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[Qandisa Senior Member Member of the Month March 2016 Find all posts View Profile Close Qandisa]

You've heard it 1000x times because it continues to be true. And the general guidelines for being a good lover are posted in many threads. Bring passion and intensity to it, make sure your partner knows that you're into her and not just using her as a human sex doll, learn to read your partner's cues and responses.

I mean come on, if you've been with a partner at all then you know for yourself what makes a good lover as opposed to a selfish or disinterested one. If you've had more than one then you know that just because they have the same general equipment doesn't mean that they're going to be exactly the same in bed.

As for not finding a partner that's honest about your sexual abilities - this has been my experience with giving that kind of information to guys:
1) If it's negative feedback then sometimes they're receptive to it, depending on what it is. If it's just something like they're biting too hard then generally they're good with that and will make adjustments. If it's something related to technique they tend to get bent out of shape and don't want to hear it. Which is a shame because it makes it less likely for women to want to give honest and constructive criticism if that's the reaction they're going to get.
2) If it's positive feedback then they have the tendency to discount it or not believe it. Or they say things like oh you're just saying that because ________. Because it's true? 90% of the time when I give guys positive feedback they don't seem to believe it.

[ScarletSkull Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ScarletSkull]

I think I have heard 1000x... "size doesnt matter, skill does" or "I have had a guy with a small dick be an amazing lover and a guy with a big dick be a terrible one"....

WTF does it mean to be skilled in bed? A good lover? Amazing a sex? Know "how" to properly use your tool? Is there a dedicated thread somewhere on here on the proper way to fuck a woman?

I want to say that I think I eat her nicely and often enough, I think I last long enough, I think I pump her at the right rhythm, but honestly I dont really know. I have yet to find a woman that is open/honest about my sexual abilities.

Please note that I am a very jaded woman, so take this for what it's worth.

For me, what I consider a good lover is someone who is attentive and isn't selfish or afraid to learn. I love Quandisa's "human sex doll" comment, because it's so true. Don't think that just because it feels really awesome to you, that it's feeling really awesome to her, and don't think that she's going to have some awesome explosive orgasm just because you showed up. (not specifically referring to you, of course, since I don't know you, but just the general "you.")

I think that being a good lover technique-wise is something that is learned, and is different with each woman, but it all begins with paying attention to her and looking at sex as something more than just a way to get an orgasm in a wet hole. Pay attention to what you are doing.

And regarding women being open/honest about sexual abilities, all I gotta say is that if you are truly asking for feedback (and not just looking for the ego stroke of "was it good for you?"), then you are on the right path. Being teachable is a huge part of it. There is no room for ego in sex.

[Phoenix7672 Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Phoenix7672]

As I said before, I still don't understand guys who only are out to pleasure themselves during sex. If I want to get myself off, I can take matters into my own hands...if I am with a partner, I want to leave them 200% satisfied after the deed is done.

Sure I want to get off myself, but I'd rather see her get off (maybe multiple times), if that makes sense.

[ScarletSkull Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close ScarletSkull]

As I said before, I still don't understand guys who only are out to pleasure themselves during sex. If I want to get myself off, I can take matters into my own hands...if I am with a partner, I want to leave them 200% satisfied after the deed is done.

Sure I want to get off myself, but I'd rather see her get off (maybe multiple times), if that makes sense.

Because real sex feels better than wanking off? I don't know, I've always enjoyed my solo time more than real sex so I can't really say. When I was married just maybe a year or so I talked to my husband about our sex life and told him I felt like he didn't even really care whether I got off or not (because I always took care of it myself, he never really tried)... he just looked at me and said "I'm probably an asshole for saying this but I'd still enjoy sex just as much if you never did." Ugh... I am so jaded. I'm sorry for hijacking... I should probably find a real counselor or something.

[ATP Senior MemberPEGym Hero Find all posts View Profile Close ATP]

Because real sex feels better than wanking off? I don't know, I've always enjoyed my solo time more than real sex so I can't really say. When I was married just maybe a year or so I talked to my husband about our sex life and told him I felt like he didn't even really care whether I got off or not (because I always took care of it myself, he never really tried)... he just looked at me and said "I'm probably an asshole for saying this but I'd still enjoy sex just as much if you never did." Ugh... I am so jaded. I'm sorry for hijacking... I should probably find a real counselor or something.

I imagine it is my individual perspective, but many guys get as much or more pleasure from seeing their partners satisfied as they do from self-gratification. It could be culture, nurture. or even generational elements that dictate how any of us attain the greatest pleasure through sexual encounters. But I personally believe there is an archetypal experience, a holy grail I guess, when it comes to sex with my partner. That can only be achieved when two people experience the Shakespearean "little death" together regardless of who is climaxing at the time.

It requires something more than just attentiveness, understanding, or patience. It requires a trust and the willingness to give as much or more than what is received with the only expectation being that the gift satisfies the other partner - which in turn satisfies the self. Of course, both partners have to be willing to do that.

[Hater Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hater]

Because real sex feels better than wanking off? I don't know, I've always enjoyed my solo time more than real sex so I can't really say. When I was married just maybe a year or so I talked to my husband about our sex life and told him I felt like he didn't even really care whether I got off or not (because I always took care of it myself, he never really tried)... he just looked at me and said "I'm probably an asshole for saying this but I'd still enjoy sex just as much if you never did." Ugh... I am so jaded. I'm sorry for hijacking... I should probably find a real counselor or something.

You shouldn't see a counselor. You know the truth, just face it, there is nothing else you can do. I'm sorry.

Get out there! Even if you don't want it, bring a guy friend with people knowledge skills like me. If I study a person for 5 minutes I can exactly tell who they are and who they pretend to be. Gestures, fake smiles, energy, movements....pretty useful sometimes and 95% of the times I am right.

Get yourself some cocks

[Phoenix7672 Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Phoenix7672]

Because real sex feels better than wanking off? I don't know, I've always enjoyed my solo time more than real sex so I can't really say. When I was married just maybe a year or so I talked to my husband about our sex life and told him I felt like he didn't even really care whether I got off or not (because I always took care of it myself, he never really tried)... he just looked at me and said "I'm probably an asshole for saying this but I'd still enjoy sex just as much if you never did." Ugh... I am so jaded. I'm sorry for hijacking... I should probably find a real counselor or something.

From everything you've posted your ex was a total asshole, hence his views and comments. I agree with what ATP said, that seeing the girl beside herself/getting off on my penis matters more to me than my actual orgasm (so long as I still get one per round).

That said, I do feel so many people these days seem to believe the world revolves around them, as if they are the star character in the movie of their life. I can completely believe that a lot of those type would only care about their own pleasure when having sex, thus making the girl nothing more than a receptacle. Sad reality of our times, and hopefully it changes at some point...somehow... (maybe if we blast Kayne and the Kardashians into the sun...dunno).

[psinstructor Member Find all posts View Profile Close psinstructor]

You've heard it 1000x times because it continues to be true. And the general guidelines for being a good lover are posted in many threads. Bring passion and intensity to it, make sure your partner knows that you're into her and not just using her as a human sex doll, learn to read your partner's cues and responses.

I mean come on, if you've been with a partner at all then you know for yourself what makes a good lover as opposed to a selfish or disinterested one. If you've had more than one then you know that just because they have the same general equipment doesn't mean that they're going to be exactly the same in bed.

As for not finding a partner that's honest about your sexual abilities - this has been my experience with giving that kind of information to guys:
1) If it's negative feedback then sometimes they're receptive to it, depending on what it is. If it's just something like they're biting too hard then generally they're good with that and will make adjustments. If it's something related to technique they tend to get bent out of shape and don't want to hear it. Which is a shame because it makes it less likely for women to want to give honest and constructive criticism if that's the reaction they're going to get.
2) If it's positive feedback then they have the tendency to discount it or not believe it. Or they say things like oh you're just saying that because ________. Because it's true? 90% of the time when I give guys positive feedback they don't seem to believe it.

I totally agree. Great post

[texastravis Member Find all posts View Profile Close texastravis]

Well then I think I am doing things right then... At least I hope. I just hear all the time that it isnt the tool that matters, its the "skill". I have a few girls I talk to as friends and they have mentioned things like "hooked up with this guy and he had a big dick but was flat out awful in bed"... I just really hope women arnt saying that about me... but I dont think they are.

[closed224 Senior Member Member of the Month Dec 2014, Feb 2017 Find all posts View Profile Close closed224]

It is the lover, not the penis.

[psinstructor Member Find all posts View Profile Close psinstructor]

Hey everyone!

Yeah I know it's been a while, sorry. Had a lot of personal stuff to deal with, death of a close relative, and other things that kept me pretty busy and pretty antisocial for a while. But I'm here

So I'm posting this in the Women's Perspective forum because I wanted to share a few things and some of them are most relevant to this forum. If you're new here (or just don't like me) then you're not going to care about some of them but hey that's okay.

When last I was on I had one or two casual FWBs and one main FWB, and things were a bit rocky with the main FWB. We did end up on a bit of a hiatus for about 2 months, during which I had no communication with him at all due to his particular situation. Our arrangement has resumed and things are going just fine there. I still don't get to see him as often as I'd like, but I still consider him my main FWB because he's the one that I've enjoyed being with the most.

I did however very recently acquire a new FWB. We've had a total of one physical encounter together and I have to say that just from that I think he's going to be a very close 2nd to main FWB. And when I'm putting those "rankings" on them I'm not saying of the FWBs I have right now, or have had recently, I mean in total.

And now the reason that all that is relevant to this forum:

Main FWB is average (or slightly below) in length, although he is above average in girth. New FWB is pretty much average in both. In fact when we were still just chatting he warned me that he was "only maybe 6" and that he knew that women were looking for guys that were 8" and he felt like he was inadequate because of that. Both of these men are amongst the best lovers that I have ever had, and for those that remember me from when I was around before you'll recall that I've had quite a few (*cough* understatement *cough*). I've also been with several guys that were quite well endowed and I can honestly say that no, bigger dicks don't mean that the sex is going to be better.

For both of these guys it's the men themselves that play the biggest part in being a turn on. A jerk with a big dick is still a jerk and still not someone I want to fuck. A guy that I've got real chemistry with that has an average dick is hands-down going to be a better lover than any jerk with a big dick, any day. It's not about the size of the dick. It's about the personal interaction and the chemistry and the understanding between the people involved. I don't care if it's a serious relationship or something casual or a one night stand, you can't forget that the brain is the biggest sexual organ, and the biggest erogenous zone that we have. If you can't make that connection and have that chemistry and rapport then you might as well just be using sex toys. I've known main FWB for 18+ months now, we know what each other likes and what will engage and arouse. I've known new FWB for 2 weeks, we've been together once and he was already so tuned in to what I like that it was incredible.

And again - both these guys are about average in length. One is thicker than average, the other is absolutely average. And they're fantastic.

Do women need a big cock to have enjoy sex? No. Are we going to enjoy sex more with a big cock? Probably not. I was going to say "hell no" but let me put it this way - if increasing your size is going to make you more comfortable with yourself then THAT is what's going to make the difference. Not the size.

If your man has a big cock, your pussy stretches to accommodate him over time. Women whose men have regular size cock men have an easier time as they get older and don't have to buy stock in "The Lube Factory". That being said, I stock up on lots of lube and encourage my man to go as big as he wants, because it makes him happy.

[Phoenix7672 Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Phoenix7672]

If your man has a big cock, your pussy stretches to accommodate him over time. Women whose men have regular size cock men have an easier time as they get older and don't have to buy stock in "The Lube Factory". That being said, I stock up on lots of lube and encourage my man to go as big as he wants, because it makes him happy.

What's his size now, and what's his end goal? I do agree that girls can stretch, but I think there is an upper limit for most. Also why you don't see all pornstars taking penises 8" and larger to the balls very often at all.

[Hater Senior Member Find all posts View Profile Close Hater]

If your man has a big cock, your pussy stretches to accommodate him over time. Women whose men have regular size cock men have an easier time as they get older and don't have to buy stock in "The Lube Factory". That being said, I stock up on lots of lube and encourage my man to go as big as he wants, because it makes him happy.

You can't go as big as you want. First thing you said is right, but at a time it starts to hurt, 7", 8", 9" or 10" depends. But there is a limit.

[psinstructor Member Find all posts View Profile Close psinstructor]

You can't go as big as you want. First thing you said is right, but at a time it starts to hurt, 7", 8", 9" or 10" depends. But there is a limit.

As important as it is for men to get BIG, it is important for your woman to get BIG herself to accommodate you.

[Phoenix7672 Senior Member Member of the Month Oct 2015 Find all posts View Profile Close Phoenix7672]

As important as it is for men to get BIG, it is important for your woman to get BIG herself to accommodate you.

Still depends on the girl's size to begin with. If is she is 5' and 90 lbs soaking wet with a vagina to match (say can only take 5-6 inches)...there's no way she is likely going to take 9" or more, even with time. Maybe 7-8", given enough time an effort.

Then again, there are also likely girls out there who can take 8" naturally. Pretty sure anything feasible would be in their limits, since essentially no one, PE or otherwise, is going to have more than 9" or 10" in their lifetime.