A place to rant

[incogneeetoe Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2017*Special Appreciated Moderator Nov. 2021* PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close incogneeetoe]

I guess I'm just tired of everything right now.

There are times we all go through that,
here you are heard, for what it is worth.

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

Lately there's been a lot of people at my house, my youngest brother has had friends over, the other guy that lives here has had just as many people here, if not more so, and I think that because of the various stresses of work (which have been going on for months and only now starting to decrease) I chose this particular issue to get frazzled over. With my step-dad coming for Thanksgiving I'd love to discuss these issues with him to fix some of this, or other things, but I know it won't do anything, as this guy let his own son steal thousands from him.

Part of me would love to move into my own place alone, but I know apartments I'd have to deal with the same random thumps above, and also below, and a house is too much to afford. It would be great to get my friend in here and somehow kick that other guy out so these things would decrease, but something tells me that won't happen any time soon.

I mean I was fine with this stuff, but then my brother's friends started having living issues and for like a month they were around more, staying the night, and asking to live here, and I just wasn't having any of it. After years of dealing with the "It'll only be for X months" or "They'll just be here for a while" I don't trust a single person moving in for any time unless I am the one in control of it. I couldn't tell my step-dad about this as he has a terrible track record of bringing people in the house, ranging from his own son to a god damn parrot, so I just made sure no one else would be here.

So basically I just needed to vent and I think the living situation is what I chose to rant about to an empty room in a hypothetical argument.

I guess I'm just tired of everything right now.

Nothing wrong with discussing the issues you face with yourself. You know yourself better than anyone. The tricky part is trying to give yourself advice based on a 3rd person view, without influence from your wants/desires... and actually following that advice. It is certainly doable if you can be self-aware enough. You sound like someone who is.

You also sound like someone who just needs a break, and understandably so. I'm assuming you're introverted but feel like your stuck and have no place to truly be alone and recharge your batteries? If so, you're definitely not alone. And if not... you're definitely not alone. Having a goal of possibly renting a smaller standalone structure and setting a loose timeline may help you be able to deal with your current situation. A "light at the end of the tunnel" sort of thing. Also, if you know of a day/time where your place will definitely be empty... take the day off of work and stay home. There are ways. Try different ones until you find what works best for you.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

Nothing wrong with discussing the issues you face with yourself. You know yourself better than anyone. The tricky part is trying to give yourself advice based on a 3rd person view, without influence from your wants/desires... and actually following that advice. It is certainly doable if you can be self-aware enough. You sound like someone who is.

You also sound like someone who just needs a break, and understandably so. I'm assuming you're introverted but feel like your stuck and have no place to truly be alone and recharge your batteries? If so, you're definitely not alone. And if not... you're definitely not alone. Having a goal of possibly renting a smaller standalone structure and setting a loose timeline may help you be able to deal with your current situation. A "light at the end of the tunnel" sort of thing. Also, if you know of a day/time where your place will definitely be empty... take the day off of work and stay home. There are ways. Try different ones until you find what works best for you.

The weird thing is that with the other housemate I was more or less okay with it (mostly less) and there was this semi-stable amount of peace, but when my youngest brother's friends started asking about moving in and I was helping come up with ideas on how they could find somewhere to live is when this really started to piss me off. These two were like me at 18 looking for a job.

"I already contacted everything." Even though apartments.com had 500+ listings within about 10 miles of my house, and they can say that all they want, but I knew that's a lie.

"It costs like double or triple to get in to an apartment." I heard this plenty and even I know this, but they need first and last month rent, how is that not common sense by now? One of them especially said this like they didn't understand this basic fact.

I heard plenty of excuses like these and it was over weeks. When asked by two people I barely know if each individually can move in, if they can have their stuff here, and other questions it was annoying. It was incredibly frustrating.

As for the being alone idea. As I'm up at night I have plenty of "alone" time and it's no different than years ago when there was 6+ people in the house. I believe that the frustrations of work got to me, lots of missed breaks, dealing with one incredibly irritating employee, and just my life revolving around it and mostly being a work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, etc. is draining me a bit. In two weeks I would be at this job for a year and while this job is nice it can syphon a lot of my energy.

I do think back and forth about my own place, although I do think I wouldn't mind being with the one friend I have. The real thing I'd like to happy is my friend move in here and with him properly paying rent I could get the other guy kicked out of here.

Overall I think I'm just burnt out, the life of work and not much else has really drained me lately. I need to push back my plan to start school until next summer, as I can't deal with winter and school without a proper laptop to work on while I wait to start work, a car is far off as I need to update my computer (it's starting to go), I couldn't work on my friend's Christmas gift (a specially made t-shirt based on a joke I made long ago) as my computer is dying, weekends tend to be more about me relaxing/recovering from work (due to me not taking my breaks like I should) than doing anything constructive, my knees and feet are hurting more than they used to earlier in the year, and what social interaction outside of work I did have has plummeted to a point I didn't think existed.

With that said.

Work is good, I don't mind the work, parts of it are annoying, like any job, my bosses say I'm doing really well (minus when I forget to turn in my time sheet), my proposal to lessen our work and reduce trash cans is being implemented, I have plenty of savings, my surgery is still healing (which I think is good), and I have been able to really think about the book I want, figuring out quite a few things about how I want it to go and larger and small points in it, I got under 300 pounds and under 280 (although I seem to be bouncing between just under and just over that point). It's all going well, but to say I'm not exhausted would be a lie.


TLDR: Way too many people and issues too close to one another, things are annoying, but things are also going well at the same time. The good thing is that I'm off for 9 days once this week is over and then I get near two weeks off for the Christmas vacation of the school. Maybe I can relax and recover then to catch up on some things.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

When there are three bathroom stalls and I'm on one end, why the hell does someone get in the middle stall and not the one on the far end!? Not cool.

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

When there are three bathroom stalls and I'm on one end, why the hell does someone get in the middle stall and not the one on the far end!? Not cool.

Peek-A-Boo, I C U !

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

The weird thing is that with the other housemate I was more or less okay with it (mostly less) and there was this semi-stable amount of peace, but when my youngest brother's friends started asking about moving in and I was helping come up with ideas on how they could find somewhere to live is when this really started to piss me off. These two were like me at 18 looking for a job.

"I already contacted everything." Even though apartments.com had 500+ listings within about 10 miles of my house, and they can say that all they want, but I knew that's a lie.

"It costs like double or triple to get in to an apartment." I heard this plenty and even I know this, but they need first and last month rent, how is that not common sense by now? One of them especially said this like they didn't understand this basic fact.

I heard plenty of excuses like these and it was over weeks. When asked by two people I barely know if each individually can move in, if they can have their stuff here, and other questions it was annoying. It was incredibly frustrating.

As for the being alone idea. As I'm up at night I have plenty of "alone" time and it's no different than years ago when there was 6+ people in the house. I believe that the frustrations of work got to me, lots of missed breaks, dealing with one incredibly irritating employee, and just my life revolving around it and mostly being a work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep, etc. is draining me a bit. In two weeks I would be at this job for a year and while this job is nice it can syphon a lot of my energy.

I do think back and forth about my own place, although I do think I wouldn't mind being with the one friend I have. The real thing I'd like to happy is my friend move in here and with him properly paying rent I could get the other guy kicked out of here.

Overall I think I'm just burnt out, the life of work and not much else has really drained me lately. I need to push back my plan to start school until next summer, as I can't deal with winter and school without a proper laptop to work on while I wait to start work, a car is far off as I need to update my computer (it's starting to go), I couldn't work on my friend's Christmas gift (a specially made t-shirt based on a joke I made long ago) as my computer is dying, weekends tend to be more about me relaxing/recovering from work (due to me not taking my breaks like I should) than doing anything constructive, my knees and feet are hurting more than they used to earlier in the year, and what social interaction outside of work I did have has plummeted to a point I didn't think existed.

With that said.

Work is good, I don't mind the work, parts of it are annoying, like any job, my bosses say I'm doing really well (minus when I forget to turn in my time sheet), my proposal to lessen our work and reduce trash cans is being implemented, I have plenty of savings, my surgery is still healing (which I think is good), and I have been able to really think about the book I want, figuring out quite a few things about how I want it to go and larger and small points in it, I got under 300 pounds and under 280 (although I seem to be bouncing between just under and just over that point). It's all going well, but to say I'm not exhausted would be a lie.


TLDR: Way too many people and issues too close to one another, things are annoying, but things are also going well at the same time. The good thing is that I'm off for 9 days once this week is over and then I get near two weeks off for the Christmas vacation of the school. Maybe I can relax and recover then to catch up on some things.

That does sound pretty frustrating. If you haven't already, you can make a list of places somewhat nearby they can check out. If there's something they like and can afford, problem solved with the added bonus of your brother being over there more than they are over at your place. Maybe your brother can move in with them (not knowing his age or financial situation)... that could offset their expenses even more. Maybe they just need guidance on expectation management in the real world. Just some thoughts.

Despite being burnt out (it happens), it's great that you recognize the positives. Happy to hear some things you mentioned as stressors a while ago are turning around for the better. It's so easy for so many people, myself included, to get stuck in a hole of negativity sometimes when things don't seem to go right for a period of time.

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

When there are three bathroom stalls and I'm on one end, why the hell does someone get in the middle stall and not the one on the far end!? Not cool.

Just reach under really quickly and grab their pants or shoelace and try to pull them under the stall wall into your stall. They'll think twice before they sit next to someone again.

I don't recommend actually doing this... could have some shitty results.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

That does sound pretty frustrating. If you haven't already, you can make a list of places somewhat nearby they can check out. If there's something they like and can afford, problem solved with the added bonus of your brother being over there more than they are over at your place. Maybe your brother can move in with them (not knowing his age or financial situation)... that could offset their expenses even more. Maybe they just need guidance on expectation management in the real world. Just some thoughts.

My brother unfortunately can't go out on his own, as his job is just part time although I have advised him to strive for more hours either through his current job or a new one after he's been there a year.

I looked into houses and apartments near me and honestly I'd probably be happier in a house. In an apartment I'm sure I wouldn't be all that thrilled over the various noises that go on throughout the day, considering my job is third shift right now.

Despite being burnt out (it happens), it's great that you recognize the positives. Happy to hear some things you mentioned as stressors a while ago are turning around for the better. It's so easy for so many people, myself included, to get stuck in a hole of negativity sometimes when things don't seem to go right for a period of time.

It's easy for me to get stuck there, I AM the hole of negativity. Things have been fairly well lately, although I would love to catch up on some stuff like writing my book, still have to write double the words before the end of the year, and creating a dating profile on a site. Got myself a haircut and figure if I can make a decent looking profile and leave it there maybe I can meet someone. The hard part about that is the picture....and making me sound good in the profile....and really everything about that.

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

My brother unfortunately can't go out on his own, as his job is just part time although I have advised him to strive for more hours either through his current job or a new one after he's been there a year.

If he moved into a place with his friends they could split the bills 3 ways. Less cost for all and more money they can save, provided they were financially responsible and took advantage of the situation. And they're out of your hair.

I looked into houses and apartments near me and honestly I'd probably be happier in a house. In an apartment I'm sure I wouldn't be all that thrilled over the various noises that go on throughout the day, considering my job is third shift right now.

Definitely understand. Apartments, hotels, dorms.... no thanks. An option could be to find some realtors that manage some rental properties and see what they can come up with within your budget.

It's easy for me to get stuck there, I AM the hole of negativity. Things have been fairly well lately, although I would love to catch up on some stuff like writing my book, still have to write double the words before the end of the year, and creating a dating profile on a site. Got myself a haircut and figure if I can make a decent looking profile and leave it there maybe I can meet someone. The hard part about that is the picture....and making me sound good in the profile....and really everything about that.

Being the hole of negativity really is a frame of mind and how your brain has wired itself via your life experiences. It takes a while, but it's possible to change your wiring/thought processes to view and handle what life throws at you in a different manner. Certain things happen when those changes start to manifest themselves in your personality that can help speed the process along and make it easier. It does take time and there will be highs and lows, but it is possible. And I'm speaking from personal experience here. Depression, anxiety in many aspects of life, and some other stuff, took its toll. Still have the bouts of depression, but I do feel like I come out of it sooner and its effects are lessened while I'm in it. Still have the anxieties but I can usually talk/rationalize myself through them and lessen their effects. It just takes time and patience.

As far as the dating profile thing goes... I met my wife on eHarmony. I tried Match and another one that I don't remember. Not sure how it is nowadays, but eHarmony was definitely easier with the personality matching, guided communication, etc. You do have to pay for it, but so do they... so there's more seriousness when it comes to finding someone for a relationship. That was my experience with the online dating thing (albeit 10 years ago). Just understand that with online dating, the cat calls are more concentrated. Don't let that discourage you though. In fact, it may help with the "quality" of person you may find on there. Someone who isn't caught up with and can weed through the bullshit. Think I was on the site for over a year before finding the wife, and about 6 months before getting any decent matches. If you're not seeing matches start to build after a little bit, just change up some of your preferences to something more vague, but still inline with what you're looking for. Hope it helps.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

If he moved into a place with his friends they could split the bills 3 ways. Less cost for all and more money they can save, provided they were financially responsible and took advantage of the situation. And they're out of your hair.

The brother's friends aren't really the issue, they are just adding to it, the big one is the other guy, while I tend not to see his friends often it does annoy me he pays less rent and yet has the biggest bedroom (I don't want it personally, but he definitely shouldn't have it) and a mancave in the garage where he smokes weed, drinks beer, and has "dart tournaments" in there. That annoys the piss out of me more than anything, especially since he's been here for two years and I was told he'd be here "when he got back on his feet" and that's no closer now than when he moved in.

Definitely understand. Apartments, hotels, dorms.... no thanks. An option could be to find some realtors that manage some rental properties and see what they can come up with within your budget.

I'll have to consider that when this comes to a head. I'll make sure to remember to do this.

Being the hole of negativity really is a frame of mind and how your brain has wired itself via your life experiences. It takes a while, but it's possible to change your wiring/thought processes to view and handle what life throws at you in a different manner. Certain things happen when those changes start to manifest themselves in your personality that can help speed the process along and make it easier. It does take time and there will be highs and lows, but it is possible. And I'm speaking from personal experience here. Depression, anxiety in many aspects of life, and some other stuff, took its toll. Still have the bouts of depression, but I do feel like I come out of it sooner and its effects are lessened while I'm in it. Still have the anxieties but I can usually talk/rationalize myself through them and lessen their effects. It just takes time and patience.

You do have yourself a point, things have been easier in that department, but I still use a lot of that negativity as humor in my daily life. I'm always making fun of myself for a quick laugh, it's just what's worked for me since I was about 20 or so. I saw people laughed more at that and an introspection like that never quite hurts anything. At least that's how I see things.

As far as the dating profile thing goes... I met my wife on eHarmony. I tried Match and another one that I don't remember. Not sure how it is nowadays, but eHarmony was definitely easier with the personality matching, guided communication, etc. You do have to pay for it, but so do they... so there's more seriousness when it comes to finding someone for a relationship. That was my experience with the online dating thing (albeit 10 years ago). Just understand that with online dating, the cat calls are more concentrated. Don't let that discourage you though. In fact, it may help with the "quality" of person you may find on there. Someone who isn't caught up with and can weed through the bullshit. Think I was on the site for over a year before finding the wife, and about 6 months before getting any decent matches. If you're not seeing matches start to build after a little bit, just change up some of your preferences to something more vague, but still inline with what you're looking for. Hope it helps.

I was thinking of using Plenty of Fish again, I tried it years ago but got nowhere and the kindest thing said to me was "no one wants to see that" from a guy to a pic of me fully clothed, but maybe if I have to an actual real dating site like that you have to pay for would be better than some others I was scammed by in the past.

I tried writing the interests and description and boy does it sound bad. I have no idea how to make myself sound good. I am absolutely terrible at describing myself in a good light.

[tank0909 Senior Member Member of the Month Jan. 2019 Find all posts View Profile Close tank0909]

The brother's friends aren't really the issue, they are just adding to it, the big one is the other guy, while I tend not to see his friends often it does annoy me he pays less rent and yet has the biggest bedroom (I don't want it personally, but he definitely shouldn't have it) and a mancave in the garage where he smokes weed, drinks beer, and has "dart tournaments" in there. That annoys the piss out of me more than anything, especially since he's been here for two years and I was told he'd be here "when he got back on his feet" and that's no closer now than when he moved in.

I'll have to consider that when this comes to a head. I'll make sure to remember to do this.

Yeah, that definitely sounds annoying. And it doesn't sound like it would get better or change much if you spoke to him about it, if you haven't already. But I don't know the guy so I could be wrong. And why wait until it came to a head? It may be easier to find what you want vs. settle for something you won't be happy with if you're able to take your time and look instead of rush into it because you're dying to get out of there.

You do have yourself a point, things have been easier in that department, but I still use a lot of that negativity as humor in my daily life. I'm always making fun of myself for a quick laugh, it's just what's worked for me since I was about 20 or so. I saw people laughed more at that and an introspection like that never quite hurts anything. At least that's how I see things.

That's true. It's great to be able to laugh at yourself. The difference is whether you're laughing off something you did and making light of it... or making fun of yourself for the sake of a laugh. I used to make fun of myself to make people laugh but then it would kind of carry on sometimes... I was my own bully and my friends joined in. Nothing against them at all, we were all just having fun. But in the grand scheme of things, I was subconsciously hurting myself and validating the negativity I hid inside. Eventually I stopped doing it, but it took a little work/tongue biting.

I was thinking of using Plenty of Fish again, I tried it years ago but got nowhere and the kindest thing said to me was "no one wants to see that" from a guy to a pic of me fully clothed, but maybe if I have to an actual real dating site like that you have to pay for would be better than some others I was scammed by in the past.

I tried writing the interests and description and boy does it sound bad. I have no idea how to make myself sound good. I am absolutely terrible at describing myself in a good light.

Lots of people have issues writing about themselves and finding the right picture and all that. It's not easy. There are quite a few blogs/articles/whatever that discuss how to write your profile, what kind of picture to take, etc. They may help. Try this too... imagine your on a first date and she says "So, tell me about yourself." Your response may be something like, "Well what do you want to know?"... write down what pops into your head that you imagine her saying in response to that.

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

And why wait until it came to a head? It may be easier to find what you want vs. settle for something you won't be happy with if you're able to take your time and look instead of rush into it because you're dying to get out of there.

I tend to wait as long as possible, turning patience from a virtue into a sin.

I did talk to my step-dad about my friend moving and while I don't have anything confirmed, and maybe I shouldn't jump for joy yet, it did seem like if/when my friend wants to come in the other guy might have to get out. He did seem to like that my friend would actually pay rent, and my step-dad has known him as long as we have, so it won't be an issue with stranger coming in.

That's true. It's great to be able to laugh at yourself. The difference is whether you're laughing off something you did and making light of it... or making fun of yourself for the sake of a laugh. I used to make fun of myself to make people laugh but then it would kind of carry on sometimes... I was my own bully and my friends joined in. Nothing against them at all, we were all just having fun. But in the grand scheme of things, I was subconsciously hurting myself and validating the negativity I hid inside. Eventually I stopped doing it, but it took a little work/tongue biting.

Very true. I think I've gotten better about not just inserting that kind of stuff in randomly when it has no correlation to anything, but I definitely do it as much as I can. Last time at work I had a meeting with a couple of bosses and another employee, for that employees work ethic and work quality, and somehow at the end it somehow got into how I shouldn't push myself so hard nor make fun of myself. I of course rebuffed that with more jokes and shoulder shrugs.

I know I need to work at it, but honestly I think it's fine. I think it's better than the opposite of being too full of myself, so I guess maybe this way of thinking is "being too empty of myself".

Lots of people have issues writing about themselves and finding the right picture and all that. It's not easy. There are quite a few blogs/articles/whatever that discuss how to write your profile, what kind of picture to take, etc. They may help. Try this too... imagine your on a first date and she says "So, tell me about yourself." Your response may be something like, "Well what do you want to know?"... write down what pops into your head that you imagine her saying in response to that.

Personally, if I imagine the response I foresee disappointment, but that's me.

I tried taking a crack at writing an initial profile on plenty of fish, and then stopped as I ran out of time to do it again, and I couldn't think of a thing past "I'm a nerd that likes X,Y, and Z." and could only do maybe three sentences total. I really have nothing when it comes to talking well about myself. I just can't do it, and it took me a year to do it semi correctly when it came to job interviews.

I did take a few face pics for it and I can't say much there, personally I always thought of myself as unattractive, for various reasons, and I guess these very simple images will have to do.

Perhaps I may make a thread in the relationship section for anyone that wants help for that kind of thing. Not so I can help, but so others that know better here can offer a bit of advice.

[Ultimate Burrito Moderator Member of the Month Oct 2017PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Ultimate Burrito]

Is it just me or is this place turning into PFgym?

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Is it just me or is this place turning into PFgym?

When enough of a critical mass fixates on one concept, it becomes a "thought form". Thought forms do have power- though only as much as you give them. That's not to say that there aren't legimitate issues occuring, but when a form of hysteria about them develops it only makes things worse.

We've seen this before with other issues (e.g.- venous leak).