Young, insecure male.....

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

Dude, no man. That helps a lot. It's nice to know that I am not alone in feeling this way.

People seem to think that I want to feel this way....and they are wrong if that is the case. My first two months with this girl were the best of my life. I would not trade my current state for the former one. Not one hundred thousand dollars. Her stupid need to try and keep up with me by tit-for-tatting me on stories is what ruined it. I think she thought I was way more experienced than her and that I would think she was lame if she didn't tell me her stories. What she didn't know is that most of the stories were just things I had done with the three women before her....not the eleven that I lied about. Man, my lying about my numbers and telling her stories here and there to make her feel insecure really backfired.

Dude, I have two friends like you. They are saving themselves for the "perfect woman". What they fail to realize is that EVERY woman has a sexual history these days. I try to tell them to stop being so virtuous. Go out and be an asshole. Go out and use women as sex objects bro. I am re-dedicating my free time to it. I don't care anymore. The way I look at it, is if I put half the energy I spend worrying about my job and my cock, I would get laid on a regular basis, with new women all the time.


Men are way better at following rules, in general, so if they take a vow of chastity, they are better at keeping it. Of course, women have guys after them all the time, so one could argue that if the roles were reversed, men would give in to their urges on a much more regular basis than women.

If you want to settle down, the only way you can be okay with your chick's past is if you did the same types of things to women as the previous partners did to her. Go out and manipulate women into the sack. Do whatever it takes. No one cares one way or the other.

The thing men fail to realize is that sex means much much less to a woman than it does to them, as they can have more of a disconnect between sex and "love". I think that given the right price, 99 percent of women would sell themselves. Does that mean they are bad? No. It just means that humans as a whole are completely effed. You are either a sheep, or a wolf. Not much in between. I would rather be the guy that used some guys future girlfriend, then the chumpy guy who has to deal with her past. When I break up with this girl in a few days, I will let you know how it feels to get my power back, Thelonelyvirgin. Guess what? I am gonna take my own pictures, use her up good for a few days, then dump her sorry ass a couple weeks before christmas. Maybe next time she'll think twice about "communication". I can't wait to see the tears well-up. I might even record that....that's a whole new type of porn. That could be entertaining. I can charm her really well too, and can always make her laugh and smile. Imagine if I switch up and surprise her. I can capture the moment her mood shifts for happiness to despair. Then maybe she would know how she made me feel. Why did she do this to me?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

I don't think you have to be an asshole to accept that nigh on every woman you meet has a past. You can still be true to yourself and demand the best from her with you. God I've done all sorts of things in my past, sexually or otherwise, whether I'm proud of those things is immaterial. Fact is the only thing you can change is the here and now. You can't change the past. We all have to learn somewhere, usually by our mistakes, and frankly I'd rather be, and know, the sort of person who was open minded enough to try things out and find out how they felt about it the hard way. You're not defined by one thing you did once are you? Else I'd be a book of contradictions! You're defined by how you behave today, and that's a combination of everything you've done, good or bad, luck or misadventure.

I think your expectations are too high and unrealistic for the real world. Shame maybe, but that's how it is. I couldn't expect that sort of purity from anyone. If I'm honest I'd personally be turned off by that sort of purity and lack of an exciting story, but hey that's just me. I do think you have very idealised and romantic expectations though, having read this thread through and that's wonderful. Many of us would love to live that life in theory, so be the man who can provide it, not the man who denands it on a silver platter. Judge not lest ye be judged and all that. Why should your life be over for one minor indiscretion?

(sorry for my earlier posts by the way.. I was quick to judge and not very supportive.. I've been in a shitty place lately, but that's no excuse)

[Mr Po Po Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mr Po Po]

Why on earth would you purposely dump her harshly just because her first wasn't you?

She clearly cares about you, if she is not cheating on you and the sex is good, then I don't see why you need to dump her so.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

Why on earth would you purposely dump her harshly just because her first wasn't you?

She clearly cares about you, if she is not cheating on you and the sex is good, then I don't see why you need to dump her so.

Dude, I don't care that she's not a virgin. Why the hell should I care that she has had sex before?? I don't care about that....the other boyfriends don't bother me....it's just the fact that she would let a douche bag sleep with her and take photos that bothers me. If I was a chick, I wouldn't expect to stay with the first man I sleep with. I wouldn't only have sex if I was in love. I get all that, but don't give it out to a guy that doesn't respect you. Seriously.

I could use her for sex....but it's at this point in the relationship where I can't just skirt by with superficial charm. No, she wants me to learn french, and go to France with her now, and all this shit. I can't fake that. I can't learn a new language when the sight of her, and the sound of her voice make me feel like I am going to vomit. No way man. I am removing the cancer from my life.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Dude, I don't care that she's not a virgin. Why the hell should I care that she has had sex before?? I don't care about that....the other boyfriends don't bother me....it's just the fact that she would let a douche bag sleep with her and take photos that bothers me. If I was a chick, I wouldn't expect to stay with the first man I sleep with. I wouldn't only have sex if I was in love. I get all that, but don't give it out to a guy that doesn't respect you. Seriously.

I could use her for sex....but it's at this point in the relationship where I can't just skirt by with superficial charm. No, she wants me to learn french, and go to France with her now, and all this shit. I can't fake that. I can't learn a new language when the sight of her, and the sound of her voice make me feel like I am going to vomit. No way man. I am removing the cancer from my life.

Cancer? cor, that's harsh. A guy took a photo. Either she was taken advantage of, which isn't her fault and you need to chill the hell out, or maybe she liked it? Maybe he wasn't as much of a worm as all that and she's telling you this to try to soften the blow, boost your ego convince that you're a far better man, and convince you he was a regret in her past. Maybe she doesn't regret it really, but she wants you to feel better about it because she cares. Just saying man.

For what it's worth, this sort of thing is more common than ever anyway now every mobile has halfway decent camera on it. I've sent pictures of me to women (with no complaints), and tell you what, I regret not taking a bit of video of me banging away with a couple of chicks in my past. God that would turn me on. Not to show people in the pub, not to put on the internet, not to laugh at her, not to demean her.. hell I'd be in the film or photo too. fucking. with her.. who's the loser? Everyone has a camera in their head too, it's just not as clear.

I hate to say this joe, if it's just the photo that's getting to you, that one thing, which I have to be honest, as long as she wasn't raped, she probably enjoyed to an extent, then I suspect you're going to be looking a very very long time for princess diamond, because if I knew everything about everyone I met... Hoooooleeee, there'd be some revelations I betcha. Maybe you'd rather live in ignorance of other people's pasts? I can understand that. But a fantasy of silence won't help you. Really, you need to come to terms with this stuff.

What's important is the here and now. That's it. And yep, if she makes you feel that awful, then do her a favour and leave her. But like the other guys have already said, make sure you're not doing it because it's actually you with the problem, and you're refusing to realise that.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

Well, she has been telling me stories of this particular man since I met her. He obviously hurt her a lot. Every negative story I have ever heard her tell about men is about this guy. At one time I thought the stories were from other boyfriends, but they are not. He hit her, bruised her, etc. She complained about it. I assume she liked the sex, at least at first, cause why else would she do it? I really don't think that she would enjoy having her picture taken....she blushed in clothed photos for fuck's sake....even while drunk. She dumped him after only two weeks....once she found out about the other women....when his friend (who, a year later, became her boyfriend for six months) showed her the photos of the other women he was banging. She said she was very angry.

[ColtAR-15 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ColtAR-15]

Cancer? cor, that's harsh. A guy took a photo. Either she was taken advantage of, which isn't her fault and you need to chill the hell out, or maybe she liked it? Maybe he wasn't as much of a worm as all that and she's telling you this to try to soften the blow, boost your ego convince that you're a far better man, and convince you he was a regret in her past. Maybe she doesn't regret it really, but she wants you to feel better about it because she cares. Just saying man.

For what it's worth, this sort of thing is more common than ever anyway now every mobile has halfway decent camera on it. I've sent pictures of me to women (with no complaints), and tell you what, I regret not taking a bit of video of me banging away with a couple of chicks in my past. God that would turn me on. Not to show people in the pub, not to put on the internet, not to laugh at her, not to demean her.. hell I'd be in the film or photo too. fucking. with her.. who's the loser? Everyone has a camera in their head too, it's just not as clear.

I hate to say this joe, if it's just the photo that's getting to you, that one thing, which I have to be honest, as long as she wasn't raped, she probably enjoyed to an extent, then I suspect you're going to be looking a very very long time for princess diamond, because if I knew everything about everyone I met... Hoooooleeee, there'd be some revelations I betcha. Maybe you'd rather live in ignorance of other people's pasts? I can understand that. But a fantasy of silence won't help you. Really, you need to come to terms with this stuff.

What's important is the here and now. That's it. And yep, if she makes you feel that awful, then do her a favour and leave her. But like the other guys have already said, make sure you're not doing it because it's actually you with the problem, and you're refusing to realise that.

Hell even I agree here and I rarely agree with the mods. Good stuff Spanky.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Look man, people are idealistic to an extent.. we all want everything to be just perfect for us. But it isn't, and part of growing up is developing the confidence to make choices that suit us sooner rather than later, be that choice to can it and move or, or to tolerate things we don't like. And this is her learning experience. Her journey. Don't grieve on her behalf for her mistakes. Every situation in your life is likely to be a combination of things you like, and things you don't, right? Perfect ain't gonna happen. So you have to weigh it all up. Does the good outweight the bad? Then brilliant. keep it. Take solace in your maturity and strength to tolerate. Does the bad outweigh the good? Well walk away. Simple as that.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

Here and now doesn't matter so much really with women....not unless you like being a consolation-prize. I would rather be alone forever than have a used-up, exploited woman, however nice she may be. The past DOES matter. It informs everything we do. Women just like to say "the past doesn't matter" because they don't want the men that love them to think about how slutty they were.

I did this to myself though, and I admit that freely. She is just naive, and can't read me very well. If she knew what I was like on the inside, she would have fucked off on day one, but I am such a good actor about this stuff, she only thinks that I am a bit insecure. To my credit, I never knew I would ever feel this way about women. She thinks that she sees something in my underneath.....something that I don't see in myself. There aint nothing there. It's just emptiness covered over by hollow smiles. Didn't used to be like that. I used to have a soul. Lost it somewhere along the way. I guess I am a manic-depressive. I don't feel any joy at all, and can barely will myself to go to work. I even avoid alcohol and pop vitamins, but nothing seems to make me feel better about myself or people in general. Truth be told, right now, if I got hit by a bus I wouldn't complain. I'm sure not many here would either by now. I understand. I really do.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

I guess too, that because I don't want the man to win, if I dump her in a horrible fashion, than I am more strong and alpha than he is. I win. He didn't even dump her....and he could have any woman he wants, but I can dump her, because I am strong than he is. I win. Case in point....who causes more emotional damage, the man SHE dumps because of the things he did, or the man who dumps HER because of what she did/was done to her? Women keep saying that love is so much better than sex, well, if she loves me, although she will move on and find love again...I garanfuckingtee you she will think about me more than him. It was more of a sex thing with him....but with me it was sex and love. Who's manlier now? That motherfucker. I bet I could kick his ass. That's one thing I am not lacking in....strength and agility + 5 years of martial arts and several fights. So glad I at least of THAT going for me. I'm never going to be a beta male again. I'm never going to be an AFC either. Cock-size be damned.

[ColtAR-15 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ColtAR-15]

Well, she has been telling me stories of this particular man since I met her. He obviously hurt her a lot. Every negative story I have ever heard her tell about men is about this guy. At one time I thought the stories were from other boyfriends, but they are not. He hit her, bruised her, etc. She complained about it. I assume she liked the sex, at least at first, cause why else would she do it? I really don't think that she would enjoy having her picture taken....she blushed in clothed photos for fuck's sake....even while drunk. She dumped him after only two weeks....once she found out about the other women....when his friend (who, a year later, became her boyfriend for six months) showed her the photos of the other women he was banging. She said she was very angry.

Joe it sounds like she is basically a victim. I would think that if you really have feelings for her that you would sympathize with her and not treat her like some piece of shit. And to hell with the photo if it even exists. I am really starting to feel bad for her.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Here and now doesn't matter so much really with women....not unless you like being a consolation-prize. I would rather be alone forever than have a used-up, exploited woman, however nice she may be. The past DOES matter. It informs everything we do. Women just like to say "the past doesn't matter" because they don't want the men that love them to think about how slutty they were.

Here and now is the ONLY thing that matters. To anyone. Because you can't change the past and you can only wait for the future. Shut the hell up about being a consolation prize, and then judging women as used up and exploited. Get off your high horse mate and come back down to the same earth the rest of us inhabit. We all get exploited from time to time. We all do things we regret from time to time. I'm sorry joe, you're WRONG. The past really doesn't matter. Not in this way, What matters is what she took from the experience and presents to you today. In the here and now. And what do you mean by slutty? Is that an insult? A convenient excuse for you to pump yourself up as "better than that" like it matters?

I did this to myself though, and I admit that freely. She is just naive, and can't read me very well. If she knew what I was like on the inside, she would have fucked off on day one, but I am such a good actor about this stuff, she only thinks that I am a bit insecure. To my credit, I never knew I would ever feel this way about women. She thinks that she sees something in my underneath.....something that I don't see in myself. There aint nothing there. It's just emptiness covered over by hollow smiles. Didn't used to be like that. I used to have a soul. Lost it somewhere along the way. I guess I am a manic-depressive. I don't feel any joy at all, and can barely will myself to go to work. I even avoid alcohol and pop vitamins, but nothing seems to make me feel better about myself or people in general. Truth be told, right now, if I got hit by a bus I wouldn't complain. I'm sure not many here would either by now. I understand. I really do.

Look I feel for you man. But please get down off your high horse. What makes you better than her? All this is just illusory ego crap, we're all the same, all in this together, in the same boat, working it out as we go, and then we all die. Tell us about your mistakes instead. I don't believe you never made any. Nobody cares that you screwed up. But we all do that you might be about to.

if I dump her in a horrible fashion, than I am more strong and alpha than he is.I win.

No you'll be an arse. You lose. Because you care about who's "better" for other people's benefits. What an AFC thing to say.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

Oh, btw. Every has "a past" eh? Where's mine then? I have only slept with for women. Is that even considered a "past"? Where's my dark, twisted, shameful sex stories? I am so fucking inadequate. I don't even have anything that I can classify as a mistake under my belt. Aside from the porn addiction, I have never made a big mistake in my entire life. I have to work quickly to get some nasty "past" so I can join the club that everyone else seems to be a member of, except for me. Fuck, I thought losing my virginity was enough.

[joeaverage Member Find all posts View Profile Close joeaverage]

I'm not better than her. I just, for whatever reason, never got to join the club of the "sexually liberated". for whatever reason, I was never granted access to that adult world that everyone else gets to inhabit so easily. No, I am not better than her, but, with the exception of the porn addiction, I don't have any skeletons in my closet. I have never been exploited by anyone, never backed down from a fight, never done anything that can be classified as a big mistake. Not by me, and not by the world. Why is it that I can manage to work and interact with the world and not make mistakes like everyone else? I guess because I use my brain in ways that others do not. I NEVER act on impulse. I always think everything through before I make a decision. If more people did that, this world would be a way nicer place to live.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Oh, btw. Every has "a past" eh? Where's mine then? I have only slept with for women. Is that even considered a "past"? Where's my dark, twisted, shameful sex stories? I am so fucking inadequate. I don't even have anything that I can classify as a mistake under my belt. Aside from the porn addiction, I have never made a big mistake in my entire life. I have to work quickly to get some nasty "past" so I can join the club that everyone else seems to be a member of, except for me. Fuck, I thought losing your virginity was enough.

That's a past. I don't know what you did with those other three women. OK, so I figure you probably didn't play out some outragous kink just because of the way you're saying this, but so what? Imagine you met a women, she's perfect in every way, the most angelic face, perfect little body, heart of gold and a past as pure as honey.

But she can't be with you becase of her super-christian beliefs and you're not a virgin.

You're gonna feel pretty hard done by by your past then aren't you.