Just A Girl, Looking To Understand Her Guy

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Clinical depression often results from a disability, even if the disability is somewhat short term. If your partner has lost his willingness to break out of a rut in his daily life, doesn't want to engage with others, and just works, eats & sleeps month after month, that's a pretty clear indication he has depression issues. Sometimes those closest to them are the last to realize depression. A therapy session or two would be good for the both of you, IMO. Get his doctor to prescribe it and it's likely his insurance will cover a substantial portion if not all of the cost of therapy.

Jackinthebox,
He might be depressed simply because he has been grumpy ( about work and little things) lately. I read that depression often has a correlation with anger. Anger is similar to grumpy..right?

He has said that if I want to go to couples therapy, that he will go with me. This makes me extremely nervous because I was in therapy for PTSD and rape when we first started dating and he basically talked me out of going. He told me that it wasn't good to talk about my past and to rehash everything. He thought it would be best for me just to forget about it, appreciate what I have( knowing that he is not abusive), and move on. So, going to therapy with someone who has never been and doesn't believe in it, does not sound like a good plan. In fact, it reminds me of my ex-husband and our therapy sessions...pretty much a nightmare. I am not sure what I'll do.
Peaches~

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Jackinthebox,
He might be depressed simply because he has been grumpy ( about work and little things) lately. I read that depression often has a correlation with anger. Anger is similar to grumpy..right?

He has said that if I want to go to couples therapy, that he will go with me. This makes me extremely nervous because I was in therapy for PTSD and rape when we first started dating and he basically talked me out of going. He told me that it wasn't good to talk about my past and to rehash everything. He thought it would be best for me just to forget about it, appreciate what I have( knowing that he is not abusive), and move on. So, going to therapy with someone who has never been and doesn't believe in it, does not sound like a good plan. In fact, it reminds me of my ex-husband and our therapy sessions...pretty much a nightmare. I am not sure what I'll do.
Peaches~

Having been through depression myself, it manifests itself in may ways that are similar to the way you describe. Forcing him to talk about therapy will not make the situation better, in fact it may make it worse - he will begin to put up a wall. I was on an anti-depressant for around a year and a half. It slowly made me realize who I was, what my purpose what and I learned how to better myself as a result. Feels like if you want to get help with your PTSD you first need to get him on a path that betters him. Read up on depression, the tough part will be getting him to agree that he has a problem. Set him up with a visit to a GP and then kind of tip his hand (GP) discretely to the concerns. The doctor will ask all the probing questions to make the diagnosis.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

TheZZMan,
Thank you for sharing. I'm not sure how to discuss anything with him right now because he says he is very confident. Yet, he seems so sensitive. I'll chew on it.
Peaches~

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Jackinthebox,
He might be depressed simply because he has been grumpy ( about work and little things) lately. I read that depression often has a correlation with anger. Anger is similar to grumpy..right?

He has said that if I want to go to couples therapy, that he will go with me. This makes me extremely nervous because I was in therapy for PTSD and rape when we first started dating and he basically talked me out of going. He told me that it wasn't good to talk about my past and to rehash everything. He thought it would be best for me just to forget about it, appreciate what I have( knowing that he is not abusive), and move on. So, going to therapy with someone who has never been and doesn't believe in it, does not sound like a good plan. In fact, it reminds me of my ex-husband and our therapy sessions...pretty much a nightmare. I am not sure what I'll do.
Peaches~

Maybe he wants therapy but can't express it. If you think the relationship is worth it then take him up on that offer and go to a session.

Worst case is he won't like it but he just might surprise you.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Depression is a major cause of ED.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Depression is a major cause of ED.

not2big,
Thanks, I am learning that you are right.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Maybe he wants therapy but can't express it. If you think the relationship is worth it then take him up on that offer and go to a session.

Worst case is he won't like it but he just might surprise you.

BigO,
I find myself dragging my feet on this one because I dread it. I'm sure I need to do something. Still on the fence about therapy.
Peaches~

[closed260 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close closed260]

Peachy,

People seek out expert advice on all kinds of topics, from golf-swings and weight lifting, to career counciling. Heck I've even heard of a PE coach.

I think there is nothing wrong with seeking out someone to help you to better understand the events that lead to where you are, some of the current misconceptions you might have, and where (& how) you might better take your thoughts to leave you in a better place. That said, I hear you have to interview/talk to quite a few to find the right therapist. Which can be a real hurdle if a person is depressed or feels negative peer-pressure against mental help.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Peachy,

People seek out expert advice on all kinds of topics, from golf-swings and weight lifting, to career counciling. Heck I've even heard of a PE coach.

I think there is nothing wrong with seeking out someone to help you to better understand the events that lead to where you are, some of the current misconceptions you might have, and where (& how) you might better take your thoughts to leave you in a better place. That said, I hear you have to interview/talk to quite a few to find the right therapist. Which can be a real hurdle if a person is depressed or feels negative peer-pressure against mental help.

feelsgood,
Thank you. I have been to therapy and I know how it works. As with any professional, I know that we may connect or might not have any respect for the other. My only worry is that it might create a bigger rift in our relationship. Since I can not speak freely to my love now, how will I speak freely in therapy? Just for clarity, I have voiced to my love, everything I desire. He has voiced to me what he desires. We are both stubborn to a fault.
Peaches~