Toys and Porn

[MrB8 Senior Member Member of the Month Nov 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close MrB8]

How come a guy watching porn is worse than a girl using toys? Unless the girl is only thinking about her boyfriend and no one else while she is masturbating I don't see the difference. Because isn't that the issue women have with porn? The idea of a man masturbating and fantasizing about a woman other than themselves? When women close and their eyes and fantasize, they are creating a "mental porn" to arouse themselves.

Then he'll have to arouse her mind before her body.

And a toy can be used with/by her partner, why limit ourselves to only the penis, the human body is a lot more than that, and is controled by an even deeper thing, the brain, sex is not about orgasm and penetration, it is a journey that should be fun and joyful, where a couple drop their problems, doubts and anxieties even before they take off their clothes, something to be cherished, not a match nor a competition, there is no other target than having fun with your better half.

I don't care what women tell me, I don't believe that the NEVER think about anyone but their boyfriend when they are pleasuring themselves. I've talked to girls who've told me they will fantasize about other guys, or girls quite often too, because many of them are bisexual. One girl told me she thought about her ex-bf, and she felt really guilty for it because she loved her current bf so much. So even when they really love the guy, it's hard to only think about him, and I understand that. My buddy's gf found his porn collection and threw it all in the garbage when he was at work. But if a guy found his gf's toys and threw them all in the garbage people would call him an insecure jerk.

I think you are picking whom to believe, and those are the ones who say what you want to hear, which is that they always want someone else than their current partner. Always picking the negative side of any argument won't help solving it, nor will it protect from pitfalls.

TPW debunking myths about female orgasm thread has a good point about how if a woman isn't into it, it isn't going to happen. She says that an orgasm cannot be "given", the woman makes it happen. But even if a woman is not in the mood for sex, a powerful vibe can still make her cum in a couple minutes or even as little as 5 seconds! It can literally "give" her an orgasm even if she wasn't even in the mood earlier! But with a man, since we can't create that overpowering stimulation, if we don't get her really aroused, and her mind isn't into it, it won't happen. Vibrators will force a woman to cum, even the most frigid non-sexual woman can orgasm with a vibrator. That's why sexual therapists recommend them to women with sexual dysfunction. I would call them the "failsafe" method, they work where everything else failed. Adding them to the bedroom will help a woman who isn't going to orgasm any other way, but secretly many men wish they could make a woman orgasm like that with their own penis or tongue.

Again, its not a competition.

Okay this may be another one of my "extreme cases" but this is to point out the bad feeling it gave me. I've had a girl who even if I went down on her for an hour, she would say, "You can stop if you want you know." And I felt like crap cause she was just lying there and waiting for me to give up because I wasn't getting anywhere. Yeah that hurts my self-esteem. Cause other girls loved my oral and would ask me for it all the time. It would be the same as a girl giving her bf head for an hour until he tells her she should just stop cause he's not going to cum. It's a shitty feeling to be told your efforts are pointless and just stop cause I'm getting tired.

Sex is not a chore, nor a job, if you gallop up a chocolate bar you will NOT feel the same pleasure you get when you savor it bite by bite, you turn it from a delicacy to just food.

And I don't think DE is any different than a woman who can't orgasm. Cause the guys with DE can orgasm when they masturbate, just not with a girl. And girls who can't orgasm with a man, can when they masturbate, it's the same thing.

The context is different.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hey Finallybig,

I'd like to offer a bit of clarity...

I've actually read before that 80% of women can't orgasm from sex with a man and that's normal. I think that's ridiculous.

Incorrect. The numerous studies to which you are referring did not indicate that woman cannot achieve orgasm from sex with a man. The researchers concluded that women cannot achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration ALONE. In other words, most women first need some clitoral stimulation in order to reach climax – vaginally or otherwise.

No, the problem is most guys can't last long enough, and girls are often desensitized. We are made to orgasm from sex.

Incorrect. Extensive studies of female sexual anatomy and response have determined without a doubt that it is the clitoris, NOT the vagina that is the primary trigger for arousal and climax. And since most positions for intercourse do not provide adequate clitoral stimulation, penetrative sex may make it easy for men to achieve orgasm but it is not conducive for the majority of women. A great analogy would be attempting to bring a man to orgasm by rubbing his testicles only. It MAY happen but it is unlikely that without proper stimulation of the penis he will reach orgasm just as it is unlikely that without proper stimulation of her clitoris, most women will be able reach orgasm.

If the "experts" are to believed then 80% of women in the past couldn't have orgasms, until modern technology saved them by inventing all these modern sex toys in the 1900's.

Incorrect. One of the first known vibrators was actually invented in 1734. However, even well before that time, women have sought out other ways and means of achieving clitoral stimulation for the very same reasons they do today – they were unable to achieve orgasm via penetrative sex alone. Stop assuming that just because it wasn’t openly discussed in our history books that it wasn’t a long-term sexual issue.

Sex is about intimacy for women, and to a lesser degree for men.

Incorrect. Numerous studies and research have shown that men seek sexual intimacy as much as women do.

But even if a woman is not in the mood for sex, a powerful vibe can still make her cum in a couple minutes or even as little as 5 seconds! It can literally "give" her an orgasm even if she wasn't even in the mood earlier! That's why sexual therapists recommend them to women with sexual dysfunction.

The female sexual response is a complex blend of emotional and physical stimuli and although achieving orgasm is a natural response it must first be learned; usually through self-stimulation. However, if any negative messages, beliefs or experiences have created a block, then manual masturbation alone may not work. And let’s not forget that stimulating the clitoris is much more involved than stimulating a penis. The powerful sensation of a vibrator encourages the woman to remain in the present moment because it is a sensory-based experience. It will help her determine what part of her clitoral area responses best to stimulation in a timely manner. It can help her overcome any issues she may have about “touching herself” sexually since she is using a device. It can assist her in becoming less self-conscious about a man “being down there”. These are just some of the reasons why a sex therapist may suggest a clitoral vibrator.

And since our bodies don’t simply respond mechanically and our brain is our most potent sex organ, the woman “who was not in the mood” five minutes earlier, would have had to employ her mind as well as the vibrator to achieve orgasm; whether she was aware of it or not. Remember, when it comes to sex, your body and mind are in this together.

Now I’ll be honest Finallybig, it is not your lack of accurate information about female sexual anatomy and the female sexual response that I find most disconcerting about your posts but the rather archaic and fear-based logic beneath your fervent anti-sex toy stance.

For example:

Your suggestion for men to simply learn to last longer to guarantee a woman achieves a vaginal orgasm is not only false; it places undue pressure on him and sets him up to feel like a failure if he is unsuccessful. And without an accurate understanding of the role the clitoris plays in sexual satisfaction, he likely will.

You have indicated that women have it easier because men usually achieve orgasm quicker and often without the use of any aid. Seriously?! I guarantee that a great many women would love the ability to climax as effortlessly as most men can without the use of an aid.

Rather than perceiving a clitoral vibrator as it really is; an opportunity to add variety to sexual play or as an aid to help equalize the different levels of arousal in men and women, you are encouraging men to view it as a competition and a threat to their very manhood.

And according to you, should a woman not achieve orgasm from a man’s oral or manual ministrations or from vaginal penetration, well then she is surely the one to blame. Of course, this leaves her with only one of two options now doesn't it? Stop having sex altogether to avoid the self-consciousness or learn fake her orgasm.

It seems to me that the basis of your suggestions stems from your own fears and insecurities and history of your own excessive sex toy use. It is very unfair to paint everyone with the same brush. More to the point, the danger of what you are advocating sets both men and woman back sexually about 50 or more years...

[treybarns78 Junior Member Find all posts View Profile Close treybarns78]

My wife, although she has used a vibrator In the past which gave her pretty intense orgasm could never really get on with the fact that it was fake and didn't really like the vibration much, she's more into penetrative sex.

I think it could prove to be a problem if a woman was to regularly use a vibe as a quick release.

My cousins girlfriend uses a vibe all the time and he says unless there's batteries in the bullet then sex is off the table as she can't orgasm without it.

I think they can be a great addition to any healthy sex life but can also make a mediocre one bad.

When a woman uses a vibe it's usually compared to a guy using his hand. I believe that is not a fair comparison, it's more like a guy using a fleshlight etc which I'm sure most women wouldn't welcome into the bedroom as easily as a man would a vibrator.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Thanks for your post treybarns78!

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Hmm, so I wonder, do any of us believe that a guy who views porn is essentially cheating on his partner? Mrs Basset tried to convince me of this once, but is now of different opinion.

What are the feelings about male sex toys like the vibrating vaginas and such? I asked earlier partly in jest, but I think I would like to know, should a guy be "allowed" to use these in a committed relationship?? Or should all his orgasms come from his lady???

[FinallyBig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FinallyBig]

My wife, although she has used a vibrator In the past which gave her pretty intense orgasm could never really get on with the fact that it was fake and didn't really like the vibration much, she's more into penetrative sex.

I think it could prove to be a problem if a woman was to regularly use a vibe as a quick release.

My cousins girlfriend uses a vibe all the time and he says unless there's batteries in the bullet then sex is off the table as she can't orgasm without it.

I think they can be a great addition to any healthy sex life but can also make a mediocre one bad.

When a woman uses a vibe it's usually compared to a guy using his hand. I believe that is not a fair comparison, it's more like a guy using a fleshlight etc which I'm sure most women wouldn't welcome into the bedroom as easily as a man would a vibrator.

Yeah this is what I'm talking about! There are so many examples of women who use vibrators and can't orgasm without one, that it really some kind of problem. Women get desensitized and addicted to the easy orgasms, and if you even suggest that maybe a vibrator might make her less likely to orgasm with a partner, you get all these women saying you're wrong. But I have heard of too many stories, by women or by men who bought their lady a vibe, and now she doesn't orgasm during sex anymore. And also, when she goes off the vibe for a little while, suddenly she is so much more sensitive to the slightest touch again, and can get off with just brushing her fingertips on her clit.

Here is a link to an article, written by a woman who is a sexuality writer, about her own experience with using a vibrator, having to use higher and higher settings just to get off, and then quitting it and her clitoris and vagina became more responsive to manual touch. You should see the comments section though --- the women commenting on her article are pissed off!! They are all denying what she is saying and say she's ignorant, they said she is misrepresenting the issue because it doesn't cause permanent numbness (which the writer didn't even say but these women apparently don't even know how to read properly, the woman said all her sensitivity came back).

Breaking Up With My Vibrator | Clutch Magazine

This article basically confirms everything I've been saying. I only got the ideas I have on this topic from talking to real women, and reading articles written online by women.

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

Hey BB. For my relationship, porn is ok to view, and neither of us consider it cheating. It's no fun to watch it alone and therefore, we've watched one or two together. Honestly, it's not all that appealing to us anymore and haven't watched one in over two + years together.

I tried to buy my husband a fleshlight once and he shot me down quick. I told him I thought it would be hot to use it on him and his response...your mouth and hands work perfectly fine. We have plenty of toys that are used on me by him. Hmm...might have to mention the fleshlight or something similar again and see if he has changed his mind

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Hey SLU thanks for the response!

I have to say I think it's great that one of our ladies has bought their man a toy! Did he buy you yours?

I must admit the fleshlight is not something I have considered buying, but after hearing of a few guys responses who have them, my opinion on them has changed, I thought initially they were just a little silly, but now I'm not so sure!

I think all guys genuinely prefer our ladies touch to any aid!

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

BB, I haven't bought him one....YET! He didn't seem that interested in it. I want to buy him the clear one(how hot would that be), but I haven't swayed him just yet

Yes, he's bought all the toys I have that are used on me....except my glass wand. That was all my doing

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hmm, so I wonder, do any of us believe that a guy who views porn is essentially cheating on his partner? Mrs Basset tried to convince me of this once, but is now of different opinion.

What are the feelings about male sex toys like the vibrating vaginas and such? I asked earlier partly in jest, but I think I would like to know, should a guy be "allowed" to use these in a committed relationship?? Or should all his orgasms come from his lady???

Hey Candyman,

LOL...so yet another comparative huh?

Personally, I do not consider the viewing of porn to be the equivalent of cheating. Porn can generate all kinds of issues to be sure but I wouldn't say it is synonymous with cheating.

I would have absolutely no issue with incorporating a male sex toy into our sexual repertoire for either variety or as an aid if needed. In fact, when we pull out the vibrator from time to time, I have used it on him as well for a little change of pace.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

, I had no idea there was such a thing as a clear fleshlight

[someone_like_u Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close someone_like_u]

, I had no idea there was such a thing as a clear fleshlight

Yes, and I think it's pretty cool. Think it's the "Ice" version

[Walshy Member Find all posts View Profile Close Walshy]

Im not quite sure if this has any correlation but from the women i have been with it seems like that ones that are open about masturbation and have masturbated for a long time seem to be a lot more sensitive downstairs then the women who don't masturbate at all. curious

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Breaking Up With My Vibrator | Clutch Magazine

Hey FinallyBig,

The writer of the article may have confirmed your beliefs but the far more extensive list of respondents confirmed what I have been saying all along.

So I suppose you and I will simply have to agree to disagree.

I do have a question for you though...

I have been using a clitoral vibrator for years. I also have no problem achieving orgasm orally, manually (my hand or his) or vaginally. I also know firsthand of a great many women who are the same as me. So how do you explain us?

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Ditto TPW!