Worst lover/sexual experience

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Hmmmm, how come I don't remember that?

I think we going to have a little talk when I get home from work.

Holy Crap!!!! Did I tell you, you were the first and only? OMG! I better get my stories straight! (LOL)

[Jay1983 Senior MemberMember of the Month Apr 2014, Sept 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Jay1983]

Oh snap!!! Turn the light out, quick! Lol

[HammerTime89 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HammerTime89]

When my SO was pregnant she had terrible gag reflexes. She was giving me head and started to gag, I asked I she was ok she said yes. The very next second when she resresumed she puked all over me. She was super embarrassed, I on the other was laughing all the way to the shower.

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Wow Hammer Time!!!! That is true love Both on her part and yours. Cheers to both of you

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

I know, how bout this one.

One time when I was attempting to be "ultra" sexy doing a little strip tease, the chair broke!!!!!!
Leaving me sprawled out on the floor MORTIFIED among the pieces with one boob hanging out and the strobe light still jamming! It was a very long walk to the stereo and light switch!

OMG Anon...that totally reminds of this scene...(1:09)

http://youtu.be/xO6htkK9H5o

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

OMG!!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY feel her pain! (physically and mentally) Good thing her husband was good sport!

[HammerTime89 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HammerTime89]

Wow Hammer Time!!!! That is true love Both on her part and yours. Cheers to both of you

Thanks anonymity, I got one better. So my daughter was born last march 21, my ship out date for the marines was April 7. As you all know your not supposed to have sex for 12 weeks after child birth. Well she was super emotional and really wanted it so I gave in seeing as how I was not gonna see her for 3 months. We got into it and I looked down and everything was covered in blood. It looked like a massacre had taken place on our floor. There's now a rug were it happend and it'll be an awkward story to tell when we move.


One more thats more of an awesome funny story. So were in the hospital waiting for her to go into labor. Were talking about how we can't have sex for so long with me leaving for boot camp. As you can tell our sex life is very important to us. So we end up having sex on her hospital bed all the cords and machines are banging against the wall. Were laughing and trying to be quiet so we don't disturb or get in trouble. After we finish a nurse comes in to make sure everything is ok because she said there was a disturbance lol.

[anonymity Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close anonymity]

Hammer Time! Ya'll have an amazing sex life! good for you buddy! Nice to see such a healthy desire in a married couple!

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

Hammer Time! Ya'll have an amazing sex life! good for you buddy! Nice to see such a healthy desire in a married couple!

+1

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

HammerTime you seem like such a cool bloke I would let you fuck me in the ass.. haha

[HammerTime89 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close HammerTime89]

HammerTime you seem like such a cool bloke I would let you fuck me in the ass.. haha

Be careful what you wish for mebs, im an aggressive loverthis might be you afterwards

[kickinthemebs Senior Member Member of the Month Feb 2014 Find all posts View Profile Close kickinthemebs]

Hahaha cool at least I would get to appreciate your good humour afterwards

Be careful what you wish for mebs, im an aggressive loverthis might be you afterwards

[TPW Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2013 Find all posts View Profile Close TPW]

HammerTime you seem like such a cool bloke I would let you fuck me in the ass.. haha

Oh dear kickinthemebs....now I am just going to have to keep THIS one for you to read tomorrow...keep 'em coming fella...you are a riot!

[NauseousOuroboros Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close NauseousOuroboros]

Worst sexual experience? Well that's a no-brainer for me. I love telling this one.

So my lovely Laotian ex was riding me on top like a cowgirl when I feel an alarming stinging pain in my penis like someone just shoved a hypodermic needle down my urethra. Naturally I freak out, yell "FUCK GET OFF SOMETHINGS STABBING MY DICK" and she jumps off yelling what what is it? Well I frantically fish around my dickhole for the offending pokey stabby and grab hold of something. I pull and out comes a 10+ inch long jet black hair straight from her lovely head. And why yes, it did go all the way inside my then only 6 inch long penis. I laughed, she blushed, hopped back on and we went back at it.

Then it happened again. She was so embarrassed and didn't want to hurt me and my dick felt like I'd just stuck it in a beehive so we just cuddled and I tried to nurse my blueballs and hair stabbed urethra against her soft bum while we laughed about it and went to sleep.

Not all that bad I guess.

I remember the first time I fingered a girl, she'd been in gym class all day during a 100 degree muggy summer and when I sniffed my fingers after it almost knocked me out cold.

[kirkoloft Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close kirkoloft]

^Talk about having a vacuum cleaner for a dick lol!