(Guys) Ever felt like this?

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

m = me, h = her.

h: I guess cause of hunter
15:05m: hokay
m: you gonna date hunter still?


15:06h: Chea


15:06m: sigh ...
m: welp,i guess there's no point of me comingo GA then


15:07h: :\http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif


15:08m:well, if you're going to date him then you can't date him and love some other guy, can you.


15:08h: love doesn't just stop and start at the drop of a dime


15:09m: and im pretty sure you won't stop dating him anytime soon. so i dont want to be that guy who's kept in secret or the guy who is sharing his girl.


15:09h: fine


15:09m: ill always love you, ill always be here for you, but i dont want to mess up your chances


15:10h: k..


15:10m: hey
we're still going to talk
love isn't gonna stop
what we have here, laughter and joy, isnt oging anywhere
*going
im not going anywhere http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif


15:11h: mk


15:11m: there will still be love and respect between us
and trust me, it's affecting me a lot more. i dont even have a girl to date.
I just want the best for you. If you don't agree with me, tell me what's best for you
Answer me


15:15h: -looks at you-


15:16-looks back at you-


15:17h: :\http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif


15:17m: I'm the best for you, huh


15:18h: -ding, ding, ding-
but I can't have you


15:18m: Why not
?
:/http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif


15:22h: you're not here


15:22m: touche
and what if i do come there


15:23h: you wouldn't stay.


15:23m: i guess i can't blame you
it's understandable that you want someone close to you, and like you said, you two clicked.
h: yea...
15:25m: i can say this thugh, no guy could ever make you feel the way i did. not for a long time anyway
and if i do come there, give me a hug atleast
would you?


15:29h: I so would.


15:29m: good!
i will come there but you'd better be ready for a long ass hug.
hey
what we have here, isn't going anywhere
15:32h: ok


15:32m: Don't be so upset ...


15:32h: I'm ok.


15:33m: Bull.



Anyways, she and I will still love each other. I will always be there for her though.
Let me tell you this: I haven't cried in years. And I won't tell her that I am still.
She gave me this song: YouTube - Pray Tell by Anberlin (lyrics included)

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Aww Hanma...i am sorry.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Well I know problems were going to arise sooner or later. Besides, Australia is a bad place fora LDR ... I only want the best for her. I (apparently) AM the bestfor her. But I can't be there for her.

Well ... shit.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

she's in the US?

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Yes ma'am! Savannah, GA.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

distance is distance.. but never impossible..
it explains why its a little harder to get to her.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Yeah, like 9300 miles.

I wish there was some way.

Grr.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

I did mention before that if she were to go, a lare chunk of me would, too. I guess it's for the good, make's space for the new, improved me.
Gonna be one helluva ride, though.

Also I hope I'm not coming off as emo. I hate emoes.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

its ok .. you are processing things.
you will be fine

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

you definitely made the right move

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

This is off topic but I gotta love the little things.

The first 10 songs on my playist:

1. Dismantle. Repair - Anberlin
2. Let's Hear It For Rock Bottom - The Offspring. (I am a wee little superstitious and look for signs).
3. Here I am - Bryan Adams
4. I'm On Your Side - Divinyls
5. I'm Jealous - Divinyls
6. Temperamental - Divinyls
7. One Night Love Affair - Bryan Adams
8. I Want You - Kiss
9. Under Pressure - Queen
10. The Show Must Go On - Pink Floyd

Not to mention the gentle drizzling and the rainbow in the sky.

I swear this playlist describes my moods and emotions so damn well.

[dsmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dsmall]

I am going to be honest..i have been in turmoil over this ..its basically a huge slap in my face

I have suffered from depression, anxiety/panic attacks, post traumatic anxiety disorder, physically, mental-emotional abuse relationships and I was sexual abuse as a child... I have worked my ass off for the last 10yrs to undo the damage and reduce the baggage that comes with all that ..

I was brain washed at a very young age by my sexual abuser that no one could or ever love me, that no could or ever will care about me, that everyone will abandon me.. he would tell me over and over that my parents didn't love me, that they would leave me,that everyone would leave me because i was worthless...he would threaten to kill my parents to drill fear into me..For 2 yrs he forced those thoughts onto me, when i was very impressionable.. So when i hear men say things like what you are saying above it .It upsets me and it triggers the little girl again. It's like confirmation to my fears..that i am too damaged to be viewed as worthy of being loved. that I am not worth investing in......but The woman in me says FUCK YOU!

Wow. That's some real trauma to overcome. I agree that you need to judge people by where they are in the present; rather than whether they have some baggage in the past. We all have baggage to some extent. The question is have they done the work that you've done the past ten years to overcome your baggage; or do they toss their baggage at their lovers, wives, etc.

Having taken about 15 years to work out my own drunken- teen- son of a long family of drunks baggage myself, a workout that included a failed marriage, I am in the proverbial glass house with regard to throwing stones about other's baggage. I think a good test is whether the person uses their baggage as a sword or a shield. It is understanding that many people with baggage are guarded and use certain protective devices to prevent re-injury. But people who use their own abuse to justify continued abuse against others, and use it as a sword, are poor relationship partners. In most cases, they are incapable of being in a loving caring relationship, if they insist upon using their past history as a sword to hack off pieces of their partners. It doesn't sound like MBD intends to exclude the shield bearers, but he does need to be mindful that it is difficult to have a healthy relationship if neither side lowers their shield enough to let the other person in. And fuck the sword wielders. They need to work their shit out in a way that does not involve hurting others.

Everyone has baggage, how people carry the baggage is what matters. When I'm in relationships try to leave my baggage at the door as much as i can ..Sure i might run to it on occasion and rummage through and i have automatic mechanisms that trigger in me with certain fears which i am still working on..I am aware of myself, i own my baggage but i can't always control it .. i have also noticed the life that my baggage takes on has a lot to do with the man I am with. Some men don't trigger me at all and others bring everything to the surface...so i know i have to choose carefully because not all men are man to deal...and its has just as much to do with the other persons baggage and character... No one is perfect, everyone has baggage and All relationships have issues that need to be worked through ..You need to take into account your own baggage and what is the thing that hooks you to crazies.. i suspect it what happens in the bedroom ..lol

Sounds like you have a lot of insight into your issues. Again, congrats for even bothering to get off the floor after that type of personal history. I feel like a pussy for complaining about being rejected by girls as a teen and having it aggravate preexisting alcoholic tendencies.

I do get your anger and hurt towards Renee and the frustration you feel about your choices in women.. But i would suggest you focus more on a persons character and ethics then their baggage when your are trying to decide who is worthy of your love...and also figure out what it is that keeps drawing you to the destructive types . is it the excitement? the chase? the sex? the energy? the need to be a hero?

True. He needed to vent. And your right, at some point you have to assume responsibility for choosing dogs that bite you.

Again, great deeply personal post. I am such a girly man, it made me cry. You're going to kill my PE routine if you drain me of all my testosterone.

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

I was really torn about saying anything(and sorry Hanma for doing it on your thread).. but i knew if it continued as a topic on this thread or one of the other threads or turned into a topic where many were saying that females who have these sort of issues or trauma in there past, are not worth taking a chance on, then it would cause more damage to me and it would have led to me leaving the forum. Because i really don't need the thought that I am worthless reignited in my head again...I can't change my past and it still effects my today.. but I don't want it to dictate my future.. and I believe i deserve a good man and if good men write me off because of my past.. then i will be stuck either alone or stuck with someone who is like the men I am trying to get away from...

My past is not my personality or character, it was not something i brought on to myself, its not something i had control over, i also do not have control over how my body responds to everything...my past influences me but i have always been someone who tries to find the silver lining to bad situations, to turn a bad into a good.. so what i have been through makes me a better person not a bad person. And i can't relate to MBD ex's attitude,character or personality..so i don't like to be thrown into the same category as her.. I am damaged goods, I don't deny that.. but damage doesn't always decrease the value of something or someone.

[phil88 Banned Find all posts View Profile Close phil88]

I find women who have had traumatic experiences in the past are much easier to trust and much less likely to cheat. I just woke up so I am not gonna bother with to much of an explanation as to why because it will probably come off as offensive to some woman out there. The ones that have never been through anything though seem to be oblivious to the world around them and have no understanding of things going on around them aside from satisfying their own personal needs which constantly change.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

I was really torn about saying anything(and sorry Hanma for doing it on your thread).. but i knew if it continued as a topic on this thread or one of the other threads or turned into a topic where many were saying that females who have these sort of issues or trauma in there past, are not worth taking a chance on, then it would cause more damage to me and it would have led to me leaving the forum. Because i really don't need the thought that I am worthless reignited in my head again...I can't change my past and it still effects my today.. but I don't want it to dictate my future.. and I believe i deserve a good man and if good men write me off because of my past.. then i will be stuck either alone or stuck with someone who is like the men I am trying to get away from...

My past is not my personality or character, it was not something i brought on to myself, its not something i had control over, i also do not have control over how my body responds to everything...my past influences me but i have always been someone who tries to find the silver lining to bad situations, to turn a bad into a good.. so what i have been through makes me a better person not a bad person. And i can't relate to MBD ex's attitude,character or personality..so i don't like to be thrown into the same category as her.. I am damaged goods, I don't deny that.. but damage doesn't always decrease the value of something or someone.

I never realized this but I have a close friend who's probably very similar to you. Her past is a huge cluster fuck of abuse. Its a shame because she's a very smart girl with looks to boot. But its inspiring to know that despite your past you made it through. In the same way I can see my friend start to come out of her shell. She's opening up about guys she finds attractive, she's trying to date, and she's shedding her emotionless front she had for so many years. She still has a ways to go (she's never kissed a guy or had a boyfriend) but I can tell she'll get there. Hell, I'd date her if she had feelings for me, but even if she did it wouldn't work out and I'd end up being the failed first relationship. In a way, I'm happier we ended up becoming such good friends.

To Hanma: Sorry you had to do that man. Its never easy breaking up with someone, especially when you still have feelings for them. And hey, if you come visit you could always hit me up and come party