A Laugh for the Forum

[ninja_42 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ninja_42]

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said to her "Good legs"

The girl blushed and giggled, and said with a smile "Do you really think so?"

I replied "Definitely. Most tables would have collapsed by now"

I lol'd.
No seriously, I did.

[Mikes Mrs Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Mikes Mrs]

I lol'd.
No seriously, I did.

You make me happy to know I got someone to laugh at my joke. Here is one especially 4 U.

Paddy goes into a Dublinflorist shop and says

"Good afternoon,I'd like to buy a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend please"

The florist looks at him and replies

"Certainly Sir,what is it you're after?"

"A fuck" says Paddy.

[seahawksam Member Find all posts View Profile Close seahawksam]

What's the difference between anal sex...and a refrigerator?



A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

[jay1993 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close jay1993]

Three penises are talking. First one says " My master is awesome. He keeps me safe and warm, and wears cotton underwear." Second penis says " my master is better. He wears silk boxers." Third penis says " My master SUCKS! Three times a week, he puts a garbage bag over my head, shoves me into a cave, and makes me do pushups until i throw up!!"

[JonPop Retired Sr. Administrator PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close JonPop]

First Date
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.



Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.



There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!



She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .



It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. ! ! They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point here she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'



Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

[islander Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close islander]

JP That is funny as heck with a fabulous ending!!

[GoalOfNinePlus Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close GoalOfNinePlus]

Voted best joke in Australia







Charlie walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says:

"Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife replies: "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says: "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."

Damn!!!!...was her face red!
Hilarious!

[lil-crazy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close lil-crazy]

Dave Chapelle - Men and Women Psychology - Very True - YouTube

[Mikes Mrs Banned Find all posts View Profile Close Mikes Mrs]

Ever shopped with your better half.... then read to the endWallking through the shopping centre the surprised wifelooked up from a window display and noticed her husband was nowhere to be seen.She knew they had lots still to do and she became very upset.
She rummaged in her handbag and found her mobile phoned then used it to callher husband to ask him where he was.

The husband in a calm voice replied: "Darling, you remember the jewelleryshop we went into five years ago, where you fell in love with that diamondnecklace that we could not afford and I told you that one day I would get itfor you...?"

His wife's eyes filled with tears of emotion, she began to cry softly andstifling a sob she whispered:"Yes, I remember that jewellery shop..."

"Well," he said, "I'm in the pub next to it!"
000a.jpg

[camaro Senior Member Member of the month June 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close camaro]

Serves her right.....jewelery craving women...*

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

Look guys, it's me!
This is how I plan on going out

MARIO WARFARE - Part 1 - YouTube

[Dontrike Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Dontrike]

What Gay Guys Think of Vaginas

[Toadstool Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Toadstool]

This is how I feel sometimes ...

https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/6977654272/hFD044A27/

[Stumpy Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Stumpy]

This is how I feel sometimes ...

+1 !!

[MrsLooking4more Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2013PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close MrsLooking4more]

What Gay Guys Think of Vaginas

I don't think I have laughed this hard in years! I love this thread!