ByggD's Guide to Controlling Your Ejaculation Response

[OldRocker Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close OldRocker]

improvements,

Welcome to PEGym, Pre. Ejac. forum. Your english is quite adequate. I believe that I understood all the points that you were making and found your comments helpful and encouraging.

I am in full agreement with you on the "Level 7" routine. I have been practicing with it on and off for a few weeks now and have worked my way up to around 40 mins.

Thanks for the new word: "Boobsjob". I can visualise it quite well.

I think your blindfold and earplugs is a grand idea. It's a great way to teach you to focus on the sensations.

Best of luck during week 2. I believe that the "Porn" is optional but defer to ByggD for his informed expert opinion. Following his direction of using only audio and then moving up to only 1-3 pictures may help to desensitize the normal arousal levels usually experienced with porn. I guess the best approace is to give it a try and see what happens.

Keep posting; I'm curious to hear how you are doing and what works for you.

Au Revoir!

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Really appreciate the effort BD.
Gonna give it a determined shot next week.

Do you recommend abstaining from sex whilst doing this program? Or how would you incorporate sex - try to go for 6min on a 6min day; run the programm parallel??, OR ??

Oh man, the question I knew would come up but hoped it wouldn't. Listen, in a vacuum it would be great if one would only perform the behaviors in the guideline. However, you are a human male, you want sex, need sex, and enjoy sex. So, I encourage you to have sex. Sex is healthy. Absolutely healthy. Worrying about sex is not healthy (that was me, still is sometimes). I don't want people to worry about their PreE. Worry only increases cortisol levels in the brain which cause your muscles to tense which increases the likelihood of coming too early.

When you are about to have sex. Take some deep breaths. Pay attention to your stomach and get the carbon dioxide out of the lower part of your lungs (which is why you need to take some deep breaths). Tell yourself, "I can last as long as I want to." Get your confidence up. Tell yourself that you are confident enough to perform great! Give oral to her first (I personally love giving oral sex to women). When I do, I try to focus on her and my breathing. Also, if you do have a significant other then I encourage you to incorporate sex into this routine. Most of all, you should have fun with this. Enjoy life as much as possible. I used to worry so mucha bout what others thought. I stopped doing that. Good luck.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Thanks for the great advice and program ByggD! I'm excited to get started on week one. You mentioned in a reply you do certain kegel/reverse kegel, lower abdominal, and breathing exercises. Could you share your routine for those? And also do you incorporate those exercises into your normal penis exercising routine or separately?

Thanks, friend. I do kegels as part of my penis exercise routine. Also, I ride my bicycle almost everywhere and I perform kegels while I am biking as well. I hold for at least 10 seconds and generally hold for about 30-60 seconds. I don't do any kegels and I suggest everyone abstain from kegels while masturbating. The only time I will perform a kegel is if I reach level 9 and I am very close to coming. I will stop everything I am doing and tell myself to "control this" (actually, I just say "control" now; and yes, sometimes I say that out loud to myself) then I kegel hard for about 10 seconds. You should only kegel if you absolutely have to. No exceptions. Same with reverse kegeling. Only do it if you absolutely have to. I learned to reverse kegel but I rarely do it. I believe that the kegeling itself will strengthen your PC muscle and you will learn to understand this muscle over time. In terms of premature ejaculation, understanding that PC muscle is very important. Once you strengthen it enough you should notice that you are kegeling and tell yourself "control."

The lower abdominal routine is something I do in the weight room. I just do leg raises but I go very slowly. I go slow because your muscles grow based on time under tension, not the repetitive motions alone. So, I lay flat on the ground, raise my legs 6-10 inches off the ground (the up motion should be slow, about 2-3 seconds) then I hold the position, squeeze my abs for 2 seconds, then SLOWLY lower my legs, rest for about a second then repeat SLOWLY.

I also do an inner ab routine while I am biking, sitting at a computer, while I reading a book, ect. Whenever I think about it I do inner abs. Inner abs here means deep abs as in deep inside your body--the abs you cannot see. These abs are conditioned when breathing.

Deep ab routine: Sit down, feet should be flat against the ground, legs bent close to 90 degrees, back straight, chin straight. You SLOWLY!! inhale. As you inhale you "suck" your stomach in slowly (think of the movie Caddy Shack when that hot chick walks by the pool to go to the diving board and all of the guys in the pool suck in their stomach). Once you have completely inhaled you should puff out your chest, slightly bend your upper torso, which provides added tension to your deep abs. Then exhale slowly and repeat. If you perform this when you are naked and in front of a mirror you will notice that your penis moves up and you balls do as well. Your scrotum also shrinks a bit as you deeply inhale. Your inner abs are indirectly associated with your ejaculatory response based on tension. Breathing deeply will reduce tension, will get excess carbon dioxide out of your body, will increase serotonin levels (very slightly), will increase the amount of endorphins in your body, and will relieve stress. Basically, it helps all around with our stressed muscles and that exercise alone is likely to increase your staying power during sex.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

I just read the updated post, and I will start week two today, but I’m a little scared with the “porn step”, because I think porn is one of the causes why I ejaculate too soon…

If you have any questions or advices, do not hesitate to contact me.

First, your English is fine; far better than my french is . I enjoyed your post and that is great news.

I spent years investigating some of this material indirectly (though my education in cognitive neuroscience and nutritional psychology) and I spent hours trying to figure out how to cure my on PreE. There are books, ebooks, and other places where you have to spend money to get this advice. I do it for free because I am not interested in monetary gain here. Stories like yours is my gain.

I want to make it very clear to you and everyone else. These guidelines are not scientific. I have no evidence to make a claim that you have to do step X or you should only do step Z after you have completed step Y or that you should even do step X, Y, or Z at all. Thus, if you are worried about porn THEN DO NOT DO IT. If you are enjoying yourself without porn then there is no reason to watch it. If you do watch it, then do it fully clothed and watch the male porn star and how he is acting. You can see him look up at times and close his eyes, he will be thrusting very fast then suddenly stops, pulls out, and "decides" to change positions. You can learn a lot from the porn stars and go into with the mindset of learning. However, again, if you are nervous about adding porn then I encourage you to not begin that step. If you are nervous and you want to take that step then just calm yourself down by breathing and telling yourself to stay at level 7. Stroke more slowly and pay more attention to your body.

Early on, I would focus too much on the porn. For example, I would see the woman climb on top (which is my favorite!) and I would involuntarily kegel. I didn't know I was kegeling before but over time and after I started focusing on my own body I noticed that I kegeled a lot. So, I just monitored that area and I don't kegel as often now.

Glad to hear this is working for you.

[FallOutBoy Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FallOutBoy]

BD,

Thanks for the reply, I found all the exercise advice really helpful and I'm definitely going to start doing those breathing exercises!

I have a quick question though about my experience with the routine. This was my second day, and I was aiming for a longer time goal. Yesterday I was able to do fifteen minutes just fine, in different positions, but having to take a break at certain points to "get back to 7". Today I went for a bit longer to 20 minutes, but experienced more urge at the beginning and found myself having to take breaks and get back to that 7 both more frequently and earlier than yesterday. This frequency subsided after a bit, once I was able to get to a 7 comfortably. But my question here is whether or not it's okay to be taking breaks? I know you said after the three minutes if we need 30 seconds, but if my body is feeling a nine at two minutes in, should I slow down to a 7 by stopping and telling myself that mentally? That's what I've been doing, but I want to make sure that it's okay to actually stop stroking while I do that. For me at least, telling myself to get back to a 7 and actually getting there does take about 20 or 30 seconds of relaxation. And while I'm asking questions, I'm just wondering if it's normal to get variation from day to day like this at first, or if it's telling me I'm doing something wrong?

Thanks again! Really appreciate all the help

[improvements Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close improvements]

Thanks for the reply guys,

“I guess the best approach is to give it a try and see what happens” : you’re totally right OldRocker, I’ve followed your advice, that’s why I add this post today !

“Stories like yours is my gain”, and I bet you’re gonna have a lot of stories to read because this guide is just awesome ! and I’m maybe new here, but I’m no newbie in the premature ejaculation field. Best program I’ve ever done, by far.
“I started focusing on my own body”, yeah here is the key when we add porn to our solo routine.

Just to remember: I’m a new member, I’m French, not that good in English, and I don’t have that much time to correct my posts. So I’m sorry if you face difficulties to read me.

All right, now that it’s said, here are my first impressions about the second week of the ByggD’s program !

First I would like to say that I was really afraid of this step before I actually took it. Why? Because this one implies porn.
What really helped me is that I wasn’t seeking porn. Since I’ve completely stopped I really don’t miss it at all so I took it just as it was: an exercise material, a training tool and nothing more. And I want to insist on this point, because I believe it’s crucial, just as BiggD wisely told me: if you don’t feel ready to do it, just don’t.

Previously I’ve tried the Barbara Keesling program (which by the way has really helped me to improve sexually speaking, but not as much as I wanted to). Anyway if you don’t know it yet, it’s a succession of exercises you have to follow in order to achieve multiple orgasms. And I was like: ok, I really want to achieve mmo so I vow to myself to do each exercise 5 times, no more, no less, before moving forward to the next one. And looking back then, even if it was a good intention, that was mainly a bad idea. It’s all about how YOU feel. Programs are just guidelines; you’re the only one who will cure yourself of premature ejaculation.

The point is: do it only if you’re ready. I’ve spend more than 7 days on the first week of the program, I wanted to have a perfect control in all position before moving from no audio stimuli to woman screaming in my ears while I was masturbating. As I see it the week thing is just an advice ByggD stop me if I’m wrong.

How I proceed:

- I don’t start with audio stimulation immediately: I’m blindfold, a headphone on my ears plugged to my computer with a porn video ready to play. I choose to use a headphone because in this way I’m not disturb by any parasitic noise, and that’s a good and slow transition from earplugs (which I previously used in week one), besides, that’s way more comfortable than earbuds.
- I start by bringing myself to a 7, and then I switch in every position from the easiest one to the hardest one, at least to me (laying down, sitting, on my knees, standing). To sum up I do exactly the same as in week one.
- I turn on the video only when I’m sure that I have a perfect control over myself in those 4 positions for at least 3 or 4 minutes each.
- I masturbate in the 4 positions, and I try to focus on my body (I haven’t said on my penis only) to hold a level 7 all along the way.
It was hard at first, because it’s really more difficult to control your arousal level with a woman screaming with pleasure in your ears, but don’t discourage yourself and try to focus more on you. I guess people who have premature ejaculation issues aren’t selfish enough. Besides, women are really turned on by male who are dominant and self oriented in bed.

What I’ve learned so far:
- Being uncomfortable with something s sex related (porn in this case) is probably one of the issues of people who are dealing with premature ejaculation ;
- But don’t do it wrong (like I used to when I was younger) Porn is only something that you add to work even better, not something that turn you on and then you begin to masturbate. So if you’re a little afraid first like I was, use it carefully, and don’t let it use you ;
- Every position brings different sensations, so try a lot of them, to be ready for the big day, you don’t want to be a sex god in only one position ;
- Level 7 is (still) your friend.

My progress in bed : I’ve made love to my gf for at least 2 and an half hour, but I came maybe 30 minutes after we’ve began. That the second time I have sex since I’ve began ByggD’s program, and that last one I didn’t have to think of the level 7 to control myself, at least not as often as the first time. I think my brain is already learning. Anyway, I feel that I have a great control over my body since I’ve begin that program. That’s obviously the best one I’ve ever tried. I’m feeling really really good, and my relationship with my gf is going better than ever. My little reward: she now calls me Master, and I think that’s probably a little bit related with what I’ve achieved in the past few days…

Thanks ByggD for that amazing post, you’ve really done a good work with this guide.

[oggy12 Member Find all posts View Profile Close oggy12]

Hey im new and when edging if your about to cum should you stop and then carry on or just stop completely?

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

BD,

Thanks for the reply, I found all the exercise advice really helpful and I'm definitely going to start doing those breathing exercises!

I have a quick question though about my experience with the routine. This was my second day, and I was aiming for a longer time goal. Yesterday I was able to do fifteen minutes just fine, in different positions, but having to take a break at certain points to "get back to 7". Today I went for a bit longer to 20 minutes, but experienced more urge at the beginning and found myself having to take breaks and get back to that 7 both more frequently and earlier than yesterday. This frequency subsided after a bit, once I was able to get to a 7 comfortably. But my question here is whether or not it's okay to be taking breaks? I know you said after the three minutes if we need 30 seconds, but if my body is feeling a nine at two minutes in, should I slow down to a 7 by stopping and telling myself that mentally? That's what I've been doing, but I want to make sure that it's okay to actually stop stroking while I do that. For me at least, telling myself to get back to a 7 and actually getting there does take about 20 or 30 seconds of relaxation. And while I'm asking questions, I'm just wondering if it's normal to get variation from day to day like this at first, or if it's telling me I'm doing something wrong?

Thanks again! Really appreciate all the help

Yeah, I am realizing that there are some things I need to be clearer on. If you feel yourself getting too excited early on then ABSOLUTELY STOP. I remember when I first tried this two years ago I eventually gave up and went for gold quickly. I wanted to control my ejaculation, but I also wanted that pleasure. NOW! In retrospect, I was only reinforcing the behavior I was trying to treat and I wasted quite a bit of time.

When I was doing this routine and when I became too excited at ANY POINT during my routine I would STOP COMPLETELY and relax. Sometimes my penis would just be extremely sensitive so I would wait until I lost my erection then I would get it back up about 10 minutes later. Some days I would even quit and come back later in the day. Basically, you need to do whatever it takes to get back to a 7.

For those of you who are getting really excited during sex, step back a minute and give her more oral while you breath/relax. Focus on yourself, tune into your own body, understand it. Over time, your bodily processes will become automatic and you can start to focus on her more.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Hey im new and when edging if your about to cum should you stop and then carry on or just stop completely?

It depends where you are. If it is on day two then you should stop completely. Focus on your body and understand where the tension is. When I was working at it the first couple of days I didn't understand why I was getting aroused so quick. After a day or two, I started to notice that tension builds up in my lower abs (this is why I started working on my lower abs) and I also noticed that my posture would become worse (which is why I work on deep abs). I was essentially trying to force myself to come automatically. I didn't even know it before but after I starting learning about my body I began to see how I suffered from PreE. About five days in I when I would get close to the PONR I would notice that my posture was getting worse and worse and I corrected it. This routine should teach you a lot about your body. You need to focus on your guy, where you are building up tension, then work on that area as well as your brain. Your brain is the most important sex organ. Understand that thing.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Awesome awesome post

The only comment I would really like to add is that I think the scale is too coarse. For me, self-awareness has been a critical part of my journey (which I am still on) and I have gained a hell of a lot from paying very close attention to the sensations of my arousal, both physically and psychologically. The whole "level 7" thing is right on the money for sure, but for me the levels 1-5 seem somehow inconsequential. I would prefer to think of level 5 as erect. That gives you space to understand and really feel yourself between "Ready" and BOOM. The alternative is you slowly become familar with level 9.5, then 9.25 and 9.75, smaller gradations all the time. Sure that's all good, and I do suspect those gradations are pretty much all physical, but I just think on a scale of 1-10, I consider 5 a working part of the scale, far more than just a little nudge in my pants.

Phenomenal post and fascinating conversation though. Repped - or at least it will be by the time you notice this reply

[thenewdude Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close thenewdude]

Nice post. I found the best way is to think about pleasing your woman and not thinking of yourself. If that means to need to release some semen before hand, then do so. But concentrating on making your woman squirm will take your mind of you getting an orgasm, etc...

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Awesome awesome post

The only comment I would really like to add is that I think the scale is too coarse. For me, self-awareness has been a critical part of my journey (which I am still on) and I have gained a hell of a lot from paying very close attention to the sensations of my arousal, both physically and psychologically. The whole "level 7" thing is right on the money for sure, but for me the levels 1-5 seem somehow inconsequential. I would prefer to think of level 5 as erect. That gives you space to understand and really feel yourself between "Ready" and BOOM. The alternative is you slowly become familar with level 9.5, then 9.25 and 9.75, smaller gradations all the time. Sure that's all good, and I do suspect those gradations are pretty much all physical, but I just think on a scale of 1-10, I consider 5 a working part of the scale, far more than just a little nudge in my pants.

Phenomenal post and fascinating conversation though. Repped - or at least it will be by the time you notice this reply

Thanks for the comment and the Rep.

The main point I was trying to get across with my self-created scale, which has absolutely no scientific foundation, is that we need to better understand our body (which does have scientific foundations). Thus, if anyone has their own scale they already use then I would continue using it only under the premise that one actually understands the scale (it sounds like you have a firm grasp of your arousal). Also, if a large number of people assert that the scale I implement is significantly flawed then anyone can request changes. I am very uninterested in telling anyone that this thread should be followed like the Torah was in 100 BCE in the Fertile Crescent. Quite the contrary, I am more interested in people saying "This part here works great. Incredibly beneficial." Or, "This part doesn't work at all, I think we should makes some changes." Science is about hypothesizing, testing, then replication and convergence of results. If the model needs some changing then by golly we are going to make changes.

It is worth saying again, my thread is simply a guideline. There is absolutely nothing in terms of scientific articles that I can point to to back up my claims. It is completely anecdotal mixed with relatively unrelated scientific articles that I have read.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Nice post. I found the best way is to think about pleasing your woman and not thinking of yourself. If that means to need to release some semen before hand, then do so. But concentrating on making your woman squirm will take your mind of you getting an orgasm, etc...

That is awesome that works for you! Sometimes that gets me too excited. I mean, I love when a women curls her toes and her body shakes ever so slightly. It is even better when she cannot control herself . When that happens, I generally have to focus on myself. If I focus on her, seeing her have such pleasure, then it plays games with my mind and I find myself finishing quicker than I would have liked.

[Bobbyj Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Bobbyj]

Ever since I read this thread and saw that u do leg raises and work on your abs I started doing the same and notice less involuntary kegels this is the most inspirational post I've seen on here

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Ever since I read this thread and saw that u do leg raises and work on your abs I started doing the same and notice less involuntary kegels this is the most inspirational post I've seen on here

That is great news! After you get your abs in better shape you could lay on a bench and lower your legs further. I mean, if you perform leg raises on the ground you can only go as far as the ground; with the bench, you can lower your legs a good 12" further. It is pretty tough to do but it is sure worth it. Furthermore, when we all get some washboard abs the ladies won't be able to keep their hands off us

Again, I am glad to hear the leg raises are helping.