A Laugh for the Forum

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Crotchless Undies


A lady who had been married for several years was growing more and more
frustrated at her husband’s lack of interest in sex.
She wondered about ways to add some pizzazz to their sexual relationship,
and finally decided to purchase some crotchless underwear she had seen in a
lingerie shop.
One evening when she was feeling particularly desirous, and he was, as
usual, watching television, she took a shower, freshened up, and donned the
crotchless undies and a slinky negligee.
She then strolled between her husband and the television, and suggestively
tossed one leg up on his chair arm. “Want some of this?” she purred.
“Are you kidding?” he replied. “Look what it did to your underwear.”

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each
other outside the operating room---the first surgeries of the day.

The first kid leans over and asks, 'What are you in here for?'

The second kid says, 'I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a
little nervous.'

The first kid says, 'You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up
they give you lots of Jell-O and Ice Cream. It's a breeze.'

The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'

The first! kid says, 'A circumcision.'

Whoa!' the second kid replies. 'Good luck buddy. I had that done when
I was born. Couldn't walk for a year.'

[Woody Woodpecker Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Woody Woodpecker]

Rumour has it that the Post Office has scrapped plans to issue a special stamp with a picture of a clitoris on it due to concerns that men may not understand how to lick it properly.

[shane_syndrome Banned Find all posts View Profile Close shane_syndrome]

My GF asked for 9 inches and she wanted it to hurt... So i fucked her 3 times and punched her in the eye!

[shane_syndrome Banned Find all posts View Profile Close shane_syndrome]

then she asked for 12 inches so I gave her the directions to subway

[Hairtrigger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hairtrigger]

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human beings are
the only animals that stutter,' she says.

A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.'

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.


'Well,' she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

'It sure was,' said the little girl. 'My kitty raised her back, went Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate her!'

[Hairtrigger Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hairtrigger]

Old People and Sex

After his exam, the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.

The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh, that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August."

[Lazy 8 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lazy 8]

A woman went to the doctor and when asked what the matter was, she said, "It's not about me, Doctor, it's about my husband."

"What's the problem with your husband," the doctor asked.

"He's a hobosexual!"

"I'm sorry," said the doctor, "don't you mean 'homosexual'?"

"No," the woman replied, "I mean he's a bum fuck!"

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Ha, ha. Lazy 8. Funny!

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Is this just a coincidence?

2007 - Chinese Year of the Chicken




- Bird Flu Pandemic devastates partsof Asia

2008 - Chinese Year of the Horse


- Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese Year of the Pig
- Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe

Next year is ... 2010
- Chinese Year of the Cock. (Is it too early to panic?)

[frb3 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close frb3]

These are some funny, funny jokes. The one about the alien and the gas pump had me in tears I was laughing so hard. Keep up the good work.

frb

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

You're An EXTREME Redneck When...

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.

5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.

6. Someone in your family died right after saying 'Hey, guys, watch this'.

7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

9. Your junior prom offered day care.

10. You think the last words of the Star- Spangled Banner are
'Gentlemen, start your engines'.

11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.

13. You have to go outside to get some- thing from the fridge.

14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law
against it.

17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

[LookAlive Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close LookAlive]

This thread is brilliant!

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

Feel free to add to it LA. It's here to brighten someones day.

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

'Actually, no,' he replied.

'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair..

'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender.. 'Is there anything I can do?'

'Yes. I need you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping
a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently

'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.

'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'