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[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

What makes a woman slut in your opinnion?

Is it the amount of guys she has slept with or she gives it out too easily? Not talking about those who get paid for sex.

For me a slut, whether male or female, is someone who shows absolutely no selectivity whatsoever. Someone who will pretty much just sleep with anyone. Especially those who expect to receive something in return - not talking money but about the girls who sleep with guys because they'll get gifts are taken places etc. And yes to me there's a difference between being promiscuous and being a slut. Being promiscuous is just selecting a lot of partners to have sex with. Being a slut is more like yeah okay you're breathing and you have all the right parts so you'll do.

The other part of it, and it is related to it, is the amount of respect that person has for themselves. To me a person that has respect for themselves and their own body doesn't let just anyone have their way with it.

What do you think about ''slut shaming''?

I really don't think there's any point to it, and I think it does more harm than good. Really what's the purpose in it? Is someone going to change their behaviour because they're being publicly humiliated? Or is it more likely to cause them to feel even worse about themselves and like they don't deserve any better?

Any plans on settling with one guy in near future like getting married and such instead of FWB's? I mean you can only continue the FWB's only for certain amount of time.

My situation at the moment doesn't lend itself to anything more permanent. Yes I would like that very much. I can easily see myself doing something like that with NewFWB, if our situations were different. Mine is in a slow state of flux at the moment, on it's way to being something that would allow for that - his is not. Once I'm at a point where my situation does allow for something more permanent, then I'll have to give some serious thought to what happens next. Right now MainFWB and NewFWB are two that I really don't want to give up. Before meeting NewFWB I would have gone into an exclusive arrangement with MainFWB if he'd wanted (which he wouldn't), but now that I've met NewFWB I can't say that. And if it wasn't for MainFWB I'd be quite willing to do something exclusive with NewFWB. I have very strong feelings for both of them.

[corageon Banned Find all posts View Profile Close corageon]

For me a slut, whether male or female, is someone who shows absolutely no selectivity whatsoever. Someone who will pretty much just sleep with anyone. Especially those who expect to receive something in return - not talking money but about the girls who sleep with guys because they'll get gifts are taken places etc. And yes to me there's a difference between being promiscuous and being a slut. Being promiscuous is just selecting a lot of partners to have sex with. Being a slut is more like yeah okay you're breathing and you have all the right parts so you'll do.

The other part of it, and it is related to it, is the amount of respect that person has for themselves. To me a person that has respect for themselves and their own body doesn't let just anyone have their way with it.



I really don't think there's any point to it, and I think it does more harm than good. Really what's the purpose in it? Is someone going to change their behaviour because they're being publicly humiliated? Or is it more likely to cause them to feel even worse about themselves and like they don't deserve any better?

Totally agree with all of this, Qandisa. And Very Well said.

Also should be noted that both promiscuous women and 'sluts' may be lacking a Father figure and / OR has significant past trauma's with prior relationships which initiated the 'worthless' feeling..although, some may , indeed, just be really horny and really., the word should be unscrupulous. Perhaps culture / media has played it's part to perpetuate this role. Not just 'slut shaming' but the overtaking of pleasure vs emotional connections...however, in one way - it seems a logical progression for women to become indiscriminate in their partner selection, seeing as how cheaters do exist on a large scale...however, generalizing as with such ridiculous terms and even if the patterns changed for a while with the media...(which wouldn't happen) the attitude some of these girls adapt to also won't change until they themselves make the formidable REALIZATION that they need to understand how to respect themselves but ALSO why their indiscrimination may limit opportunities not just for Love (or at least an honest partner) but also for general respect by third-parties.

One thing that does irritate me - is such blatant assumptions as ''sluts will only choose jocks'' - these types of statements are not only oxymoron's but biased realizations...most likely based on one's very primitive observation in their own Town or School.

Everyone is , in a way, entitled to the PURSUIT of pleasure , and everyone should, with great regard and Insight, follow what {In Life} , makes them happy..but not by anyone' elses judgement can we realize ourselves and what we are worth. Therefore happiness can never come from anyone else alone, but from the realizations within ourselves.

[Pumped340 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pumped340]

I have tended to notice a lot of the promiscuous women I know have some sort of traumatic incidence in their past. Three come to mind off the top of my head that were all raped in one way or another when they were younger. Though I'm sure that is a generalization and that there are many women out there who just love to have a lot of sex and don't have an overly traumatic past.

Related to Qandisa's point on the women's respect for themselves, one thing that kind of changes how I feel about it is how the girl feels about it. For instance the one girl I know who has been with 35 men really just owns it, doesn't care and has fun with it. The one I'm into (and this is another reason I shouldn't be into it) is ashamed of her number and actions, lies about it to most people, and wishes she hadn't had so many partners....yet continues to do so....it's the explicit hypocrisy in her own actions that also add to the "slutiness" in my opinion, like in her head she "knows" it's wrong (apparently according to her) yet she can't control herself or something.

[psychedelic_behavior Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close psychedelic_behavior]

Gotcha. I ask because a girl I've recently been with...honestly I shouldn't even be this into her but I guess that's not always controllable....She's been with 28 guys and the last 2 before me were black...the only two black guys she's ever been with. I'm decently sized (~6.75in NBPEL and 5-5.25 girth) but I know they were bigger, and she said those two were probably the best sex she's ever had, and that in her opinion "I think black guys just know hot to take charge". I even asked her "was it a dominance thing or a technique thing" and she said "everything really". AND one was her boyfriend but he was a virgin before her, so I asked "was it after a long time, or was he the best right away?" and she said "eh he caught on pretty quickly haha" so it made it seem like it was some inherent thing among black guys with how she was talking. Honestly feeling pretty inadequate after that, like it's something I just couldn't match up to. I mean I'm 6'1" 200lb and muscular (which she says she loves) but still feel that way. For the record I've been with 45 women but the large majority of those have been 1-5x. Only 1 girl was very consistent (as in years of sex) and she was much more of a passionate type, having only been with 3 guys ever and not being able to take me going full force anyway half the time.


That's definitely quite a high number. As pheonix said, I ask this with no judgement, but just curious are you basically always on the look out for guys to sleep with? Or just accept most advances? Even with this current girl being with 28 guys I find it very hard for me to handle emotionally. As much as I try to create an environment where the girl can be honest with me (which is why she told me her real number instead of lying like she did to previous guys) I just end up thinking about what those previous guys were like, or how she "let it happen" so frequently etc....which I realize is ridiculously hypocritical and a double standard.

I haven't read most of the thread, but in response to this

In my experience, it comes down to how much chemistry you have with the girl.


If the other guys were really better than you in some area, or she liked them because their dicks were bigger then..


Bring it up and make her fantasise about it, see how horny it makes her and how much she gets into it, then fuck her at the same time.


If you have chemistry with her hopefully you can get horny with her, if you can’t then you might not like her as much as you think you do.

[Pumped340 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pumped340]

I haven't read most of the thread, but in response to this

In my experience, it comes down to how much chemistry you have with the girl

If the other guys were really better than you in some area, or she liked them because their dicks were bigger then..

Bring it up and make her fantasise about it, see how horny it makes her and how much she gets into it, then fuck her at the same time.

If you have chemistry with her hopefully you can get horny with her, if you can’t then you might not like her as much as you think you do.

Oh yes, I'd love to get her thinking about big black dicks as I fuck her lmao.

In any case, I told her I wouldn't be seeing her anymore as she lied about someone else she slept with. Kind of tying in to the question about sluttiness above....she slept with her ex's (very unappealing) roommate to get back at him for ending things. Not a quality move IMO.

[psychedelic_behavior Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close psychedelic_behavior]

Oh yes, I'd love to get her thinking about big black dicks as I fuck her lmao.

In any case, I told her I wouldn't be seeing her anymore as she lied about someone else she slept with. Kind of tying in to the question about sluttiness above....she slept with her ex's (very unappealing) roommate to get back at him for ending things. Not a quality move IMO.

Okay, I think you should let this be a learning experience for you. You shouldn't of let things get this far if that was her behaviour, you should have screened her out for that type of behaviour earlier on in the relationship. But it's good you ended it now.

Edit: I don't know how long you were seeing her, but it just sounded like it was a while lol.. Could be wrong about that, my bad

[Pumped340 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Pumped340]

Okay, I think you should let this be a learning experience for you. You shouldn't of let things get this far if that was her behaviour, you should have screened her out for that type of behaviour earlier on in the relationship. But it's good you ended it now.

Edit: I don't know how long you were seeing her, but it just sounded like it was a while lol.. Could be wrong about that, my bad

She was supposed to just be a girl I slept with actually. I am in an open relationship with someone I care a lot about, so this was supposed to be just sex, but I unfortunately got attached.

So in a sense it's a good thing she was lying because that gave me a good reason to end it. I inevitably would have had to end it anyway so at least this gave me a good reason.

Qandisa I sent you a PM