Guy who has zero experience

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

It doesn't matter what you do to your body ..how much you change or improve it ..until you deal or control your response to the emotional trauma and the beliefs you have about how people view you, you will not be happy. Its not about your physical self its about mental and emotional confidence...you need to learn to see your physical self clearly and remove the tainted perspectives that have been ingrained on you by others(directly or indirectly). There is no harm in doing things that make you feel you are at your physical best but unless you tackle the mind elements you won't be able to appreciate what you achieve .. and you need to take leaps of faith, you have to be willing to put yourself out there with people to reap rewards.. sure rejection is part of it, but the moment someone doesn't reject you, it makes up for all the times people have ..
regardless of how you look, there is someone for everyone and multiple potentials..

[TomY Banned Find all posts View Profile Close TomY]

Tomy do you have autism,aspergers or social anxiety disorder?

Uh, probably the last one? I dunno, I don't have the money to go get the paperwork that would prove it. I've taken ritalin for most of my adolescent and adult life for "ADD" but that was just while in high school and college classes to help me pay attention, and it worked brilliantly by the way, it's like 50 cans of mountain dew without the going crazy from a sugar rush part, just intense focus ability. And the only proof I have that it's not a misdiagnosis is I'm told if I didn't have ADD the ritalin would get me high instead of working like it's suppose to. So there's that I guess. I don't take ritalin now that I'm out of school though...

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Shambok: Thanks for the advice. I am so used to seeing asshole guys get the women. And I've been told how nice I am and all that stuff, always pretty much like the girl saying "we're such good friends but I have no interest in you what so ever". Hell, in high school a girl told me I'd make a great husband some day, that's exactly what a 17 year old guy wants to hear when the girls are talking about all the guys they bang lol. But yea i need to gain some experience sometime and let go of my past.

Tom: Good to hear I'm not alone. But dude at least you have a big dick, I'm at 4.5 inches now. I was a pathetic 3.5 back in high school because I was so fat. There is something to be proud of haha.

TTBB: Yea you're right I need to learn to like myself and gain some balls lol.

[phallic1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close phallic1]

Well, think of it this way amiok, you could be one of the guys or girls that started having sex at a younger age who now have children that they don't know and pay for monthly.

I've often heard said that the most attractable feature of a man is his self confidence, which means becoming comfortable in your own skin.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

Shambok: Thanks for the advice. I am so used to seeing asshole guys get the women. And I've been told how nice I am and all that stuff, always pretty much like the girl saying "we're such good friends but I have no interest in you what so ever". Hell, in high school a girl told me I'd make a great husband some day, that's exactly what a 17 year old guy wants to hear when the girls are talking about all the guys they bang lol. But yea i need to gain some experience sometime and let go of my past.

Tom: Good to hear I'm not alone. But dude at least you have a big dick, I'm at 4.5 inches now. I was a pathetic 3.5 back in high school because I was so fat. There is something to be proud of haha.

TTBB: Yea you're right I need to learn to like myself and gain some balls lol.

Do you have any hobbies, amiok? Any skills you particularly enjoy.

[vankush Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close vankush]

Everyone here has given better advice than I could, I just wanna say, don't focus on getting laid. 99% of guys that lose their virginity to a random slut end up regretting it, I'm one of them. The only good thing that will come of it is you won't have the pressure of the "tag" anymore. You'll still have the same insecurities around girls, there won't be a light-switch that goes on (this only if its not to someone meaningful). My first time was completely underwhelming cause the girl meant nothing to me. Maybe others will disagree, but from talking to my other friends who lost it later than most we all pretty much have the same feeling. Getting to know girls personally is much more meaningful, and is also a much better confidence booster once you realize that girls dig you, even if its just as friends.

But yeah just to add to what everyone else said, don't be afraid to just start random conversations with girls if you can find something to start talking about. Girls are social creatures, they love meeting new people, especially ones in their early 20s.

[Shambok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Shambok]

True vankush and phallic1.

It's a pleasure amiok. I also want to add there is the matter of how men and women mature over time amidst all of this. Many young women are similarly as shallow and short sighted as many young men, albeit on the feminine side. A great deal of men and women alike are also not very intelligent in how they live their lives and their examples are not necessarily right or what you need to follow despite peer pressure and media circles. It's about you becoming stronger for yourself essentially, not for them.

I'm also going to be a bit nasty now in respect of some women I've known and admit that I am extremely disappointed in a lot of the girls from my high school days (as well as guys) as while I did indeed want to sleep with some them on one level back then I wouldn't now because they don't meet my personal standards. I had a huge crush on one girl in high school who seemed to have everything going for her and rejected me but is now a deadbeat single mom and I wonder if it it would be more insulting to her to admit I feel genuine pity for her - something you as a guy actually must never actively seek from women and men alike.

One interesting irony is that the 'geek girls' have also done far better in their lives. There are two who I never gave a look at back at high school but would be sexually interested in with if I wasn't potentially entering a relationship now. I think the same is ultimately true for 'geek guys', like I was myself, who worked on themselves.

What I am saying does admittedly sounds snobbish, elitist and might run up some people's skin, but I've supplied it to note that's how it's turned around over the years by going through the good and bad experiences in life I had, and as many others do successfully. That's again why you have travel along that sometimes thorny path.

TTBB, I agree that physical appearance and traits alone does not ensure confidence but I do tend to believe that paying attention to it can help a guys confidence by acting as a bit of a springboard onto improving the emotional/psychological more easily. It isn't about a guy trying to look like Tom Cruise or male pornstar, but rather aspects that make him comfortable in his body at the right moment.

In my case I believe the endorphins and testosterone from exercising gives a boost while being well groomed allows me at least know there isn't something potentially as simple as having food stuck inbetween my teeth at the critical moment when I smile (although one can recover from that). I also genuinely believe that by dressing and carrying myself well I do get given a longer time period from a woman when she is sizing me up as compared to the other guy...for want of a better phrase.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

phallic1: Yea, I definitely need to feel comfortable with myself. Don't know how that will come about but I need to.

Flanker6: Not really, the only real hobby I have is playing guitar. But I haven't played in a while, and I wasn't that good to begin with lol.

vankush: Thanks. Yea, I'm pretty scared of actually getting laid haha. The whole slut thing wouldn't really work for me anyway. Cause I am sure some drunk girl who has seen more dicks than a doctor would make me feel like shit for not packing much and being a virgin.

Shambok: Believe me I know all about girls being shallow. I mean it's one thing for a hot girl not to want me, but when girls who are worse looking than me have to talk shit about how ugly I am, how fat I am, and whatnot that is just messed up. That was pretty much high school for me. Also, like you said, men need confidence. Whether it be to attract women or to have the confidence in yourself to go up to a woman. I mean I used to look at myself and see a guy who was average at best looking, fat, and had a small dick. There is nothing to have confidence in there, ya know. So that's why I'm trying to get myself in better shape, and that is also why I am here. I need something to have confidence in, whether they be shallow or not.

[Flanker6 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Flanker6]

phallic1: Yea, I definitely need to feel comfortable with myself. Don't know how that will come about but I need to.

Flanker6: Not really, the only real hobby I have is playing guitar. But I haven't played in a while, and I wasn't that good to begin with lol.

vankush: Thanks. Yea, I'm pretty scared of actually getting laid haha. The whole slut thing wouldn't really work for me anyway. Cause I am sure some drunk girl who has seen more dicks than a doctor would make me feel like shit for not packing much and being a virgin.

Shambok: Believe me I know all about girls being shallow. I mean it's one thing for a hot girl not to want me, but when girls who are worse looking than me have to talk shit about how ugly I am, how fat I am, and whatnot that is just messed up. That was pretty much high school for me. Also, like you said, men need confidence. Whether it be to attract women or to have the confidence in yourself to go up to a woman. I mean I used to look at myself and see a guy who was average at best looking, fat, and had a small dick. There is nothing to have confidence in there, ya know. So that's why I'm trying to get myself in better shape, and that is also why I am here. I need something to have confidence in, whether they be shallow or not.

Focus on that then. Get back into the swing of it. I promise you'll notice a difference in your composure if you start focusing on other things. Get good at it, set goals. No body is good when they first start out. I'm a firm believer that everyone needs extracurricular activities. Drinking and partying is not an extracurricular activity .

[phallic1 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close phallic1]

Here's a guy who is not "Hollywood good looking", he's overweight and kinda greasy.

YouTube - JT singing Tiny dancer

What he does have is self confidence. Is he comfortable in his own skin, yes he is. Can he make a girl laugh, you bet. Do other guys envy him, for sure they do. Does he get the women, guaranteed.

My point with this example is that you don't have to be the best looking guy or the best built guy. You don't have to have the best job or the best bank account. You don't need to be the best guitar player or the best singer.

What you need is to be the best YOU.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Yea, I need to like myself. I have to erase that negative thinking, no matter how deep rooted it is, and it's deep man.

[mistydawn Banned Find all posts View Profile Close mistydawn]

Amiok, My son is 22 with 0 experience like you. He has to go out and try but his life experience is minimal, and girls have been a real challenge. I feel so bad for him. I agree with what others have told you, you have to start somewhere. Choose girls in your league. Going out of your league can get you rejected quick. Good luck.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Choose girls in your league. Going out of your league can get you rejected quick.

Thanks. But yea I've had girls out of my league reject me and girls who I am better looking than reject me, I can't win lol.

[Hockey_NY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hockey_NY]

I feel your pain.

I am really getting up there and it is so embarrassing at this point- And is is getting harder with time to get out there. Just so shy and not confident even though I am a nice guy, etc. Doesn't matter because if you don't get out there, take the risk of meeting people, etc, it won't happen.

I guess the lack of confidence is why I am here in the first place, but to be honest nothing I do will help until a lady gives me positive feedback.

[Batwoman Moderator ReservePEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close Batwoman]

Think of it as being a bit like the lottery.
You may not win -- indeed you certainly won't win every time no matter what.
But if you never enter, you DEFINITELY won't win!