(Guys) Ever felt like this?

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

i do understand completely
you have to believe that she sees more in you then you do.. you have to believe that she embraces your imperfections and flaws just as you do hers..
how long have you been with her?

Yes, she said something similar to that. She says I make her feel wonderful and loved, so I do my best to keep it that way.

Well, I met her when I was 15ish. We got on really well together and went on for a few months. Then she disappeared ... for a couple of years. Later found out she had been in an accident, had to go to several hospitals, get mental treatments - horrible shit. When she finally contacted me, she told me about these things, and I did my best to make her happy again. And that's where we started it again This was 4 months ago.

Try not to keep feeling that way. It leads to insecurites about yourself... which is a MAJOR turn off to women.
(...)
Remember, you don't pick who you fall in love with. Same goes for women.

Thanks, I agree with this.

I could easily be way off base here. I have never dealt with a long distance relationship, but maybe do you think you feel this way because your afraid of her finding someone "better" due to the fact that you guys are separated through distance?

Exactly. That and there are actually guys there who're better looking and good at other stuff.

Also do you think maybe it could be really you probably just miss her and are afraid of losing her and your simply going over the reasons you think she might have for doing so?

That would be correct. Those thoughts haunt me sometimes.

I suggest try concentrating on the joy you will feel at seeing her again. Make it something special. Also if you guys are apart now is the perfect time to do some self improvement. You can use what your feeling as motivation. By the time you guys are reunited you could have that crazy 6-pack, some extra girth, or have a new talent to show off.

Thank you for your wisdom, I will work on myself now.

[ridiculed Banned Find all posts View Profile Close ridiculed]

I do all the time. It's gotten so bad that I never try anymore. I'm unemployed, don't have a car, have a bland personality and I have a small pennis. Fortunately I believe I only need one of these to succeed with hoes. Since I'm on this site, it's obvious which one I'm targeting.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Ridiculed, please don't be unnecessarily disrespectful to women. It doesn't do anyone (including yourself) any good. Work to improve yourself, but don't call us "hoes" just to make yourself feel better.

[Editor Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Editor]

She's with you for a reason, man. Realize that if she didn't find you attractive and interesting she wouldn't be with you!

No reason to think poorly of yourself; be all that you can be for you and her!

+1 to this. Listen to this man. Don't think about it man.

[NP97 Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close NP97]

I do all the time. It's gotten so bad that I never try anymore. I'm unemployed, don't have a car, have a bland personality and I have a small pennis. Fortunately I believe I only need one of these to succeed with hoes. Since I'm on this site, it's obvious which one I'm targeting.

Ever think that attitude may be why you haven't found anyone?

[dsmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dsmall]

Like your girlfriend / wife / partner was too good for you?

If you have, you know how sad it can make you feel about yourself, it could hinder your progress in your relationship, or hurt your self esteem.

It's the same thing with me and her.

She's smart, learning several languages, attractive, photogenic, good at singing, good at playing instruments, social, makes the most out of life, makes people happy and people (and lots of boys) love her back - she's plain amazing.

I on the other hand, have nothing that could match up to her. I was good at drawing and some sports, but it's been years since I've done anything. I can't sing, my photos suck, I'm average looking, not so good at socialising, got no real hobbies ... I'm just a plain average joe.
I don't know why she loves me so much still, seeing we live far away and I can only comfort her with words.

Have any of you ever had this? If so, how did you get out of this predicament?
Any tips would be nice.

It's really hurting my self worth, you know.

Guys and girls and welcome to post their opinions!

Well, there are two distinct realities. The first is that you have crappy self esteem; and simply perceive her comparable pluses and attributes as being far above yours. She may be quite happy with you because she does not see you as just an average joe, and you are glossing over your real accomplishments and admirable qualities. If that's the case, stop worrying and take a better inventory of what you bring to the table.

The second is that she is actively spending her time trying to improve herself educationally, socially, and culturally, and is investing a lot of time in moving forward with her goals. Meanwhile, you might be wallowing in a period where you are basically treading water and not working on moving forward. If this is the case, you can eventually wear the patience of even the most understanding empathetic person.

You need to ask yourself whether you are trying to make a self fulfilling prophecy come true. And the question is why are you not investing in drawing, sports, or anything new to move forward. If you do in fact spend most of your time sitting passively on the couch or in front of your computer waiting her for her to wake up and realize that she is out of your league, then that may just happen.

My thought is that you need to look for things and ways that you can engage back into the world. Get to the gym, take some classes, take on new projects at work, read some interesting books, take up a language, start drawing again, join a local sports club, or otherwise take control of the situation. Under the best scenario, she will see you as a guy who is on the same path as she is, working on improving her situation, and will have no interest in seeing whether she can do better. Worst case scenario is that you will improve your situation and self-esteem so that you won't let the next one slip by because you are wallowing around. But make no mistake, it is a very rare women who is willing to move forward in every other aspect of her life but settle for a relationship she has outgrown. You have an obligation to help move the relationship forward as well.

if I start to think that my partner is getting too good for me, then I try and work on improving myself. The other option is to start ripping her down or ridiculing her efforts at improvement, which wouldn't make me feel any better.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Well, I do have one achievement ... I wanted her to be proud of me, so I studied hard and got accepted to my degree.

[closed149 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed149]

You should want to be proud of yourself. Live your life for you, not for someone else.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

Well, I do have one achievement ... I wanted her to be proud of me, so I studied hard and got accepted to my degree.

You clearly care for this girl, maybe she sees that to. I know if someone were to love me unconditionally I would in turn develop feelings of affection for that person. Maybe shes with you because unlike most men you can truly care for her. The best thing about that is it will be easy to make yourself better for her, because you truly care. She will see you improving yourself for her, I dont see anything really being a better compliment then that. Make sure she knows you are bettering yourself for her. Or if you want it to be a surprise better yourself without her knowing and just show her the end result, but let her know its for her.

You mentioned she had mental problems in the past, what is her opinion of herself? Is she a people pleaser? Many people with problems try to please everyone around them in a effort to be liked. She may not think she deserves you. You may be providing her with something she thought impossible, you may be providing her with something she doesn't believe she deserves, love. Everything positive you say she does, maybe she is trying to build up her own self worth.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

phil88, you're not actually Dr. Phil, are you? Geezus you're hitting all the right targets.

Maybe shes with you because unlike most men you can truly care for her.

She knows I care for her. I'm not sure if it's more than the other guys, but I know straight away when something's wrong with her.

Make sure she knows you are bettering yourself for her. Or if you want it to be a surprise better yourself without her knowing and just show her the end result, but let her know its for her.

She knows it, too. And I let her in on my progresses, like my weight loss and getting a job.

You mentioned she had mental problems in the past, what is her opinion of herself? Is she a people pleaser?

Not really mental problems, but she was admitted to some institute because of her mood swings. It's a bit hazy to me, right now. She does suffer from low self esteem from time to time, heck, she even cried once. She won't admit she's beautiful, though I keep telling her otherwise. She does please a lot of people, yes. She's quite popular.

Many people with problems try to please everyone around them in a effort to be liked.

She doesn't try, she just turns heads around and she knows that, too. Like I said before, she's quite popular, outgoing, positive and has a lot of boys crazy about her and with good reasons, too.

She may not think she deserves you.

She has told me that, but I don't believe it.

You may be providing her with something she thought impossible, you may be providing her with something she doesn't believe she deserves, love. Everything positive you say she does, maybe she is trying to build up her own self worth.

Could be, could be.

___________________

Also, she told me that she and a friend of hers are "married". Not like officially, just put as a status, like any BFF or any other stuff. What ticks me off is that she's known that guy for less time than me. =/

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

lol no Phil is actually a joke name for my penis . Ive found the best way to make a girl feel good about the way she looks, is while you two are having sex, and your staring into each others eyes tell her " Wow you really have no clue how beautiful you are do you?" pose it as a question. Include her self doubt in the question. She probably views your normal compliments as just trying to make her feel good, and has problems finding them to be true, regardless of how you mean them, especially if she gets them from a lot guys.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

I haven't had sex with her yet but I have done exactly that when we make out. I always tell her that I mean it and she's actually really beautiful and I'm not just saying it out of duty.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

I haven't had sex with her yet but I have done exactly that when we make out. I always tell her that I mean it and she's actually really beautiful and I'm not just saying it out of duty.

The thing about complimenting a girl before sex is it can be viewed as an attempt at sex. If your already having the sex and you compliment her its a free compliment, there is nothing you are after. You can say you mean it but she may not believe it. When there is no possible reward for the compliment it means much more.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

I don't compliment her to get sex, she knows it. And the reason we haven't had sex yet is because, you guessed it, I want to work on myself first. I thank her for everything and tell her why she is amazing, wether we are cuddling or just talking.

I don't always say these things because they will loose their meaning if I say them too much.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

I don't compliment her to get sex, she knows it. And the reason we haven't had sex yet is because, you guessed it, I want to work on myself first. I thank her for everything and tell her why she is amazing, wether we are cuddling or just talking.

I don't always say these things because they will loose their meaning if I say them too much.

well it sounds like you already got everything going quite smoothly and you just miss her. Do you know when you get to see her next?