Guy who has zero experience

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Hockey: Agree but my point is one of many reasons I have such low self esteem is my small dick.

Spanky: Yea you are right most people won't see my dick haha. To be honest, the biggest reason I fear rejection is that I was messed with so much. Sometimes on purpose, like in high school when people just wanted to see me squirm and what not, and sometimes just by people's ignorance, i.e. my friend pretty much screwing me around last year about a girl I've liked for years. Also, you're right I know how to play the loser and not the confident guy.

[Lazy 8 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lazy 8]

Yea, I need to like myself. I have to erase that negative thinking, no matter how deep rooted it is, and it's deep man.

Have you considered getting into serious meditation practice? You could get to the root of your insecurities if you were to spend some time sitting in meditation. There are undoubtedly classes/workshops or other meditation centers near you. Rent The Dhamma Brothers on Netflix and see what a 10-day meditation experience did to transform the lives of some really hardened criminals in Alabama's maximum security prision. They were transformed. No intention here of linking you with hardened criminals. Just suggesting that meditation can transform your life and you'll become the person you want to be.

[wind chill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wind chill]

You guys might wanna check out these tests

Social Anxiety Test
social anxiety disorder test

Wired 9.12: Take The AQ Test
aspergers/autism test

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

I can't meditate. I can't fold my legs like they suggest. My mind can't freaking relax. And that in turn makes me angrier.

Anyways, this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them.
I'm working to smile and laugh freely, openly,without any hesitation or twitchy face. I just want to show the charming guy (my name means charming, dammit). I have to do something to work on my charisma and not dwell on hatred and resentment for teens, couples, or any other things that piss me off.

And that itself will take some hard ass work.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Lazy 8: Thanks, I don't know if I could meditate though. Maybe I should check it out however.

Sidewinder: I'll take those later but I bet I have social anxiety disorder.

Hanma: Dude you pretty much described me haha. I have times when I'm down and I resent couples a lot. However, I have been the charming guy once or twice. Had a girl into me and didn't know how to follow up.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

The last compliment I got was 2 years ago from a girl. "You're funny".

And as a side note: Is it just me or are Sydney women really annoying?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

... this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them...

This is absolutely the way to go. Unless you're a movie star (and even then it's no guarantee) you need to build a certain level of rapport and comfort with somebody before you can take anything further at all. You will get better at this, and you'll find yourself being able to put most girls at ease with your attitude more quickly and more easily in a short time as you do so. One thing that definitely DOESN'T work however is trying to flirt or follow pickup formula without being able to relate. If you load your interactions up with all this pressure to perform with a sexual goal in mind you'll come across at best awkward, at worst, creepy and frightening. In other words, you WILL fail.

Remember this. Boys are largely aroused by looks, Girls are largely aroused by emotions and feelings. I, and I expect you would probably screw the most nasty and socially inept girl in the continent if she was a 10, but girls won't usually do that. You need to learn how to tap into her personality. a great pair of shoes and a big dick might get you an introduction, but if you can't stimulate her heart and mind at least a little, the conversation will end there.

It'll never be 100%, you will get knocked back no matter how confident you might get. Some girls just won't like you or find you attractive, and some girls are just dicks, just like anyone. But you mustn't ever let someone else's opinion or screwed up attitude affect you personally, it's their loss or their problem, not yours. And of course you'll meet some girls that you just won't like too. I doubt you'll lose much sleep over their anxieties when that happens and you walk the other way.

In the main, girls are just like boys, they don't want to be your therapist or carer, they want to have a laugh, and enjoy themselves. You shouldn't hide the fact that you're a sexual being, that you're a man with desires, but simply being good company goes a long way. Don't focus on yourself, that reeks of insecurity and that's unattractive. Focus on her and finding out about her. If you show genuine interest in a girl's core character, thoughts and feelings, she'll likely tell you anything you want to know. As to whether she finds you attractive, as TTBB has said, it's a lottery. To a large extent anyway. You can obviously improve your chances but while there are some things that are pretty much universally attractive, there are very few of us that are lucky enough to enjoy trophy status. Even then, whilst those guys might get laid a lot, I expect that's often as unfulfilling as it is for girls when they're seen solely as sex objects.

Ultimately every girl is a bit different, and the only way you'll find out what she's really looking for and what gets her hot under the collar is by talking to her.

Good luck anyway, I have a feeling you'll be just fine. You're on here trying to improve yourself ain't you? You're already half way there.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Also, consider this, I have a number of GREAT female FRIENDS now whom I wouldn't have met if I hadn't had the balls to say hello. Seriously, they all rock my world, they're ace. Having female friends has two HUGE benefits. On the one hand, they'll fall over themselves to help me if I ask them for advice, dating advice or whatever. On the other, they have other female friends, and (somewhat cynically) being seen out and about with girls around you does *wonders* for your sex appeal.

Incidentally I flirt with them a lot too, just for fun. it's harmless and because I know it's not leading to trying to get into their pants (ha, I should be so lucky!) there's no pressure, it's just fun, and great practice, and really helps you learn what works.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

The last compliment I got was 2 years ago from a girl. "You're funny".

Compliments are nice when they come, but don't go looking for them, you don't need validation because you already know you're cool. That's the attitude you need. And make sure you can take compliments with humility.

And as a side note: Is it just me or are Sydney women really annoying?

Yeah, probably

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Remember this. Boys are largely aroused by looks, Girls are largely aroused by emotions and feelings.

You know, I think I am grateful to them for that. I may not provide them with luxury or I may not be the best guy she's ever danced with, but a woman would be able to see what I feel for her and how willing I would be to make her happy. But that's another story. =]

Focus on her and finding out about her. If you show genuine interest in a girl's core character, thoughts and feelings, she'll likely tell you anything you want to know.

That's what I do - notice them from a distance and then decide wether or not they're worth my time to have a decent conversation with. Most of the time, they annoy me.

You're on here trying to improve yourself ain't you? You're already half way there.

"No try. be firm with yourself." - TTBB.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

.. but a woman would be able to see what I feel for her and how willing I would be to make her happy ...

She'll probably not be moved by how you feel about her if she's just met you. She probably already has a bunch of admirers worshipping the ground she walks on, and another one is going to be more of a pain in the arse than a nice surprise. Besides,she likely doesn't want another conquest handed to her on a plate, people are more attracted to things they can't have or have to work for. She will almost certainly have grown up with at least one creepy obsessive guy in her past, buying her things, declaring undying love etc. If she gets a sniff of anything similar, it'll likely remind her of that, and that's not good.

Trust me, she'll be far more attracted to you if she can't quite work you out, isn't guaranteed to get you, and you can make her feel good (emotionally that is, i don't mean rubbing her knickers)

That's what I do - notice them from a distance and then decide ...

How can you tell from a distance?


Pop quiz.

Twin brothers walk into a bar.

One gets up and says "Hi girls, I'm a fighter pilot, wanna suck my cock?"
The other turns to the girls and says "Hey, you seem like fun, how do you fancy you and me play a bit of a trick on him..."

who's more likely to get the phone number?

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

She'll probably not be moved by how you feel about her if she's just met you. She probably already has a bunch of admirers worshipping the ground she walks on, and another one is going to be more of a pain in the arse than a nice surprise. Besides,she likely doesn't want another conquest handed to her on a plate, people are more attracted to things they can't have or have to work for. She will almost certainly have grown up with at least one creepy obsessive guy in her past, buying her things, declaring undying love etc. If she gets a sniff of anything similar, it'll likely remind her of that, and that's not good.

Trust me, she'll be far more attracted to you if she can't quite work you out, isn't guaranteed to get you, and you can make her feel good (emotionally that is, i don't mean rubbing her knickers)

It was a hypothetical situation I mentioned, assuming I got close to a girl. IF I find a girl like you described, then I'd treat her normally. I hate being seen as a kiss-arse to someone who doesn't deserve it from me.

How can you tell from a distance?

As in, notice them and how they act. I don't judge, but I can tell little things from first impressions.

Pop quiz.

Twin brothers walk into a bar.

One gets up and says "Hi girls, I'm a fighter pilot, wanna suck my cock?"
The other turns to the girls and says "Hey, you seem like fun, how do you fancy you and me play a bit of a trick on him..."

who's more likely to get the phone number?

The other twin.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

1/2 way through my first day back at class and I have learned something. When you are in decent shape girls smile at you and talk to you. Too much attention for me, even if it isn't much it's a lot for me lol.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

I'm sure you'll get used to it quite quickly - and with the advice of men of all ages and backgrounds on here behind you, you'll be in fine shape. Paying attention is one of the best things you can do for your sex life you know. Good for you buddy

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

I'm sure you'll get used to it quite quickly - and with the advice of men of all ages and backgrounds on here behind you, you'll be in fine shape. Paying attention is one of the best things you can do for your sex life you know. Good for you buddy

Thanks a lot. Probably missed a good opportunity with the one girl though, she definitely seemed interested but I didn't pull the trigger.