Just A Girl, Looking To Understand Her Guy

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Well Hello,

I'm in my late 30's and my love is 50 years old. While I have dated men before who have had ED, living with someone who has it is a bit different. I am here to see if I can understand his viewpoint better. Also, I love to get new ideas on how to mix things up.

Peaches

[Jackxxx Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Jackxxx]

How is different living with somebody who has ED?

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

What exactly do you want to know?

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Well Hello,

I'm in my late 30's and my love is 50 years old. While I have dated men before who have had ED, living with someone who has it is a bit different. I am here to see if I can understand his viewpoint better. Also, I love to get new ideas on how to mix things up.

Peaches

Hey Peaches, welcome to the forum. We are delighted that you decided to join us. You will find that the guys here are mostly bark and don't bite so let us know if you if you need assistance navigating the site. A moderator is never more than a Private Message away. In regards to your lover, there are many things he can do to help with his ED. Probably the most beneficial would be to start a penile exercise/conditioning program. It will involve him actively participating in the forums. Initially, that may not be a conversation you want to have with him as I am sure right now you are being a good partner and researching alternatives for him. Given that I will direct you how to educate yourself so that when the time comes to discuss these exercises with him, you will be as knowledgeable as possible.

We direct all new MALE members to the START HERE button located in the upper menu bars at the top of the page in the full version of the website (not mobile). Once there, you will find a ton of reading material that will familiarize yourself with what some of our main focus is here. We suggest a conditioning program to begin like the JP90. While many do this program looking to gain some length and girth - a fantastic side effect is better erection quality (EQ). This benefit will be key to your lovers recovery and confidence.

It is this confidence that is the other part of the equation. He needs to park his emotions in the hallway and not let them enter the bedroom. Anxiety is the number one cause of ED and further, the thought of anxiety is equally as bad. If he feels an adrenaline rush, he needs to stop and wait for it to pass before continuing. Training yourself to not get frustrated and mad is exceptionally hard to do, but can be achieved with a willing and supportive partner.

So, read up, ask questions and again, welcome to the forums. If it helps you, 2 years ago, I was the exact same as your lover. I'm going to be 55 next month and I am having the best sex of my life right now. 2 years ago, I could compete with a wet egg noodle for who hung looser toward the ground. Good luck on the journey and let us know how we can help.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Hello Jackxxx,

The difference in living with someone who has ED verses dating someone who has ED are:

When I date someone, every interaction is planned ahead. The man has time to take medication or to mentally prepare for a sexual encounter. Thusly, I was always very well groomed and smelled yummy. I too, had time to prepare, as well as, had time to get myself mentally excited for the encounter. Now, it is like..."we have a half an hour before I need to pick up my child, let's fool around!"

Also, when dating, the man has a break from me...and feeling the want or need to take medication. My date would have a down time, which I think is needed for every man.

Since I am not a big proponent on taking medications which are not needed, I would never want to be the reason that my date or now, lover takes a medication( I do enjoy our times when he is on Viagra though). It would please me greatly to be able to please my lover and have him not want to take medication to please me.

Please let me know if what I wrote makes sense...or does not make sense. Sometimes I do not fully explain myself well.

Peaches~

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Hello CUSP82,

This is probably going to sound stupid but, I do not know what I want to know. That is to say, I think that my lover probably feels as though he can not be completely honest with me about how he feels. He communicates his feelings but, not the feelings that make him feel less manly. I like to keep my mind open to new ideas, techniques, and science.

My thought is if I read enough about other men and their experiences and feelings on this subject matter, that I will gain insight to my relationship. We are not supposed to write about sex on this forum so I am not sure how I will be able to ask any personal questions about anything specifically. I am guessing that I will need to read multiple posts and put it all together to make sense for my life.

Also, I am trying to figure out how to please him without losing what I want from our relationship. I have had the problem of being a pleaser/sub to the point of doing whatever I thought would please my lover, while losing sight of what pleased me. Pleasing my lover pleased me, but then I was shown that I deserve to be pleased in other ways too. Balance has been an issue in my past and I see my current relationship going down that road if I do not make some changes with myself.

Thanks,
Peaches

[jockinthebox Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close jockinthebox]

Welcome to the GYM! It's always a special pleasure to have a female new member join us! We need more female perspective, so nose around, become familiar with the gym, ask questions, and I encourage your partner to consider joining us as well. We're a helpful bunch of guys (and a few gals) focused on making a difference in men's sexual health (of ALL ages)! We love and encourage MORE participation! Glad you joined us!

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

Sometimes, one needs to 'discover' things, that they were not aware of even existed.

These can be tidbits of knowledge, methods of looking at something in a different context, items out there in the marketplace, etc.

I wish you success in your efforts to discover, learn about questions to ask, and finding out how others may feel or perceive different aspects on your 'I want to know' about list.



Dangler
Sr. Administrator

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

No we don't really write about porn on this forum but questions about sexuality and using descriptions to attain honest answers are fine.
Do you know the origin of his ED?

[Ravenously Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Ravenously]

Welcome Peaches, this place has plenty of resources to help you out. One option, if you choose to go the pharmacological way ( and pde-5 inhibitors work for him), is to use a once daily med. Also there are a lot of dietary things that he should be doing, like getting plenty of natural nitrates and l citrulline.


And Cusp,..... speak for yourself......every word I write is pornographic. Come to think of it, every word I read is too, but that may just be my internal monologue.

[peachykeen Member Find all posts View Profile Close peachykeen]

Hello TheZMan,

Thank you for all of the information and the welcome. Well, I see your point about getting my lover involved with this process of using the conditioning exercises, however, I was hoping to introduce them without a discussion. He wants me to work on myself. Part of working on myself is learning about how to boost his self-esteem. All of my own issues are issues which I need to deal with on my own apparently.

If I can boost his self image and please him, then my issues will subside. Please let me know if this is a terrible idea, keeping him out of the loop while I research. I just don't want to add anymore stress to his plate right now. My thoughts on this will probably change as I do more reading up on the matter.

Thanks,
Peaches

[Jackxxx Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Jackxxx]

Hello Jackxxx,

The difference in living with someone who has ED verses dating someone who has ED are:

When I date someone, every interaction is planned ahead. The man has time to take medication or to mentally prepare for a sexual encounter. Thusly, I was always very well groomed and smelled yummy. I too, had time to prepare, as well as, had time to get myself mentally excited for the encounter. Now, it is like..."we have a half an hour before I need to pick up my child, let's fool around!"

Also, when dating, the man has a break from me...and feeling the want or need to take medication. My date would have a down time, which I think is needed for every man.

Since I am not a big proponent on taking medications which are not needed, I would never want to be the reason that my date or now, lover takes a medication( I do enjoy our times when he is on Viagra though). It would please me greatly to be able to please my lover and have him not want to take medication to please me.

Please let me know if what I wrote makes sense...or does not make sense. Sometimes I do not fully explain myself well.

Peaches~

It makes perfect sense. Although, you shouldn't worry too much about it, because I know he is already thinking about all these things. This is based of course under the fact that he has a doctor prescribing him medication to treat his ED. In the case of the "planning" to have sex to take viagra or something, it can be avoided by switching medication to cialis. Cialis stays in the body for up to 36 hours. That means, he can take a low dose every day upon waking up and he will be ready to go at any time.

You will find answers to all your questions in these forums.

[TheZZMan Moderator Member of the Month Sept 2018PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close TheZZMan]

Hello TheZMan,

Thank you for all of the information and the welcome. Well, I see your point about getting my lover involved with this process of using the conditioning exercises, however, I was hoping to introduce them without a discussion. He wants me to work on myself. Part of working on myself is learning about how to boost his self-esteem. All of my own issues are issues which I need to deal with on my own apparently.

If I can boost his self image and please him, then my issues will subside. Please let me know if this is a terrible idea, keeping him out of the loop while I research. I just don't want to add anymore stress to his plate right now. My thoughts on this will probably change as I do more reading up on the matter.

Thanks,
Peaches

I would like to also say that a big breakthrough for me was the checking of my testosterone level. Mine turned out to be low and outside the range. I began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and have since built that "T" number up into the above average range and I feel so much better. I have more energy, get morning erections that wake me up at night, am no longer depressed and horny as a goat all the time.

I am on the daily low dose cialis for the same reasons outlined - no spontaneity at all, everything needed to be planned in advance. I take it more on the weekends now (friday, sat, and sun) as it is so expensive. From time to time I will take one mid week to keep it in my system.

But continue to read, I read for over a year to convince myself that this was the place to join and try. So drink in as much knowledge as you can. Your lover would benefit greatly but also keep in mind that you are here for yourself at this stage. We can work on him later.

Post specific questions in the relationship forum or the woman's perspective forum. Q and Scarlett as well as ML4M and KimWiley will surely chime in so you can talk shop with the gals (and guys). Don't hold back, as long as it is not too pornographic, lots slide here.

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Hey Peaches!

Welcome to the Gym.

i am a diabetic and have suffered with increasing ED for over 20 years. It is now quite severe to the point that I can no longer achieve an erection with even 150 mg of Viagta. Accordingly, I now need to resort to other means (injections and/or a Vacume erection device) in order to achieve an erection.

That being said, my very understanding wife of more than 45 years and I enjoy penetrative sex five or six days a week. In my opinion, using the above techniques in order to achieve an erection allows me to have confidence in my manhood and my ability to pleasure my wife.

Perhaps your partner has not yet reached the point that I have regarding the severity of his ED, but I thought it would be helpful to know that it is possible to enjoy a mutually satisfying sexual relationship no matter how bad the situation becomes.

Since your partner is taking a prescription medication, he most likely is seeing a medical professional. In this regard, has your partner been tested to determine the cause of his ED. In this regard,it is best to be treated for the cause rather than being prescribed temporary "cover-ups" which could be masking the root cause. If you know the cause, let us know and we will be better able to advise you on how to approach your situation. Also, remember open communication regarding each other regarding problems and needs is the best way to maintain a long lasting relationship.

in the meantime, if you have any questions regarding the various techniques and treatments used to overcome ED, please feel free to ask.

[Hiplainsdrifter Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hiplainsdrifter]

I can you from first hand experience what it's like to be 50, have a younger GF and have ED. First, do you or does he know the cause of it ? It my case it was purely psychological....I was coming off a 25 year marriage and was suddenly in this relationship with a beautiful younger girl . It was intimidating and I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. Our first night together, I drank too much and I could not get hard for the first time in my life.

This was two years ago. I've been taking Viagra ever since. Even though my ED was psychological, Viagra helps me get better erections than I've ever had in my life. It sucks to have plan out sex, but I like being able to perform better than before.

My GF has had a few more partners than me and is very open about talking about her relationships. It intimidates me and brings in anxiety. Occasionally, we have sex with no medication but it's rare and not as good. She has been awesome....I told her about the pills early on and she was very supportive. She said there's nothing wrong with me, but if I want to keep taking Viagra, she's fine with it.

We're getting married in s month. She's 5 years younger than me...looks like she's 35 or so. Life is short, I figure, so we're going for it. Viagra works great, so I'm gonna keep taking it.

I wish you both good luck and, if you have any questions, let me know