. I'm not saying your way isn't successful. I'm sure it is. I just know that my life became a lot easy as a place of authority the second that i chose to keep my self and equal instead of putting myself on a pedestal.

I’ve never managed anything so your experience outweighs mine and I think if it works, use it. In glad that your methods are successful. And just know that I’m not trying to persuade you, I’m just establishing what happens in the real world sometimes. And from what I have noticed, being nice to everyone works very well with people also. I’m not saying one needs to employ it (manipulation) or that I would, but you don’t always know the types people you work with.

[HansTwilight Retired ModeratorPE Gym Editor Member of the Month Jan 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close HansTwilight]

It’s also important to be aware of manipulation so you don’t fall victim to it.
But I truly believe begging for respect is counterproductive.

[Wildflower Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Wildflower]

I agree! You can beg all day for respect. No matter the situation. But if a person has already decided they aren't going to give it there's no use in keeping up in close relationship with that person. Learning how to give and receive respect, first one must respect ones own self.