ByggD's Guide to Controlling Your Ejaculation Response

[Thrill Drill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thrill Drill]

Alright dude just finished my first session with this. I have to say that once I was doing it, I finally truly understood what you are trying to accomplish. With that being said, the session itself could of gone a lot better. I went out to Home Depot (pretty quick walk from my house) to use their public washrooms because I knew it was the only place I would get any privacy and total silence. I did. I also got myself one of my old long sleeve shirts that I tied around my eyes and ears to block further noise/be in complete darkness. It took me a good 5 minutes or so just to get a decent erection, which was not good considering 5 minutes was how long I wanted the whole thing to last. I started timing once I got it up. The second I stopped viciously beating my dick and started to go slow, my erection started to fade and soon was gone. I wasn't completely flaccid, but it was down to about 50%, if not less. I tried working with that for a while, trying to get my arousal back up. I have the scale memorized. I concentrated on "being one with my dick", and continued stroking. No luck. So I started jerking off fast again. In a while, I was back up to 90-100% erection. Started slow-stroking again, and same thing happens. I don't know whether or not I've ruined myself with porn because honestly, I was turned on that much at all. Even when I watch porn, if its the same old thing, I won't be aroused. I'm going to try again in 2 days but any feedback you might have will be welcomed.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

Alright dude just finished my first session with this. I have to say that once I was doing it, I finally truly understood what you are trying to accomplish. With that being said, the session itself could of gone a lot better. I went out to Home Depot (pretty quick walk from my house) to use their public washrooms because I knew it was the only place I would get any privacy and total silence. I did. I also got myself one of my old long sleeve shirts that I tied around my eyes and ears to block further noise/be in complete darkness. It took me a good 5 minutes or so just to get a decent erection, which was not good considering 5 minutes was how long I wanted the whole thing to last. I started timing once I got it up. The second I stopped viciously beating my dick and started to go slow, my erection started to fade and soon was gone. I wasn't completely flaccid, but it was down to about 50%, if not less. I tried working with that for a while, trying to get my arousal back up. I have the scale memorized. I concentrated on "being one with my dick", and continued stroking. No luck. So I started jerking off fast again. In a while, I was back up to 90-100% erection. Started slow-stroking again, and same thing happens. I don't know whether or not I've ruined myself with porn because honestly, I was turned on that much at all. Even when I watch porn, if its the same old thing, I won't be aroused. I'm going to try again in 2 days but any feedback you might have will be welcomed.

I think you are alright. You are experiencing a new kind of arousal right now--self-arousal. Thus, your body isn't used to it and it may take some time. But, just knowing that you couldn't keep an erection should be a good cue for you. It asserts that your PRE-E is completely physiological.

You can get an erection quick with a partner I assume and you can't get one in the washroom of a home depot by yourself. This makes sense and it is called contextual cognition. Your brain understands how to operate based on certain environmental cues. The washroom of a home depot isn't the evironmental cue to get, and keep, an erection so your brain is struggling with this new behavior in a relatively well understood environment. Also, your brain understands that with a partner you are to get aroused. Context is key. The best thing about it is the fact that you can train your brain to understand your environment and react differently. It will take hard work because at this point in your life your brain has very strong associations with an erection and when/where they are supposed to happen. All you must do is train your brain to react to the environment differently. It will work. It has worked. It is time to utilize the capacity of your brain to understand the environment and to use it to your advantage. You are well on your way.

As for the porn thing. Perhaps you could print a picture of a nude woman, bring it with you. Before you start to masturbate you take a look at the picture, focus on it, imagine what it would be like to please this woman, then after you have got an erection you could put the picture away but maintain your focus on pleasing that woman. This should help you maintain an erection. The only problem that could occur is if you have trouble focusing on your body and pleasing that woman as well.

Exercise your imagination. It will work wonders. You are well on your way and you are giving it an honest shot. Keep the determination and the dedication and results will surely follow.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

I have receive a couple of messages from individuals who using fleshlights. Here is my suggestion (this can also be utilized for anyone who wishes to do this):

Instead of increasing your duration of masturbation each day, you should focus on simply increasing duration over a longer stretch of time. What I mean is, perhaps it is better to increase the amount of time you are masturbating every five days rather than every day. This makes sense as you are creating "mini goals" and you will only increase time spent masturbating after you have passed the goal. The following guideline is to illustrate what I am talking about:

Days 1-5 work on consistently lasting 5 minutes
Days 6-10 work on consistently lasting 10 minutes
Days 11-15 work on consistently lasting 15 minutes
Days 16-20 work on consistently lasting 20 minutes
Etcetera

Basically you could be lasting up to 30 minutes in 30 days. That sounds like one hell of a deal to me.

I like this quite a lot better than increasing the time each day. Perhaps this is why I struggled with my dedication to the routine posted in the original post when I tried it the first two times and I was not successful until the third bout. This should be helpful and I am guessing many people will not see this post as there have been many comments to this thread. Thus, I am going to post an addendum to the original post that way this "mini goal" idea will get more views and could perhaps reduce attrition. Maybe I am being overly confident. Eh, so long as people are seeing progress it won't matter to me.

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

I also have some worries but i screwed up when i was young and its not an excuse to be depressed. You guys are giving out good tips to nature.

My tip is to stop thinking of past events that didn't go as planned as "skrew[ing] up." That is a negative thought process that almost certainly causes your brain to react with "negative" chemicals.

View life as a learning experience. If something didn't go the way you planned think of ways to improve that scenario in the future. For example, there was a woman in the coffee shop the other night that I thought was simply stunning. Perhaps my personal perfect 10. I have been staying at friend's apartments/houses and I currently do not have a job. Thus, I felt as though I didn't have anything to offer in terms of real life value. So, I didn't say a word. I kept to myself and I just kept reading. Still after bout a week later I wish I would have said something. Basically, I made up her mind for her. I didn't even give her a chance to get to know me, my situation, my thoughts, hopes, desires, and dreams. I feel a little sense of regret. However, rather than focusing on that regret I have focused on the future encounter which I will certainly experience again with another woman. Rather than remain silent, I am going to go talk to a woman I think is very attractive. If that opportunity presents itself once more I will take advantage of it.

Learn from your experiences and strive to not make the same mistakes in the future. You will see incredible progress in your life and you will live happier. That, I can guarantee.

[Thrill Drill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Thrill Drill]

I think you are alright. You are experiencing a new kind of arousal right now--self-arousal. Thus, your body isn't used to it and it may take some time. But, just knowing that you couldn't keep an erection should be a good cue for you. It asserts that your PRE-E is completely physiological.

You can get an erection quick with a partner I assume and you can't get one in the washroom of a home depot by yourself. This makes sense and it is called contextual cognition. Your brain understands how to operate based on certain environmental cues. The washroom of a home depot isn't the evironmental cue to get, and keep, an erection so your brain is struggling with this new behavior in a relatively well understood environment. Also, your brain understands that with a partner you are to get aroused. Context is key. The best thing about it is the fact that you can train your brain to understand your environment and react differently. It will take hard work because at this point in your life your brain has very strong associations with an erection and when/where they are supposed to happen. All you must do is train your brain to react to the environment differently. It will work. It has worked. It is time to utilize the capacity of your brain to understand the environment and to use it to your advantage. You are well on your way.

As for the porn thing. Perhaps you could print a picture of a nude woman, bring it with you. Before you start to masturbate you take a look at the picture, focus on it, imagine what it would be like to please this woman, then after you have got an erection you could put the picture away but maintain your focus on pleasing that woman. This should help you maintain an erection. The only problem that could occur is if you have trouble focusing on your body and pleasing that woman as well.

Exercise your imagination. It will work wonders. You are well on your way and you are giving it an honest shot. Keep the determination and the dedication and results will surely follow.

Thanks a lot buddy that helps a lot! I think this is important so I'm going to tell you. After I got home, I got into my shower. I started stroking myself and in about 5 minutes time got an erection. This time, instead of doing the slow strokes, I did relatively fast strokes (about 3 per second?), and I noticed that I was able to maintain my erection. Also, I was able to keep myself at that "7" that you said we should strive to remain at. I kept telling myself that it'll be awesome once I can have sex for literally hours on end without cumming and the woman can't walk straight the next day (lol). I motivated myself by telling myself it's going to be so awesome when women are literally lining up outside of my dorm room next year when I go to College, just begging to get a piece of me. At the same time, I focused on my breathing and kept it under control. The second I felt my erection starting to slightly fade, I held a kegel and put more emphasis on stroking my head (by far the most sensitize area for me). As I started becoming more aroused, when I felt I was getting close to a level 8 or 9, I started taking longer breaths, held a reverse-kegel and consciounsly, very lightly, whispered to myself to get back down to a level 7. To do that, I found it helpful to visualize a thermometer-like device numbered "1,3,5,7,9,10" at different points. The red line inside was my arousel. I told myself to lower it and visualized it going down (similar to how the red line in a thermometer goes down as the temperature decreases). To my surprise, I was able to keep going for 5 minutes, after which I needed to get out of the shower because my parents were yelling at me. I wasn't doing the 3-5 mid-shaft strokes/1-2 full strokes like you said so I'll have to fix that next time I go back to Home Depot (tomorrow). So basically, what I'm wondering is if you think it's alright if I stroke myself slightly faster, or do you think that's detrimental to the purpose of the routine, which is self-arousal. I don't want to rely on a picture of a naked woman; I'd much rather get used to using my imagination. Also, I'm 18 and a virgin. I don't know how I would react in a different environment if a naked woman was standing infront of me.

[blamuek Member Find all posts View Profile Close blamuek]

BD, what is this ginger candy you speak so highly of?

[JamesMonroe Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close JamesMonroe]

This I don't have any experience with. I will be honest. A lot of my investigations into the scientific realms are purely selfish--either it helps me, a family member, a friend, etc. The best part is, the more life I live the more people I come in contact with and the more limitations I discover.

Thanks, bud.

I don't have this problem. I can have sex and 15 minutes later it was as if we didn't have sex. I can get going pretty quickly. Perhaps it has something to do with the glutamine I ingest. Glutamine is an amino acid that supports muscle recovery. It could also be how healthy I strive to be. I am pretty strict with my diet. I am currently trying to gain weight so there is not a whole lot to my diet really. I don't eat fast food (unless it is Subway), I stay away from sugar as much as possible (diabetes runs in my family too; more reason to steer clear of simple carbs), and I don't drink alcohol (okay, i have had three beverages total since January 1--thus, I do drink, but it is very rare). I also perform some for of cardio seven days a week and I lift weights five days a week.

Getting an erection has never been my problem. One of my girlfriends would consistently tease me in public. She would just slide her arm down my leg, put both hands on my belt, or something of the like and I would get hard. Still do. I just laugh at it now. She had a lot of fun with it . I wish I could be more help, Pegasus is a pretty knowledgeable guy. So is DemOne. Perhaps you could locate them and ask. Or just send them a personal message. Either way, good luck.

Careful with SUBWAY.... Its all Highly processed food that causes diabetes and cancer. All their bread has high fructose corn syrup and the tuna is more mayo than tuna. Read up on it. Might as well go to McDonalds.

[ktrp Member Find all posts View Profile Close ktrp]

Any session where you learned something about your self, your response to stimulus and arousal was a very valuable session indeed.

Did you start slowing down because you felt you were close to PONR?

I also, personally, think any session where you stimulate and don't ejaculate is good at training your brain to separate the two.

[ktrp Member Find all posts View Profile Close ktrp]

I guess this was the thread that triggered me to think about NLP and premature ejaculation, specifically, thinking positive thoughts rather then negative (i.e. don't think 'don't cum' think of long enjoyable sex).

The other day, I struck on a mental image that I found helpful, so I figured I'd share it. I took a meditation course where the instructor told us to imagine our thoughts as bubbles that float up to the surface of a stream, and can be viewed, and then float away. I found that useful, so I tried to come up with something that would be helpful for me in this scenario.

I somehow thought of a flat landscape, with a train track heading directly ahead all the way to the horizon. And I imagined one of those handcar/pumpcar things, the ones that have sort of a see-saw thing that one or more men pump to make go moving along that track.

I found that really helpful, I've used it since during edging sessions. Its sort of a very calm, peaceful, relaxing image, it speaks to a destination that is out of sight and a long trip, simply going down the track, and frankly in retrospect the fact in involves pumping calmly with an expectation of pumping for the indefinite future ... well it helped me. Maybe it will help some of you.

[Drummer19 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Drummer19]

Ok there are a couple of things I need to say...

I am on day 14 today and so far everything has been a great success. There are only a couple of things I have added to this great program and I can explain later if anyone wants.

Before starting this program I could already masturbate without any aid and last as long as I want. However, with any kind of sexual sounds, pictures of naked girls, or porn videos I would go straight to a 8 or 9 boner and it just couldn't go down unless I waited about 60seconds. Also I have NEVER used any kind of lube before. The only lube I have ever felt was a woman's vagina.

On day 1 the lube on my dick was a exciting change. I had a hard time trying to stay at a 7, but it was not nearly as hard as I imagined it would be. By the end of the week, I was pro at masturbating with lube. On day 6 I messed up and ejaculated off schedule. I really didn't want to redo that day but when I was able to get back up and redo it with ease I felt much more confident over having control over my arousal.

Between days 4 and 5 I had sex with my girlfriend. It was a success because I was able to relax. The moment I penetrated I though to myself "this feels exactly like the lube! No way... So that means I can do this!" I only lasted about 8 min and didn't go too fast, but this was a great success in my book.


Week 2 was exciting too. It was the first time I ever just listened to porn. At the beginning I was able to consistently keep an 8 erection without it going to a 9, but by the end of this week I mastered it, being able to stay at a 7. Sometimes I would even get to a 6 and have to thrust myself thinking I was thrusting in a vagina really fast to get to a 7. At that moment is when I realized that that is probably how the porn stars do it. Even if it is not, it is boosting my confidence.

I know Byddg said that he is not sure how beneficial listening to porn would be for this program. It helped me an ungodly amount! Anyone who is intensely aroused by the sounds of a women screaming and orgasming needs to include this.
I actually learned how to breath really heavy and contract my stomach by listening to the porn stars and mimicking. I was learning prior to this how to deep breathe to relax, but this got me to perfect it and subconsciously memorize it when I masturbate now.

As you know day 13 is the day where you can look at 3 porn pictures for 10min each. I was nervous beforehand that I wouldn't be able to control my arousal. I pep-talked myself with confidence and went for it. Everything worked out beautifully. Perfect control. Let me add I have NEVER been able to look at porn and keep a 7 erection with consistent masturbation.

I am making more progress than I have in months. I have the confidence to look at porn tomorrow for day 15 and completely nail it, and even if I don't I know I will be able to soon.

Good luck to anyone trying this out. It is worth it.

[dapper35 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dapper35]

ByggD Thanks so much for all you info and amazing research.

I was wondering if you think that using a Fleshlight STU (a toy which replicates a real vagina and is designed for "stamina training" and is much MUCH more realistic than a hand) would be a good idea? It seems to me like it would as the stimulation is incredible.


Thanks again

Cheers

[ByggD Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ByggD]

ByggD Thanks so much for all you info and amazing research.

I was wondering if you think that using a Fleshlight STU (a toy which replicates a real vagina and is designed for "stamina training" and is much MUCH more realistic than a hand) would be a good idea? It seems to me like it would as the stimulation is incredible.


Thanks again

Cheers

You are very welcome.

Using the STU "can" be beneficial. However, it is a lot of stimulation. I know, I have one. I would encourage you to introduce that later on. Maintain the successive accession mantra. It works with almost every learned behavior in life (i.e. shooting a basketball, driving a car, riding a bike, learning a recipe, writing an essay, preparing for an exam...I could go on). I think you should avoid using the STU for the first 21 days. You can always add stimuli, the routine gets tougher and your motivation is more likely to decrease if you set goals that are too difficult. Shelve the STU for three weeks, then introduce the thing. You may have to create a new goal because of the increased stimuli the STU provides, but this is the best way to go about it.

For example, let's say you are at 30min total in three weeks and you decide to introduce the STU. Instead of shooting for 30 minutes again you need to reassess. You have now added a physical stimulus that is likely to decrease your lasting time. Thus, you need to shoot for 15 minutes on day 22-25. This isn't regression, this a completely different experience now. On days 26-29, extend your limitation to 20 minutes; 25 minutes on days 30-33; and so on. Because you have 360 degrees of stimulation on the entire length of your penis when fully inserted into the STU you have to account for that. Be reasonable with your goals and you will be fine. You are well on your way.

[dapper35 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dapper35]

thanks mate!!

[naturesucks Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close naturesucks]

This was unfortunately a waste of time for me. Can't wait for the surgery.

[naturesucks Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close naturesucks]

Sure, I don’t know what his conscious experience is (I don’t know if he is literally at a level 9 then he pulls out for a couples seconds, or switches positions). But, are you willing to bet against me that porn stars don’t understand their arousal better than the average man out there? Thought not.

Im pretty ready to claim that they probably not. Again: I know people who are beasts at bed (no homo, I just know because i've heard girls that they've fucked talking about it). Girls would talk about how much he lasted and how hard he went and so on.
I can guarantee you, my mates don't even know what the fuck a PC muscle is, not even a Kegel. Some people simply have it by default, they don't have problems it. They never had to think about it. This is simply because their dicks didn't contain has many nerve density fibers compared to the one of the super premature ejaculator like mine, probably with chemicals on their bodies being different too. Mental factor is smaller than most people believe on here. The urge to cum simply arises within your body, it is not a matter of choice, it's just your own body acting with what he got. You can't do nothing about being always on a 9 with what you've explained if your chemicals in your body and your nerve receptors on your penis are the way they are. You can't change the software without changing the hardware, so to speak. This is why im hoping, frenulum surgery enhances my sexual stamina a lot, because it makes sense to do so. If it's not enough, then i'll have to get fully circumsized.