CONTEST: Give Me Your Best Penis Joke, Meme or Comic

[KMWylie Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close KMWylie]

OK, Phallic Funny Fridays make their occasional appearance here on PEGym, but I need more material!

So, let me hear your funniest penis-related (or sex-related) jokes, memes, videos, or comics you can find!

NOW - you can win for sharing the funny!!

PLEASE READ ALL OF THE RULES!

• Post HERE in this thread.
• ***One joke, etc. per post.***
• There will be an anonymous vote poll at the end.
• You can enter as many joke, etc. as you'd like - as long as they are ONE JOKE PER POST! (This will be important for voting, so PLEASE follow this rule.)
• NO other comments on this thread, other than jokes, memes, comics that are entries.
• Do NOT link to other sites. Copy and paste your joke - use the photo insertion tool above for comics, memes, etc. - or the video insertion tool above for video entries.
• Contest entries will be accepted from now until October 31st - midnight Central.
• Voting will begin the first week of November.

The winner will receive -- Max Out Jelqing Serum!



For every 500 posts on this thread with jokes, etc., we'll add one more winner! So, post away!

This specially formulated jelqing serum is a lube and an enhancer all-in-one. Max Out is different from normal lube because contains some very special ingredients, including:

• Butea Superba – a natural PDE5
• Caffeine – improved transdermal absorption and fights free radicals
• Ginseng – Helps energy production and fights fatigue
• Collagen – promotes tissue regeneration, helping your penis recovery more quickly so energy can go to new cell development and penis enlargement
• Yohimbine Hydrochloride – improved vasodilation, for greater bloodflow to your penis to maximize jelqing effectiveness

With Max Out, you’ll get more from each and every jelq! This means you’ll reach your penis enlargement goals faster than ever before!

Questions? PM me - do NOT post questions, comments, HAHA, etc. here.

Happy Friday!!!

[Cavalier Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Feb 2015PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Cavalier]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

The professor brought out three glass vials. One contained smoke, one contained alcohol, and one contained dirt. He then dropped a worm in each and set them aside. 30 minutes later he brought the viles back out and pointed out that the worms in smoke and alcohol were moth dead and the one in the dirt was thriving.

He asked the students to summarize the results. Charlie responded that if you drink and smoke, you won't get warms.

[Tamora Retired Super Moderator Member of the Month Aug 2015 PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Tamora]

A couple on safari saw a gazelle being chased by a cheetah...the woman said to the man, "If that gazelle survives, I'll give you the best blowjob you've ever had......!!!".


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0sSoZHaW-E

[everydaynormalguy Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close everydaynormalguy]

Young sailor goes into a ship and start talking with the old crew.

He ask them:" how are you guys manage not to have sex such a long time while in open sea?."

The old guys take him in one of the rooms in the ship and show him a big poster of naked woman with spread legs.There was a hole between her legs.

The young sailor says: "oohhh that`s awsome!You can use that to help you dealing with your lack of women and sex around here.So you can use it whenever you want?"

The older sailors respond "Yes,whenever you want...accept for Thursday."

The young sailor asks "Why not on Thursday?"

The older respond "Because this is the day when it`s your turn to be on the other side of the hole".

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

I apologize for my first joke. Didn't read it had to be penis related.

Two golfers were joined by a good looking lady. On the last hole she drove the ball and it landed about three feet away from the hole. She advised that if she made the shot, she would break par for the first time in her life. She offered the two guys a bj to the one who could give her the best advice on how to make the putt.

The first guy recommended that she aim about five inches to the right of the hole to account for the slope of the green. The second guy said he'd give her a gimme.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Drunk walking down the road with a penguin, he gets stopped by a policeman who asks where he got it from,
the drunk says I found him,
so the policeman says he should take it to the zoo.
The next day the policeman see's the drunk with the penguin, and said he told him to take it to the zoo,
The drunk said he did and he liked it so today he's taking him to the park.


Dave Allan

NOWHARD MOTM

[CUSP82 Administrator Admin of the Month Dec 2014PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close CUSP82]

So a man wakes up one morning only to look down at his best friend and sees a horrible green growth covering most of it. He is horrified and runs to his doctor.
The doctor looks, shakes his head and says its Chinese squib disease and he has to amputate immediately.

No way you're cutting off my dick. You have no idea what you're talking about and runs out of the docs office.

The man goes to five different doctors in a panic and they all say the same thing. He finally gets an idea; if it's Chinese squib disease a Chinese doctor should know how to cure it. He finds a Chinese doctor and tells him he has Chine squib disease on his dick. The Chinese doctor tell him to drop his pants. He looks and says yup that's Chinese squib disease alright.

The man asks do you have to amputate? The Chinese doctor says no. The man feels relieved!

The Chinese doctor then says;3 days from now it will fall off all by itself!

[everydaynormalguy Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close everydaynormalguy]

Some new guy in jail is being stopped by hardcore criminal and asked "I am going to f*ck you in the ass really good...but tell me...with or without vaseline do you prefer?"

The new guy got scared because it`s going to be painful without lube and decided quick: "f*ck me with vaseline of course!"

The criminal screamed "Vaseline! Come here,he wants you to join us" (some other criminal`s name was Vaseline).

[Big Al AdministratorPEGym EditorMale Enhancement Coach Rep.PEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Big Al]

It's the future and a swinging Earth couple lands on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. The first thing they see is a Martian couple. The Earth couple naturally want to know how they have sex. The Earth female gets straight to the point: "So how do you Martians do it?" she asks. "Like you do, I think," says the male Martian, "but maybe we'd better check it out to be sure!" So, after some discussion, they all agree to swap partners for one night.

The Earth female and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a tiny penis about half an inch long and just a quarter inch wide. "I don't think this is going to work," she says, disappointed beyond belief. The male Martian looks puzzled. "Why not?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to go inside me!"

"No problem," he says, and starts to slap his forehead with his hand. With each slap, his penis grows till it's actually pretty long. "Well," she says, "that's very impressive, but it's still quite narrow...." "No problem," says the male Martian, and he starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his penis grows wider and wider until it's huge! "Wow!" she shouts, before they fall into bed.

Next day the two couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, the Earth man asks his girlfriend, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," she replies, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he says, "all I got was a terrible headache. She just kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

[Dangler Senior Administrator☼ Wizard ☼ White Tiger Award 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Dangler]

I'll post one of BigO's

A man goes up to the bar and tells the bartender that he needs 12 shots of tequila, the bartender pours them one at a time and asks "what is the occasion". The man replies " I am celebrating my first blow job".
The Bartender gives him the drinks and walks away. A few minutes later the bartender walks buy as he is finishing the last of his 12 shots and asks him " would you like one on the house, after all the first blow job is a special moment in a man's life" and the man replies "no thank you, if 12 shots doesn't wash the taste out one more won't do any good".

[not2big Senior Super ModeratorPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close not2big]

Three guys were sleeping on their backs inside a tent. When they wake up in the morning, the guy on the right says he Had a dream that someone was pulling on his dick all night. The guy on the left says that's weird because I dreamt that someone was pulling on his dick all night.

The guy in the middle says he dreamt he was skiing all night.

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Why don't men name their penises after women?
Because they don't want a woman running their life.

NOWHARD MOTM

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

A man wants to join the Big Penis Club, and heads down to the club to apply.
The receptionist looks at him skeptically and asks him how large his penis is. "18 inches," he replies, proudly.
To his surprise, the receptionist begins laughing uncontrollably, and the man leaves in shame.
On the way out, he runs into the janitor, who asks him what's wrong. After he explains, he says to the man not to worry.
"See that lump in my sock?"
The man nods.
"And I'm just the janitor."

NOWHARD MOTM

[NOWHARD Banned Find all posts View Profile Close NOWHARD]

Three penises were talking to each other, and the first penis said, "I like my master; he lets me look outside"
The second penis said, "I like my master; he plays with me" The third penis said, "I hate my master; he puts me in a rubber suit and pushes me in and out of a dark cave till I puke"

NOWHARD MOTM