Just A Girl, Looking To Understand Her Guy

[Sequoia Tree Senior Member Member of the Month July 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Sequoia Tree]

Welcome, peachykeen. Don't worry about accidentally writing something too "pornographic", as the forums are plenty lenient enough for you to explain in as much detail as you need. They let Jockinthebox's sex stories fly, after all.

she is talking to strange guys

The only strange guy I see in this thread is you, buddy...PEACE!!

[gms585 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close gms585]

I'm not being rude, and she is talking to strange guys and it is behind her boyfriend's back. Lol..if she is concerned with him then maybe she should tell him about the board so HE TELLS US HIS PROBLEMS. if my wife was on a penis board talking to strange men about me and my problem I would not be happy and I know my wife would be upset if I was on a girl board and don't tell her I was talking about her Vagina..if she really wants to know how to better him or please him maybe she should ask HIM.. not us.. sorry but none of this makes sense to me. And she asked if it was alright and I answered..and peechykeen I don't bark nor do I bite but I am honest. And I hope your boyfriend comes and ask us for help so we fully understand what he really needs..I wish him and you the best of luck..

Well hopefully he doesn't find out....

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Welcome, peachykeen. Don't worry about accidentally writing something too "pornographic", as the forums are plenty lenient enough for you to explain in as much detail as you need. They let Jockinthebox's sex stories fly, after all.

Hmm...never thought my posts were even borderline 'PORNOGRAPHIC", Tree. Just sharing some wholesome, motivating (hopefully) experiences I've had along the way....maybe I should tone it down a bit???

I certainly have NEVER intended to offend anyone, so please accept my apologies, if so.

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Don't tone down anything; we all know I'm into that kind of stuff.

As for the lady here let's help and not criticize.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Don't tone down anything; we all know I'm into that kind of stuff.

As for the lady here let's help and not criticize.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cusp...I think. Perhaps Peaches could benefit by visiting the PE GYM Sexual Confessional thread I started a month or so ago

https://www.pegym.com/forums/gym/983...les-first.html
Father Burty is very "understanding" ! Helps to get "things" off your chest sometimes!

[GokuKakarot Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GokuKakarot]

Hi Peachykeen,

Welcome to this forum. I think it is very smart of you to come looking here for advice, there is a lot of good stuff going around here.

Some of us, have recovered from ED, or as myself, are still in the process of recovering. I'm currently having my ups and downs. Generally on the way up though, and have much of this forum to thank for it.

My situation may be not far from your husband's, age is about the same. I have found out that my ED is between the ears, the equipment is working, just not at the moments that I want. If you have any questions, just fire away and good luck on your quest.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Most of the issues are your fault? Usually 50/50 in relationships!

CUSP82,

Well, it is mostly my fault because I have a few rapes under my belt. My first rape( when I was a teen) was violent, I sought out therapy but ended it due to not trusting my therapist ( he was unethical and told me about another patient who I was friends with...so, I figured that he was sharing my information with my friend). Anyway, I swept that rape under the rug the best I could and moved on with my life.

Fast forward ten years, my husband ended up insane. My relation with him had always been abusive, mostly psychologically. . He went through a temporary insanity and he raped me. His rape was not okay, but I was not physically beat up from my husband, like I was with my first rape. My second rape triggered horrible flashbacks and nightmares from my first rape. So, in a weird way, my second rape was worst than my first. I sought out therapy and even found a rape specialist. Most of the time I am okay. Sometimes I am not okay.

After I divorced my husband, I found an amazing lover. He introduced me to BDSM. It seems as though I was meant to be a sub. After that lover moved, I found myself being open to exploring many new things. Now, I am very confident that I am a pretty good lover( because I adjust and I listen and I try to please). So, with my current love, I figure that I can help solve any issues he has ( if I can not solve anything, then he just is not attracted to me and needs to find someone who turns him on).

Last year, I had very vivid flashbacks and the feelings from my first rape started coming back during sex so, I would ask my love to stop and give me a minute to regroup. My stopping ruined his flow and it is my responsibility to take care of my mental health. Therefore, it is mostly my fault. He has made it very clear that my responsibility to deal with/process/get over my rapes. It is also my responsibility to keep my self-esteem high. I have felt incredibly bad about myself if I have any flashbacks during sex. I now have to psych myself up before sex to mentally prepare, even if it is just for like 20 seconds( so my mind won't drift into flashbacks ). I am a flawed person. It has been years, I am safe, there is no reason for my PTSD, I should be over it. That is why it is mostly my fault, I made us pause.

Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Welcome to the board..I'm curious to know how you being on here and not him will help you better please him? And why is it you won't ask him to come on here and does he know your on here? I think if he wants to better himself he should be the one to come on here. And if you didn't tell him your on here I feel that is wrong of you..how do you think he would feel finding out your talking to guys about his and yours problems? It's like him going to a girl board and asking how he can teach you how to tight up your vagina and not telling you. To me number one thing in a relationship is trust and honesty.. I'm just curious that's all..and good luck finding what your looking for..

rippem,

Let's see, you are right. What I am doing is completely wrong. He would be upset if he found out because he would be embarrassed. I know my lover and he is not ready for this. He also has a neurological disability which I believe he could find treatment for which does not involved placing toxins into his body. In fact, I have found alternative treatments for his neurological disorder. I went so far as to show him a video about it and I wrote up a research paper on it for school. His response was "thank you, I want nothing to do with it. "

I am a good person. I am a good lover. If I can research ideas on how to make my love feel better, then I will. I imagine that I am a creative enough person to be able to incorporate anything into my bedroom. If doing stretches helps, what better way to stretch than with your lover making a fun sex game out of it or having new foreplay?

If my love watches porn, should I condemn him? Do I need to be legally married to be on this forum? I once dated a man who was poly...is he excluded from this forum? I am bi ...I am attracted to some men and some women...my love right now is a man, who I love and who loves me. I am trying to make our sex life enjoyable for both of us because we deserve to have an awesome sex life. I will not settle for a sex life that is bad. I will never enter into an abusive relationship ever again. I will keep an open mind, keep learning, keep educating myself, and I will always try to be a good lover.

I had plantar fasciitis from running and he asked people how to help me. I am proactive about helping myself too..I know how to have a tight vagina, I know how to fix plantar fasciitis because I have research both of those. It is wrong of me to be here in secret, sorry if I offend you, and I will take your opinion to heart. In the mean time, I need to do what I think will help. I have a class to attend tonight. Perhaps tomorrow I will come to my senses and find a different path.

Peaches~

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

rippem,

Let's see, you are right. What I am doing is completely wrong. He would be upset if he found out because he would be embarrassed. I know my lover and he is not ready for this. He also has a neurological disability which I believe he could find treatment for which does not involved placing toxins into his body. In fact, I have found alternative treatments for his neurological disorder. I went so far as to show him a video about it and I wrote up a research paper on it for school. His response was "thank you, I want nothing to do with it. "

I am a good person. I am a good lover. If I can research ideas on how to make my love feel better, then I will. I imagine that I am a creative enough person to be able to incorporate anything into my bedroom. If doing stretches helps, what better way to stretch than with your lover making a fun sex game out of it or having new foreplay?

If my love watches porn, should I condemn him? Do I need to be legally married to be on this forum? I once dated a man who was poly...is he excluded from this forum? I am bi ...I am attracted to some men and some women...my love right now is a man, who I love and who loves me. I am trying to make our sex life enjoyable for both of us because we deserve to have an awesome sex life. I will not settle for a sex life that is bad. I will never enter into an abusive relationship ever again. I will keep an open mind, keep learning, keep educating myself, and I will always try to be a good lover.

I had plantar fasciitis from running and he asked people how to help me. I am proactive about helping myself too..I know how to have a tight vagina, I know how to fix plantar fasciitis because I have research both of those. It is wrong of me to be here in secret, sorry if I offend you, and I will take your opinion to heart. In the mean time, I need to do what I think will help. I have a class to attend tonight. Perhaps tomorrow I will come to my senses and find a different path.

Peaches~

Please do not let the opinion of one outweigh the benefit of advice from the general membership. You are most welcome on this forum and should not feel pressured in any way to post or not post. As this is world wide forum, there are at times cultural or religious differences that may pop up, but they are few and far between.

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Does your partner suffer from depression perhaps, Peaches? Has he given up? Why would he disregard your efforts to help him find a non-toxic solution to his disability, just out of hand? That, I would find very discouraging!

[GokuKakarot Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GokuKakarot]

CUSP82,

Last year, I had very vivid flashbacks and the feelings from my first rape started coming back during sex so, I would ask my love to stop and give me a minute to regroup. My stopping ruined his flow and it is my responsibility to take care of my mental health. Therefore, it is mostly my fault. He has made it very clear that my responsibility to deal with/process/get over my rapes. It is also my responsibility to keep my self-esteem high. I have felt incredibly bad about myself if I have any flashbacks during sex. I now have to psych myself up before sex to mentally prepare, even if it is just for like 20 seconds( so my mind won't drift into flashbacks ). I am a flawed person. It has been years, I am safe, there is no reason for my PTSD, I should be over it. That is why it is mostly my fault, I made us pause.

Peaches~

Hi Peachykeen,

I kinda disagree on your point as to you coping with the rapes being entirely your problem to solve. Respectfully, as I haven't insight in the complex situation, and have only one acquaintance who'd been raped. That is a sad story indeed.

I'd still say you're in this boat together. I hope you shared your history with him. Both of you need to have patience with each other, this isn't a one way street.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Hello TheZMan,

Thank you for all of the information and the welcome. Well, I see your point about getting my lover involved with this process of using the conditioning exercises, however, I was hoping to introduce them without a discussion. He wants me to work on myself. Part of working on myself is learning about how to boost his self-esteem. All of my own issues are issues which I need to deal with on my own apparently.

If I can boost his self image and please him, then my issues will subside. Please let me know if this is a terrible idea, keeping him out of the loop while I research. I just don't want to add anymore stress to his plate right now. My thoughts on this will probably change as I do more reading up on the matter.

Thanks,
Peaches

Welcome peaches. Forgive me for saying this.

You need to understand that part of working on yourself does not mean you need to help him boost his self esteem. If that is something that he has implied then you need to get out now.

Anyone that needs you to boost their self esteem is a bloodbsucker and you will end up pleasing a man again at your own expense.

Glad to have you here with us.

[BigO AdministratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close BigO]

Different couples have different dynamics... and some dudes don't like to ask for help or directions (I know, I know, it's SUPER hard to believe that! )

Lol

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

CUSP82,

Well, it is mostly my fault because I have a few rapes under my belt. My first rape( when I was a teen) was violent, I sought out therapy but ended it due to not trusting my therapist ( he was unethical and told me about another patient who I was friends with...so, I figured that he was sharing my information with my friend). Anyway, I swept that rape under the rug the best I could and moved on with my life.

Fast forward ten years, my husband ended up insane. My relation with him had always been abusive, mostly psychologically. . He went through a temporary insanity and he raped me. His rape was not okay, but I was not physically beat up from my husband, like I was with my first rape. My second rape triggered horrible flashbacks and nightmares from my first rape. So, in a weird way, my second rape was worst than my first. I sought out therapy and even found a rape specialist. Most of the time I am okay. Sometimes I am not okay.

After I divorced my husband, I found an amazing lover. He introduced me to BDSM. It seems as though I was meant to be a sub. After that lover moved, I found myself being open to exploring many new things. Now, I am very confident that I am a pretty good lover( because I adjust and I listen and I try to please). So, with my current love, I figure that I can help solve any issues he has ( if I can not solve anything, then he just is not attracted to me and needs to find someone who turns him on).

Last year, I had very vivid flashbacks and the feelings from my first rape started coming back during sex so, I would ask my love to stop and give me a minute to regroup. My stopping ruined his flow and it is my responsibility to take care of my mental health. Therefore, it is mostly my fault. He has made it very clear that my responsibility to deal with/process/get over my rapes. It is also my responsibility to keep my self-esteem high. I have felt incredibly bad about myself if I have any flashbacks during sex. I now have to psych myself up before sex to mentally prepare, even if it is just for like 20 seconds( so my mind won't drift into flashbacks ). I am a flawed person. It has been years, I am safe, there is no reason for my PTSD, I should be over it. That is why it is mostly my fault, I made us pause.

Peaches~

I'm going to agree with others here Peaches in that you should not be going through this PTSD alone. Your partner should be there 110% for you helping you deal with this. My wife was molested when she was young and it stays with her to this day. I am aware of it, I am available if she wants to talk about it and I certainly would never do something that would trigger a flashback. Open, honest support is what you need, not "tough love" and an order to go out and better yourself. How is that in anyway positive. I'm sure he is a good man deep down, however, sometimes we fail to see how we hurt those closest to us with our actions and words. Think strongly about this as there are wonderful, caring, kind partners who can fulfill all your needs both emotionally and physically. There are men out there who would be honored to be with you. I've been together 29 years with my wife and I would never tell her to go out there and better herself - it would be a journey that we would take together if its purpose was to bring us both closer together.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Hey Peaches!

I know you mentioned your guy is not interested in any additional medical advice. However, it might be helpful if he, or even you, check out franktalk.com. It is a forum for guys suffering with ED. Unfortunately, no females are allowed to join, but you can read through the Forums.