Toys and Porn

[INS Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close INS]

I have heard the analogy before, quite a few times. But that assumes women don't watch porn

They are similar, I guess. But porn can't be used as effectively with a couple than a toy. Could you imagine if a guy whipped out porn while his lady gave him a blowjob? It would distract from the experience. Toys on the other hand can blend in more readily.

However, both can cause insecurities in their partner.

Also, depends on what toys you are talking about. Vibes can decrease sensitivity in some women, and sometimes actually increase it. I'm not sure if I understand the mechanism for this though.

To be honest I've heard something similar with guys who go in for prostate stimulation with toys, who find the orgasms much more powerful and numerous, affect their normal sex lives.

So, porn is porn. Toys are toys. They have similarities in their consequence, but their intentions are different.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Thanks TPW.

Maybe your right and there is no similarities between sex toys and porn. But I definitely find male masturbation and the use of toys two different things, manual female stimulation and male masturbation - yes.

Now with the advent of such sex toys for men being made available such as artificial vaginas to the extremes of full life size sex dolls. I wonder how ladies and gents feel about these? Would you ladies be annoyed should you come home to find your men engaging in acrobatic coitus with a love doll or vibrating artificial vagina???

I paint a great picture don't I, just call me Burty Candyman Picasso

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Thanks for the reply INS,

I knew a gent who said he always used to have porn on while having intercourse with his lady, he must have been that rare male with the ability to multi-task. I don't think I could or ever would attempt such a thing whilst engaging in sex with Mrs Basset, when she gets naked she has my undivided attention .

[Mrs. workin_4_it Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Mrs. workin_4_it]

I look at using a toy as a multiplier of pleasure. If on the scale of 1 to 10 an orgasm with my hubby alone is a 8, using a clitoral vibrator during intercourse can bring that orgasm to a 10 or 11. As he loves watching me orgasm, the bigger the better for him. He is not insecure in any way and I don't use them with out him for the most part. Maybe once every few months or so, and I usually send him a video while he is at work. Then when he comes home, we are both really horny and have some fun.

With that said, if a woman used a clitoral vibrator constantly, she could desensitize herself just as men can by overly masturbating. It's all about balance and moderation.

As for porn, we used to listen to it (it's used more for background noise then visuals). But as it takes time to find one we both like, we just skip them all together now.

You may want to surprise her with a toy sometime. Don't pressure her and let her know that you want to see her receive pleasure and that it's an extension of you. Make her feel comfortable and she will more then likely come around.

[FinallyBig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FinallyBig]

Hey everyone, I am posting on a very similar thread to this one. It's on the topic of toys, and this poor guy has said his wife using vibrators, doing vaginal stretching (with fingers and he helps her out), and using a huge 8 x 6.2 dildo has RUINED their sex life. She used to have orgasms with him during sex, and now she can't orgasm with him at all anymore. And he has to use the dildo on her to get her off! Here is the link:

https://www.pegym.com/forums/relatio...tml#post886627

I have posted a very detailed reply to him. About how women overusing vibrators can desensitize themselves, to the point of coming to depend on toys for orgasms. Please read my reply to him. I have a positive message that any woman can return to her natural tightness and sensitivity, but it's hard to convince her without coming across as insecure. And read my own experience with an ex and her vibrator, and getting her to stop using it, and within a couple weeks we were orgasming together during sex for the first time.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Thanks for the reply FinallyBig!

I think it's interesting that you were able to get your lady to orgasm with you after cutting out the toy use!

I am still seeing similarities between toys and porn, even though they aren't exactly the same, they both seem to be a synthetic version of the real thing. If men/women have to rely on anything artificial (toys or porn) for orgasms, it's bound to have an effect when your with a real life human.

Thank you too Mrs. workin_4_it, I thought I had already thanked you for your detailed post, but apparently not. It's great to see such contrasting opinions.

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Thanks TPW.

Maybe your right and there is no similarities between sex toys and porn. But I definitely find male masturbation and the use of toys two different things, manual female stimulation and male masturbation - yes.

Now with the advent of such sex toys for men being made available such as artificial vaginas to the extremes of full life size sex dolls. I wonder how ladies and gents feel about these? Would you ladies be annoyed should you come home to find your men engaging in acrobatic coitus with a love doll or vibrating artificial vagina???

I paint a great picture don't I, just call me Burty Candyman Picasso

Hey Candyman,

Regarding your perspective on the similarities between porn and sex toys; I have a question or two if I may.

1. Should a woman's continuous attempts at manual self-pleasuring be unsuccessful, what do you recommend she do instead?

2. Do you believe that a woman's use of a showerhead or the sensual rubbing on a pillow or partner's thigh to achieve orgasm for example, are as potentially addictive and therefore risky as sex toys?

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

but it's hard to convince her without coming across as insecure.

Hiya FinallyBig,

Since insecurity would be the basis for why most men would request his partner discontinue using a vibrator, why not simply tell her that? Why not just tell her that he prefers all her sexual pleasure to come from him rather than a sexual device?

Of course, the challenge with that request is that he now has to deliver on that promise and so sex shifts from a sense of play for him to a performance, even an obligation, doesn't it? And we all know that usually generates a whole other set of issues and problems, don't we?

Wouldn't it be much more beneficial if he were to take some time and resolve his insecurities and accept what a sex toy is meant to do? We need to remember that a sex toy will not suddenly make a man sexually redundant or unnecessary. Nor should he feel he is in direct competition with a vibrator because good sex is much more than simply achieving orgasm. It is about intimacy and physical connection and those will never be achieved with a vibrator alone.

[FinallyBig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FinallyBig]

Hiya FinallyBig,

Since insecurity would be the basis for why most men would request his partner discontinue using a vibrator, why not simply tell her that? Why not just tell her that he prefers all her sexual pleasure to come from him rather than a sexual device?

Of course, the challenge with that request is that he now has to deliver on that promise and so sex shifts from a sense of play for him to a performance, even an obligation, doesn't it? And we all know that usually generates a whole other set of issues and problems, don't we?

Wouldn't it be much more beneficial if he were to take some time and resolve his insecurities and accept what a sex toy is meant to do? We need to remember that a sex toy will not suddenly make a man sexually redundant or unnecessary. Nor should he feel he is in direct competition with a vibrator because good sex is much more than simply achieving orgasm. It is about intimacy and physical connection and those will never be achieved with a vibrator alone.

I don't have any insecurity with a woman using a vibrator per se. I have an insecurity about a woman using a vibrator to orgasm because she can't with me. That would make me feel like I was less of a man and had failed her as a lover.

I hear stories about guys who can't make their gf's orgasm so she has to use a vibrator after he's finished. It really gets to them. I believe that if women had this happen to them they wouldn't like it either. But they don't because guys usually easily orgasm, often too easily and disappoint their gf or wife.

Here is a quote of me from one of my replies to the "Wife using 8 inch dildo" thread that illustrates a good comparison, I changed the wording slightly to make it apply better here:

"Or try buying a Fleshlight, and tell your gf, "Hey I want you to use the fleshlight on me tonight, it feels better and I can't cum with you, but don't worry, it can't replace you because I get an EMOTIONAL connection with you." Or if I have sex with her first but don't cum, and then pull out and finish myself off with the fleshlight right in front of her. I think the girl would be upset. Yet girls sometimes do this with their bf's and wonder why we get upset."

I actually have had sex with girls before and lasted an hour or even two hours, and then had to finish myself off with my hand. And I could tell the girls were confused because they've probably never met a guy who they couldn't make cum. Even when they tried to give me a handjob I didn't cum, and I said, "You're doing it wrong, here just let me do it!" It hurts women when the same thing happens to them. But you don't hear about that as often because even a woman who is lousy at sex can usually make most guys orgasm easily. I have often desensitized myself, by using a vibrator on my dick, masturbating with a vibrating cock ring all the time, or using a penis pump at high pressures for an hour or more every single day... so then when I have sex with girls I can last 2 hours or more and sometimes have to fight to even stay hard inside them, because their vaginas don't vibrate and suction on my penis like a pump can. So I think that men overusing toys can cause problems in relationships too. I think I've made a few girls insecure by giving up after an hour with them and using my hand to finish. Even with my hand it's hard to finish if I'm used to the pump and vibrator. I have to use a death grip and go very fast and aggressively, and close my eyes and try to make myself orgasm.

Knowing this, I purposely don't use pumps or vibrators as often when I have a gf, so I can enjoy sex more with her and be able to orgasm with her. When I am sensitive I can have sex (and finish) 7 - 8 times a day. Which I'm sure would be better for her self-esteem than me never finishing with her no matter how long we do it.

I have had two girlfriends who (to my knowledge) had a vibrator. The first one didn't orgasm with me, so I asked her to try laying off the toy and see if that would make a difference, and it did. She got more sensitive and a couple weeks later she finally orgasmed while having sex with me. My other gf who had one had multiple orgasms with me all the time, so I didn't care that she used one, since it wasn't effecting her ability to climax and get wild with me. She was very horny and always wanted sex, and I think some women just orgasm more easily no matter what. But many women can't easily, so using toys can just make things even worse. All she will learn from using a vibrator to orgasm, is that she needs to use a vibrator to orgasm. Cocks don't vibrate and can't provide that kind of stimulation. I've met girls who can't even cum from oral they are so used to the vibe on their clit. A girl once told me oral feels nice, but she needs that vibration to push her over the edge. If that isn't desensitized I don't know what is.

I can understand also if a woman has been married to a man for a long time, and maybe he's getting older and can't keep up with her sexually anymore. Then by all means use toys, it's wayyy better than cheating on him with a guy who can keep up. But I am ready for that "challenge" these days, I can have sex 7 - 8 times a day if I want to. If my gf isn't enjoying me enough from all that sex and still needs to use a toy to orgasm, I feel like maybe she has some sort of sexual dysfunction, a mental block or she's physically desensitized.

I've actually read before that 80% of women can't orgasm from sex with a man and that's normal. I think that's ridiculous. And then these "sexperts" tell women the solution is to buy a vibrator. They've convinced women they need a vibrator to have an orgasm, and that not orgasming from sex is "normal". No, the problem is most guys can't last long enough, and girls are often desensitized. We are made to orgasm from sex. If the "experts" are to believed then 80% of women in the past couldn't have orgasms, until modern technology saved them by inventing all these modern sex toys in the 1900's. It takes practice, you and your partner have to learn each other's bodies, but we all have the ability. I believe that if a guy is dating a girl and she doesn't cum with him, and he buys her a vibrator, she still won't cum with him. Because he can't replicate the feeling it gives her. Constant vibration on her clit and G-spot will actually temporarily numb her there and make it harder for him to get her off. I know a girl, who I didn't date but talked to for awhile, who told me she had been using toys since she was 13 and at age 21 had never orgasmed with a man, and even with her vibrator it took her about 30 minutes, or sometimes even with a vibrator she couldn't finish. She said it didn't matter how big or how much stamina a guy had, it wasn't going to happen. I think she probably was desensitized, cause she claimed she used her vibrator for like 1.5 hours a day! She had a high sex drive judging from how often she masturbated. She was bragging to me that she wears out her vibrators and they break from overuse, and she keeps having to buy new ones. But like I said before, the really sexually responsive women won't have this problem, they can use toys and still easily orgasm with a man if they're in the mood. But with this girl I don't she she realized she might have created her own problem. I think that's weird for her to take 30 min or more even with a vibrator...

Sex is about intimacy for women, and to a lesser degree for men. If a women tells me it's okay that I can't make her cum, because she gets an emotional connection with me that she can't get from a toy, it doesn't make me feel better. I've never had a woman tell me that, but I've heard women say stuff like that and it doesn't sound like it would make me feel better. Yes I would feel redundant, I would feel like the toys give my gf the physical pleasure, and I give her the emotional connection, I might as well just be her gay best friend then as far as I'm concerned. And if she has sex with me it must be more out of a sense of duty to her bf, and not because she gets amazing physical pleasure from it. Men want to be a source of physical pleasure for our woman. It makes us feel like men. Women want to please their men too but it's easier for them to get the job done. I don't know any man who has to use a toy to orgasm at all. Women definitely have it easier in bed, they can make a man orgasm much more easily, sometimes with absolutely no effort at all, just lying on their back and the guy will do the rest, they don't have to worry about "not being able to get it up" and embarrassing themselves that way, they don't have to worry about cumming too soon and then having to wait to do it again. So we men have many more reasons to be insecure. If women could be men somehow for a few months and walk in our shoes they'd understand the challenges we face sexually that are a non-issue for women.

[akaTrex Senior Member Member of the Month Jan 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close akaTrex]

Complete 180!

I introduced toys to my Bride! She has never had an orgasm by penetration alone. Oral Yes, but never the good ole fashion way. Hell I introduced her to first Van Halen guitar digit method.


The very first time using the Vibe she was resistant but after her introduction WE have never looked back. All she could say was WOW! Holy Cow Batman where have you been all my life.


I cannot always be Gene Simmons and/or Eddie Van Halen All in One. They have Amplifiers and we have BOB.

Battery Operated Boy friend... aka BOB. Later I introduced her to electric BOB. Recently I introduced Mr. Ben & Mr. Wah after I gave her the 50 Shades of Gray Audio CD's for her commute drives. The audio CD's have paid BIG Dividends if you know what I mean.


On several occasions while driving I have pulled out the Pocket Rocket from the center console and ask her to place her feet on the dash and enjoy herself. Thank God for Cruise Control!!!


I love to perform Cunnilingus on my Bride, but its all about her mood, time and place. I don't take it personal because on many occasions I end up with Spock Ears from her holding on for the Ride.

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Hey Candyman,

Regarding your perspective on the similarities between porn and sex toys; I have a question or two if I may.

1. Should a woman's continuous attempts at manual self-pleasuring be unsuccessful, what do you recommend she do instead?

2. Do you believe that a woman's use of a showerhead or the sensual rubbing on a pillow or partner's thigh to achieve orgasm for example, are as potentially addictive and therefore risky as sex toys?

Ahhh very interesting TPW, excellent points!

1. I did post somewhere in this thread that I am aware that some ladies find it difficult/impossible to achieve orgasm from manual stimulation alone and that toys would be necessary to achieve it. I don't think there is anything science has to offer us yet in this regard.

2. I find that pretty hot actually, there is nothing wrong with solo pleasure in my eyes, I think it's actually a great thing, my wife actually likes to rub herself against my leg to entice me into the bedroom . As for the pillow or shower head it sounds great.

[MrBigDick Retired ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrBigDick]

I don't have any insecurity with a woman using a vibrator per se. I have an insecurity about a woman using a vibrator to orgasm because she can't with me. That would make me feel like I was less of a man and had failed her as a lover.

I hear stories about guys who can't make their gf's orgasm so she has to use a vibrator after he's finished. It really gets to them. I believe that if women had this happen to them they wouldn't like it either. But they don't because guys usually easily orgasm, often too easily and disappoint their gf or wife.

Here is a quote of me from one of my replies to the "Wife using 8 inch dildo" thread that illustrates a good comparison, I changed the wording slightly to make it apply better here:

"Or try buying a Fleshlight, and tell your gf, "Hey I want you to use the fleshlight on me tonight, it feels better and I can't cum with you, but don't worry, it can't replace you because I get an EMOTIONAL connection with you." Or if I have sex with her first but don't cum, and then pull out and finish myself off with the fleshlight right in front of her. I think the girl would be upset. Yet girls sometimes do this with their bf's and wonder why we get upset."

I actually have had sex with girls before and lasted an hour or even two hours, and then had to finish myself off with my hand. And I could tell the girls were confused because they've probably never met a guy who they couldn't make cum. Even when they tried to give me a handjob I didn't cum, and I said, "You're doing it wrong, here just let me do it!" It hurts women when the same thing happens to them. But you don't hear about that as often because even a woman who is lousy at sex can usually make most guys orgasm easily. I have often desensitized myself, by using a vibrator on my dick, masturbating with a vibrating cock ring all the time, or using a penis pump at high pressures for an hour or more every single day... so then when I have sex with girls I can last 2 hours or more and sometimes have to fight to even stay hard inside them, because their vaginas don't vibrate and suction on my penis like a pump can. So I think that men overusing toys can cause problems in relationships too. I think I've made a few girls insecure by giving up after an hour with them and using my hand to finish. Even with my hand it's hard to finish if I'm used to the pump and vibrator. I have to use a death grip and go very fast and aggressively, and close my eyes and try to make myself orgasm.

Knowing this, I purposely don't use pumps or vibrators as often when I have a gf, so I can enjoy sex more with her and be able to orgasm with her. When I am sensitive I can have sex (and finish) 7 - 8 times a day. Which I'm sure would be better for her self-esteem than me never finishing with her no matter how long we do it.

I have had two girlfriends who (to my knowledge) had a vibrator. The first one didn't orgasm with me, so I asked her to try laying off the toy and see if that would make a difference, and it did. She got more sensitive and a couple weeks later she finally orgasmed while having sex with me. My other gf who had one had multiple orgasms with me all the time, so I didn't care that she used one, since it wasn't effecting her ability to climax and get wild with me. She was very horny and always wanted sex, and I think some women just orgasm more easily no matter what. But many women can't easily, so using toys can just make things even worse. All she will learn from using a vibrator to orgasm, is that she needs to use a vibrator to orgasm. Cocks don't vibrate and can't provide that kind of stimulation. I've met girls who can't even cum from oral they are so used to the vibe on their clit. A girl once told me oral feels nice, but she needs that vibration to push her over the edge. If that isn't desensitized I don't know what is.

I can understand also if a woman has been married to a man for a long time, and maybe he's getting older and can't keep up with her sexually anymore. Then by all means use toys, it's wayyy better than cheating on him with a guy who can keep up. But I am ready for that "challenge" these days, I can have sex 7 - 8 times a day if I want to. If my gf isn't enjoying me enough from all that sex and still needs to use a toy to orgasm, I feel like maybe she has some sort of sexual dysfunction, a mental block or she's physically desensitized.

I've actually read before that 80% of women can't orgasm from sex with a man and that's normal. I think that's ridiculous. And then these "sexperts" tell women the solution is to buy a vibrator. They've convinced women they need a vibrator to have an orgasm, and that not orgasming from sex is "normal". No, the problem is most guys can't last long enough, and girls are often desensitized. We are made to orgasm from sex. If the "experts" are to believed then 80% of women in the past couldn't have orgasms, until modern technology saved them by inventing all these modern sex toys in the 1900's. It takes practice, you and your partner have to learn each other's bodies, but we all have the ability. I believe that if a guy is dating a girl and she doesn't cum with him, and he buys her a vibrator, she still won't cum with him. Because he can't replicate the feeling it gives her. Constant vibration on her clit and G-spot will actually temporarily numb her there and make it harder for him to get her off. I know a girl, who I didn't date but talked to for awhile, who told me she had been using toys since she was 13 and at age 21 had never orgasmed with a man, and even with her vibrator it took her about 30 minutes, or sometimes even with a vibrator she couldn't finish. She said it didn't matter how big or how much stamina a guy had, it wasn't going to happen. I think she probably was desensitized, cause she claimed she used her vibrator for like 1.5 hours a day! She had a high sex drive judging from how often she masturbated. She was bragging to me that she wears out her vibrators and they break from overuse, and she keeps having to buy new ones. But like I said before, the really sexually responsive women won't have this problem, they can use toys and still easily orgasm with a man if they're in the mood. But with this girl I don't she she realized she might have created her own problem. I think that's weird for her to take 30 min or more even with a vibrator...

Sex is about intimacy for women, and to a lesser degree for men. If a women tells me it's okay that I can't make her cum, because she gets an emotional connection with me that she can't get from a toy, it doesn't make me feel better. I've never had a woman tell me that, but I've heard women say stuff like that and it doesn't sound like it would make me feel better. Yes I would feel redundant, I would feel like the toys give my gf the physical pleasure, and I give her the emotional connection, I might as well just be her gay best friend then as far as I'm concerned. And if she has sex with me it must be more out of a sense of duty to her bf, and not because she gets amazing physical pleasure from it. Men want to be a source of physical pleasure for our woman. It makes us feel like men. Women want to please their men too but it's easier for them to get the job done. I don't know any man who has to use a toy to orgasm at all. Women definitely have it easier in bed, they can make a man orgasm much more easily, sometimes with absolutely no effort at all, just lying on their back and the guy will do the rest, they don't have to worry about "not being able to get it up" and embarrassing themselves that way, they don't have to worry about cumming too soon and then having to wait to do it again. So we men have many more reasons to be insecure. If women could be men somehow for a few months and walk in our shoes they'd understand the challenges we face sexually that are a non-issue for women.

My fiancee was convinced she couldn't climax from vaginal intercourse. I came along, gave her multiples the first time out and that's when she realized it was her asshole ex husband not her inability to climax from sex. Now? When we have sex, she climaxes on a regular basis :-)

[FinallyBig Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close FinallyBig]

My fiancee was convinced she couldn't climax from vaginal intercourse. I came along, gave her multiples the first time out and that's when she realized it was her asshole ex husband not her inability to climax from sex. Now? When we have sex, she climaxes on a regular basis :-)

That's awesome man! You're lucky to be able to do that. It seems like some guys have to buy their women toys or they don't have orgasms. They seem okay with that, but I'd rather be able to give my girl multiple orgasms in a single session, and feel like a champ afterwards. Like I'm sure you do

[burtybasset Retired Moderator Member of the Month May 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close burtybasset]

Thanks for the responses akaTrex and MrBigDick!

Great to hear of your experiences and your opinions.

[GrowStrong Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GrowStrong]

you know you can mould your own penis and put a vibrator on it too, now thats a toy i would encourage my partner to use, how cool is that? moulding your penis haha. but yeah like say you two would go a long time without seeing each other and she misses feeling you inside her, what better than to give her your penis :P

something like this
Clone-A-Willy Vibrator Create Your Own Penis Moulding Kit at Lovehoney - Free Delivery on Willy Moulding Kits