Guy who has zero experience

[TTBB Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close TTBB]

Thanks a lot. Probably missed a good opportunity with the one girl though, she definitely seemed interested but I didn't pull the trigger.

Don't dwell on that, that is now in the past.. you need to focus on the next opportunity, the potentials in the future... not the moments in the past where you missed an opportunity.. that just feeds the defeatist feeling.. everyone misses opportunities, but you can't get caught on it.

[Shambok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Shambok]

... like in high school when people just wanted to see me squirm and what not.

Look to that as a reason to keep trying then. Kids are actually cruel from young and they only get in line when they get smacked around in adult life. Don't let them overcome you, they don't have any hold anymore and you don't need to let them. You might also be interested to know that it's been suggested that the school environment is an artificial one akin to a prison where intelligence is seen as a negative. In the real world the geek can however shine with that intelligence if they believe and try. I also use geek because I regard myself as one.

In the main, girls are just like boys, they don't want to be your therapist or carer, they want to have a laugh, and enjoy themselves.

That's another very good point from spanky to pay attention to. People want to be with other people who are happy, and women are no different because life can sometimes be hard for many. It's also why the fat guy who has a great attitude and charm can actually get a pretty girlfriend contrary to mainstream thinking - he makes her smile and feel good like he does. I was also too serious earlier in my life. Sure, I knew all this great intellectual stuff but because I was so intimidating and serious women would instead be interested in a guy I regarded as a male ditz. But who made them happier and more comfortable?

Also, try imagining what it's like to be looking through a hypothetical woman's eyes and to see you looking at her all overly serious with no smiles or joy at all and other emotions suppressed. Now imagine it where you are happy and energetic - don't you feel even through that hypothetical women's eye at least a bit curious as to why you're happy and if there is something there for her too? That needs to be part of your goal to attain by becoming genuinely happier in yourself so that you don't fake it.

You can try this too amiok. Think of happy memories or funny events that made you laugh when you walk around and don't be afraid to smile even if it's only to yourself. Doing so makes me feel happier in bad times and has actually even helped me accidentally start flirting with some passing women. That's because while my mind was somewhere else for a split second they thought I was there and smiling at them, so they would smile 'back' and I've been lucky enough to switch back to the real world in time to catch it and keep it going until we passed each other. It might not happen for you but why not give it a shot. If they happen to ask why you're smiling then you can just tell them the memory you're recalling. Maybe they will even ask for more details about it.

Even then, whilst those guys might get laid a lot, I expect that's often as unfulfilling as it is for girls when they're seen solely as sex objects.

There is also an interesting kernel of another truth hidden within that statement. It has to do with how sex actually gets better within a budding relationship and not by being a 'Playa' having one night stands with 100+ women. So what I want you to remember is that you don't have to set out to be one either to attain happiness. It was a big craze amongst the guys in the one crowd I once hung around with about becoming one.

Also, why I mentioned the Dunning Kruger effect earlier was because it has to do with a phenomenon in western societies where those who can be regarded as less intelligent overestimate their capabilities and intelligence while those who are actually intelligent put themselves down and regard themselves as far lower than they really are. I think it applies here too to you amiok, TomY and Hockey_NY.

For example, the macho, dumb guys who seem to always get lucky fall into the former category (self obvious statement ) and I think you fall into the latter. A lot of those same less intelligent guys also found their so-called grooves with women by not giving a shit about the outcomes of when they approached them or because they didn't think that far, that is unless they got laid and they focussed on repeating the simple formula. For their part a lot of women get caught by this when they're young and then are left wondering why their previously sexy hunk was actually so uncaring.

You yourselves are much more capable of doing more and you are likely more empathic than such neanderthals, which is a hidden strength, but your own intelligence has however been turned into a weapon against yourself by the environments you were exposed to as again described by the Dunning Kruger Effect. Your sophisticated intelligence is hammering away at your chained wellbeing and telling it why it can't escape, so why not turn it against those chains instead?

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

TTBB: Thanks. Yea I'm not going to dwell on this one. In all possibility i could run into her again since it was at my school's gym and she seemed to work there. But if not, no worries.

Shambok: Thanks for more advice, but I'll respond to you more thoroughly later since I have to go to class now haha.

[Hockey_NY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hockey_NY]

It feels great to get interest, so great news, Amiok.

Same thing happened to me in a store a few weeks back as I went Christmas shopping. Of course, I suck and didn't take advantage, haha. But it is rare and I felt elated all day.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

You guys might wanna check out these tests

Social Anxiety Test
social anxiety disorder test

Wired 9.12: Take The AQ Test
aspergers/autism test

17% and 17 - how about that. Though I think with 50-odd questions on the second one you're probably autistic if you can be bothered to finish the blimmin thing.

[TomY Banned Find all posts View Profile Close TomY]

You guys might wanna check out these tests

Social Anxiety Test
social anxiety disorder test

Wired 9.12: Take The AQ Test
aspergers/autism test

Oh, I'm pretty sure I don't need a test at this point. Now if they could just send me the magic pill to fix the problem, that would be a good link to click ...

[TomY Banned Find all posts View Profile Close TomY]

Hanma: Dude you pretty much described me haha. I have times when I'm down and I resent couples a lot. However, I have been the charming guy once or twice. Had a girl into me and didn't know how to follow up.

That happened to me once this past year. Talked with a girl I was very attracted to for a good month or more, but then the messages and phone calls got thinner and thinner and one day, nothing. Couldn't get her to respond in any way, shape, or form. And I'll never know what the hell the problem was. I know, boohoo for me, get over it. I doubt I will though...

[TomY Banned Find all posts View Profile Close TomY]

1/2 way through my first day back at class and I have learned something. When you are in decent shape girls smile at you and talk to you. Too much attention for me, even if it isn't much it's a lot for me lol.

I've always thought about that. What it would be like to be back in school and be in shape. 15 years of being fat all the way through school was less than amusing. Looks like I lost the weight a bit too late...

[Lazy 8 Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Lazy 8]

I can't meditate. I can't fold my legs like they suggest. My mind can't freaking relax. And that in turn makes me angrier.

Anyways, this year I'll try to talk to girls normally without the intention of impressing them / getting into a relationship with them / sleeping with them.
I'm working to smile and laugh freely, openly,without any hesitation or twitchy face. I just want to show the charming guy (my name means charming, dammit). I have to do something to work on my charisma and not dwell on hatred and resentment for teens, couples, or any other things that piss me off.

And that itself will take some hard ass work.

You don't have to sit any particular way to meditate. You can sit in a chair or even meditate while you are walking. Calming your mind for even a few minutes at a time will begin the process, just like PE exercises!

[wind chill Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close wind chill]

Social Anxiety Disorder and Social Phobia: Symptoms and Treatment

How To Cure Social Anxiety Disorder, This Is What WORKS!

How To Cure Social Anxiety Disorder Naturally

Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment ? A Natural Cure

From my observation amiok you have SAD. Read upon this links,the cryptonite is confidence.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Call me a cynic, but I'm not sure these sorts of labels are helpful. We can all see how he feels, because he's told us. I was shy as a younger kid for a while too, the reasons were complicated, relocation and loss of friends, family breakup, social awkwardness moving between an affluent area to a less affluent one, all sorts. So I was pretty anxious as a young teenager about all sorts of things. It's also pretty normal to be anxious about shit when you're at school, it's one of the most confusing and difficult times of your life!

I have to say, I'm glad I learnt the hard way to come to terms with my situation rather than taking a pill or undergoing advanced psychotherapy and learning NOTHING.

[Hockey_NY Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hockey_NY]

I dunno but I'm in about the same boat you are. There's no way in heaven or hell I could just walk up to a girl in a bar and pick her up, so I ease into it through online means. I just keep using free dating sites as much as I can and trying to follow through whenever I can. I've still never been on a real date but at least I've had some face to face experience in the past year. Although, in a year from now at least I expect to have a 9 inch penis, will that magically create the confidence I lack? Losing 60 pounds didn't, so I'm still clueless...

I guarantee penis size is not your problem...It will not create the confidence you are looking for.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

17% and 17 - how about that. Though I think with 50-odd questions on the second one you're probably autistic if you can be bothered to finish the blimmin thing.

60% and 19. Wasn't really that accurate.

I have to say, I'm glad I learnt the hard way to come to terms with my situation rather than taking a pill or undergoing advanced psychotherapy and learning NOTHING.

Saaaame.

My mother did psychology for abnormal cases and even she didn't give me that type of therapy, just normal heart felt advice, true and wise. It took me a bit more than a decade to get better and I didn't take any pills, either.
Now I don't feel down about myself everyday like I used to, nor do I feel the usual self hatred when I look at the mirror (okay, only when I see an attractive guy when I'm feeling low that I get all low self esteem thing).

Now I realise how stupid I was and still am for wasting my life.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Shambok: Thanks again. Going with the whole geek thing you are pretty accurate on that thing. When I was just the smart, fat, shy, kid was when I got picked on but when I started playing football no one had the balls to make fun of me anymore, at least not to my face lol. But for some reason I still revert back to the kid who got picked on. And you are also right I do take life way too serious at times.

Hockey: Yea it does feel good. One of these times I need to man up.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

You guys might wanna check out these tests

Social Anxiety Test
social anxiety disorder test

Wired 9.12: Take The AQ Test
aspergers/autism test

77% I guess I have it. And 21