Guy who has zero experience

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

OMG!!! YOU HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY DISORDER

Or, back in the real world, you're just a bit inexperienced with girls and lacking in confidence.

What makes me laugh is that you come across totally well adjusted, and you know exactly what you need to do. So what's stopping you?

There's a school of thought in certain circles that you can shock yourself out of insecurity by doing something that you fear socially more than anything, like take part in a play that requires you to be naked on stage in from of a big crowd, or go out for a day wearing a sandwich board with the words "two inch penis" or something along those lines written on. After you've done that, had people laugh in your face, take the piss... or not as the case may be, you'll consider other tense social situations like approaching women or job interviews to be a walk in the park.

I have to say it's a bit extreme, but I'd be pretty damn confident of it working, at least a bit.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Or, back in the real world, you're just a bit inexperienced with girls and lacking in confidence.

Yea, I definitely hear ya. I am not wearing a sign that says two inch penis. Too close to reality lol.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

What do ya'll think about a guy like me joining a dating site? Like okcupid?

[dsmall Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close dsmall]

What do ya'll think about a guy like me joining a dating site? Like okcupid?

My example is weight loss. Fat people say every day how do I lose weight. People say, eat less and exercise more, which is completely true. Then the FP says, What should I eat? And people say, healthier food, and smaller portions. Then the FP says where do I exercise? And people say, "join a gym." Then the FP says, do you think chicken is ok to eat? And people say, "depends how its cooked." So FP says, do you think Y's are good places to work out. And people say, sure, depends on the Y. And while this exchange and dialogue is going on, FP never gets off his duff and exercises and continues to eat too much and too crappy food.

That's why, if a FP says to me, you are so healthy, how do i lose weight. I always say, get off your butt and walk for 45 minutes at a brisk pace; and throw out all the junk food from your house and buy healthy food at the store. Right now. And then walk that way every day for the next few weeks, cook all of your meals at home without snacking, and you will start to feel yourself lose weight

You are at that place now. Lots of info has been provided, and you are like the FP that says, "what do you think about a guy like me joining a gym? In your case, its a dating site. Well, your problem is that you have as much experience dating as a fat guy does exercising and eating less, which is none or an unsuccessful track record at doing both. Some dating sites may be full of people who have been dating for years and are looking for that perfect mate; some may be different. But saying you should join a dating site is like telling a FP they should join a gym. Great in theory, but not very helpful if the problem is that you really have been avoiding all exercises and places of exercise most of your adult life. Gyms can be very daunting places to a very unfit or obese person because most of the people are very fit. Dating sites can be very daunting because many people on them have lots of dating experience.

I gave you my thoughts and suggestions. A dating site could work; or it could reinforce your feelings of inadequacy because you are forced to meet and converse with women under very stressful conditions. I think that if you are incapable of taking a yoga, exercise, or elective class and having a very non threatening conversation afterward with a woman, that you might find dating sites a bit daunting. Dating sites are not new. I would think that if you wanted to give them a try and saw them as an option, you would have tried them before and not been in a situation where you have never dated. You can also try my approach; and also join a dating site and practice what you've learned.

Crawl before walk, walk before run. I am asking you to crawl right now. In other words, get off of your belly and move forward an inch or two. That involves you getting on line and finding an exercise, yoga, or community class where women are likely to gather and attending it either today or tomorrow. That's all you are committing to. Once you've gone for a few weeks, you have that conversation with a real live woman I discussed above.

if after some reassurance, you are already ready to join and participate in a real dating site with real dates, then go do it. I am not trying to discourage you from doing anything, but do something today.

But do something. No random girl is going to jump on the penis forum, read this thread, and decide to call you up and date you. You have been given information you need to decide to do what you are going to do.

[frostysnoman Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close frostysnoman]

i wouldn't have a problem with you having zero girl experience ... the only thing that might cause a problem is if you have zero confidence in yourself...i don't mind shy and awkward but the guy has to have inner confidence ..that confidence doesn't have to be with the opposite sex it has to be with himself, in other areas of life.

exactly, like i always say. you can't be happy with someone else, if you aren't happy with yourself. That means that you have to have self confidence, so do whatever it takes, like lift weights, P.E., live a healthy lifestyle, stop playing video games so much, grooming, making good friends, e.t.c. i hope you do well in your journey for women. With perseverance, you have no choice but to succeed.

Yours,

Frosty

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

dsmall: Yea you're right. In everything you said. Only reason I asked was because my friend has had a lot of success on there. Of course, he has experience and is a good looking dude who girls drool over.

frsoty: Thanks, and you are also right. Until I like myself, which may be never in all honestly, how can I ever have a happy relationship.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

Dating sites don't bring you success, you bring you success. If you do join, treat it as an opportunity to just meet people and go from there when you hook up. The truth is that if you get a date on there, what it achieves is that you're bypassing approach and introduction so you don't have to get worked up about opening lines or any of that crap, you've already met in a way. And you're both there with the intention of meeting a partner, so there's no "sorry, I have a boyfriend" risk, or any embarrassment about meeting somebody with your sexuality on display. That can be a daunting stance sometimes when meeting new people in bars and what have you if your confidence is low.

So in that way, you may find it helpful. On the one hand, it won't teach you how to approach women, but it might help you realise that women aren't monsters or challenges, they're people like you and me, just with different shaped genitals. That might give you enough confidence to realise you have nothing to be scared of, and enable you to get out there and meet people on your own. Dunno, just thinking aloud.

Also though, dsmall is bang on the money, listen to everything he's said. I've also given you a lot of advice on here, some of which may work for you, some of which may not, some of which in all honesty is thinly disguised advice to myself (fancy that!), but the fact is you'll NEVER KNOW what works for you until you try. The ONLY way you'll find out is to go out there and experiment. And remember this, life is NOT a test, you're NOT being judged, no matter what some churches might like you to believe. You aren't defined by what the last person you met thought of you. And even if you were, the only thing they've got to go on is the character YOU PRESENTED, which is a thin sliver of the whole of you, so what do they know?

Life is there to be lived, and if you don't do that you'll only ever read about other peoples' ... and I know you don't want that.

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

... my friend has had a lot of success on there. Of course, he has experience and is a good looking dude who girls drool over.

briefly, when he meets a girl she will have NO IDEA how experienced he is. His CONFIDENCE and HOW HE PRESENTS HIMSELF brings him success.

Try acting. Maybe take an acting class? Try going to a bar or something one day in character, pretending to be the guy with a thousand conquests under his belt. Try to think like he would think, try to act like he would act. Forget yourself, and the person you wish you were, just think of it as a game, you're acting. You can't be judged because you're not presenting yourself for judgement. You can't take people's reactions personally because they're not reacting to you. Treat it like a game of make believe. Life isn't that serious at the end of the day, have fun with it.

IMPORTANT
I'm not saying putting up that sort of a front in general is a good thing or a dating tip, it's an exercise for YOU to realise that life, and social interaction is fluid. To realise that one person's reaction to you can change, that one person's response to you is not a definition of who you are, and to help stop you taking life, events, social interaction, people's responses and judgement seriously or to heart. Acting all the time won't resolve your confidence or anxiety, it hides it. But it will help you break out of this fear of being on show.

[Hanma Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hanma]

Not sure if spam =/

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

thanks for removing the spam, guys

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

So in that way, you may find it helpful. On the one hand, it won't teach you how to approach women, but it might help you realise that women aren't monsters or challenges

Yea that is a good point. We'll see if I decide to do that or not. But on the aspect of my friend, girls love him because he is in great shape, not really confidence. He also, for some reason, has no balls to go up to women. The thing is though girls will come over and talk to him and what not because they think he is hot. Same thing on those sites, he looks good so they flock.

BTW what was the spam?

[spanky Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close spanky]

well, there's a lot of time in between meeting someone and sleeping with them to seal the deal or to screw it up. Funny your mate is shy as well, that says to me that If you can lick your self-confidence and start approaching women, you might even find you end up more successful than him in the end!

The spam was some guy linking to a PUA pay site selling DVDs of chat-up lines. Nice try. If he'd had more than 1 post he might have even got away with it.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

well, there's a lot of time in between meeting someone and sleeping with them to seal the deal or to screw it up. Funny your mate is shy as well, that says to me that If you can lick your self-confidence and start approaching women, you might even find you end up more successful than him in the end!

The spam was some guy linking to a PUA pay site selling DVDs of chat-up lines. Nice try. If he'd had more than 1 post he might have even got away with it.

Yea, I could have success if I quit being like I am. But, unlike my boy girls don't approach me while being obvious about their intentions haha.

LOL what's with people putting spam on here?

[Shambok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Shambok]

Come now amiok, forget the spam and focus on you. It's time to push yourself to go out 'there' and start making a change by pushing yourself bit by bit by taking up something light like dsmall, spanky and I have been suggesting and guiding you to.

You can't merely intellectualise getting to know women and hope for success as you are not the sum of your intellect. Nor can you plough a field by merely turning it over in your mind. If you want to feed your starving emotions then start ploughing and planting seeds of possibility. No seeds means no harvest will be possible.

When it comes to advice it can go on and on forever and we can go all the way to sexual techniques and interactions leading into sex and so on and so on. But that's then becoming 'intellectual masturbation' - it feels good but achieves nothing other than feeding excuses. We could also share more and more with you, enough to constitute a course based on theory itself which you could try study and remember all of it but the exam itself is always completely practical and fluid. Now it's about leaving your safe but cramped confines and trying otherwise nothing will change for you.

You don't necessarily have to tell us what you are going to do if you're worried about which thing to do first - just take any one that appeals to you and give it a try. Admittedly sharing it with other people does force yourself to stick to it more but again that's up to you. We would be particularly interested to just hear what you've tried or be told the stories where you got further than you thought you would when you tried something

Often the greatest successes come after learning from mistakes so if you make one, great! Just get out and try to at least say you tried to do 'x' and 'y' was the result.

[amiok Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close amiok]

Update


Well, this semester I've talked to more girls, and one middle aged woman lol, just being friendly. Nothing serious, but pretty comfortable talking to them.

However, one of these girls I think likes me. Stress think haha. Now my dilemma is how do I know if she does?