Just A Girl, Looking To Understand Her Guy

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Thank you everyone. You have given me a lot to think about. I am sorry that I have not responded to everyone who wrote. Tomorrow, I will try to respond. I did read through all of your comments... thank you for your frankness and kindness.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Peachy, welcome to the forum!

Can I ask though - it almost seems that you feel his ED issues are your fault, is that the case? Because...no.

ScarletSkull,
It is not that I feel that his ED is my fault. I believe he would have this issue even if he were with someone else. I do feel that it is my job to try everything to make ED affect him the least amount possible ( that is only because it effects him in a negative way).

While I love the feeling of being penetrated by a hard penis, I know that there are so many other ways to be pleased. I could live with or without it. The part that has taken me a while to get used to, is not having my ego hurt when I do activities that would normally harden a man (especially oral). Learning that my self-worth and value is not based on sex, has also been a struggle for me. In my past, I was in a very unhealthy relationship, where everything that went wrong was my fault ( very mentally abusive).
Basically, I have a lot of self worth work I need to do.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Welcome, peachykeen. Don't worry about accidentally writing something too "pornographic", as the forums are plenty lenient enough for you to explain in as much detail as you need. They let Jockinthebox's sex stories fly, after all.


The only strange guy I see in this thread is you, buddy...PEACE!!

Sequoia Tree,
Thanks for the welcome. Just want to let you know that I have thought about what rippem wrote to me and I know that he is right. Guess what, I am okay with being bad and having online conversations with strange men and women about our issues. Our relationship needs help. At least I need help and I have no one in my life to talk to.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Well hopefully he doesn't find out....

gms585,
He will find out. There is no way I can keep this from him forever. The truth always comes out in the end.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Thanks for the vote of confidence, Cusp...I think. Perhaps Peaches could benefit by visiting the PE GYM Sexual Confessional thread I started a month or so ago

https://www.pegym.com/forums/gym/983...les-first.html
Father Burty is very "understanding" ! Helps to get "things" off your chest sometimes!

jackinthebox,
Thank you for the recommendation, I went to your confessional. Feeling better already
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Hi Peachykeen,

Welcome to this forum. I think it is very smart of you to come looking here for advice, there is a lot of good stuff going around here.

Some of us, have recovered from ED, or as myself, are still in the process of recovering. I'm currently having my ups and downs. Generally on the way up though, and have much of this forum to thank for it.

My situation may be not far from your husband's, age is about the same. I have found out that my ED is between the ears, the equipment is working, just not at the moments that I want. If you have any questions, just fire away and good luck on your quest.

GokuKakarot,
Thanks for the welcome. Please do not feel bad about it being between your ears. I have the same type of problem, I know how it feels.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Does your partner suffer from depression perhaps, Peaches? Has he given up? Why would he disregard your efforts to help him find a non-toxic solution to his disability, just out of hand? That, I would find very discouraging!

jackinthebox,
My theory is that since he is still coming to grips with his disability, that he is just kind of slow to change. I do not think he is depressed. I do know that he is extremely self-conscious of his disability. I will need to have another heart to heart with him about his disability (when he is a little less stressed out from work). Frankly, it is discouraging.
Peaches~

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Clinical depression often results from a disability, even if the disability is somewhat short term. If your partner has lost his willingness to break out of a rut in his daily life, doesn't want to engage with others, and just works, eats & sleeps month after month, that's a pretty clear indication he has depression issues. Sometimes those closest to them are the last to realize depression. A therapy session or two would be good for the both of you, IMO. Get his doctor to prescribe it and it's likely his insurance will cover a substantial portion if not all of the cost of therapy.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Welcome peaches. Forgive me for saying this.

You need to understand that part of working on yourself does not mean you need to help him boost his self esteem. If that is something that he has implied then you need to get out now.

Anyone that needs you to boost their self esteem is a bloodbsucker and you will end up pleasing a man again at your own expense.


Glad to have you here with us.

BigO ,
Thanks for saying that...no forgiving necessary. Not to be a disappointment to everyone on this forum, but I was the one who was the bloodsucker. When we first dated, I could not get enough compliments. I soaked them up like a sponge. The amount of compliments he gave me, and the amount that I gave him were not equal (he gave me more). Then, he stopped and told me that I shouldn't need compliments in order to boost my self-esteem. That's where we are now. I just tell myself positive things about myself.
Peaches~

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

Okay so I'm not big on compliments either but I make sure I do enough things for her to let her know my feelings. Besides whenever you tell a woman they look good they always KNOW you're lying, whether you are or not.

So without compliments what does he do for you? And you say he's disabled? You mean he can't walk or is blind or something?

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

I'm going to agree with others here Peaches in that you should not be going through this PTSD alone. Your partner should be there 110% for you helping you deal with this. My wife was molested when she was young and it stays with her to this day. I am aware of it, I am available if she wants to talk about it and I certainly would never do something that would trigger a flashback. Open, honest support is what you need, not "tough love" and an order to go out and better yourself. How is that in anyway positive. I'm sure he is a good man deep down, however, sometimes we fail to see how we hurt those closest to us with our actions and words. Think strongly about this as there are wonderful, caring, kind partners who can fulfill all your needs both emotionally and physically. There are men out there who would be honored to be with you. I've been together 29 years with my wife and I would never tell her to go out there and better herself - it would be a journey that we would take together if its purpose was to bring us both closer together.

TheZZMan,
Sorry to hear about your wife. You sound like a very kind and supportive man. I think my love is tired of dealing with the damage that other men have left me with. It feels that he views me a being weak and damaged for not being over my past. My love wants me to do it alone. That is my option. Either I do it alone with him, or I do it alone without him. I love him so...I choose to be with him.
Peaches~

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

" My love wants me to do it alone". Sorry not my definition of love.

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

Welcome to the forum- and thank you so much for your open and heartfelt replies!

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Okay so I'm not big on compliments either but I make sure I do enough things for her to let her know my feelings. Besides whenever you tell a woman they look good they always KNOW you're lying, whether you are or not.

So without compliments what does he do for you? And you say he's disabled? You mean he can't walk or is blind or something?

Cusp82,
He has a kind of tremor. He becomes very shaky, his head shakes. It's a neurological disorder (cervical dystonia). He gets embarrassed if he shakes in public. Well, right now our relationship is held together by how kind, loving, and interested he used to be to me. He is still nice to me (opens doors, helps with some errands/chores, and he still holds me at night). Every relationship has patches which are lame. This is our lame patch.
Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Welcome to the forum- and thank you so much for your open and heartfelt replies!

BigAl,
Thanks for the welcome. I figure that if I am honest and open, then I'll get the best advice. It is difficult seeing my flaws floating around out there. So goes life...
Peaches~